Chapter 6Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The words glowing over Obi-Wan and Anakin's heads were bothering Ayumu as the four of them laid out on the grass to dry off before they got clothed again.
Sith.
Sith.
He didn't see that too often, but often enough. Most recently, he saw it on Knight Halsey. It wasn't too awfully common, but the thing that was bothering him was how long they both had on their timers. Several decades, at least. He had managed to piece together enough. A war was coming in a few years, and then Order 66 happened, and then… Well, considering the Sith probably won, he was guessing fascism, because some of them died a few years later to Imperial stormtroopers. Which meant there was an Empire in the aftermath.
Anakin died a few years after Obi-Wan, and he was the longest-lived one Ayumu had seen so far, bar little Cal and T'ra Saa. Yoda died a few years after Obi-Wan, of old age, and Ayumu…
Well.
He didn't know, but Obi-Wan and Anakin were probably people he should get to know. They survived, and he had to wonder at how. Even Mace died to Sith, a few minutes before Order 66, as did Kit. But, Obi-Wan and Anakin survived, and for decades.
Ayumu would be more content with his own death if he knew what an Inquisitor was. It would be nice to know what he died of, but at least he got to survive for fifteen years after Order 66, which meant he was probably going to be able to do a lot of good.
"What's got you thinking so hard?" Kit teased and poked him between the eyes, and Ayumu pulled a face at him.
"Death," he deadpanned, and Kit let out a breathless laugh.
"You're so doom and gloom all the time," he said, and Ayumu rolled his eyes.
"Shut up," he said and looked over at Anakin and Obi-Wan.
Anakin was thirteen, so a little bit older than Ayumu, technically. He was only eight right now, so Anakin was going to be at the tail end of his apprenticeship when Ayumu would be entering his own. They wouldn't get very many opportunities to be friends, but maybe…
Actually, Anakin had been a bit of a whiny brat about the whole swimming thing, and Ayumu didn't really want to deal with him, regardless of if they were both surviving a genocide together. Gods, he forgot how much he loathed thirteen year olds. Teenagers were the worst. Maybe when he was older he might be more tolerable, but right now?
No, thank you.
There was a reason why, in his entire career, he only took one intern. Rei was different. Rei was his protege.
He wondered, idly, how they had coped with his death. Probably admirably, with a stiff upper lip, dressed in the brightest colors they could muster at his funeral. There were probably a lot of funerals to attend.
A sudden wave of sadness hit him, and he sat up.
"I'm gonna go back to the creche," he said to Kit, and Kit waved a hand, nonchalant.
"Please go to bed," he said as Ayumu gathered up his clothes and started pulling them back on.
"I will," he promised as he got just his inner tunics on and left out the tabards and outer robes, because he was just going to bed. His underwear was wet, but that was fine. He would survive. The boots were pulled on after his socks, and he made his way off.
At least the swimming had worn him out. He might actually get a restful sleep this time.
Kit watched Ayumu go with a contemplative expression on his face.
"That's going to be your next padawan?" Obi-Wan asked, and Kit pursed his lips.
"Yes," he replied, because he knew it the second he first laid eyes on Ayumu. That was his padawan, but…
"He seems… old," Obi-Wan said, and that was it.
Ayumu felt old. He felt world weary and broken, pieces shattered on the ground, in a way that a child just shouldn't feel. Kit had thought he was abused, and it would fade with time, but there were wounds on his soul that just didn't heal. It might be related to that special ability he told Kit about. The ability to see someone's death. Kit had never heard of a Force ability like that, but he didn't think Ayumu was making it up. He felt… too broken for that.
Kit wanted him to heal, but how could he when he couldn't turn off the source of the damage? Sometimes, the Force was entirely too cruel. Sometimes, it was downright evil, even in its neutrality.
"Is he alright?" Obi-Wan asked quietly, and Kit shook his head no.
"No, he… he has Force visions," he said quietly, and swallowed around the lie. "Dark ones. Too dark for someone his age."
"Ah, that would do it," Obi-Wan said and Anakin propped himself up on one elbow.
"He seems sad," Anakin said, loudly, and Kit watched the doors to the Room of a Thousand Fountains swing shut.
"He is sad," Kit said, and licked his lips. "And I don't know how to help him."
"Well, there's not much you can do to help him," Obi-Wan said, and Kit wondered what he saw over his head. He knew better than to ask, but sometimes the curiosity ate him alive. It was best not to look, but sometimes Ayumu looked over his head with such pain in his eyes.
Ayumu thought he wasn't a very good Jedi, but Kit thought he was admirable for enduring like this. He didn't know what he saw in the future, but an ability like that was enough to drive anyone mad. Seeing deaths, unpreventable, inevitable, and being able to do nothing…
Kit's heart hurt for him.
He wished the Force wasn't so cruel. He was a child.
"I get Force visions, too," Anakin said, because he was thirteen and always needed to be the center of attention, and Obi-Wan sighed.
"I know you do, Anakin," he said. "Most of us do. But, an eight year old getting them of future deaths is…"
"Normally, Force visions come in at a later age," Kit explained. "He's been having them since he was four."
"Oh," Anakin said, and tilted his head. "What does he dream about?"
"Death," Kit said and sighed. "A lot of death. Pardon me, but I need to go to bed. I'm teaching a class to senior padawans tomorrow."
With that, he stood and stretched before he gathered up his robes and started pulling them on.
"We'll have to do more swimming lessons, Anakin," Kit said as he got his clothes on, and Anakin pulled a face.
"I hated it," he deadpanned, and Kit laughed.
"I know you did, but it's an essential life skill," he said as he got his pants on. "You don't want to drown, do you?"
"If the Force takes me, it takes me," Anakin declared, and Obi-Wan sighed.
"Anakin…"
"What? I thought we were supposed to be accepting of death!"
"Not at the expense of your own personal sense of preservation," Obi-Wan said, and Kit got his robes and tabards on before he struggled his way into his boots.
"Next week, then?" Kit asked cheerfully, and Anakin practically pouted.
"Next week," Obi-Wan promised. "I'll com you. And bring Ayumu. He looks like he needs to get out on occasion."
"I will," Kit promised, because if he was going to suffer through teaching that desert rat how to swim, Ayumu was going to suffer with him.
Kit made for the doors, heading for the knight dormitory, and Obi-Wan and Anakin started cleaning up behind him. His thoughts drifted back to Ayumu, and he reflected on how well-spoken he was at four years old. He was articulate, with a wicked sharp wit that lended more to an adult sense of humor, always frowning and angry. He wasn't happy with anything, but he was polite when the situation called for it. He was a far cry from Kit and his unending cheer and enthusiasm, but that was fine. Kit wasn't expecting him to be just like him. He expected him to be like himself.
He wondered if Ayumu even realized he wanted to be his master. Probably not. He was delightfully obtuse at times, and sometimes Kit worried he'd choose someone else. He was advanced in all of his classes, though he struggled with Force applications, but he would outgrow that in time. Ilum would knock his trust issues right out of him. Then, he'd probably be the best in his class. He had the Jedi Code memorized already, and was honestly emotionally mature enough to begin his apprenticeship already, but he was too young in the eyes of the council, so Kit would wait.
Ayumu had the kind of quality of an adult in a child's body. He was wise, wise beyond his years, and though he struggled with the curse the Force had given him, he still behaved admirably. He was always there to lend a helping hand to other students that struggled, and he was always ready to calm a crying child. The only thing that concerned Kit was that he never had any meltdowns, which he would be entitled to, with a curse like that. He never bent, never broke, and that concerned Kit in a great many ways. One could say he'd taken to Jedi teachings like a fish to water in terms of emotional regulation, but Kit thought there was something else there.
There was always a sense of loss about him. He was always in mourning, and Kit felt for him. He really did. He didn't know what that curse had shown him, but he got the impression that there was going to be a lot of death in the upcoming years. War was already brewing on the horizon, and committees had already discussed drafting the Jedi Order into it. A lot of Jedi would die, and they would smile and accept it, as they always did.
Kit would die for the Republic, and he feared that he would.
But, he wouldn't let that hold him back from enjoying his time with Ayumu and his fellow Jedi. Death came to them all, and Kit accepted that. They would endure. They always did.
He wanted better for Ayumu, though. He desperately wanted better for him.
Kit reached the knights' dormitory and padded over to his room, clicking open the door to the small space and stripping out of his wet clothes. He pulled on some fresh underwear and soft pants for sleeping and collapsed into his bed, leaving his clothes in a wet heap on the floor. They would mildew, but he was tired and could wash them in the morning.
He would have to be more responsible when he took Ayumu on, he thought wryly.
He would have to be a lot more responsible.
"Why are you here?" Ayumu demanded of Izanami, and she smiled at him lazily.
"Because you are," she replied and twisted around him. "Do I make you nervous?"
She didn't make him nervous. She reminded him of a life he was trying his best to forget.
"You can't forget it, you know," she said, as if she had read his mind. "It's branded into your soul, and for good reason."
"I don't understand why I had to retain my memories," Ayumu said, and she flowed around him in a circle.
"Because you already know how to cope with the loss. Imagine if you didn't. How horrifying would that be? Going through all of it all over again?" she asked, and that was… a point, but he didn't have to like it.
"I would have rather just been dead," he said, flat, and she laughed.
"Death isn't an ending, " she said and floated in front of him before she swept in, inches away from his face. "It's a door. Are you brave enough to open it?"
Ayumu woke with a quiet gasp, his heart pounding in his chest.
What the hell did that mean?
Notes:
i really do love izanami. she's so interesting to me.
anyways, i'm probably going to do a timeskip after we check in on quinlan. ilum, here we goooo.
Chapter 7Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Quinlan was frustrated. He was very, very frustrated. After a solid month of searching, he still hadn't found evidence of this ritual room, and he was tired. It was almost time to call it quits, and he didn't want to, because he believed it was here. He really did believe it was here on Coruscant. His dreams were clouded, hazy, and he was certain it was Sith magic.
But, he hadn't found it. He couldn't continue doing this, but he didn't want to admit to failure. There were other things to do, though. Shadows' work never ended, after all. There was always an artifact to track down on the black market, always some kind of nonsense going on, always something happening. And he couldn't spare any more time to this. Aayla was getting frustrated, too, and he couldn't keep her on this mission.
So, here he was, standing in front of the council to report his failure.
"I do believe it exists," he said. "There's… There's no chance it doesn't, but I can't find it."
It stung. It stung to admit that he couldn't find it, but what else was he supposed to do?
"Hm," Yoda said as his hands coiled around his cane. "Looked everywhere, did you?"
"Everywhere it might feasibly be," Quinlan said. "Short of checking the Senate, I checked everywhere. There's this… It feels like oil in the Force, and I do believe it exists, but it's hidden from me. Even my psychometry has been acting up, only giving me snapshots when I get close that I can't make heads or tails of."
Mace rubbed his hand over his mouth in concern, and Quinlan wished the ground would swallow him whole.
"You didn't check the Senate?" Mace asked, and Quinlan shook his head no.
"We have no jurisdiction there," he said, and Mace glanced at Yoda.
"It could… be in the Senate," he said, and everyone fell silent. There was nothing they could do if it was in the Senate. They had no jurisdiction there, and poking around would cause more problems than it would solve. But, if it was a Sith.
"We will approach with caution for now. I don't think anyone would be crazy enough to put an ancient Sith ritual room in the Senate," Mace said, and Quinlan privately thought it would be the perfect cover, but what did he know? He wasn't a Sith, and didn't think like a Sith.
"Hm. Caution, we must use," Yoda said, and Quinlan couldn't help but feel like they were making a mistake by not sending him in to investigate. "Illegal, it is not, to be a Sith. Waiting, the best course of action, it is."
"Waiting for what?" Quinlan burst out with, frustrated. "For the Sith to spring a trap and kill us all?"
"For the Sith to actually do something illegal, " Mace said as he frowned at Quinlan. "It's not illegal to be a Sith, but many of the things they do are illegal. Such as sentient sacrifices. We will wait for them to make a move, and then we will be waiting for them."
But, how much worse would things get, Quinlan wanted to ask. There was already a war brewing on the horizon, and he had a feeling the Sith had something to do with it. There were already rumors that Dooku was a Sith, and wasn't that a disturbing thought? He was once a respected Jedi Master. But, they were just rumors, but Quinlan had learned to give credence to rumors.
There was nothing that could be done about it. He hadn't been given permission to investigate the Senate, and that was that.
It was frustrating.
The Order's inaction may spell its doom.
"You're not focused, Ayumu," Hartz said, and Ayumu opened his eyes. The other students were all meditating peacefully, but Ayumu was the odd one out, with his thoughts drifting here and there, not immersed in the Force at all. Dammit. He had thought he was getting better at it.
"I'm sorry," he said, and Hartz frowned at him.
"Let's take a walk," he said and stood up. Ayumu got up, and little Cal cracked open one eye to look up at him.
"Where are you going?" he whispered. "Can I come?"
"No, Cal, you stay here," Hartz said as he headed for the door. "Keep meditating."
Cal pouted, but he obediently shut his eyes as Ayumu made for the door. It slid shut behind him, and he stepped out into the hall. Hartz folded his hands in his sleeves and looked down at Ayumu.
"You've been distracted lately," he said, and Ayumu looked down.
"I'm not sleeping well," he said, because he kept dreaming of Order 66, he was sure it was Order 66 now, and he didn't know how to feel about it.
"Yes, you do seem rather tired," Hartz agreed, and Ayumu glanced up at his head.
Killed in the line of duty.
At least he wasn't going to die in Order 66, though Ayumu had to wonder what in the line of duty meant.
"I just…" Ayumu said and trailed off. "I'm trying to practice mindfulness and not let the visions take me, but it's hard. I'm exhausted all the time. The sleep deprivation is getting to me."
"Yes, it can be hard to meditate when you aren't well rested," Hartz agreed. "Many just fall asleep, but your thoughts… They're always racing."
"They have a lot to race about," Ayumu muttered, and Hartz sighed.
"Perhaps you would do better with movement meditation," he said. "I understand you knit?"
"Yes, I do," Ayumu confirmed, and Hartz looked down at him.
"Why don't you try knitting when you meditate? It might help," he said, and Ayumu paused before he nodded.
"I can try that."
"Wonderful. Shall we go get your yarn from the creche?"
"Okay," Ayumu agreed and made for the door. Thoughts swirled up of Izanami, and he paused. "Hartz?"
"Yes?"
"I keep seeing another… entity in my dreams. Not a Force presence, but something… like a goddess of life and death," he said hesitantly, and Hartz tilted his head with a furrow of his brow. "What does that mean?"
"Well, all gods are formed from the Force in some way or another, so I wouldn't necessarily call her not a Force presence," Hartz said, and Ayumu pursed his lips, because she wasn't a Force presence, but he couldn't explain that without explaining where he came from, which he wasn't about to do. "A goddess has been visiting you in your dreams?"
"Yes," Ayumu said, and Hartz hummed.
"I suppose it can mean a lot of things. I don't discount the beliefs of other cultures, but I personally am of the opinion gods and goddesses and deities and whatnot are simply manifestations of aspects of the Force. If she's the goddess of life and death… Perhaps you have a task to do with her domain."
"A task?" Ayumu echoed, and Hartz inclined his head.
"A task, yes. It has happened before that deities chose Jedi as their champions, but she also may just be spectating your life."
Ayumu was quiet, contemplative, and then he nodded.
"Okay. Thank you, Hartz," he said, and he had to wonder why Izanami gave him up to the Force. Was it only to see him suffer yet again? Or was he supposed to do something? He…
He didn't know, and it was a disturbing place to be.
He had always been slightly embittered against Inzanami. He hated her, in a lot of ways. His faith was in the Shinto belief system, but it was less faith and more an angry acceptance that it was real. Not everything could be blamed on a quirk, and his quirk at least was evidence that the gods were cruel. He sometimes felt like he had only been put on Earth to be mocked. He never spoke to Inzanami in his past life, but she was very active in this one, and he couldn't help but wonder why. Was it because of his connection to the Force? Was the Force just manifesting to him as something he was familiar with, or was it actually Inzanami? There was no real way to tell, and it frustrated him.
He was bitter.
He didn't want to be bitter, though. He wanted to be a good Jedi, a good man, when he grew up yet again. And Jedi weren't bitter, jaded, angry at the world for foisting responsibility on them. He knew he was depressed, and it showed. He wished he could do something about it, but it was impossible.
He was angry.
Izanami haunting his dreams was an ill omen, in his opinion. He knew the Force had 'taken' him from her, but he didn't know why. He couldn't change anything. That was the rules of this quirk. You couldn't change anything, and he wondered what Kit would say if he knew what kind of blood he had on his hands. All for the crime of saving a life.
He knew better than to save a life, but that wasn't very Jedi-like of him. And he knew that. He knew that.
He was just… conflicted. He wished he had been born without this quirk, without these memories. He would be a very different person.
It would have been easier on everyone.
He knew Kit was angling to make him his apprentice, but Ayumu couldn't help but think that he deserved better than this broken, jaded mess of a person. He deserved far better for a padawan, and Ayumu couldn't understand why he had been chosen. Kit saw something in him, and Ayumu, for the life of him, couldn't figure out what it was.
He could not figure that Nautolan out, not at all.
Notes:
kind of a shorter chapter but i gotta get to the myrkos hunt and then Ilum.
Chapter 8Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"You ready to go?" Kit asked as Ayumu strapped on his backpack, and he nodded.
"Ready," he replied.
It had been a long flight to Glee Anselm, and Ayumu was more than a little nervous. He was apparently supposed to hunt a long sea serpent, and he had no idea what he was doing. It was his coming of age ceremony, and he personally thought it was asking a lot of twelve year olds to expect them to kill a giant sea serpent, but what did he know? He'd been given a weapon capable of chopping off limbs at the age of five, so his world view was already a little skewed.
"You're going to have a blast," Kit promised as they walked down the ramp of the ship, where a Patul Nautolan was waiting. He was tall, his colors shifting in the light of the sun, blues and greens in splattered markings on his skin, slowly shifting to purple and red.
"This must be Ayumu," the Patul Nautolan said as he stepped forward. "I am Armin Sol, the chieftain of the Patul tribe."
"It's nice to meet you," Ayumu said and glanced up at Kit.
"Jedi Master Kit Fisto, right?" Armin asked, and Kit bowed.
"Yes. Thank you for meeting us here," he said, and Armin smiled, broad and bright.
"Well, it can be a little hard to find the city, so it was the least I could do," he said, and turned for the platform overlooking the sea. "This way."
He dove off the platform, and Ayumu looked down at the long, long drop with alarm as the chieftain disappeared with a splash into the waves and resurfaced, grabbing onto a watercraft with one hand and waving at them. Ayumu was already in a wetsuit, so he was fine to jump, but…
"Come on, Yumu," Kit said and leapt off the platform, splashing into the water, and Ayumu took a deep breath and dived.
He was used to jumping from high distances, but nothing like this. The air whipped around him and his stomach rose into his throat, and then he hit the water. It bubbled and boiled around him, and he kicked his way to the surface, breaking the water and flinging his head tails back. He kicked towards the watercraft and grabbed onto the rail along its side, and Armin nodded in approval.
"It's good that you don't fear the sea after being so long on Coruscant," he said, and Ayumu flushed.
"Thank you," he said, and the chieftain put the watercraft into gear before they dove beneath the surface. Water flowed around Ayumu, and he looked down at the long drop off below him. There were probably things lurking under the surface, big things, and he tried to not get nervous about it. They likely wouldn't come up top, but he read that Glee Anselm had some massive semi sentients living at the bottom of the ocean. Kit felt excited in the Force, at least, but Ayumu was more reserved. Armin was just cool, collected, the very picture of a chieftain.
Kit had been teaching Ayumu underwater Nautolan sign language, and Ayumu was grateful for it. It would make things a lot easier, even though the Patul had a different dialect Ayumu didn't know. He would be able to make most of it out, at least.
They would just have to do their best, he thought as a reef approached them. It was blooming and bright, healthy and filled with fish. A shark drifted past, and fish swarmed around them, nosing along the sides of their bodies, presumably for treats. Armin slowed down as they passed over the massive reef, and then he dove down into the drop off, where Ayumu could see lights gleaming in the darkness.
The Patul capital was huge, and bursting with life. Ayumu could sense a lot of presences in the Force, thousands of them, and he relaxed slightly. It would be easier to blend in with a crowd that way, he thought, because he hated to stick out. The watercraft drew closer and closer, and Ayumu started to make out bubbled domes, all stacked on top of each other, connected with tubes. It was somewhere between similar to pictures he'd seen of the Gungan creations and the Mon Cala homeworld. Silver, chrome beams gleamed, and it was all made of glass, with coral growing everywhere. Armin headed towards the center of the city, where a dome stretched above all the others, probably the civic center. He pulled up to a platform and parked the watercraft, and the three of them all disengaged from it and swam up. Armin triggered open a door, and they swam into a pressurized chamber that drained out all the water.
"Welcome to the civic center," Armin said as he triggered open a door, revealing a bright and open office, the shell of it made entirely out of glass. "This is where all the paperwork gets done."
There were plants everywhere, and Ayumu wondered how on earth they got them down here. Blooming houseplants from all over the galaxy, and Armin walked past them without a care in the world.
"So, since you're a ward of the Jedi, I'll have to oversee your hunt," he said as he went through a mess of datapads on his desk. "Unless Master Fisto would like to."
"I'm unfamiliar with Patul customs, so it may be best for you to oversee it," Kit said, and Armin nodded.
"It's fairly straightforward. You get a spear, and you kill a myrkos. There's a long tradition with it, which I will explain to you. This coming of age ceremony dates back some two thousand years, when we were at war with the Un Nautolans, which are the variety Master Fisto comes from. As a rather petty measure, they released myrkos into our waters, which are an invasive species on Glee Anselm. Myrkos breed fast, and lay a lot of eggs, and are impossible to hunt down and kill all of them. They devastated the local ecosystem, and we still regularly have culls to trim them down to size."
Ayumu knew all of this, because he was rather obsessive about research, but he didn't say anything, preferring instead to let Armin explain.
"For your coming of age ceremony, you go out with one adult and hunt a myrkos. The adult doesn't intervene unless you're actually about to get killed, and you can redo it as many times as you like until you finally kill one. Keep in mind, these are big. You have to skewer them through the eye or heart to get rid of them. Most children don't get it on their first try, and there's no shame in having to redo it, though I suppose your Jedi training will give you an edge."
He eyed Ayumu thoughtfully, and then he continued.
"There's a feast after, as the meat of the mykros is considered a delicacy, best served raw, though we also grill it. It's considered a great honor to kill a mykros. We take environmental preservation incredibly seriously, as we live by reefs and need to keep them intact. Myrkos wreak untold devastation on local fish populations, as they are constantly eating and always hungry, and in two thousand years, they have never developed a natural predator beyond ourselves. They're at the top of the food chain, apex predators, and very dangerous."
Ayumu nodded, because that was also information he already knew, and Armin sat down.
"Now, since I will be your guardian in this task, I will be filling out paperwork now that Master Fisto needs to sign to release you to my care," he said and shuffled around the pile of datapads, on the hunt for the datapad he needed. "Ah, there it is."
"How did you get all these plants down here?" Ayumu blurted, and Armin's lips quirked up.
"Carefully," he replied and glanced at the blooming plants all over his office. "I like plants. Better than pets, though my daughter keeps insisting on bringing home fish from the reef. You'll probably meet her at the feast. She's about your age."
"I look forward to meeting her," Ayumu said politely as Armin finally found the datapad he was looking for.
"Ah, there we go," he said and signed something on it before he held it out for Kit. Kit took it and signed, and Armin stood.
"Let's get you changed and ready, then. We still have most of the day left to complete the hunt," he said, and Ayumu's eyes widened slightly.
"We're going now? "
"Why not?" Armin asked as he made for the door. "We have time."
Oh, this was all moving a little fast for Ayumu. This was moving very fast, what the hell.
Ayumu was uncomfortable in the pants and sash. They were loose, and the spear was made out of bone, making him nervous that it would break. He was shirtless, and that made him uncomfortable, too. In his last life, he covered up every square inch of skin, and he was almost always covered up in his Jedi robes, except when he was swimming. He didn't know how to feel about this revealing outfit, but it seemed to be the norm here to not wear a shirt. He hadn't seen a single person in a shirt, females and males both. Nautolan women didn't have breasts, so he supposed that was fair, but even so, he was not used to this, not at all. Jedi were very modest. Except for Kit, who stripped every chance he got. Maybe it was a Nautolan thing.
Armin was piloting the watercraft to the drop off, and there was radar pinging on the console as he searched for a myrkos. Something pinged on the sensor, and he pointed to it, and Ayumu nodded. Just kill a massive snake with huge teeth that could rip him apart. It was fine. He could make this work. He'd never actually killed something before, but he could do it.
The sea was inky black and getting colder the further they got away from the reef. Ayumu wished Kit had come, but he was busy making connections. He had been excited about getting to visit the Patul, and like the diplomat he was, he immediately set to making friends with people. Ayumu had no idea how he was going to manage to be his padawan in a year or so. He wasn't personable at all.
He saw it dead ahead, and he swallowed at the size of it. It was massive, pale blue in the sea, bigger than the spaceship they had come on, with rows upon rows of teeth, and he wondered if it was too late to back out. It was twisting around another one in the sea, and Armin cut the engine.
"Go on," he signed to Ayumu, and Ayumu took a deep breath in and kicked off towards the two myrkos. They were gnashing at each other, locked in a fight, and blood was in the water. The water itself was twisting and boiling from the force of their fight, and Armin decided to just go for it.
He swam forward, and the fight abruptly broke up as the two caught sight of him. They bared their teeth, and then they---
Shot towards him, and no one had mentioned speed. They were a blur of pale blue in the ocean, and he barely turned in time for one to shoot harmlessly past him, its massive maw biting down on water. It twisted, and he readied his spear. It tore towards him again, and he twisted to avoid it, the water swirling around him as it snapped at him. The tail caught him on the side, driving all of the air out of his chest and sending him flailing through the water. He nearly lost hold of his spear in the chaos, and then it was charging at him again. Its fins cut through the water, and he slashed with his spear, severing one at the bone and sending the massive fish careening off course. The other bit at him, and he spun the spear around to smack it on the head and force it off before it made contact.
This was terrifying. He was not having a good time, not at all, and he twisted in the water, kicking up towards the surface in a bid to get them to chase him. They did, and he came up, breaking the surface of the water, and the two of them leapt into the air and came down towards him.
There.
He could feel the Force guiding him, and he raised the spear just as the monstrous fish came down on him, stabbing it through the eye with a wet squelch. It let out a screech and thrashed, driving the spear further into its brain, before he felt its Force presence go out like a wink. It crashed into the water, sending up a massive wave, and Ayumu was dragged down into the water, still holding onto the spear as the other fish fled.
Well.
That was easier than expected, he thought as Armin drifted closer with the watercraft, rope in hand.
"Tie it up," he signed. "Good job. First try."
Ayumu nodded and took the rope, lashing it around the corpse and fastening it to the railing, and then he held onto the railing as Armin turned back for the city.
That was… odd, Ayumu thought dimly.
He had never trusted the Force like that, but in his moment of panic, it was as easy as breathing.
Things to ruminate on later, he thought as they headed for the city. Armin was quietly proud in the Force, and Ayumu was just conflicted. He had never trusted in the Force like that before, and was almost shocked it worked. He would have to talk to Kit about it.
They went placidly through the water, and Ayumu floated alongside the watercraft, the spear still in hand. Blue blood was following them in a trail, and he watched it leak around behind them. The myrkos was big. It was really big, and he didn't know how to feel about it. He didn't honestly think he could pull it off with his first try, but after a lifetime living as an intelligence hero without a quirk that worked in combat, and then again as a Jedi, he was apparently less rusty than he thought he was.
He was going to have to talk to Kit about it.
Trusting the Force had never come easily to him. But, it felt surprisingly nice, and the Force was dancing around him in glee, lighter than it was on Coruscant, more playful and childlike. It was like it was showing off. Look, it said. See what happens when you trust me? Do you see?
It had been waiting a long time for Ayumu to trust it, but Ayumu wasn't quite there just yet.
Even so, the trust was tentative, new, fragile in his hands. He felt… Well, he didn't know how he felt.
It almost felt good.
Notes:
Ilum is going to knock you on your *ass*, baby.
Chapter 9Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
There were a lot of people, and Ayumu was obviously uncomfortable. He was back in his Jedi robes, having refused to wear the revealing pants for even a moment longer, and Kit was quietly amused by it. The banquet hall was packed, and everyone was chattering up a storm as they shared bites of raw myrkos wrapped in bundles of dried seaweed. Ayumu was barely eating, practically nibbling, but Kit knew he had to be ravenous with a hunt like that. It was the nerves, probably. He clearly didn't do well with crowds, and the girl next to him was chattering up a storm.
"And then I killed the myrkos, just one blow, boom, right through the heart!" she was saying, and Kit was quietly amused at how lost Ayumu looked. He needed to learn how to get along with people, clearly. He knew Ayumu tended to keep to himself, but he clearly needed more socialization. Kit would have to fix that.
"I went for the eye," Ayumu said quietly, and the girl nodded firmly.
"Right, anyways, we had a huge feast, and I just stuffed myself. Your myrkos was more tasty and tender, though. You got a young one. I got an old one. It was just covered in scars, a real gnarly thing. That was, hm, three months ago I think? Daaaaddd, when did I turn twelve?"
"Four months ago," Armin replied, and the girl nodded firmly.
"Right. Four months ago, excuse me," she said and turned to him. "What's it like living in the temple? I've always wanted to go see the library."
"... Quiet," Ayumu said after a long, long pause. "It's really quiet."
"Come on, you gotta give a better descriptor than that, " she said, and Kit bit back a laugh and swooped in to save him.
"Apologies for Ayumu," he said and reached over to pick up a piece of fish with a bit of seaweed. "He's shy."
"That's alright! I like shy people! Dad says I'm a chatterbox!" the girl said brightly, and Kit inclined his head.
"I don't believe I caught your name," he said, because the girl did not introduce herself, she just jumped right into a ramble.
"Toon!" she said brightly. "And you're Master Kit Fisto, right?"
"That I am," he said, and placed the delectable bite of meat into his mouth. "I'm Ayumu's chaperone for this journey."
"You're an Un, right?" she demanded, and he nodded.
"Indeed, I am. This is my first time experiencing a hunt," he said, and she brightened up.
"Did Dad tell you all about the lore? It was the Battle of the Trench when the myrkos were released, and the military movements of that were so interesting. Would you like to hear about it?"
"Of course," Kit said, heavily amused, the mention of history had Ayumu perking up in interest in the Force.
"So, the standard military formation back then was a line, like this," she said and sketched out a horizontal line with a bit of an arrow to it. "In our seacraft! But, the admiral on our side, Admiral Kiffo, thought that was stupid, so what he did was organize his crafts in two straight lines to go directly through the line like this."
She sketched out two vertical parallel lines on the table with such vigor, practically slamming her hands into the table.
"And that's how that went! He blew them all to hell! " she said, and Armin cleared his throat.
"Toon. Language," he said mildly, and she slapped her hands over her mouth.
"Whoops! Sorry!" she said, and Ayumu took a deep breath in. He was clearly getting overstimulated, and Kit knew it was only a matter of time before he escaped to the hall.
"Anyways, I think the Jedi are cool. I know everyone calls you baby snatchers and stuff, but maybe if people could learn how to actually raise a Force sensitive baby, we wouldn't have that kind of problem," she said boldly, and Kit blinked as Armin buried his face in his hands.
"Toon…"
"What? I'm just talking!" she said, and Ayumu pursed his lips. "What do you think, Ayumu?"
"About what?"
"About that dreadful reputation the Jedi have!"
"I don't think about it at all," Ayumu said, flat, and Kit could tell he really disliked this girl. She was probably a nightmare scenario for him, Kit thought in amusement.
"What do you think about it, Master Fisto?" she demanded, and Kit blinked down at her.
"I don't have an opinion on it," he lied, because he had a great many opinions about it. If people didn't want Jedi snatching Force sensitive children, they should stop abusing Force sensitive children. It was a rather simple solution. Jedi only removed children by force when there was horrendous abuse going on, and that was rather rare, if he was being honest. They typically tried to place the children with extended family, but that didn't always work out. There were a lot of failsafes in place, and often children didn't even end up in the temple unless there were no other options. Jedi wanted to keep families together, not break them apart.
"Well, I think it's just bullshit," Toon declared, and Armin rubbed a hand over his face.
"Language," he said, sounding utterly exhausted, but Kit rather enjoyed her company. She was a spunky kid. He liked her.
"I wish I was Force sensitive. I think that'd be so cool," she continued, entirely undeterred. "But, I'm dull as a rock! That's what my dad says."
"I never said that," Armin said, unamused, and she grinned.
"Yes, you did!"
"I most certainly did not."
"Well, you did say it, so there," she said and stuck out her tongue. Ayumu's eye was starting to twitch. Kit was heavily amused. "Hey, Ayumu."
"Mmm?"
"Can you show me a Force jump after this?" she asked with shining eyes, and Ayumu blinked.
"Is there even a space where I can do that?"
"Oh. No, not really."
"Unfortunately, Ayumu and I have to head back as soon as we're done here," Kit said, and Toon pouted.
"Aw, that's so soon, though!"
"Ayumu is in the middle of his initiate trials and needs to be at the temple," Kit said, not unkindly. "He's very busy nowadays."
"What are the initiate trials?" she asked, and Ayumu let out a breath.
"They're what determines if I can move up to a Jedi padawan or go into the corps or leave the Order," he said. "I'm going for the gathering next week."
"What's the gathering?" she demanded, and Ayumu glanced at Kit.
"It's when I go hunting for my kyber crystal," he said, and finally took an actual bite of food. "I have to go into a frozen cave and hunt down a kyber crystal, and then I have to make a lightsaber out of it."
"That sounds so cool!" she squealed, and Ayumu winced at the pitch of her voice.
"It's going to be freezing," he muttered, and Kit knew he was going to have a rough time of it on Ilum. The Force was absolutely going to batter him around. He may even fail, but Kit had faith in him. He had a lot of faith in him. He had the makings of a great Jedi.
But, Ayumu's patience was running out, and Kit had to get them out of there before he snapped.
"Speaking of, we should head back to the ship," he said, and Toon pouted.
"Can't you stay for dessert?" she asked, and Kit shook his head.
"We have to get back to Coruscant as soon as possible. Ayumu needs time to prepare for his hunt," he said, and stood. "Ayumu, shall we?"
Armin caught on to Ayumu's temper fraying and stood.
"I'll escort you back to the spaceport," he said, and led them towards the door. "Thank you for coming and respecting our traditions."
"Of course," Kit said and Armin stopped in the doorway to pass Ayumu a headdress made of myrkos teeth.
"Here you are," he said, and Ayumu took it hesitantly. "You can choose not to wear it. I know you're somewhat disconnected from our culture, having been raised at the temple, but it would make me glad to see a Jedi wearing our headdresses."
Ayumu turned it over in his hands and nodded.
"I'll wear it," he said and reached up to put the thin headdress over his head tails, and Kit stepped behind him to fasten it securely beneath them. Ayumu nodded his thanks, and Armin turned for the door.
"Let's get going, shall we?" he said, and off the three went.
Ayumu collapsed in the co-pilot with a dramatic sigh, and Kit bit back a laugh.
"She was just… so much," Ayumu said and rubbed his hand over his face.
"Yes, she was rather spirited," Kit agreed as he took his seat in the pilot's seat. "Let's get going, shall we?"
"Yeah," Ayumu agreed and Kit powered up the ship, flicking switches and pushing buttons to let it rumble to life. They took off from the landing platform, and Kit eased into the darkening clouds on the horizon. "Hey, Kit?"
"Hm?"
"I… I trusted the Force," Ayumu said, and Kit paused. Ayumu was looking down at his hands, twitching slightly, and Kit tilted his head.
"Did you?" he asked, and Ayumu nodded.
"It was kind of a do or die moment, and I just… It felt really natural," he said, and Kit nodded as he flicked the switch to prepare for hyperspace.
"It's natural for us to trust the Force. It's all around us, always present, and it can feel like meeting an old friend," Kit said. "When you're surrounded by it every day, it's hard to imagine doing anything else."
That would prepare him better for Ilum. Kit was glad he brought him before the gathering. Ilum would be easier for him now.
"It felt happy after I did it. Like it was waiting a long time for me," Ayumu said quietly as he stared out the window, and they reached the atmosphere.
"It probably has been waiting a long time for you," Kit said, and Ayumu swallowed.
"I struggle with… trust," he bit out, and Kit wondered just what caused that. He had been raised in the temple since he was young, and had never experienced an event beyond his abandonment that would cause something like that, and he was so young when that happened. He probably didn't even remember it. Was it that ability of his? Being confronted with mortality every day may permanently damage your trust in people, knowing how fleeting their existence on this plane was.
"Trust is something that is…" Kit started to say, and then he trailed off. "Well, it's difficult. You put it in other people, in the Force, knowing it may let you down. Knowing it may fail. That's the point of it. You trust, and you may be setting up yourself to get hurt, but you do it anyways. Because you want to believe. Life without belief… Everyone has something they believe in. We can't live without it."
Ayumu nodded, silent, and Kit eased them through the atmosphere.
"What I want to know is what you plan on doing now that you know what it feels like," Kit said, and Ayumu was quiet.
"I…" he said, trailed off, and licked his lips. "I don't know. I'll just take it day by day, I guess."
Kit smiled at him, and Ayumu stared at him like he couldn't figure him out.
"That's all any of us can ask for," Kit said warmly, and Ayumu ducked his head down.
"Yeah," he agreed quietly, and Kit pushed them into hyperspace.
"We have three days to talk about it," he said, and Ayumu startled slightly. "Why don't we start working on movement meditation? I heard from Hartz that works best for you. It might help you figure out your feelings."
"... Alright," Ayumu agreed, and he seemed so small. Kit felt a surge of fondness for this little Patul Nautolan, and Force, he hoped he wouldn't fail at Ilum. Kit couldn't help him there, but he desperately wanted him to be his padawan. He knew Ayumu was the one for him.
Notes:
me, cramming the Force down Ayumu's throat: *heal*, dammit!
Chapter 10Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It was burning cold, and all of the other younglings were already gone. Ayumu's breath was frosting in the air, and every step was a crunch. He was lost in these caverns, and he knew he only had a certain amount of time to find the crystal. Honestly, he wasn't worried about getting shuffled off to the Corps. He had never put much thought into it, honestly, but Kit would be disappointed in him. Kit would be gravely disappointed, and that was the only thing that kept him moving. He had let enough people down in his past life; he didn't need to do it again in this one.
It was deathly quiet. There wasn't even the howl of wind in the tunnels, and every plop of water on stone was deafeningly loud. His footsteps were grating on his ears, and he was shivering in the cold. His teeth were chattering, and his fingers had long since gone numb. He was meant for tropical waters, not this. He was bundled up tight against the cold, but his head tails were freezing cold. His myrkos headdress felt like ice against his forehead. He was absolutely miserable, but he supposed that was part of the point.
Honestly, why couldn't kyber crystals grow on a tropical planet? Why this? There had to be Force nexuses on tropical planets.
He sneezed, and snot came out of his nose, rapidly cooling to ice on his skin, and he wiped it off, wincing at the way it tugged on his skin. Ayumu was cold, and miserable, and he was really only doing this for Kit.
"Do you just do everything for other people?" came a familiar voice, and Ayumu froze.
"... Tsunagu?" he croaked out and turned to take in the sight of Best Jeanist standing there, clad in his tight denim pants and ridiculous denim vest over that stupid denim jacket, and for a moment, Ayumu was a man again, loving, longing, never to touch, never to hold, because his grasp was poison barbs.
"That's not answering the question," not-Tsunagu said, and Ayumu swallowed.
"What do you mean?" he asked, and Tsunagu tilted his head, his eyes boring holes into Ayumu's head.
"Do you just do everything for other people?" Tsunagu repeated, and Ayumu stood there for a moment, not sure of how to answer the question. "Time's ticking, Omen."
"I'm not Omen," Ayumu blurted. "Not anymore."
Tsunagu tilted his head, and his eyes were like a brand on Ayumu's flesh. He knew this was a Force vision, and it wasn't really Tsunagu. He knew that. But, he could see his perfect, poreless skin, each individual blonde strand on his head, the curve of perfectly manicured cuticles, and one lone hangnail. He looked real, and warm, and alive, even though Ayumu knew the truth.
Maybe in another universe, he was alive and well. He didn't die in the war. He survived, and lived long enough to guide the next generation into heroics. He was in his golden years when Ayumu died, and Ayumu died without ever once telling him he loved him.
Because of Ai.
Because of that little girl Ayumu failed, all those years ago, and he carried that death like a brand on his soul.
"You can't stop being Omen, anymore than you can stop being Ayumu," Tsunagu said, and Ayumu swallowed. He would have preferred Izanami to this. This was… too hard. Too cruel, taunting him with all of the mistakes of his past life, all of his---
"When will you stop acting like you're helpless?" Tsunagu asked, and Ayumu startled. "You still cry in the face of death, after all this time. When will you stand up to it?"
"What would you know of it?" Ayumu bit out, suddenly furious, though he couldn't exactly pinpoint why.
"I know enough," Tsunagu said. "You hide and cower from the reality of death and call it coping."
"I don't hide from it. I see it every day, " Ayumu hissed, and Tsunagu tilted his head.
"Yes, and that's your problem, isn't it?" he asked, and Ayumu startled. "You only see death. You don't see life. "
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is," Tsunagu said calmly. "It's always been true. That's why you never look anyone in the eyes, because you imagine what it's like to see the life drain out of them."
Ayumu inhaled sharply, and…
And it was a lot.
He was a child again. He was stuck with this detested quirk, again. He was faced with the mass extinction of the people that had taken him in, loved him with everything they had, accepted him and all of his flaws, and he was going to watch them all die, and be fated to endure, as he always was.
Tears sprang to his eyes, and he furiously wiped at them.
"What do you know?" he snapped. "What do you know of what it is to be a Cassandra, constantly seeing the future laid out in emotionless numbers, numbers that don't care, that keep ticking no matter what you do. All I do is mourn! "
The last words came at a shout, echoing around the cavern, and Tsunagu stared at him, impassive, not a hint of compassion in his face.
"Then stop mourning," he said, and Ayumu wiped at his streaming eyes with the back of his hand.
"What?" he asked wetly, and Tsunagu leaned in close.
"Rejoice, at the time you have," he said softly, and Ayumu sniffled.
"I… I can't," he said, and his voice broke. "I don't know how to do that."
Tsunagu stared at him, and then turned aside. In an instant, he was gone, leaving Ayumu alone in the middle of the cavern. And, when he looked up, he saw a crystal, gleaming atop a spire, some four stories up.
It was… so far away, and his heart dropped into his stomach as he stared at it. He couldn't jump that high. He didn't know how.
How long would he allow himself to be limited by what he didn't know what to do?
He thought about the day Tsunagu burst into his office and screamed at him, the day after Ai died.
"You knew! You knew and did nothing! "
All his life, Ayumu had done nothing in the face of death. He simply accepted it as it was and continued down the road he was trapped on. He didn't defy it, didn't challenge it, because he knew the consequences. The Shinigami exacted their revenge on those who sought to subvert them, and he had drank that blood price.
He knew the price.
He would never challenge it again.
But…
The Force was kinder, he thought. It was gentler, more subtle in its touches on reality. He didn't think he could change things this time, but he could trust… Trust there would be light in the darkness, that there would be hope. He had to trust that there would be people that stood up and said, 'no more'. He had to believe there would be people that would say, 'I will defy '. He had to believe in that, because if he didn't have that, what did he have?
And the Force… the Force was people. It existed in all life forms, flowed through them, loved them in all of their faults and failings. It was present. It had no will of its own, at least not to his knowledge, but it spoke to people and showed them the way.
He believed in the Force, and he had to make that jump.
Ayumu took a few steps back and judged the distance. With a heft of effort, he leapt up, and promptly slammed into the spire with a whumf, halfway up. He was suddenly in free fall, his heart in his chest, and he barely managed to stop himself with the Force in time, catching himself inches above the ground. With another whumf, he hit the ground with a groan. Then, he hauled himself back up and stared at the crystal.
He leapt again, and he fell. He fell hard, and then he dragged himself up again and did it again. And again, and again, and again. The crystal was shaking at the top of the spire, and that's about when he realized he was going about this in the wrong way.
Ayumu took three steps back, eyeing the spire, and then he---
Pushed.
The sudden thrust of the Force shook the spire, and the crystal fell. Ayumu leapt forward, sliding across the ground with his hands outstretched, and the crystal landed in his palms.
That was… probably not what the Force intended him to do, but he did it. He could work on his jumps later, but what mattered was that…
He trusted the Force.
It was a tentative trust, a scared animal reaching out its snout to sniff a sentient's hand, but it was trust. He was broken, and damaged after two lifetimes of this quirk, but he was…
He was going to try.
Trust wasn't something built overnight. It was an action, and he would work every day to try and trust. He would put his gentle, fragile heart, broken so many times into tiny pieces into the Force's hands, and he would press its fingers over the shards and pray it would treat it gently.
Now, his next objective was getting out of the cave before it closed.
He stood up, carefully cradling his kyber crystal, and made for the exit. It was a long and sinuous way out, but he carefully reached out his hand to the Force, and it met him halfway. He knew in his heart which way was left, which was right, and which was straight. It was as easy as breathing, and he felt his way around in the darkness with a sense of rightness in his chest.
It had been a long, long time since he trusted, and he found that it was terrifying in all of the best ways. He didn't know why the Force showed him Tsunagu, but he was grateful for it. In some ways, Ayumu was helpless. Helpless to change his fate, helpless to change the fate of others. But, he knew what he could do in the face of that helplessness.
He could be kind. He could be compassionate, and he could strive to always grow, despite knowing how the chapters of his life ended. He could do his best to love, and love, and love. Just as a Jedi should, because if he had learned anything, it was that death was guaranteed, but happiness was not, not unless you defined it for yourself.
He couldn't prevent this tragedy coming. But, he could make sure people remembered him as a Jedi that was kind, that helped, that was always ready to lend a hand and do his best. He could make sure people remembered Jedi as helpers at their core. He wouldn't make much of an impact, but he could do his best to ensure his impact would be remembered. And, when the Empire rose, he would fight back as much as he could, because he knew what happened when fascism took hold. He knew what that would look like for the galaxy, and he would do his best to fight against it, so people would know someone was still fighting.
He would fight until the day he died.
Because people deserved having someone fighting for them.
Notes:
i put the Force and Ayumu in a get along shirt