To think that I'm most attracted to people who are wild, distant or arrogant. In my thoughts I'm like; There's definitely a reason to this and in reality we can attest to the fact that when they get comfortable they're usually the sweetest. Now imagine how they were before all the hurt came in.
Deep down, everyone wants the same thing: to be understood. Not just to have their words heard, but to have their hearts seen. To have someone recognize the layers beneath the surface and acknowledge that what they feel, think, and dream matters.
I have watched people carry burdens silently because they believed no one would truly understand. They try to explain, to share pieces of themselves, but the world is often too busy, too distracted, or too judgmental to listen. And so, they retreat. They withdraw. They settle for being tolerated instead of truly seen.
We all do this in some way or another. The way we hide our tears, downplay our victories, or act confident when we are unsure, it all comes from the same desire: to belong, to be accepted, to be understood without needing to justify our existence.
Sometimes, the need to be understood is subtle. It is in the way someone repeats a story they have told before, hoping this time someone will hear it differently. It is in the longing in their eyes when they share a thought they fear might be dismissed. It is in the hesitation of a voice, waiting for affirmation, validation, or connection.
Other times, it is loud. People lash out, argue, or demand attention, not because they are angry or difficult, but because they are desperate to be seen for who they truly are. Pain, fear, hope, and love all seek recognition. Ignoring this need is easy to do, but it leaves a quiet emptiness that no amount of distraction or success can fill.
I know of someone who always seemed distant and aloof. People assumed they were cold or uncaring but being the person I am, I had to be close to this person n subsequently when I listened without judgment and allowed them to share their fears and regrets, my entire demeanor shifted. That simple act of understanding made me see them in a different light. Heavy on "don't judge a book by its cover" as being truly seen can be transformative.
Understanding humans means acknowledging this need without judgment. It means giving someone the space to express themselves, the patience to listen without interruption, and the compassion to accept them, even when you do not fully understand every thought or emotion.
It also means reflecting on yourself.
How often do you feel misunderstood? How often do you long for someone to hear the unspoken, to acknowledge the parts of you you hide? When you recognize this within yourself, it becomes easier to offer it to others. Understanding begins with empathy, and empathy begins with self-awareness.
The moments when I feel most connected to someone are when I allow them to be fully themselves. When I do not try to fix, change, or control, but simply witness, listen, and honor their story. That is the essence of understanding, and it is what every human longs for, whether they admit it or not.
Being understood is more than a wish. It is a necessity. It is a quiet hunger that shapes decisions, relationships, and the way we show up in the world. When that need is met, even briefly, it has the power to heal, to inspire, and to remind us that we are not alone.
Reflection Prompts:
• Think about a time you felt truly understood. What did it feel like in your body and mind?
• Recall a time you tried to express yourself but were ignored or misunderstood. How did it affect you?
• Consider the people in your life. How might you show them that you see and hear them, even in small ways?
• Reflect on your own need to be understood. How can acknowledging it help you connect more deeply with yourself and others?