October 1st, 2025 – My First Day
Today was my very first day on Ward 5 – my first day as a fully qualified nurse. I worked with the ward manager and two nursing assistants. We split the break times, and I went for a 30-minute break with a colleague. When we came back, they gave us a quick handover because they also wanted to go on their break.During the handover, a doctor walked into the room and said that Mrs. M should now receive a tablet of Lasix. I wrote it down, finished the handover, and went to give the medication. But in the patient's room, the doctor suddenly said, "No, give her 1 mg of Tavor instead." I went back to get it, but when I returned, she said again, "No, give 0.5 mg of Morphine intravenously."I was completely overwhelmed – all this on my very first day. I rushed to the narcotics cabinet to get the morphine. The doctor followed me and said, annoyed, "You need to be a bit faster, this is an emergency!" My mind was totally blank — I just tried to do everything right. In the room she said, "I need 2 liters of oxygen!" While I searched for the tubing, she suddenly said, "Give Lasix i.v!I asked one of the nursing assistants for help because she knew the ward better. She prepared the infusion while I looked for the oxygen line. But then the doctor changed her mind again and wanted the Lasix as an injection. She raised her voice, and the nursing assistant calmly said, "Excuse me, but that's not my responsibility." Meanwhile, the phones were ringing, call bells were going off — and everyone seemed to want something from me.And as if that wasn't enough, my staff ID card was locked because it hadn't been updated. I couldn't complete many tasks. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and wanted to cry. It was a chaotic first day — but I made it through.
October 2nd, 2025 I arrived at 6 a.m. and asked for my ID card at reception. They said no one had turned it in and that I had to wait until someone from IT came at 8 a.m. I went up to the ward anyway and told my colleagues that I still didn't have my card. I could feel they were annoyed — every time I mentioned it. But it wasn't my fault. The hospital should have given me the card before my start date.One colleague pressured me because she was afraid she might have to work alone on the holiday the next day if my card still didn't work. I felt sad and helpless.
October 3rd, 2025 I finally got my card. I worked with a very strict nurse. She immediately said she would go to the new building (where the fitter patients are) and take another nurse with her. I was told to work in the old building with a nursing assistant. I didn't complain — I was too new. Luckily, the assistant was very friendly and understanding.The other two nurses kept going out for smoke breaks. I was exhausted. I received new patients from another ward and had to do their assessments and prepare their medications. No one asked if I needed help. But I kept going.
October 5th, 2025Today was a beautiful day. A nurse who had already been kind to me before asked how I was doing and how I was handling the new responsibility. She even told me about her own first day as a nurse.She was one of the few who truly understood me. She had also congratulated me on passing my exam. Her kindness did me so much good. People like her remind me why I love this profession.October 6th, 2025 Late shift. I was standing at the computer, ready to start my rounds. A nurse who was about to clock out walked by and said sarcastically:"Those and those patients need infusions. You can decide if you want to call the doctor or give them subcutaneously — oh wait, you're a qualified nurse now!"Then she laughed and walked away.I just stood there — speechless.
October 8th, 2025 Today I received a congratulations card, a flower, and 20 euros from the ward manager and her deputy. They hugged me and said, "Welcome to the team!"
It came late — but better late than never. For the first time, I felt like I truly belonged.
October 13th, 2025 I worked with a nursing assistant who works very fast but barely communicates. She doesn't document when she notices changes in a patient's skin or condition. Another nurse noticed this and asked why nothing was documented. I could only say, "I didn't know — she didn't tell me."
She is popular — no one is allowed to say anything negative about her. She is "untouchable." I stayed quiet and focused on my work.October 21st, 2025 After my day off on my birthday, I had a late shift. I arrived on time, but the elevator took forever — I was one minute late. Handover had already started.We were three nurses and one nursing assistant. One colleague said I should work with her. I said yes, not knowing that another nurse would be annoyed by that.
The shift went well. I even helped the other teams when their call bells were nonstop. But when I asked if they needed help, one nurse snapped, "Noooo, I don't need help."I stayed polite. I finished the kitchen and prepared the infusions. I left one open intentionally because I still needed to clarify something.
Suddenly she started yelling:
"That's not true! Why wasn't this done?"
I calmly said, "I wanted to ask you first."She kept shouting: "You left it on purpose!"
I explained, "If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't have done the others either."She replied, "Well, I see it differently." I stayed silent. That was better. I avoid her now — she's friendly to others but cold to me.
October 23rd, 2025 Same nurse, same energy. Around 5 p.m., we received a narcotics delivery from the pharmacy. I didn't know the exact procedure, so another nurse showed me — you have to count, check, and sign.While I was concentrating, the same colleague shouted:
"Kawtharr, you need to check Mr. P's blood pressure right now!"
I said, "Wait a second, I'm writing something important."She rolled her eyes and said, "Oh my God! I stayed calm, went to the patient, and kindly explained that he should sit for a moment so the results would be accurate. Then I just continued my work — calm, professional, and refusing to let her provoke me.October 27th, 2025 Again the same nurse. She loudly complained that someone "just ticks off medication" without making sure the patient actually takes it. She said loudly, "This is unbelievable!" and looked directly at me so others would wonder who she meant. I stayed quiet.Later, during handover, I accidentally mentioned that a patient had a dressing on her back, but I meant a different area. She immediately corrected me loudly in front of everyone. I realized she's just looking for mistakes. I didn't react.October 28th, 2025 Another early shift with her. The day before, she did the handover without saying anything. Today, in front of the ward manager, she suddenly pretended to offer me the chance:
"Do you want to do the handover today?"
I knew she wanted to embarrass me. I calmly said, "I have little information today, please do it."She said, "But tomorrow you're alone, I have night shift.Another nurse said, "But she normally does her handover." I said nothing. She wanted me to look incompetent, but I stayed professional.October 29th, 2025
Finally, a beautiful day! Everything was calm and harmonious. Before the handover at 1 p.m., one colleague prepared a little birthday surprise for another nurse. We celebrated quickly.After the handover, everyone toasted. I don't drink alcohol, so the ward manager brought me orange juice so I could join. It was so thoughtful.At the end of the shift I said, "Today was one of my best workdays."
Everyone was surprised: "Really?"
Yes — really.
October 30th, 2025
I worked with a very strict older nurse. All morning she listed everything she had done and complained constantly. I stayed calm and kept going.Around 12:35 p.m., a colleague who had a birthday the day before called in sick — just 15 minutes before shift change!
The ward manager asked if I could stay until 4:30 p.m. I had been awake since 4 a.m. and was exhausted, but I said, "Okay." She couldn't find a replacement quickly.I stayed. When I finally got home, I showered and fell straight into bed — exhausted, but proud I helped.
October 31st, 2025 My last workday of my first month. I worked with the ward manager and two nursing assistants. Even though we were understaffed, the shift was calm. I was still tired from the day before, but I managed everything.The ward manager, as always, was attentive and often asked if everything was okay. We had a trainee whose last day it was. Despite the stress, the manager took time for her, spoke kindly, and signed her papers.I admire her — she is always calm, understanding, and supportive. At the end, she helped me finish my tasks, asked me to do the handover, and then kindly said, "Go home now."She never loses her patience, explains everything clearly, and is truly an example of good leadership.And just like that, my first month as a qualified nurse ended — exhausted, but grateful. I learned, grew, doubted, sweated, smiled, and kept going. And the most important thing: I stayed.
✨ End of the first chapter — October 2025