I'm drowning in light that tastes like copper.
Stars. No, eyes... No... It's stars that are eyes, wheeling overhead in patterns that spell words in languages that I can't comprehend. My hands are wrong. Too old, too scarred with battles that I've never fought. There's armour fused to my chest yet it breathes like skin, pulsing with a heartbeat that aren't mine.
Something, someone is screaming. Is it me?
-
A silhouette stands at the edge of everything, where the reality tears like wet paper. They're wearing my face but stretched across too many years, too many deaths. Their mouth moves: "****" Or maybe "*****" Or just static shaped like words.
I'm holding something. A blade? A star? A heart? It keeps morphing and it won't hold still. It's so important. The most important thing that's ever existed and yet I'm dropping it, I'm always dropping it, and every time it falls, ten thousand voices are smothered and consumed.
-
The not-me, the wrong-me, the other-me reaches out. My-their hand passes through my heart as though I'm made of smoke. Inside me, something boundless unfurls. Hungry. So hungry it could eat reality and still starve.
"You're the last one," he says, or I say, or nothing says.
The stars collapse inward. All of them. At once. The sound they make isn't sound, it's the echo of silence, the memory of sound, the place where sound goes to die.
My bones set ablaze from the inside forming constellation patterns I don't recognize burning through meat, time and-.
-
There's a woman made of gold crying tears of ice. "Again?" she asks. "How many times must we-"
A hand on my shoulder. It weighs. I turn... all that my not-eyes reveal is a shadow that smells like ozone. It speaks in my father's voice booming: "Tiernan blood runs true."
No. That's not- It speaks with everyone's voice "The blood runs. The blood runs. The blood-"
-
I'm eating something. Myself? Others? The distinction blurs. Every swallow makes me larger, smaller, more real, less real. I can feel myself spreading, thinning, snapping back together. Numbers counted down in my peripheral vision. Not numbers. Percentages. Percentages of what?
The figure is closer now. Close enough to see they're dying. Have been dying. Will always be dying.
"Find." they whisper with lungs full of fear and malice. "Or don't. It ends the same."
"What ends?"
They smile with my mouth, my future mouth, my never-mouth.
"Everything. Nothing."
The dream tears.
I woke up with gasp, my sheets soaked with sweat, the taste of copper still coated my tongue.
6:47 AM blinked at me from across the room. August 13th, 3847 ME.
Tomorrow is testing day.
The dream already fading, left only the aftertaste of something vast, hungry, patient.
"Just anxiety." I reassure myself. Just stress about expectations, just stress of letting everyone down.
But my bones still felt like they were glowing. And somewhere inside, somewhere I can't quite reach, I could swear there were ten thousand voices still screaming. Or maybe they were laughing.
It's hard to tell the difference.
-
I shook my head and pushed my body upright, I managed to wake up just before my alarm went off... That's 15 minutes of rest I won't get. Damn, why couldn't my brain be a bit more accommodating.
Sucking in a breath of stuffy air I forced myself up from my tomb of restfulness towards the harsh reality of the world. With a deep set grogginess, I meandered over to my bedroom window opening it, it was still dark.
The cool air washed over me as I sighed, my back still slick with sweat, the cool air did wonders. The two moons hung in the sky, the larger Auralith and it's younger sister Vesperon lit up the city below with soft iridescent light.
"Tomorrow huh-"
I felt a pang of anxiety before I quickly forced it down, forcing a smile I headed over to the bathroom to start my morning routine. Wash my face, brush my teeth and finally shower. I decided on a cold shower this morning, it was great for boosting dopamine and I really wanted to put that nightmare behind me.
As the cold water hit me I suppressed a yelp and forced myself to be engulfed by the cold, it took a couple of minutes before I properly adjusted and by that time I was already finished. Quickly I exited the shower and wrapped myself up in a warm towel. I was right, I felt better already, yet that copper taste in my mouth was still vaguely present.
Quickly throwing on some clothes I shot a look towards the clock, 7am on the dot. Perfect.
With a final look and check I nodded before heading out of my bedroom, the lights in the hallway already on. Looks like mother and father are already awake, early as usual. Heading across the hallway I passed my Sisters room, it was silent, empty.
She had gone out on deployment several months ago, already making a name for herself.
Making the Tiernan family proud...
"I just hope I can do the same." I picked up the pace and hastily headed down the stairs hoping to put any negative thoughts behind me.
As I exited the hallway and entered the kitchen, my parents already there. Mother making breakfast as per usual. The warm, nutty aroma of sautéed glowroot mingling with the tangy sharpness of veilweed and a hint of spicy heat.
My mouth watered as I watched her crack a strange pale oval over the pan, was that?! A chicken egg?! They were pretty uncommon outside of the core systems, I could see that my mother already trying to cheer me up. I smiled involuntarily.
She caught me sniffing the air and locked eyes with me, a soft smile emanated warmth that immediately calmed me.
"Sleep well honey?" She said.
"Ehh- Not bad... I just- I think I'm nervous about tomorrow." I responded.
"Try not to worry about it honey, what will be will be." She smiled before returning to her cooking.
It did little to reassure me but I knew that her intentions were well meaning. My eyes drifted to father who sat on the other side of the table. His eyes glued to a report on his holopad, a deep frown settled upon his scarred face.
"Something the matter father?" I asked with a hint of hesitation.
"Oh- Marcus, good morning!" He shook his head and put the pad down before deftly turning it off. I managed a quick glance at the material before he did. Something about Bugger movements on the boarders of the Eridanus Sector. Less than a hundred light years away, No wonder he looked so severe...
I took a seat and before I could follow up on my question he quickly changed the subject.
"Big day tomorrow, huh son?" He announced with that fatherly bravado.
That look in his eyes filled with expectation, pride and certainty. I suppressed a wince and forced a smile.
"I wouldn't worry. Tiernan blood runs true!" He declared.
I felt my throat choking up for a moment. "What if I end up a B-rank or even a C-rank?"
He hesitated for a split moment, barely noticeable. Yet I caught it, and so did mother.
"You'll surely test higher than me!" She interjected placing a plate full of delicious food in front of me. She didn't know how much I needed to hear that.
My mouth watered as I stared at the food and began to tuck in, it was as delicious as it smelled. After scoffing the food down, I leant back into my chair satisfied.
"You know if you always rush like that, you'll never get to appreciate the flavour." Mother added.
I waved my hand in dismissal and retorted. "It all ends up in the same place anyway!"
Father chuckled at the uncouth comment which led to mother rolling her eyes.
After finishing up the food and a moment of rest, I stood up and took my plate over to the sink and placed it neatly by the rest of the pans. Thankfully we had maids to deal with the cleaning. They could even cook but mother always insisted. I appreciated that about mother, she was a great cook even better than even the maids.
"Marcus honey?" My mother quickly cut off my chain of thought. "Let's go out shopping, we need to get you a new outfit for your big day tomorrow."
I suppressed a groan. "What's wrong with the dress wear I currently have?
"Hmm. Nothing, buuuut- If you want to impress tomorrow, you have to dress the part." She replied with an impish smile.
She was right. It was a big day tomorrow and I was representing the Tiernan family. I gave a reluctant reluctant nod and was given a beaming smile as recompense. I loved my mothers smile, it was always so soothing...
"But nothing too extravagant! Not like last time..." I quickly added.
Her smug grin twisted and malformed into that of an eldritch monster, I take it back, this was not soothing at all.
The expression on my face must have been clear as father burst out laughing, he knew exactly what I was soon to be subjected to... Yet he did nothing to help. That old bastard...
In no time at all I was whisked out of the door into the cool morning air. The air as per usual had a thick metallic tang to it, an almost famous feature of Epsilon Eridani Prime. It was after all one of the Federations largest industrial worlds, primarily focused on machines of war. Perhaps second to only Earth itself in terms of raw militaristic output.
Despite the early morning Acheron was bustling with people from all walks of life, tradesmen going to work, people out for their morning runs, people walking their pets. Acheron was the capital of Eridani prime and was almost as large as the capital of Centarui Prime, Nexus. Yet Acheron had it's own majesty, while its size couldn't quite be compared, its industrial sector was at least twice the size. But that was like comparing oranges to apples, they had different flavours and served different purposes.
As we walked through the streets, I noticed more and more signs and decorations posted for testing day. I felt the bile in my stomach rise momentarily before I managed to force it back down, tomorrow my life would change forever.
We continued down the main street and further holographics were set up, one that called for my attention in particular was the figure of a familiar man. Marshall Chen Haoran, the grandfather of Chen Wei.
He stood an imposing figure, giving an air of absolute certainty and determination. "YOUR RANK IS YOUR HONOR, SERVE THE FEDERATION WELL."
The holograph boomed, it's voice filling the streets echoing throughout my very soul. I stiffened only for mother to squeeze my hand coming to an abrupt stop.
"Whatever happens tomorrow, Marcus..."
I tensed further "I'll test well, Mother. Father said-."
"I don't care what rank you are. I care that you come home."
What a weird thing to say... Doesn't everyone come home from testing?
The rest of the walk continued in silence, the tension in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife.
-
Many torturous hours ensued of going from store to store, trying on outfits, deciding that it wasn't quite right and then moving onto the next. What was the purpose of all this? All I needed to do was look presentable in the public eye, wasn't this going too far?
Finally, Mother decided on a more simple militaristic dress wear that was currently in fashion in the Eridani scene. It consisted of a structured jacket and trousers made from durable, matte synthetic fabric in deep navy tones, complete with epaulets on the shoulders and a high collar fastened by polished metallic clasps.
Honestly, it was extremely similar to my current socialite uniform, the only difference being the more pronounced stitching along the seams and the flowing frills around the sleeves and ankles. I thought it looked absolutely ridiculous.
Mother ended up buying it, packaging it up and taking it with us. The morning was largely gone as the trip extended into the late afternoon. We made a quick stop by the local shrine of aspiration, I remained silent as we passed. I noticed many tokens and prayers indicating themselves towards the testing, while my family were not religious I noticed mother closing her eyes and muttering a few words.
Mother would never openly show stress, yet I could feel it in the atmosphere. The only time I'd seen her like this was Sara's testing day. She had scored B-Rank, the same as father and had become the talk of the family for months. B-ranks were quite rare after all, even on populated planets such as Eridani Prime.
As my gaze diverted towards the shrine, I noticed a peculiar man cleaning the area. His eyes looked downtrodden and beaten. His eyes met my own as I felt a surge of recognition and pity, yet I couldn't put my finger on it.
My arm was gently tugged by mother as I turned to meet her gaze, she smiled at me but I could tell it wasn't natural. I forced a smile back as we walked on home. Tonight was to be my testing dinner. The Patriarch of the Tiernan Family, General Arthur Tiernan, my Grandfather was going to be there and I had to be on my best behaviour.
The walk back felt longer than it should. Mother kept her hand on my shoulder, steering me through the celebrating crowds.
"Everyone's preparing for tomorrow..." I muttered under my breath.
Vendors sold good luck charms, restaurants advertised "Testing Day Specials," families with younger children pointing at the recruitment posters as though they were gazing into their futures. Eyes shone with expectation and worship.
Mine was already decided, no matter what happened tomorrow... It was always meant to be. Was that reassuring? I'm not so sure...
By the time we reached home, the sun had already started to sink behind the industrial district's towers, painting everything the colour of rust. Grandfather's anti-grav shuttle sat in our drive like a predator in waiting. Mothers hand firmly tightened on my shoulder. It was meant to be reassuring gesture, but I wasn't sure if it was meant to reassure her or me.
"He came early," she said. "That's... unusual."
Inside, I could already hear voices that echoed from the dining room. Uncle Michael's laugh, sharp and performative. David's lower tones, probably bragging about his Son's B-rank assessment from last year. A glass clinked, was father drinking already?
Mother stopped me before we entered. Fixed my collar, smoothed my hair. Her hands deft and nimble.
"Remember," she says, "you're more than what any machine says you are."
"Mother-"
"Just remember."
Then we walked into the dining room, into the weight of all those Tiernan eyes...