When Batman is not panicking.
The one panicking is likely to be Superman.
"Oh no!"
Ian had super hearing.
At least, he did when he perked up his ears.
So, Ian could clearly hear the sound of Superman choking on his overtime coffee on the other end of the phone—he had already started climbing out the window, preparing to temporarily run away from home for a few hours.
Taking his little piggy bank and bravely venturing out into the world. In this situation, Ian felt he was truly wronged, the wicked capitalist was slandering him.
"Gotham really has no good people!"
Ian's plan was to seize the moment while Clark was forced to work overtime due to the "Batman Ventures to Metropolis" incident and desperately seek refuge under his grandmother's bed for a few hours.
Unfortunately.
The idea was beautiful.
But when Ian pulled back the curtains he had closed earlier, he found he could only see a set of iron bars. It seemed Batman had sealed the window shut on his way in.
What a tricky Batman.
It could only be said that Ian's guard was lowered by Bruce Wayne's persona.
He thought Mister Wayne surely had a magical bio-field!
Even if Mister Wayne could prove he didn't, Ian had to insist that Mister Wayne truly did! The boy, who had been thwarted, felt that only by thinking this way could he feel slightly better.
"Let Ian take the phone."
That was Clark's voice on the other end, and Ian's super hearing was very sharp. He mouthed a phrase to Bruce, and Bruce, the lip-reading expert, was not found wanting.
He easily understood Ian's lip movements.
However.
"Your son wants me to help him pin the blame on the demon—yes, the head. It seems he's done this more than once." Bruce had no intention of cooperating with Ian.
"Hmm, this demon is quite pathetic. Even I have to admit that."
He walked over to the iron box, opened it, and saw the demon head still chewing a pile of paper, genuinely offering his evaluation.
"H-human~"
The demon head spat out a pile of toilet paper, preparing to give Bruce a good scare. But Bruce merely pulled out one of its bovine hairs and closed the iron box again.
His expression hadn't changed at all.
"I'm not exaggerating."
After collecting the demon's hair, Bruce squatted down, continuing his conversation with Clark while observing the iron box Ian used to store the demon head.
He seemed to have noticed something fishy about the box.
"No, no, no, I'm not discussing laser weapons with you... So, he also has standard-issue laser weapons, right?" Bruce once again stopped Ian's attempt to bolt through the door.
"No noise, your son just tried to sneak out, but I stopped him... No, I don't like grabbing people by the neck." Bruce glanced at Ian, who had tripped over his invisible tripwire.
He didn't lift Ian by the back of his neck as Clark had suggested.
"You have an armory?"
Bruce still walked over and helped Ian up.
Mainly because he noticed Ian had started playing dead as soon as he hit the floor.
He was afraid Ian would fall asleep right there if he didn't help him up.
"No, I don't."
Ian genuinely didn't have one.
He wanted to ask where he could find one.
"That's the truth."
Bruce relaxed slightly.
He continued talking to Clark on the phone.
"It seems you haven't read a single word of the book Alfred sent you, have you?" He sternly criticized Clark while keeping a close eye on Ian, who might cause trouble at any moment.
"I'm not running away."
Ian was exasperated.
Good news.
The place where Clark was working overtime might be crowded, so he couldn't rush back immediately.
Bad news.
Bruce had handcuffed himself and Ian together—Bruce realized Ian's bovine strength was genuinely massive, and this was the only way he could prevent Ian from running away from his "crimes."
Batman had many tools.
But the gear he could carry on one outing was ultimately limited.
"If you did read it, then tell me, how did he manage to make something like this right under your nose?" During the call, Bruce still didn't forget to hold up the micro-reactor for another look.
This level of craftsmanship.
Left him astonished.
It was definitely not a level achievable with Earth's technology. It was precisely because of this that Bruce suspected Clark secretly enjoyed teaching children how to build nuclear reactors in his spare time.
"You don't know either? Heh."
Bruce didn't believe Clark.
"I'll look around."
He was also interested in the laser weapon.
"Where did you hide your laser weapon?" Bruce first checked under the bed and found nothing, then asked Ian while still on the call with Clark.
"What laser weapon? My dad is working overtime and having hallucinations. That's why people shouldn't work. Even Kryptonians can't withstand the pressure of working."
Ian found his teeth were as ineffective as ever.
That was normal.
After all, the handcuffs had the words [Superman Exclusive] stamped on them. Although the handcuffs looked somewhat aged, Ian truly wasn't as strong as Superman in his prime.
"Your father said the laser weapon is hidden in the ceiling of his bedroom." Bruce thanked Ian for the assist, Superman Dad had betrayed his son with unprecedented speed.
"..."
Ian tasted the flavor of betrayal for the first time.
And so.
He could only take Bruce to "point out the scene." Fortunately, the hallway was dimly lit. Jonathan and Jordan were probably asleep, otherwise, there would have been three handcuffed boys in the house.
Upon arriving at his parents' bedroom.
Bruce immediately located the hidden laser gun. He simply took out a sophisticated-looking grappling hook, opened the ceiling, and retrieved the laser rifle concealed within.
Handing the manuscript he was holding to Ian, Bruce observed the laser rifle.
"This is not Kryptonian technology."
Bruce immediately recognized the anomaly.
"I never said it was."
Ian scratched his head with his free hand.
"Interesting. The clip is also a miniature reactor..." Bruce quickly figured out the structure of the entire gun. It wasn't just a weapon, it looked like a piece of art.
The overall design was streamlined.
The gun body was made of an unknown metal that was lightweight yet extremely durable.
"This one shouldn't be able to blow up America, right?"
Ian asked tentatively. He actually couldn't figure out why a large reactor in the Iron Man story could at most blow up Manhattan, while a thumb-sized reactor had such massive power.
Regarding this question.
Bruce answered directly.
"Your gun and your micro-reactor won't explode; they are stable. But your nuclear energy application research base might explode, and if it does, all of us will go up with it."
He scrutinized the boy in front of him with a puzzled and assessing gaze.
Initially, Bruce suspected Ian had secretly built an extremely sophisticated base, even more advanced than his own secret base, without Superman's knowledge.
But now it seemed.
Bruce had noticed Ian had the innocent clarity of someone who hadn't attended college.
Since Clark had already hung up due to his supervisor's urging, Bruce could only stare at the boy in front of him, trying to analyze what was going on.
"I don't have a nuclear weapons research base."
Ian was also stunned by Bruce's wild imagination.
"I'm the son of a farm boy. My family has been farmers for generations, and we were afraid of being bullied, so it should be reasonable for me to pick up some self-defense weapons on the street, right?" He knew Bruce wasn't like his parents, so he didn't tell the complete truth. Super intelligence told him he needed to be vigilant toward the man in front of him.
"Yes, very reasonable."
Bruce nodded.
"But you're not telling the truth."
He suddenly changed the subject.
Those deep eyes made Ian feel a little uneasy.
"Fine, I'll tell the truth."
Ian's super intelligence began to suggest that there are always times in life for a "come to think of it." So, he chose to tell the truth, but not the whole truth.
His world-shattering talent as an author took over.
After a long explanation.
Bruce Wayne listened, nodding repeatedly.
"You mean to say that on your way home from school, you met a man selling goods who only you could see. He tried to sell you glasses that could read minds and see through things."
"Because of your pure heart, you resisted the temptation those glasses might bring, giving up the opportunity for a wild life and countless ambiguous relationships with all types of stunning women."
"Therefore, the man was deeply impressed, insisted on taking you as his apprentice, and imparting the universe's most supreme scientific knowledge to you, and these two small gadgets are the tests he gave you?"
Bruce Wayne had a sense of déjà vu, as if he were reading Ian's new work.
The corner of his eye twitched slightly.
"Yes, my mentor is Tony Stark. He is the Omnimachine God of the Universe." Ian nodded emphatically, his firm demeanor like an ambitious person ready to join a party at any moment.
"..."
Bruce couldn't help but rub his brow.
"Only that last sentence is true."
He sighed helplessly.
How to put it? Even with the immense wisdom of the Gotham billionaire, he was ultimately fooled by Ian. Even if it was just a little, it was a win, a big win, a special win, an ultimate win.
"I only tell the truth, I never lie."
Ian loved telling little lies.
He endured Bruce's thorough examination with a forced composure.
"I understand."
Mister Wayne didn't reveal what he had understood. He seemed enlightened, handing the laser gun and the micro-reactor back to Ian, who was still deep in thought.
"That's it?"
Ian was a little bewildered.
"What else do you want?"
Bruce sighed. He truly wished Ian was a totally wicked hellion, but alas, he was just a hellion, not totally wicked. This was definitely the most vexing group for him in his middle age.
Bratty kids.
"I thought I would be sent to Arkham."
Ian let out a long breath.
He began to feel strangely surprised by his own overly calm emotions.
"It hasn't reached that level yet. After all, you haven't done anything bad. I was just checking the situation." Bruce's words inexplicably made Ian feel disappointed.
"I think the door is over there."
Bruce suddenly put his mask back on.
Batman walked out of the bedroom.
"Am I really not going to be sent to Arkham?"
Ian chased after him.
"No."
Batman's voice became husky again.
"Really not?"
The boy's tone carried a hint of reluctance.
"Truly not."
Batman sighed helplessly.
"Fine... The beds at Arkham are too hard. I probably wouldn't get used to them anyway..." Ian could only console himself this way, his sour tone carrying a touch of loss.
He had just realized that Arkham would be paradise for him.
He could hide from his father.
There would be countless chemical reagents he could use endlessly. He might not need three years to change his fate, he might just soar into the sky and become a max-level Ancestor-Man immediately.
Wouldn't that be the ultimate win?
"You are banned from Gotham!"
Batman suddenly became alert at this moment. He still didn't know why Ian wanted to go to Arkham so badly, but he felt he absolutely had to prevent Ian from sneaking into his city.
Gotham was already chaotic enough.
It truly couldn't handle another Super-son hellion.
"Remember, kid, if I find you in Gotham, I will personally suggest to your father that he spank you every day. I will buy the newspaper agency he works for and make him send me ten thousand photos of him spanking you daily!"
This wasn't Batman.
This was a threat of financial power from Mister Wayne.
*Hiss*
Ian inhaled sharply.
He had been utterly checkmated. The Metropolis Gambler God dared not place a bet this time. So, he could only watch Batman slam the door shut and leave, his cape getting slightly splattered with mud in the light rain.
A moment later.
Batman returned.
"Forgot the manuscript."
He snatched the manuscript from Ian's hand, and then... Ian guarded the door. Batman didn't manage to slam the door again. He could only swirl his mud-stained cape and vanish into the night.
This series of actions left Ian completely bewildered.
After a long time.
"I get it. He won't let me into Arkham because he's afraid I'll find out he has a reserved bed there too." Ian truly didn't understand Batman's operation of returning and leaving again.
However, this didn't stop him from seizing the opportunity to mock the Gotham weirdo.
His phone was upstairs.
Batman definitely couldn't hear him.
Thinking this, Ian closed the door. As he walked upstairs, he heard heavy breathing, and accidentally pulled out a phone from his pocket that was still connected to the call.
"I forgot."
Ian's heart skipped a beat.
However.
This did not affect his outward composure.
"I've always said dual-SIM phones aren't good, you'll occasionally run into embarrassing situations like this..." After saying this, Ian quickly hung up the phone and pressed the power-off button.
The integrated phone made it impossible for him to remove the battery, but that wouldn't make too much of a difference, as Ian had already decided to throw this phone under his second brother Jordan's bed every night.
"I am still so incredibly intelligent!"
Ian couldn't help but sigh with emotion. He knew he couldn't correct Mister Wayne's habit of eavesdropping, so all he could do was try to let Mister Wayne eavesdrop to his heart's content in one go.
How considerate.
His relationship with Mister Wayne was surely set to grow by the day.
Green Lantern Ring was within reach.
***
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