"Decapitation."
I rolled the word around in my mouth. It tasted like iron. Specifically, the iron of the fifty spear tips currently pointed at my jugular.
My brain, usually slow to start without three cups of coffee, was now running at the speed of an overclocked CPU.
'Okay, Ji-Hoon. Think. You are an F-Rank Hunter. Your special skills include running away, carrying heavy bags, and sensing when the weather is about to turn bad. Your combat ability is zero.'
The massive, bearded man, whose name tag the System had helpfully identified as [Red Demon Guard Captain: Ma Kwang], took another threatening step forward. The killing intent radiating off him was heavy enough to feel like a physical weight pressing on my chest.
"I will ask you one last time," Ma Kwang growled, his voice vibrating. "How did you bypass the sect's barrier? If you do not answer, I will carve the truth out of your ribs."
[System Alert]
[The entity 'Ma Kwang' is emitting 'Killing Intent'.]
[Effect: Your legs are trembling (Agility -10%).]
"Thanks for the update," I muttered under my breath. "I thought I was just dancing."
I desperately looked at the black jade tablet in my hand. The screen was glowing softly. I needed a function that worked. User Scan was the only usable button. I mentally clicked the function and focused my gaze on Ma Kwang.
Ding!
A translucent window expanded next to the angry man's head, detailing his inner turmoil:
[NPC: Ma Kwang]
[Level: 42 (Second Rate Warrior)]
[Affiliation: Blood Demon Sect (Outer Guard)]
[Current Status: Suspicious, Impatient, Severe Headache]
[Weakness: He is currently suffering from a severe hangover.]
[Secret: He skimmed 50 gold from the guard budget last month.]
My eyebrows shot up.
'A hangover? And embezzlement?'
A stupid, reckless, and highly dangerous plan formed in my head. In the novels, the protagonist releases a wave of power. I had none. So, I would use the next best thing: Financial Leverage, backed by classified data.
I slowly lowered my hands. I straightened my posture, smoothed out the wrinkles in my dirty jacket, and looked Ma Kwang dead in the eye with an expression of cold, bureaucratic annoyance.
"You're loud," I said. My voice cracked slightly, but I forced it deeper. "You are too loud for someone who stole fifty gold taels from the guard budget."
The silence that followed was instant and absolute.
Ma Kwang froze. The killing intent instantly dissolved, replaced by sheer, unadulterated panic. The spears behind him began to waver, their owners looking nervously at their captain.
"W-What?" Ma Kwang stammered, visibly sweating under his armor. "What did you say?"
"Did I stutter, Ma Kwang?" I took a menacing step forward. "The Outer Guard budget. Last month. You think the 'Higher Ups' don't see everything?"
I tapped the black jade tablet against my palm rhythmically, making it look like an official inspection device.
"Why do you think I'm here? Do you think a spy would walk openly into the courtyard wearing these clothes?" I gestured to my dirty gear. "Or do you think perhaps I am here to conduct an... audit?"
Ma Kwang's face went from ruddy red to bone white. The logic was working: my clothes were bizarre, my (feigned) lack of fear was suspicious, and my knowledge of his crime was impossible unless I was a high-level inspector sent by the top brass.
"A-Audit?" He swallowed hard. "But... I received no notice from the Elders."
"Since when do tigers warn the deer before they hunt?" I scoffed, channeling the worst office manager I ever had. "Now, put that toy away before I add 'insubordination' to your file."
[System Alert]
[Warning! NPC Ma Kwang has a low Intelligence stat.]
[NPC Ma Kwang has chosen: 'Destroy the Evidence'.]
'Wait, why did the mission objective change? I was winning the negotiation!'
Ma Kwang's eyes suddenly hardened. The panic was gone, replaced by the cold calculation of a criminal who realized dead men tell no tales, regardless of their rank.
"If you're an inspector," Ma Kwang's grip on his saber tightened, blue Qi swirling around the blade. "Then you should have brought bodyguards."
WHOOSH.
He swung the saber horizontally, aiming for my waist. It was impossibly fast, a blur of lethal cultivation energy.
I saw the flash of steel, but my F-Rank body was too slow to react. I squeezed my eyes shut and held up the tablet as a pathetic shield.
[System: Fatal damage detected.]
[Emergency Protocol Activated.]
[Newbie Protection Barrier (3 charges remaining) deployed.]
CLAAAAAAAANG!
The force of the impact shook the entire courtyard. I didn't feel pain, only a tremendous, deafening shockwave.
I opened my eyes. A golden, hexagonal barrier shimmered inches from my nose. Ma Kwang's saber was pressed against it, the blade vibrating violently and then shattering into three pieces.
Ma Kwang looked at his broken sword, then at me, his face a picture of pure, religious terror.
"Qi... Qi Body Protection? Sword Energy immunity?" He stammered, dropping the hilt. "To block a Second Rate warrior's full strike without lifting a finger... Just what level is this Inspector?"
I stood there, looking like a terrifying, unflinching god of inspection. I slowly lowered the tablet. The golden barrier faded away.
"That was Strike One," I said, my voice cold and steady.
I raised one finger.
"You have two strikes left, Captain Ma. Try not to bore me with your incompetence."
Thud.
Ma Kwang fell to his knees, slamming his forehead into the dirt until blood blossomed on the stones.
"P-Please forgive this blind fool, Inspector! I am loyal to the Sect! Please, do not report this to the Elders!"
Behind him, fifty spearmen instantly dropped their weapons and bowed in unison.
"FORGIVE US, INSPECTOR!"
[Ding!]
[Achievement Unlocked: 'The King of Bluffs']
[Reputation with Outer Guards has shifted from 'Hostile' to 'Terrified'.]
[Ma Kwang has entered a state of 'Submission'.]
...
The silence in the courtyard was thicker than the monster sludge I used to wade through. Fifty Red Demon guards were pressed face-down into the dirt, terrified of the man in the dirty, anachronistic clothing.
Ma Kwang, the Level 42 guard captain, was still mumbling apologies while pressing his bleeding forehead against the cobblestones. The atmosphere felt less like a martial arts sect and more like a company suddenly realizing the IRS was auditing their accounts.
I allowed the silence to draw out for ten seconds, letting the fear cultivate.
"Captain Ma," I said, my voice dangerously soft. "Stand up. You are a disgrace to your uniform."
Ma Kwang scrambled to his feet, eyes wide and glistening with panic. He looked genuinely sick, which was probably the combination of the hangover, the shock, and the ruined saber.
"Inspector, please! If you could just allow me to explain the budget discrepancy. It was a one-time thing, a tax adjustment, I assure you,"
"Silence." I cut him off sharply, tapping the black jade tablet again. The faint glow of the Admin Console provided the perfect visual aid for my authority. "You think I came all this way just to talk about fifty gold taels?"
Ma Kwang looked like he was about to faint. "Then... why are you here, sir?"
"I am here for an Asset Quality Assessment," I stated, using the most intimidating phrase my old job had taught me. "The Elders are concerned about the efficiency of the Outer Guard. You are wasting resources. Specifically, mine."
I gestured to the pile of shattered saber fragments. "That weapon was Sect property. Now it is trash. Your incompetence costs the Sect. Since I am the one who had to personally intervene in your pathetic assassination attempt against a recognized auditor, the expenses fall to you."
Ma Kwang was shaking so badly his red robes trembled. "What are your demands, Inspector?"
"Demands?" I scoffed, making sure my disdain was palpable. "These are corrective measures. I require three things to proceed with this audit and, perhaps, overlook your unfortunate bookkeeping errors."
I held up two fingers. "First, I need working capital for the duration of this inspection. All my funds were compromised during the transition. I will require 200 Gold Taels immediately."
Ma Kwang didn't hesitate. He fumbled inside his robe, pulling out a heavy purse wrapped in silk and throwing it at my feet. It clattered loudly. "More than enough, Inspector! Take it!"
[Ding!]
[Item Acquired: 215 Gold Taels.]
[Note: Acquisition via Intimidation. Highly Efficient.]
"Second," I continued, ignoring the gold for a moment, "I require a full report on the current energy efficiency of your cultivation quarters. I want blueprints. I want ledgers. And I want any available Skill Books pertaining to basic movement and evasion techniques for my personal review. This sect is lacking in mobility standards."
Ma Kwang nodded frantically. "The library... I will have a junior retrieve all the Level 1 manuals immediately! Please, follow me!"
"No." I held up the third finger. "That brings me to my final, and most critical, requirement."
I leaned in, lowering my voice so only he could hear, channeling my most sinister office gossip persona. "The Outer Gate is compromised. A major vulnerability was detected and patched by me personally just now. Remaining here is a systemic risk to my inspection. I need to exit the mountain. You will arrange for a fully provisioned, discreet route to the nearest major settlement immediately."
Ma Kwang's panic peaked. "But Inspector, the Sect rules forbid Outer Guards from leaving the mountain without direct Elder approval!"
I fixed him with a stare so cold it could debug a frozen computer.
"Are you questioning the direct orders of the Audit Commission? Or perhaps you'd prefer to report your fifty taels discrepancy directly to Elder Blood-Iron, who, as I scanned moments ago, hates being disturbed before his afternoon nap?"
[NPC Ma Kwang Status: Terror (Critical!).]
"No, sir! The nearest city is Jinbei. It is a three-day journey! I will arrange a carriage and two loyal, silent bodyguards at once!" Ma Kwang bowed again, lower this time. "I will be back in ten minutes with the manuals and the vehicle."
"Good. Now, clean up this mess." I pointed a finger at the body of the original gate guard. "The sight of dead 'trash' spoils the aesthetics of this courtyard."
As Ma Kwang scrambled away to organize my transportation and loot, I quickly retrieved the tablet. I was safe, for now. I had gold, a ride, and a Level 42 subordinate ready to kiss my boots.
I checked my status.
[User: Kang Ji-Hoon]
[Level: 1 (F-Rank)]
[Title: Murim's Debugger, The King of Bluffs]
[Mana: 8/10 (Nearly Depleted)]
[Newbie Protection Barrier: 2 Charges Remaining.]
[Inventory: 215 Gold Taels, Black Jade Tablet, Scavenger Gear.]
"Two hundred gold," I muttered, grinning. "That's more than I made in two months of dungeon crawling. The Murim economy is incredibly volatile, and I love it."
My gaze drifted to the fifty terrified guards still face-down in the dirt. I had leverage over them, but no actual martial power. I needed to acquire those Skill Books and fix that fatal Level 1 flaw before the real higher-ups decided to run their own scan on the "Inspector."
A true audit had begun, and I was the biggest fraud in the system.