I stood in front of the coach's office, impatience clinging to me like sweat. Every drop felt too present—sticky but somehow weightless, like it could be wiped away with a single, careless swipe. I stared at the floor, throat burning with the heat of everything I couldn't say out loud. The fire in me wanted to move, to act. But my body… just wouldn't respond.
Then…the door creaked open. I froze, unable to even move my pupils. I didn't look up, I couldn't. What am I even afraid of? Facing what? Who? My fingers ran through my hair without me even realizing. Suddenly, a voice emerged from the abyss.
"Hey, you must be waiting for the coach. What's up?"
I slowly lifted my head and saw a man I've never seen before. I said with a sly stutter.
"Where's the coach?"
The man said with a smile.
"I'm the new coach,"
My gaze dropped again, my voice caught somewhere between dread and disbelief.
"Oh."
The coach clapped his hands and got closer to me.
"You're Sakura Yori, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, come in."
I stepped inside and sat down, unable to make eye contact. Just kept running my hand through my hair like it might keep me grounded. The coach smiled, friendly but firm.
"Ray and Yoichi told me a lot about you. Said you're crazy talented. They really believe you'd be a great addition to the team. Not only that but you're Sakura Yori of the signature trio, our team is bound to be magical with you on the roster."
My breath started to hitch. Those words "strong addition" crawled into my skull unlocked every cruel phrase from the past. Always too much. Always not enough. Mediocre. I bit my lip until I tasted blood, then stood abruptly with a smile that didn't reach my eyes.
"I'm only here for Ray."
The coach blinked, a flash of disappointment in his face, but he nodded.
"She's in the laundry room."
"Thanks."
I left. Ray stood surrounded by warm laundry and the hum of machines. I stepped in, awkward and uncertain. She turned to me with an eyebrow raised.
"What are you doing here?"
I leaned against the wall and smiled, rubbing my hand through my hair.
"Just checking on you."
"Huh?"
"Yea whatever you say buddy."
I lowered my head and got rid of the smile, with a mumble I said.
"I want to join…"
Ray turned to me again and placed her hand near her ear.
"What?"
"Nevermind. It's.."
"He wanted to join the team."
Suddenly a shining ray of hope appeared as Yoichi stood at the doorway, beaming. He turned to me and with a condescending grin.
"That's what you were gonna say, right?"
I stared at him for a moment, stunned. He walked up to me and pushed me gently. Ray grabbed my hand and smiled.
"Then go. Ask the coach."
I just stood there, there is no going back.
"No, I'm just here checking in."
Ask them to let me play again? After they abandoned me?! After they acted like I never mattered?! I clenched my fist.
"They don't need me. Why would I beg for a spot on a team that moved on without me?!"
I gently peeled Ray's hand from mine and walked away. The darkness swallowed me. Hope flickered faintly in my chest, but I pathetically stomped it out before it could burn too bright. I gripped my shirt tightly. Showing the world how much of a coward I was. Yoichi watched me walk away.
"Pathetic…"
I turned around.
"What did you say?"
His shining teeth revealed themselves to the world as he bent his mouth in a grin.
"Pathetic…You're pathetic."
"What?"
"You're a pathetic coward who would give up his dream for his pride. If you want to go, hurry up. Stop dragging your feet."
I couldn't respond, he was right. I turned around only to bump into the coach. He looked at me with a serious look.
"Please. Join this team. We need you."
Memories came crashing in. The old coach's venom. The rejection. The pleading. The humiliation. Let me leave. Please. Let me go. Don't look at me.
"What's the point in thinking about the past when you have this beautiful future ahead of you?"
I turned back to see Ray looking at me. No resentment in those eyes, whether I quit or not. She would love me the same way. I wiped my face and noticed the tears dripping down my cheek.
"Yea, I'll join the team."