Chapter 53: Not Ready?
Nekare didn't seem to possess outstanding physical attributes.
As Gray and his team faced hers in the final, the female Nephilim was almost hit multiple times—not just by Gray, but also by his teammates.
While it was plausible she was just faking the embarrassing act, this was still anything but a good sign.
Gray was sure now. Hs needed Intra to gain more insight on the plan he should personally tailor for her.
The professor then showed the promised prize to the class.
A free coupon to Rosano's amusement park!
Not only was it free for the user, but also for the person they brought with them!
"Damn it!" many cursed, regretting their lack of effort in the tournament.
Rowan instantly panicked as he realized how he could've used this prize to bring Veronica Sacramento with him for a special date.
'At least Gray can go with Nekare…'
Rowan felt that his loss wasn't as bad as he made it up to be.
They did fight for first place, that's true—yet it doesn't change the feeling of camaraderie they formed years ago.
Rowan wouldn't let this loss undermine their relationship.
It had also a been a long time ever the two had that much fun together. This made him look at this experience with a bright, positive light.
'He really improved.'
…
Gray hid his real expression behind a polite smile as the professor gave him and his teammates the prized coupon.
A few students looked at him with disdain as they eyed the golden coupon he held.
'I should've been the one with it, not him!'
'He cheated during the whole tournament, he doesn't deserve the prize!'
'Next time, I'll make sure to eliminate him in the first round!'
Naturally, since Gray was the one who entranced his teammates into his defense plans, he became the main focus, bearing all the blame and resentment.
Meanwhile, in Gray's mind.
'I have many, many matters to tend to…'
'Nekare's plan aided by Intra and discovering what my mother has said in my newest lucid dream; hearing Casanova's connection with Selene; going to Mnemosyne's Antiques to learn the ropes; training my body and mind with the reality-check; studying new knowledge…'
'I doubt this coupon will be of use…'
He pondered for a few moments.
'Maybe I can give it to Kathy?'
He shook his head inwardly.
'She's probably going to drag me there with her…'
Well, either way, it wasn't too big of an issue.
Hanging out with Kathy once or twice wasn't going to kill him.
It would even be beneficial.
After going through everything he did, he deserved a full day of rest, a day where he could shave every worry off his chest.
Who else but Kathy could help him in this?
And so, as Gray took his prize and told his goodbyes to his dear friend Rowan, he made his way to the warehouse.
…
Gray swiftly performed his training regimen.
'When will Casanova contact me?' he asked himself.
Since the Nephilim was on one of his unknown missions, Gray figured he would only receive his answers when the Nephilim had time.
While Gray felt really impatient, he knew there weren't any other options. Even Franz had stopped Ophelia on admitting Casanova's and Selene's connection.
Gray had tried to put the two together, trying to formulate a kind of explanation for the animosity Selene bore for him.
But…
Nothing made much sense.
Why would Casanova have a relationship with the girl who tried to kill Gray, after all?
They both were Nephilim, that's true, but it still didn't make any sense!
What kind of sin did Gray even commit to deserve being killed?
Gray grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off his face before removing the weighted vest from his body.
Thump!
The vest fell on the ground, a small puff of smoke rising above.
'I should clean this place up…'
After stretching his sore body for a few minutes, he sat in a meditative position, his chest rising and falling on a stationed rhythm.
…
I, Gray Montoya, inhale and exhale, repeating this cycle for what feels like eternity.
For every time I exhale, fragments of memories get carried away by this metaphysical river of information.
It makes me feel as if I'm melting.
My mind begins to empty, with no thoughts forming inside it.
All that remains is this peaceful, boundless void.
The river drags my dormant body towards some place far away, towards somewhere I've already gone to, many, many years ago…
I start to feel no animosity towards this world, feeling peace, true peace within.
There is only me and this river.
Nothing else exists.
Even my my most primal fears start to dissipate inside this river, washing away from myself…
With this last breath, 'I' become the river itself.
'I' start to become aware of the vessel's past.
'I' start to see the memories of the subconscious, things this vessel used to hate, loathe and despise with all 'he' was.
Yet, no matter how much 'his' past was filled with anguish, 'I' can also see memories of pure, genuine happiness.
And so, 'I' begin to hear 'his' subconscious thoughts and the words 'he' spoke.
'If I get a friend, 'Kathy' will become proud…!'
'Kathy,' can you help me with my homework…?'
'Kathy,' I don't know if you're aware of this…but I really don't know what I would do if someone hurt you.'
'If 'Kathy' discovered what I did to 'him,' the torture, the suffering I made him go through, would she think I'm a bad person?'…
'I' can't help but ponder.
Who is this 'Kathy?'
'He' seems to care about her more than 'himself.'
Over half of 'his' thoughts are about 'her'.
For the most recent ones, over 80% of 'his' thoughts seem to contain 'her' in some kind of way.
If 'his' existence is anything but 'his,' instead being dictated by this person named 'Kathy,' then who is 'he?'
Behind this figment of life ruled by 'Kathy,' who is 'he?'
'I'm,' not sure.
For the first time in this eternity…
'I' don't think I want to know the answer.
"…?"
Something is coming.
Something is coming from the pits of 'the vessel.'
'I' know what it is.
'I' subconsciously know.
It's the answer to 'my' question.
'My' streams rumble.
From the boundless depths below, bubbles of pitch-black, foul amalgamations of darkness start to rise.
'I' feel like 'I' shouldn't know what's about to come.
And so 'I' desperately drag the safer stream of information towards 'myself,' to form a shield.
'I' drag them again and again.
Until a bright light, as luminous as the sun suddenly shines.
And with it, 'I' finally remember who 'I' really am!
…
Gray inhaled.
'The first stage of Intra is complete without any issues.'
For some reason, Gray felt as if he had forgotten about something. Regardless, now having the clarity of Intra, he searched for a way to inform Nekare about the Nephilim, quickly forgetting about the matter.
Gray took a deep breath.
'Nekare, a Nephilim who has awakened her abilities in a time between no more than two months, and no less than two weeks.'
'Her Nephilim power: Invisibility.'
'Her ability allows her to cloak herself and her clothes, granting her to power to escape from sight in normal circumstances.'
'Being a newly awakened Nephilim and missing a knowledgeable mentor like Casanova, she's unaware of the Nephilim rules and customs.'
'This could cause her to become a victim of some other Nephilim, or maybe even bring 'Their' attention towards us, the students in her class…'
Since the students were humans, they might be spared, being treated with utter indifference like ants on the road.
'But since I'm a Nephilim, I could face one of the fates Casanova has spoken about.'
To prevent this, he must grant Nekare information about the Nephilim matters.
That was the goal.
The only thing he lacked, however, was the method to reach such a conclusion.
And so he started to think.
Tailing her again wouldn't be helpful. Last time she seemed quick to use her ability, even when not needed.
As a result, Gray would waste his time, possibly reveal his position of a stalker to Nekare, and maybe even evoke a sense of mistrust in her.
Maybe he could use the project the two had to present as an excuse to speak about the Nephilim in fictitious manners? Maybe like of how the ancients used to create stories to tell the children what to do or avoid?
He pondered about this.
'It doesn't seem like a bad idea, but I don't know how to present it…I can't just go next to her, tell her a cryptic story, and expect her to think I'm a mentally sane person…'
Gray smiled.
'Maybe I don't need to be the one who gets to present it to her. I have her digits—I can tell her these things from a hidden phone number…'
"…"
Gray frowned.
'But if that's so…then why hasn't Casanova done it for me, instead of using his communication device?'
Was he that old-fashioned?
No, Casanova's previous actions showed everything but carefulness.
This meant that…
Cellphones weren't a safe means of communication for the Nephilim.
'Damn it…'
The idea to avoid exposing himself wasn't bad, but the means in doing so was.
Hence, this idea was something Gray wanted to keep.
Maybe he could slip a piece of paper explaining the Nephilim and such inside her bag?
No, it seemed too risky.
It would mean that someone in her class was a Nephilim too, thus making the circle of suspects extremely small.
Plus, if someone other than Nekare found that piece of paper, they may go around telling people about it, possibly revealing the Nephilim's business to the world.
It was way too risky.
Gray massaged his throbbing forehead.
Should he just come clean to Nekare?
She wasn't a threat—it really would just make everything quicker. Being also face to face, he could answer to the questions she posed.
And although Gray himself was a noobie in terms of knowledge, he at least knew the most basic rules.
'For now, this will work.'
To be sure, however, he decided to ask for Casanova's opinion before acting upon it.
Gray took a deep breath.
The only thing that remained now was to learn what his mother had mouthed without speaking, back inside the infinite library.
As his consciousness began to shift deeper inside his mind, he saw something terrifying.
A giant mass of pulsating darkness clung to the bounds of the shards of his recent memories, forcefully gripping them, almost choking them.
"Ah!"
The shock from the sight almost caused Gray to end Intra by mistake. Yet the presence of the shadows there made sense. They prevented him from recalling Sin's true name and form.
But, if the shadows didn't want Gray to hear Sin's name, why did they allow him to recall both The Monolith's Name and the End of the Universe following after?
Gray shook his head.
The Monolith had threatened him, He naturally wouldn't let His threat be forgotten.
'His' actions were bizarre.
First He threatened Gray, then He instilled the power to survive within him, even protecting Gray when needed.
How come?
Gray sighed.
No matter how much he thought about this, even with Desensitization and Intra combined, he wouldn't find the answer.
Feeling defeated, he flew by the pulsing mass of darkness, going towards the last memories he had with his mother.
…
He began to gaze upon that shard of memories with his heart pounding.
'Gray' and his mother talked and stood inside the infinite library. 'Gray' silently listened to their conversation, aware that it wouldn't happen ever again. And as the time where his mother would mouth a phrase that was indecipherable for him in that time arrived…
Gray's heart dropped.
"You aren't ready yet."
That was the phrase his mother said after interrupting his reality-check.