Scene: Honno City - Slums
Y/N wanders through the lower districts of Honno City, gazing up at the towering, oppressive buildings that loom over the slums.
Y/N: "The architect of this place definitely had a villain complex. Subtlety clearly wasn't in the budget."
Y/N pushed the creeping sense of dread to the back of his mind and approached the main gate of the Academy. He stopped dead in his tracks. Hanging directly above the entrance was a body—bruised, battered, and stripped to its underwear—with a sign around its neck.
Y/N: "Okay. That is a naked guy. Hanging from the gate. That is... a choice."
Y/N stared at the suspended body for a long moment, his brain frantically searching for a logical, non-terrifying explanation.
Y/N: "It's art. Definitely art. Extremely realistic, high-concept modern art. Maybe it's a festival day?"
He nodded to himself, forcing a smile, and walked right past the corpse.
Y/N: "Yep. Just decorations. Very festive. Nothing to worry about."
Scene: Outside Class 2-K
After retrieving his schedule, Y/N climbed the stairs to Class 2-K. Standing outside the door was a girl with a messy black bob, a red highlight in her bangs, and a massive metal case strapped to her back.
Y/N: "Yo. This Class 2-K?"
Girl: "Huh? Oh, yeah.
Y/N: "We just standing out here, or...?"
Girl: "Teacher told me to wait. Said he wanted to introduce the 'transfer students' together. That's you, right?
The girl turned to knock on the door, giving Y/N a clear view of the heavy metal case. Before he could ask what kind of instrument needed that much armor, the door slid open. A blue-haired man who looked like he hadn't slept in a week leaned out.
Mikisugi: "Alright, get in here. Stand at the front. Try not to look too happy to be here."
Y/N and the girl walked in.
Mikisugi: "I'm Mr. Mikisugi, your homeroom teacher. Anyway, introductions. This is Ryuko Matoi and Y/N. They're fresh meat—I mean, transfer students."
Suddenly, massive red block letters slammed onto the screen, announcing their names with a heavy thud sound effect.
RYUKO MATOI
AND
Y/N
Y/N: (Flinching) "Gah! What was that?! Did giant floating text just attack us?"
Mikisugi: "Ignore it. It just highlights characters with plot relevance. Go take a seat."
Mikisugi: "Those empty spots are yours."
They sat on either side of a hyperactive girl with a bowl cut.
Mako: "HI! I'M MAKO MANKANSHOKU!"
MAKO MANKANSHOKU
Y/N: "More letters... my head hurts already."
Mako: "I'm so happy! Two new deskmates in one day! This is the best day of my life!"
Ryuko: "Hey. That guy hanging out front. Who killed him?"
Mako: "Oh, him? That was just the Student Council! Don't worry, that stuff happens literally all the time here!"
Y/N: "All the time?! So... that wasn't an art project? I voluntarily walked into a war zone."
Mikisugi: "Alright, settle down. Let's start the lesson."
As if on cue, Mako whipped out a massive bento box, inhaled the entire thing in a single gulp, and instantly fell asleep, snoring loudly.
Y/N & Ryuko: "SHE'S ALREADY ASLEEP?!"
Scene: Hallway (After Class)
Y/N finished copying the notes and waited for the herd of students to leave. As soon as he stood up, Mako—who had been dead to the world seconds ago—sprang to life and grabbed his wrist.
Mako: "Let's go! We gotta catch Ryuko!"
Y/N: "Wait, I—"
Y/N was dragged out of the classroom at a velocity that shouldn't be physically possible for a girl of Mako's size. She launched herself down the hall and leaped at Ryuko.
Mako: "RYUKOOOOOOO!"
Ryuko sidestepped smoothly. Mako sailed past her and crashed face-first into a trash can. Y/N skidded to a halt, dusting himself off.
Mako: (Popping out of the trash) "Aww! Why'd you dodge?"
Ryuko: "Because dodging incoming missiles is a survival instinct."
Mako: "But I was just giving my besties a hug!"
Ryuko: "'Bestie'?"
Mako: "Yeah! You and Y/N!"
Y/N: "We've been classmates for 45 minutes. You slept through 40 of them."
Mako: "We're desk neighbors! That makes us bonded for life! Oh! Ryuko, is that a guitar? Bring it out, I'll provide vocals!
Mako began to sing. It was off-key, loud, and painful.
Y/N: "My ears... please, have mercy."
Ryuko: "Yeah, zip it. I have a question anyway. Who runs this school? Who's the top dog?"
Mako: "Oh, that's easy! It's—"
Before she could finish, Mako grabbed the back of Y/N and Ryuko's heads and forced them down.
Mako: "WATCH OUT! BOW! BOW!"
Y/N and Mako were forced into a deep bow. Ryuko crouched defiantly. To their right, a massive, towering student walked down the center of the hall.
Ryuko: "Is he a big shot or something?"
Mako: "He's a Three-Star! Ira Gamagori! Disciplinary Committee Chair! One of the Elite Four! Compared to us No-Star peasants, he's basically a god!"
IRA GAMAGORI
Y/N: "I'm never gonna get used to the giant subtitles."
Ryuko: "Three-Star?"
Mako: "Yeah!"
Mako explained that the Goku Uniforms gave the wearer superpowers, and the more stars, the stronger they were.
Mako: "President Satsuki Kiryuin gives them out based on ability!"
Y/N: "Superpowers, huh? Sounds like a lot of paperwork."
Ryuko: "So the head honcho is this Satsuki Kiryuin?"
Mako: "Yeah! And speak of the devil! That's Lady Satsuki right there!"
A blinding light erupted from the top of the stairs. A woman stood there, radiating authority, with long black hair and a pristine white uniform.
STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT SATSUKI KIRYUIN
Y/N: (Squinting) "Does she travel with her own lighting crew? That's excessive."
Ryuko immediately jumped out of the bowing line and blocked Satsuki's path.
Ryuko: "So, I hear you're the queen bee. I've got a question for you."
Several One-Star students tried to tackle her, but Ryuko swung her metal case, knocking them back. The case opened to reveal a massive red blade shaped like half a pair of scissors. She pointed it directly at Satsuki.
Y/N: "That... is a very large scissor."
Mako: "Yeah! Half a scissor!"
Ryuko: "That's right. I'm looking for the owner of the other half. I saw you flinch, Prez. You've seen this before, haven't you? You know about the Scissor Blade!"
Satsuki: "And if I do?"
Ryuko: "Then you're the one I want!"
Ryuko charged. Suddenly, a massive steel boxing glove smashed into her face, launching her backward.
Satsuki: "Fukuroda.
Fukuroda: "Yes ma'am! Boxing Club Captain Takaharu Fukuroda! Allow me to crush this insolent trash!"
Satsuki: "She is yours."
Y/N watched the scene unfold with a blank stare. It wasn't the violence that bothered him—it was the realization that his plan for a quiet life was dead on arrival.
Y/N: "Oh my god. No. No, no, no. This was supposed to be a normal school. I just wanted to do algebra."
Satsuki turned to leave, and Fukuroda began winding up a massive punch to finish Ryuko off.
Y/N started scooting backward, trying to quietly exit the narrative. He bumped into a student behind him.
Student: "Hey! Watch it, No-Star!"
The student shoved Y/N hard. Y/N stumbled forward—directly into the path of Fukuroda's punch.
Fukuroda: "Eh?"
BOOM.
The massive steel glove collided with Y/N's chest. A huge explosion of dust and smoke erupted from the impact (mostly from Y/N's sweat igniting on contact). When the dust cleared, Ryuko was gone. Y/N was standing there, completely unharmed, looking bored.
Y/N: (Realizing everyone is staring) "Uh... OW! OWOWOWOWOW!"
Y/N threw himself onto the ground, rolling around in a very unconvincing display of agony.
Y/N: "The pain! My ribs! They are pulverized! Oh, the tragedy!"
Mako: "Ryuko! You left?! Ah! Y/N! Are you okay?!"
Mako ran over and started poking him.
In the distance, Mikisugi lowered his sunglasses.
Mikisugi: "That was... odd."
Scene: The Next Day - Courtyard
Y/N and Mako hung upside down, chained above a vat of boiling oil. In front of them, Fukuroda stood in a boxing ring.
Y/N: "Don't you think deep-frying students is a little extreme for a high school punishment?"
Fukuroda: "Silence! Anyone who aids an enemy of Lady Satsuki must be punished!"
Y/N: "But I didn't do anything! I literally just got here!"
Fukuroda: "Mako says you are friends with Matoi!"
Y/N stared at Mako. Mako smiled upside down.
Y/N: "I just sit next to her! Also, this is a really bad time, but I need to use the bathroom!"
Fukuroda: "Enough! We wait for Matoi!"
Suddenly, a hooded figure smashed through the chains holding Mako, landing safely in the ring. It was Ryuko.
Ryuko: "Using hostages? That's dirty. I thought boxers had honor."
Mako: "Uh, Ryuko?
Ryuko: "What?"
Mako: "I think you forgot someone."
Y/N: (Still hanging upside down) "-_-"
Ryuko: "EH?! You took Mako AND 'what's-his-name'?!"
Y/N: "It's Y/N. We sit three feet apart. How do you not know my name?"
Fukuroda: "Shut up! I'm here to beat you to death!"
Ryuko: "Let's go then."
The fight began. Y/N fidgeted in his chains, genuinely annoyed.
Y/N: "Seriously, I really need to pee."
Fukuroda: "Take this! Corkscrew Punch!"
Fukuroda's punch ripped Ryuko's tracksuit apart, revealing her transformed, incredibly skimpy Kamui Senketsu.
Fukuroda: "W-What is that outfit?!"
Ryuko: "Quit staring!"
Fukuroda: "You're trying to distract me with sexiness! It's working!"
Mako: "Wow, Ryuko! I didn't know you were an exhibitionist!"
Y/N: "Pretty sure that violates public decency laws. Just saying."
Ryuko: "Shut up!"
Ryuko blushed but overpowered Fukuroda, smashing him with the Scissor Blade. His uniform shattered, leaving him naked in the ring.
Ryuko: "Now! Satsuki Kiryuin! Tell me about the Scissor Blade!"
Mako: "EH?!?"
Ryuko: "What now, Mako?"
Mako: "Oh no! Y/N fell into the fryer!!"
Ryuko: "WHAT?!"
They looked at the empty chain swinging above the bubbling oil.
Mako: (Crying) "I lost my new friend! He was so young! And now he's crispy!"
Ryuko: (Growling) "Satsuki... you're gonna pay for killing him—"
FLUSH.
The sound of a toilet flushing echoed across the silent courtyard. Y/N walked out of a nearby bathroom door, drying his hands on his pants.
Y/N: "Ahhh. Much better."
Everyone—Satsuki, the Elite Four, Ryuko, and the entire student body—stared at him as if he were a ghost.
Y/N: "What?... I told you guys I had to use the bathroom. Why the weird looks?"
Ryuko: (Sigh) "Where was I? Right. Satsuki—"
Senketsu: "Ryuko, you've lost too much blood. You'll pass out in five minutes."
Ryuko: "What!? I thought you wanted blood?!"
Senketsu: "We need to leave. Now."
Ryuko: "Dammit! We'll finish this chat later, Satsuki!"
Ryuko jumped out of the arena and sprinted for the exit. Sanageyama ordered the students to chase, but Satsuki called them off. The entire school turned to look at Y/N again.
Y/N: "Uh... yeah. I'll just... go too."
Y/N turned and jogged out the main gate, trying to look inconspicuous.
Scene: Student Council Chambers
Satsuki watched Y/N retreat from her tower window. She took a sip of tea.
Satsuki: "Inumuta."
Inumuta: "Yes, Lady Satsuki?"
Satsuki: "I want a full report on that other transfer student. Y/N."