After declining Mei's invitation to walk back together, Fuli stood on the deck for a while longer, letting the wind blow past him.
Only after sorting through the gacha items—post-mooching session—did he get up and head inside the battleship.
On the way, the more he thought about it, the fishier it seemed. He had just finished his draw when Mei appeared at exactly the right moment.
Did she figure out his gacha patterns and time her arrival specifically to fleece the sheep?
Surely... not, right?
Recalling the fanatical look on Mei's face earlier when he pulled out the Well of Fuli, the boy returned to the bridge with a sense of unease.
The overhead lights cast diamond-shaped spots on the alloy floor, bathing the girls lounging on the sofas in warm hues.
Kiana was sitting on the sofa getting lectured by Mei. Seeing the boy return, her face showed a mix of joy and desolation.
Her lips moved, but no sound came out.
Her attitude finally turned respectful as she articulated clearly: "Ah Li..."
Fuli shuddered. "Scram, scram! Can't you talk properly?"
Where the hell did you put up this pathetic AT Field?
The invisible filter of tragedy in the air shattered instantly. As the girls' gazes shifted while holding back laughter, they all coincidentally glued their eyes to the boy's new combat uniform, their eyes glinting with a certain predatory light.
Due to various factors—such as making it convenient for daily wear so he wouldn't stand out too much to others, or to facilitate layering armor for extra defense—Fuli had selected the Sun Armor's form to be a body-hugging, semi-high-collar pitch-black undershirt.
Little did he know, there is a proverb in the fashion world regarding this look: This is truly one of the lewdest things a man can wear.
Some even compared it to "men's black silk stockings," because there really are many girls who specifically go crazy for this style.
As women with normal aesthetics, the Starting Trio was naturally no exception.
Even if they weren't originally, seeing the contours of Fuli's body highlighted by the tight black fabric changed things—the dark silver patterns wove into a totem of wings beneath his Adam's apple, and the hollows of his collarbones were like wine cups filled with moonlight.
The boy happened to be shrugging slightly, and the curve of his scapula beneath the fabric looked exactly like the folded wingtips of a black swan.
Thwack!
Mei's disciplinary notebook slid off her knees. The beautiful eyes behind her rimless glasses trembled slightly. Her instinct was to immediately slap a [Visual Pollution] label on this armor and forbid him from wearing it out in the future, lest he increase the number of her love rivals.
Bronya's "dual turbines" seemed to start functioning as cooling fans, spinning at high speed. A string of analyzed body data flashed through the emotionless girl's eyes as she said with a straight face, "Analysis complete. This outfit reduces Valkyrie combat efficiency by 89%. Suggest immediate activation of optical camouflage—"
Pfft!
Blood rushed out of Kiana-cat's nostrils.
She scrambled to cover her nose, but her phone honestly snapped rapid-fire photos of Fuli. "This is the charm of dressing up! Ah Li, Ah Li! Can this young lady have a lick later? Just one lick, really, just one!"
"Reign it in, you white-haired pervert. Don't go crazy over my brother here."
Kallen moved her finger slightly, using telekinesis to slap a tissue box onto the girl's bleeding nose bridge, then solemnly approached Fuli. "Remember to bring anti-wolf spray when you go out on missions in this outfit."
She glanced sideways at the restless trio. "Of course, use it on your female teammates."
"It's not that serious, really."
The subject of their attention felt they were making a mountain out of a molehill. He pulled out a high stool from the bar and sat down, looking at Bronya, who was watching from the sidelines. "What's going on? Why did I see Mei lecturing Kiana the moment I walked in?"
"Mid-term exams. Failed."
"Failed again?"
Fuli calculated the time and realized it was indeed time for St. Freya's mid-term exams.
Although the school was established in the Far East, its schedule followed the habits of a certain mysterious Eastern country.
In Theresa's words, the vacation time was more concentrated compared to the three-term system of the Far East, making it convenient to carry out vacation training for trainee Valkyries and execute low-level routine missions.
After all, they were training soldiers for the front lines; they couldn't just run wild and disappear like students in ordinary schools during breaks, coming back with empty heads having forgotten everything they should and shouldn't have.
Fuli naturally sat down next to Kiana, familiarly slapping her thigh, which was clad in a white thigh-high sock. "How did you do this time?"
"Didn't... didn't she say I failed!"
Kiana-cat was both aggrieved and manic. Why are you pouring sulfuric acid on my wounds?!
"I know you failed. I mostly want to see what kind of inventions and creations our Miss Kiana has cooked up this time."
The boy snapped his fingers, and Bronya thoughtfully handed over the exam paper:
Question: It is well known that Romance of the Three Kingdoms is a classic created based on Records of the Three Kingdoms, Records of the Grand Historian, Yuan Dynasty operas, folk legends, and other factors. Within it, Zhao Yun is one of the characters the author devoted much ink to.
So, please explain: What is the difference between the historical Battle of Changbanpo and the one in reality (Honkai history/fiction)?
The answer to this is actually simple. The historical Zhao Yun didn't charge in and out seven times, but his highlight reel was even more excessive than described in the novel. He truly relied on just one man and one horse, using pure skill to safely rescue Lady Gan and Liu Shan, unlike in the Romance where he lost Lady Mi.
And then there was Kiana's version—
Answer: Why was Zhao Yun able to charge in and out of Changbanpo seven times? According to this young lady, it must be because Zhao Yun had skin like jade and a beautiful face. With his hair messy and holding Adou in his arms, he was full of maternal love and gentleness. Thus, Cao Cao mistook him for a married woman (MILF) and deliberately showed mercy, ordering that he must be captured alive!
At that time, seeing Adou crying from fear, Zhao Yun undressed to calm Adou down. Cao Cao, who loves fierce generals and married women the most, ordered his subordinates not to kill Zhao Yun under any circumstances.
Zhao Yun seized the opportunity to escape. Cao Cao watched with his mouth watering, forced to gaze at the plums to quench his thirst but unable to taste the fruit.
"..."
Fuli's silence was deafening. After a long while, he finally found the words. "I am truly fortunate to witness this text in three lifetimes. Kiana, from now on, you are forbidden from speaking Chinese."
It's lonely at the top. Kiana, are you doing okay on the space station?
The white-haired dumpling protested. "This young lady just rationally deconstructed the plot! A mere Ah Li is not allowed to deprive me of my right to speak normally!"
"Does 'rational deconstruction' mean spreading rumors like [The historical Zhao Yun died of cholecystitis; it wasn't a serious illness, but because Zilong (Zhao Yun) was 'full of gall' (brave), he died of pain]? I feel you have a unique misunderstanding of the words 'rational' and 'deconstruction'."
The boy rubbed his chin. "By the way, is there Goujian x Zhao Yun fanfic?"
"You really are the Columbus of the Fetish World, aren't you?!"
This time it was Kiana's turn to roast him.
"These two really are..."
Kallen facepalmed, finally understanding the famous saying: Where there is a Crouching Dragon, there must be a Fledgling Phoenix within three meters. (Meaning: two geniuses/idiots always appear together).
"Actually, if it's just this, I feel it's okay?"
The current situation could be described in one sentence: Kiana is an honor graduate, and Fuli was shocked by her final thesis.
But it was only shock, far from reaching the level of an art student's abstractness.
"That's because you haven't seen the worse ones!"
Mei, with a frosty look on her pretty face, tossed over a stack of papers. Fuli took a rough glance.
Prompt: Is there a possibility that the universe we speak of is actually just the reproductive organ of a gigantic, slow-moving creature, or perhaps one with erectile dysfunction?
Perhaps we just happen to live during the process before its ejaculation, which creates the illusion that the universe is expanding.
—Excerpt from student Kiana Kaslana's Chinese composition titled "The Cosmic Starry Sky."
Plant: I'm going to wave my genitals wildly in the air!
Human: Mmm~ So fragrant~
Human: I'm going to give my excrement to the plants as fertilizer!
Plant: Truly excellent, so nutritious~
—Excerpt from a brief description of the relationship between plants and human life.
"No, wait, sister... why don't you say blowing dandelions in someone's face is facial cum-shotting then?"
It could only be said that on one side, you have a comedy club finale with jokes flying everywhere; on the other side, a generic New Year's movie.
On this side, Colonel Gaddafi is staging a coup, rigorous and serious; on that side, Emperor Ye is sweeping through the forbidden zones, not worth mentioning.
Lamenting the disparity of reality, surprised by the flying leaps of logic. Getting promoted and getting rich—double happiness. Caffeine plus high sugar—double the joy.
Fuli was laughing so hard he was about to suffer internal injuries, while Kiana on the other side was crying a river.
"Mei! Mei, I was wrong!"
She grabbed her best friend's sleeve, weeping bitterly with snot and tears. "I really didn't mean to upset Auntie and Himeko-sensei! I really thought about it until the very end and didn't even hand in the paper early!"
Little did she know, it was precisely because it was purely natural with no additives that Mei found it even harder to handle.
Because she wasn't trying to be funny; she genuinely thought that way.
Even the famous doctor Bian Que from the Spring and Autumn Period once said: Only the brain-dead have no cure.
However, seeing Kiana's pitiful appearance, like a pear blossom bathed in rain vying for beauty, Mei ultimately couldn't bear it.
Reaching out to wipe away the girl's large falling tears, she encouraged, "From now on, I will take one or two hours every day to tutor you."
With Kallen, the super AI, in place, the workload on her shoulders had dropped significantly. It wasn't impossible to spare some time to accompany the child.
"Mei helping with tutoring?"
Kiana sniffled. Her big eyes, clearing up after the rain, drifted away, obviously recalling her best friend's extremely sexy OL (Office Lady) teacher outfit from before.
"Someone be serious, be serious!"
Fuli knocked on the table, then sat up straight. "Teacher Mei, when will you start giving us remedial lessons?"
Bronya spat at him. "Interest is the best teacher, but 'Sexual Interest' is not the best teacher."
"Who told my little sister she couldn't be sexy?"
Fuli glanced back, looking her up and down carefully, especially focusing his gaze on her chest.
"Heh."
"Bastard! Bronya is going to bite you to death!"
"Calm down, calm down!"
Kallen hurriedly hugged her from behind, blatantly taking sides.
When that pair of front armor plates—guaranteed to be at least a D-cup—pressed against Bronya's back and shoulders...
"Angela, traitor!"
"Being a traitor implies going from poor to rich. Big Sister here has been like this since 'birth.' No matter how you look at it, I can't be considered a traitor to the Flat Chest Party."
With Miss Kallen saying that, Bronya was so angry she was about to darken into the Herrscher of Dominance.
Kiana, leaning over, kindly patted her shoulder and casually took the milk in front of her to hydrate. "Learning an extra language is really necessary. When this young lady chats with others, if I encounter a situation where an argument happens like with you guys, I switch language systems. It helps me stay calm and think."
"What language?"
"Sign language."
Kiana gestured with her hands. "When you're angry, you can just give the other person two punches. Bang bang."
"What do you mean by that, you little white-hair?"
Kallen grabbed Kiana's twin braids and pulled them to the sides.
"You're a white-hair too!"
Kiana pinched back, unwilling to show weakness. The "granddaughter and grandmother" pair started tearing into each other just like that.
Bronya, having removed her limiters, charged straight at Fuli and wrestled with him on the spot.
—When Mei returned after changing into her teacher's outfit, she saw the hellscape described above.
"You... you guys!"
Shang Yang knows the strength of a horse, Bi Gan sees the heart of a man.
The girl clutched her chest with a pained expression and collapsed straight down.
A certain Professor Ratio who wished to remain anonymous once said: Ignorance is a stubborn disease; the process of curing it is naturally accompanied by pain.
Mei never expected that the one in pain would be herself.
"Mei!"
Fuli rushed to the Hyperion's pillar of support immediately, with the Ural Silver Wolf (Bronya) still hanging off his head, refusing to let go.
Seeing the situation wasn't right, he didn't have time to think. He overlapped his hands and pressed them on Mei's chest to start CPR.
As soon as he pressed down, he realized the texture was wrong. The girl's size was close to an E-cup, plus this deadly sexy white shirt and pencil skirt...
No, no, no, Fuli, don't overthink it! You are saving a life! Just press hard and get it done!
He discarded those messy thoughts and began to operate diligently according to regulations.
However, during the interval of chest compressions, when Fuli leaned down to seal the girl's thin, cherry lips to attempt artificial respiration...
His tongue, hovering in her mouth with nowhere to rest, was suddenly savagely invaded and tightly entangled by Mei's small, clove-like tongue in a complete reversal of roles.
"Heh heh~"
Mei opened her eyes, which looked like stardust, a breathtaking flush rising on her face.
She was indeed angry, but only at the start. A little electrical stimulation to the heart was enough to fake the faint.
What followed was just going with the flow. After all, it had been so long; it was rare for this guy, whose brain was filled only with leveling up, to take the initiative.
Then next, let me take everything to my heart's content~
Mei's eyes shimmered with a bewitching light, like a legendary succubus that erodes bones and consumes souls.
Her other hand directly locked onto Fuli's hand pressing on her front armor, displaying everything she was proud of to him.
At the same moment, a conversation woven from electric currents echoed in Fuli's mind: "Fufufu, all day long you shout 'this is my waifu, that is my waifu,' bragging about how awesome and badass you are... but your experience is limited to short videos and doujins. Small fry (Zako)~ Small fry~ Ah Li is just a small fry with no experience who only knows how to talk big~"
As the target of a sneak attack, Fuli was originally trying to exert force to prop up his body, attempting to leave the soft, beautiful body that was making his heart pound.
But the moment Mei said those heart-piercing words, Fuli instantly transformed into a hardware and software engineer. He was ready to perform the world's most mysterious Human Alchemy on this bratty girl (mesugaki) who dared to provoke him right then and there.
The specific method involves first purifying the maternal body—usually washing it clean is enough. Then, draw a magic circle with fingers, focusing attacks on key areas while waiting for the maternal body to heat up. Finally, the most important step: draw the long sword required to summon life, stab it into the center of the circle, and repeatedly use straight thrusts, left-right thrusts, and spinning thrusts until the light of life bursts from the blade'