I forgot my birthday.
Maybe… I just decided to forget it.
After Akira, I stopped recognizing the days of the week. Each day was identified only by the number of trainings and nights without sleep. There was nothing different about today. I was already up before the sun came out. I tied my hair and grabbed my uniform just like I always did.
However, when I opened the door, there was Pearl.
She seemed very uneasy.
Too quiet.
Too serious.
"Amane," she said with a low voice, "you will not go to training today."
I put on a puzzled look. "Move."
She ignored me.
"It's your birthday."
The words hit me… but they didn't stay. They went past me like rain on stone.
"So?" I asked.
Pearl instantly became teary-eyed. "So you're alive. So you're still here. So you are worthy of one day."
I turned my face away. "Birthdays are for people who want to celebrate being alive."
She caught my wrist.
"You promised my brother that you would keep living."
My breath froze.
I very slowly took her hand off my wrist. Pearl tilted her head down.
"I'm not asking you to be happy," she said in a low voice. "Just… don't disappear today."
I didn't say anything.
Her being rejected by me was consent for her to carry on with her request.
...
They did not make it loud.
No music. No decorations. No crowd.
Only a little room in the camp. A table. A cake that slightly leaned to one side, as if it had almost given up halfway through being made.
I was standing at the door, hesitating whether I should go in.
Then a voice reached my ears.
"OKAY EVERYONE ACT NATURAL—WAIT WHY IS SHE ALREADY HERE?"
Kento.
Yeah.
Definitely.
With a piece of paper in hand, which I assume was a crown, he was standing. Pink. Ridiculous.
Pearl gave him a look that warned him to stop what he's doing.
Kento stopped. "…Too much?"
I sighed. "I'm going."
"No," Pearl said with a lot of determination. "Stay."
She gently pushed me into a chair.
With so much care as if it was fragile, Kento put the crown on my head.
"There," he said in a low voice. "Birthday general."
I didn't show any reaction.
He was serious this time.
They set fire to the candle.
Only one.
Pearl smiled despite she was crying.
"Make a wish,"
I looked at the fire.
I already knew what I was going to wish for.
Please… let him be alive.
But wishes never took my side.
So without uttering a word, I blew the candle out.
Pearl cut the cake. She gave me the first bite like we were kids again.
It was… sweet.
Kinto was looking at my face very attentively.
"So?" he said with a hint of nervousness in his voice. "Did I win the best birthday planner award?"
"You didn't set the camp on fire," I said.
His eyes got really big.
"…Was that a compliment?"
I didn't say anything.
However, the corner of my mouth… moved.
Just a little.
Pearl noticed it.
Her hand went to her mouth as she silently wept.
Kinto was noticing it as well.
He didn't scream.
He didn't laugh.
He simply smiled as if someone had just given him a miracle.
"I knew it," he whispered. "I knew that day would come when I'd see that."
I looked somewhere else.
It felt like doing something wrong.
Smiling without Akira was like betraying him.
However, for just one moment…
The pain was not so strong.
....
When the sun set, the place became empty.
Kento was the last one to leave. He was dramatically saluting me at the door.
"Next year, I'm going to make you smile even more," he said with certainty.
I didn't make a response.
Pearl stayed.
She was sitting next to me silently, her hands intertwined and resting on her lap.
Finally, she got up and went to the door.
"Amane…" Her voice was trembling. "I've been holding this for a long time."
She took out a package from her pocket.
My heart skipped a beat.
"He gave this to me," she said, crying now. "He said if he couldn't give it to you by himself… then I should give it to you on your birthday."
My hands were trembling as I accepted it.
I knew the handwriting.
Akira.
Pearl turned her face away, letting me be.
I was looking at the letter.
Not opening it.
Not breathing.
The room was too small.
My chest was too tight.
Akira's words… waiting for me.
On my birthday.
I put the letter close to my heart.
And for the first time since the war…
I cried without making a sound.