The jeep moved through the dark forest, and I sat silently beside Kento, unable to take my eyes away from the darkness outside. The trees passed by the windows like shadows, their branches moving in the cold wind as if they were reaching toward us. I could hear the sound of the engine, the wheels moving over the rough road, and my own heartbeat beating louder than everything else. I had been silent ever since we left, because I didn't know what I could possibly say. My mind was filled with only one thought. Akira is alive. He is somewhere ahead of me. He is breathing. He is waiting somewhere in this darkness.
The man I had cried for, mourned, remembered and loved every single day was not a memory anymore.
He was real.
And he was only a few minutes away from me. My hands trembled in my lap. I pressed them together, trying to control myself, but it was useless. The closer we got, the faster my heart beat. I had imagined meeting Akira again so many times. In some dreams, I would run toward him and hold him as tightly as I could. In others, I would slap his chest and scream at him for leaving me. Sometimes I imagined simply looking at him without saying a word, because I thought seeing his face again would be enough to heal every wound inside me.
But now that the moment was actually coming, none of those dreams felt real enough. I didn't know whether I wanted to laugh or cry.
I didn't even know whether my legs would be strong enough to stand when I finally saw him. Kento suddenly slowed the jeep and turned it onto a narrow path hidden between the trees. I looked ahead and saw a small straw house standing alone in the middle of the forest. There was a faint yellow light coming through one of its windows. My entire body froze. I stared at that little house as if the rest of the world had disappeared.
"He's there," I whispered.
I could barely hear my own voice. Kento stopped the jeep a short distance away. Before either of us could say anything, rain began falling against the windshield.
At first it was only a few drops, but within seconds the rain became heavy, striking the jeep so hard that the entire forest outside became blurred. Kento looked at me and said, "Stay here. I'll go talk to him."
I immediately turned toward him.
"No."
My voice came out much faster than I expected. Kento looked at me carefully. "Amane..." I shook my head. "I've waited long enough." He didn't answer. He seemed to understand that nothing he could say would stop me. He opened the door and stepped into the rain. I watched him walk toward the house, and with every step he took, my heart seemed to beat faster.
I couldn't stay inside anymore. The man I had thought was dead was standing behind that door. I needed to see him. Kento reached the house and knocked. His voice carried through the rain.
"Akira! It's me, Kento! Open the door!" I held my breath. Nothing happened. Kento knocked again, harder this time. "Akira!" Still nothing. Then Kento slammed his fist against the door. "I said open the door!" My heart jumped when I heard a voice from inside. It was deep, tired and filled with anger, but I knew it instantly.
I had heard that voice in my dreams for years. "Get out," Akira said from inside. My eyes filled with tears before I could stop them. Kento continued speaking, telling him that he didn't have to do this alone, but Akira's voice became louder. "I told you before. I'm just doing my responsibility.
I'm a soldier. Even if I know we will lose, I'll still fight." I opened the jeep door and stepped into the rain. The cold water immediately soaked my dress, but I didn't feel it. I walked toward the house with shaking legs.
Kento turned when he saw me. He didn't try to stop me.
I reached the door and placed my trembling hand against it.
"Akira..." My voice broke.
There was no answer. I looked toward the small glass window beside the door, and through it I could see the back of a man standing inside. My breath stopped. It was him. I knew it was him. Even after all those years, I recognized the shape of his shoulders.
I recognized the way he stood. I recognized him without seeing his face. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I whispered, "Akira... it's me. I'm here." Kento looked toward the window and said loudly, "Someone has come to meet you, Akira." I couldn't control myself anymore. I pressed my hand against the door. "It's me, Akira!" I cried. "I'm here! Open the door!" I waited. Nothing happened. I could see his back through the glass, but he wouldn't turn around.
"Please," I whispered. "Just open the door.
I don't want anything else. I just want to see you." My voice became louder as the tears continued falling. "Please talk to me, Akira. Talk to me!" Suddenly, Akira moved. His arm swept across the table inside the room, sending everything crashing onto the floor. A cup shattered. Papers flew everywhere. Something metallic hit the wooden wall. But he still didn't turn toward me. I couldn't understand him.
Why wouldn't he look at me? Why was he hiding his face?
I slammed my hand against the door. "Open the door!"
My voice shook with desperation.
"I don't care why you're doing this! I don't care about the war! I don't care about anything! I just want to see you!"
I hit the door again and cried, "Please, Akira! Just talk to me!" For several seconds there was silence. Then his voice came from inside, colder than I had ever heard it. "I don't want to see you." I stopped breathing. My hand remained against the door. I stared at the wood in disbelief. Akira continued, "Get out.
Forget I ever existed." I felt something inside me break. My legs became weak, and I slowly fell onto my knees in the rain.
"No..." I whispered. "You don't mean that." I shook my head as tears poured down my face. "You don't." But Akira said nothing.
I pressed both hands against the wet ground and tried to breathe. I had waited years to hear his voice again, and now those were the words he chose to give me. "Why?" I whispered. "Why are you doing this to me?"
I could hear Kento moving behind me, but I couldn't look at him. I felt like the person I had spent years loving had suddenly become a stranger.
Then I heard a loud crash. Kento kicked the door open. He rushed inside, grabbed Akira by the collar and punched him across the face. I looked up through my tears as Kento shouted, "There isn't a single day she didn't cry after you were gone! Not one! And now she's here, standing in the rain, begging you just to look at her, and this is what you say to her?"
Akira grabbed Kento's collar and pushed him back.
"You don't know anything," he said angrily. Kento grabbed him again, and the two of them struggled inside the room. I couldn't understand what was happening. I only heard Kento shouting that Akira didn't know how much I had suffered. Akira's face was filled with pain, but he kept hiding it behind anger.
Kento slammed him against the floor and shouted, "You made her love you just to hurt her?!" I looked at Akira. For one tiny moment, our eyes almost met through the open doorway. Then Akira looked away.
His expression became cold again.
He smiled bitterly and said, "Maybe I was just using her."
I stopped breathing. Those words were worse than anything I had ever imagined. Using me. My mind immediately filled with memories. The first time Akira looked at me. The first time he held my hand. The first time he made me feel safe. The home he gave me. The dress I was wearing right now. Every promise. Every smile. Every moment when I believed that someone had finally chosen me. I suddenly wondered if all of it had been a lie. My lips trembled.
"Kento..."
I could barely say his name. He turned toward me, but I was already stepping backward. "Amane, wait." I shook my head. I couldn't listen anymore.
I couldn't look at Akira anymore. I turned around and ran. I ran into the forest without knowing where I was going. The rain became heavier, soaking my clothes and hair within seconds. Branches scratched my arms, mud splashed against my dress, and my feet slipped repeatedly on the wet ground, but I kept running.
I didn't want Kento to catch me. I didn't want Akira to see me. I didn't want anyone to see what was left of me. Then my foot caught on a root. I fell hard onto the ground.
For several seconds I remained there, my hands buried in the mud, my body shaking uncontrollably. The rain poured over me, washing the tears from my face but never washing away the pain inside my chest. Then I screamed.
"AKIRAAAA!"
My voice echoed through the forest.
"WHY?!"
I struck the ground with my fists.
"WHY DID YOU COME BACK IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO THIS TO ME?!"
My voice broke apart.
"I WAITED FOR YOU!"
I screamed until my throat hurt.
"I CRIED FOR YOU!" I could barely breathe anymore.
"I LOVED YOU!"
The words came out as a broken scream.
"AND YOU SAY YOU WERE USING ME?!" I collapsed onto the ground and covered my face with my hands.
I didn't know how long I stayed there.
The rain continued falling, and the darkness surrounded me from every side.
But somewhere behind me, inside that small house, Akira was still standing.
And he had heard every word I screamed.
He had heard my pain. He had heard me calling his name. But he didn't come after me. And that hurt more than anything.
Because I had finally found the man I had spent years trying to forget. And somehow, losing him again felt even more painful than losing him the first time.