"Enough, you cooking-incapable shut-in!"
"And you're any better?!"
"You're the only one in all of Teyvat who can turn tricolor dango into charcoal balls!"
"And that Nine-Turn Intestine!"
"You intentionally left some of the original flavor?!"
"Is that a normal thought process?!"
"And you even tasted it yourself?!"
"That's insane!"
"If you just couldn't cook, fine—lots of people can't cook!"
"But look at you! Do you resemble a god at all?"
"Making the puppet Shogun work while you hide in the Plane of Euthymia eating dango, drinking dango milk, reading light novels!"
"You probably wish those three shops would open branches inside Euthymia!"
"How did Inazuma end up with such a stay-at-home god?"
"Honestly, one day someone from another nation might bribe you away with that trio!"
Yae Miko had finally exploded.
Normally, she was the one teasing Ei.
Now Ei had repeatedly "reversed the hierarchy" and mocked her.
Enough was enough.
If there was a hierarchy—
She would decide it.
And she unleashed everything in one breath.
Ei froze.
"I—I…"
She went blank.
Lumine and Paimon stopped laughing.
…Whoa.
The fox detonated.
Were they witnessing a best-friend fallout?
This was premium entertainment.
Without a word, Lumine and Paimon scooted back.
Pulled snacks from the Gourmet Suppercloth.
And began spectating properly.
The Counterattack Attempt
Ei clenched her teeth.
"This fox is rebelling!"
But the worst part?
Some of what Miko said… made sense.
That realization terrified her.
She forcefully suppressed the thought.
She had to regain dominance.
She had to assert divine dignity.
She thought.
And thought.
And after all that—
"Y-you!"
"You grudge-notebook addict!"
"You Yae Clipper!"
"You Auntie Yae!"
…
That was it.
Miko planted her hands on her hips.
"You useless shut-in who can't cook!"
"Dango, milk, light novels—repeat cycle!"
"Auntie Yae!"
"Dead shut-in!"
"Auntie Yae!"
"Dead shut-in!"
Back and forth.
Like two street aunties arguing over vegetable prices.
Lumine and Paimon were stunned.
Who would believe the Electro Archon and the Guuji of Narukami Shrine were bickering like this?
If Inazuma citizens saw this—
They'd faint on the spot.
Meanwhile — Extraordinary Chat Group
The chat was still dissecting "Yae Caizi."
Alice: "Jumping in the toilet—excessive!" Hahaha!
Ayaka: That… that was Lady Guuji?!
Hu Tao: Please erase my memory!
Itto: I'm replaying that daily! Hahaha!
Nahida: So the grafted personality was "Nanako."
Yoimiya: That voice is stuck in my head…
Venti: Another video that hurts whether you watch it or not~ (doge)
Then—
Ganyu: Where are Ei and Miko? Why so quiet?
Lumine: Ahem… they're currently…
Ei: Hmm? (smile.jpg)
Yae Miko: (smile.jpg)
They had stopped arguing instantly.
Because mutual mocking was fine.
Public exposure?
Absolutely not.
Lumine and Paimon went rigid.
"We know nothing!"
"Nothing at all!"
They immediately looked back at the screen.
Lumine: They're drinking tea and chatting!
Paimon: Very harmoniously!
The chat filled with question marks.
No one believed that for a second.
Villa
Luo Chen read the comments and laughed.
They were definitely fighting.
Shame he couldn't see it live.
After all—
He had orchestrated this beautifully.
First Miko taming Ei.
Then Ei disciplining Miko.
He had poured fuel expertly.
"Alright," he said to the stream.
"That concludes Yae Miko's unofficial evaluation."
"And today's evaluations are complete."
"I'll upload the stream as usual."
"Tomorrow, we continue the Genshin character series."
"Stay tuned."
He closed the stream.
He had skipped one classic meme—
"Milk-Scented Slash."
Public execution might've been too much.
Perhaps another day.
Privately.
Next target—
The Dendro Archon.
Nahida.
A tragic and controversial figure.
He'd need preparation.
Back to Teyvat
With the light screen darkened, Ei and Miko both exhaled.
Today's suffering—
Over.
Mostly.
They locked eyes.
Confirmed.
Enemy status.
"Auntie Yae!"
"Dead shut-in!"
"Auntie Yae!"
"Dead shut-in!"
Round two resumed.
Lumine and Paimon happily continued snacking.
Chat Group Summary
Yanfei: Where's our class rep Shinobu? (doge)
Kuki Shinobu: Here!
Shinobu: Today's summary:
Shinobu: Raiden Ei — Serious: Experiences, Tragedy, Eternity, Love for Her People.
Shinobu: Raiden Ei — Unofficial: Honesty, No Mora, Cooking (Nine-Turn Intestine), Shut-In Life.
Shinobu: Yae Miko — Serious: Childhood, Strategic Mind.
Shinobu: Yae Miko — Unofficial: Scummy, Childhood, Yae Caizi.
Itto: Well done, Shinobu!
Venti: Summary (×) Repeated public execution (√) (doge)
Alice: Why does Miss Serious Face only have four unofficial items? Too few!
Neuvillette: Indeed. The Anemo and Geo Archons had six and seven.
Kujou Sara: That proves Her Excellency is the most dignified among the Seven! (proud)
Hu Tao: It also proves how unserious certain gentlemen are. (shrug)
Zhongli: Ahem.
Zhongli: By universal reason, gods and familiars are one body.
Zhongli: Though Ei has fewer items, her familiar compensates. Totals are comparable. (serious.jpg)
Venti: Old man speaks truth! (doge)
Nahida: Makes sense! (doge)
Furina: Logical~ (evil grin)
Ei blinked.
She had been feeling proud.
That pride evaporated instantly.
She glared at Miko.
"This is your fault."
"Now we're as unserious as them."
Miko rolled her eyes.
Compete in governance, maybe.
Compete in unseriousness?
Strange metric.
But she smirked anyway.
Ei: It's because this fox has too many unofficial items!
Yae Miko: That just means I'm more popular~!
Yae Miko: Unlike someone who can't outgovern others and can't out-unserious them either~ (pity tone)
Dragons and bards sided with the fox instantly.
Political alliances are flexible like that.
Ei was confused.
Since when was having more unofficial evaluations a badge of honor?
Moments ago, fewer meant dignity.
Now more meant popularity.
The hypocrisy.
Then—
Alice: None of you compare to my Liyue Thunder God Keqing! Six items! That's the true Electro Archon! (doge)
Lumine: Keqing, come to Inazuma! This is your destiny! (doge)
Paimon: One big job and Inazuma belongs to Liyue! (doge)
Ei: ...
Keqing: ...
Both went numb.
Why was she dragged into this?
Keqing immediately deflected.
Keqing: I only have six so far! Maybe someone else will surpass me!
The topic shifted.
Speculation began.
Nahida.
Furina.
Future chaos.
And Then—
A mechanical voice echoed across Teyvat.
[Ding! Evaluation complete.]
[Those evaluated will receive a random reward.]
[Rewards may include food, strength enhancement items, resurrection tools, erosion cleansing artifacts, and other extraordinary objects.]
Silence.
Then realization.
Rewards.
Everyone stopped moving.
Ei and Yae Miko did the same.
Their eyes—
No longer angry.
But shining with anticipation.
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