CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"People are good at keeping their resentment in their hearts… until their last generation."
It was probably nothing, I kept on saying that to myself, that the mage was just messing with me, just because I talked back at them. No matter how much I try to believe that, I can't help but stay on alert. Sleep won't come to me. It's been three nights since I last slept.
"Are you still thinking about what Mage Rose said?" I do not bother looking at Lira, whose bed is beside me. I'm kind of thankful she's with me.
Sierra and Fiona are also in this room, and another classmate of ours is here.
"Not really, I just can't sleep," I whisper back, afraid I might wake the others. The room is quiet, filled only with the soft breathing of those already asleep.
I wonder if this decision about us going to the ruined kingdom has reached my father, or if he was never given any details about it.
I have bad feelings about this expedition.
---
"You look like a zombie," Craige comments, staring at me.
I double-check everything I need for the three-day journey on land. It's safer, that's what the Tower says. They even convince us by sending their apprentices and mages along, as if that alone proves the route they've chosen is secure.
"Do I? I guess no sleep is the perfect makeup for a horror film," I say sarcastically as I zip up my bag and turn to him.
"What are you even doing here? Are you even allowed to be here?" I fire the questions one after another, not giving him a chance to answer as I sling my bag over my shoulder.
"You missed breakfast," he says, holding out a lunchbox.
I pause, staring at it. If I'm not mistaken, we're not allowed to take food out of the cafeteria.
"It won't do you any good if you don't have energy. We've got a three-day journey ahead—it'll wear you out."
There's a note of concern in his voice that makes me sigh. He has a point. Slowly, I take the lunchbox and start eating quickly, almost messily, like I haven't eaten in days.
I grab the bottle of water from his hand and drink straight from it, not stopping until it's nearly empty.
We were given half a day to prepare for the continuation of the expedition.
"Seraphina." Someone calls my name. I don't want to turn toward whoever it is, but she calls again.
I look at her… them.
Sierra and Fiona.
"The professors and mages have given us the choice to either continue or return to the academy and take another form of assessment," I can't help but raise an eyebrow at that. A crease forms on my forehead as Fiona continues.
"Sierra and I are planning to take the second option—"
"Good for you." I cut her off before she could finish. Why is she even telling me this? I'm already aware.
I am about to turn away when Sierra suddenly speaks again.
"The journey ahead will be dangerous." She begins. Every word is emphasized as she talks faster. "By the king's order, if you choose to continue, they won't take responsibility for your safety." There's tension in her voice, rising as if she's running out of breath from speaking too fast.
"I know," I reply nonchalantly.
"You must come with us." She urges.
I look at them, irritation clear on my face. I can't hide it anymore.
"That's why we were given a choice, Lady Sierra. You don't get to dictate who's going to—"
"That place is dangerous. Do you even know what's out there?" she interrupts.
"So what?" I shoot back, already annoyed.
Calm down.
I know how dangerous that place is. What does she want me to do? Go back and lie in bed like that girl said, just because we have privilege?
It may sound petty, but knowing that girl was even an inch right, but my pride can't take her smug look while I sit in that carriage and head back.
"This expedition is a death sentence for anyone who isn't ready for battle," she tries to steady herself.
What is she implying? That I'm weak?
Incapable of fighting?
The insult makes my voice rise because I can't deny any of it, it's the fact after all.
"Who cares? And why do you even care if I die or not?" With all my defense, when I utter those words, it feels like she is insulting me.
I shouldn't have asked that, especially when I see the shock on her face. That must be out of line for me to say it as an invader of this vessel.
Out of all the time I've spent with her, she has always known what Sera wants and what she doesn't.
Which is a clear sign that she really is Seraphina's friend, my vessel.
"Do you want to die that badly? Then go. I hope you find what you're looking for in that expedition." She says firmly before storming off. I watch her vanish from my sight before turning away as I sigh.
"Sierra just wants what's best for you. I hope you don't take it the wrong way. She knows your capabilities better than anyone,"
Again with those words…the way they carefully choose their words to avoid saying I'm weak.
"Capabilities to what extent? Or do you see me as a liability?" I ask and turn to her. She didn't react to it. Her gaze is just nothing but coldness that goes through my soul.
Fiona looks at me. She doesn't smile this time, unlike before, when she could always manage a bright smile no matter how insufferable I was.
"No—" I hate it more that she's so calm at this moment while I'm losing my temper.
"We're not even in the same group. I'm glad I didn't accept any of your invitations." I can't hide my irritation anymore. They're treating me like fragile glass. Like a child.
That hurts my ego.
"You still have an hour." I don't respond. I turn my back on her and walk toward Craige.
"Seems like you had a fight with Sierra."
"Obviously," I say sarcastically.
Craige sighs, shakes his head, and says nothing more, afraid I might lash out at him with my anger.
The tower made us wear mage expedition uniforms made for both protection and movement. A long hooded cloak covers them, helping against heat and cold. Inside, we wear fitted clothes with light leather armor on important parts like the chest and arms. The uniform has belts with small pouches for potions and tools. The boots are strong for long travel, and their gloves help them control magic easily.
Everyone cheers and is excited when they're fitting the uniform that suits them. There are also those who like to make their uniform personalized, so using their magic without changing its quality only changes the style.
"This is fun," Soren says.
I turn my head to Soren. He smiles at me as he poses in front of me. Lira and I both look at each other as we laugh at the way he poses.
Then, I saw their group not from afar, since from here, I can hear people praising them.
Sierra, Fiona, Calyx, Elric, and Raiven.
Calyx is a squad leader, so he has his own members, one of them is Fiona.
Elric is also a leader, with Sierra as his member.
Since they are chosen leaders, they have to separate. Meanwhile, Raiven has no squad teammates since he is already a team leader.
He's always with the other two leaders.
Surprisingly, he can socialize with them. I always see them talking, mostly about plans. I think Rose and Zenin can already be considered team leaders, too, since they're always talking.
"They didn't go through with their plan, Sierra and Fiona." That was Lira, suddenly speaking.
"I think so too," I reply. From the corner of my eye, I notice someone approaching, so my attention shifts away from Lira. When Lira also notices the woman, she looks at me, nods, and leaves.
Why do they always approach me?
"I heard you rejected Sierra's idea to go back."
I don't answer her immediately. Honestly, I'm tired of answering them. I'm literally not talking to them anymore just to avoid issues, and yet here they are, going my way just to start a conversation I want to end immediately.
"Yes," I simply say, trying to be nonchalant.
"Going back seems the best choice for you. I wonder what made you think you could pass this expedition without injury—"
I'm tired of people saying I'm weak. I know and am probably aware of what Sera's capable of. She's my vessel after all, I am in her body.
What do they think is the reason I am training hard alone with all those times? Just for fun?
And there's their slander of my ability. Why the hell do they care? I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes and frowning at her.
My face grimaces. I purposely don't answer. I don't even look at her. If silence could kill, we'd both be dead by now. The only noise around us comes from the people nearby.
"Is it because you want to be the nuisance of Raiven and bother him—"
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Your Royal Highness." That's the only time I turn to her. My voice is loud. I can feel everyone's eyes on us. I step closer, my gaze is already dark. She steps back when she sees me approaching.
"If you like him that much, then go to him. Beg him." I say each word loudly, pointing to where I last saw Raiven.
"Don't come to me barking." I raise a brow at her and stop walking.
"You're like a dog barking at the wrong tree. You want me gone?" My voice is filled with anger as I point at myself.
"Kill me." I challenge her. I see her swallow, her breathing quickening.
"I'd be happy to welcome your murder," I finish. She doesn't speak right away, looking around at the people watching us.
She glares at me, and so I smirk because this is the look she's always hiding from people. Her hands clench as her jaw tightens.
"You really are an attention seeker—" I scoff, then laugh with full of sarcasm that makes her stop talking like a bitch.
"Oh really, Your Highness?" I challenge, smirking at her.
"I've been avoiding you. I never walk behind or beside you. Never talk to you first. Never even look at you… or any of you—and yet, here you are…" I point at her. I see Craige in the distance, quickly walking toward us.
"Sera…" he calls my name.
"Sera." From farther away, Raiven.
Oh great. Fucking great. Some people are staring, some are confused, and others are smirking. Craige grabs both my arms and quickly pulls me away from her.
"Let's go." He looks at Avelyne.
"We will excuse ourselves, Your Highness." He bows his head slightly before continuing. "She's been deprived of sleep since last night." He glances at me before looking back at her.
"Thus, her judgment has been clouded by lack of sleep. We apologize…" I pull my arm away from him.
"I didn't sleep, but I'm not stupid enough to say things without meaning them." I look at the princess. "I will not apologize."
I turn away, but Raiven quickly blocks my path. He gently turns me back to face Avelyne, placing a hand on my head and forcing me to bow. I struggle.
"I won't—"
"If you want your father to live another decade, apologize," he whispers. My jaw clenches when I hear that. I hear her call his name, stuttering, but that only lasts for seconds as she collects herself from stuttering.
"Raiven." She calls his name with her soft voice, this time, but it is also full of disappointment at what she is seeing.
Imagine the young heir of the duke is bowing in front of a princess, although she is a royal member, but never, has their family bowed down like this.
I stop struggling, but I don't speak. I let myself bow, and at that moment, I can't stop the tears from falling. I can't help but feel emotional at this moment, because I have never imagined that even in this world, I would live a life that ties me down to the ground, looking down…bowing just to please people.
I don't care if everyone sees me cry.
This is unfair.
This is so unfair.
"So this is how things are done? That's why you never fight back, Sera? Is that it?"
I want to curse every single person here. I want them to feel every wrath that my heart harbors at this moment because no one is on my side.
I clench my hands as I close my eyes to stop the tears from forming again.
"I believe Your Highness should acknowledge their apology," an older voice cuts in, calm, measured. "As stated, her judgment is clouded by lack of sleep."
I don't know who spoke. It was an older man's voice, but I don't care anymore at this point. If she decides to behead me, then I guess that would give me a chance to go back to my world, even if I need to scrape to survive.
But the thought that my reckless behavior would also kill others will definitely haunt me until my last breath.
"It's me who should apologize instead…"
"You did nothing wrong, Your Highness." He cuts her.
"Right." She whispers. "You may now stand," she says, but I don't. Following her is my last option. It is to show that I will not follow her.
"Lady Seraphina." It's the old man again. I hate everyone here.
"I will excuse myself then," I whisper enough for them to hear as I step back while still bowing. It is to show my rebellion.
Once I'm sure I've turned away from them, I straighten up and walk away. When I turn my back away from them, I can see everyone watching us intently. I have not bothered to hide my teary eyes anymore. Some of them are smirking, while others are shocked by what has happened.