Chapter 4: Pilot Modern Family
Another week had passed since I returned to California from Delaware. I was now emancipated and just waiting to receive my lottery prize (already claimed it in my Gauss LLC) - probably in a month, around August - when the insurance payment would also come through.
I was at Claire and Phil's house.
"Kids, breakfast!" Claire called from the kitchen.
"Kids?" she repeated, exhaling when no one showed up. "Phil, Jake, would you get them?" she asked, turning to us.
Before Phil or I could move, Haley walked in.
"Why are you yelling when we're way upstairs?" she complained, still texting. "Just text me next time."
"All right," Phil agreed immediately, but Claire cut him off. "That's not happening."
Meanwhile, I got distracted by the Nokia 1100 in Haley's hands and sighed.
"At least we never need to look for a hammer," I muttered.
"Wow! You're not wearing that outfit," Claire declared when she saw what her daughter had chosen.
"What's wrong with it?" Haley protested.
"Actually, it looks pretty cute," I said casually.
"Thanks."
"She's your family, Jake," Aunt Claire reminded me sternly.
"We could always move to Alabama," I teased.
"Why? Is it better there?" Haley asked, confused
I kept a poker face and turned to Claire. "Does no one get the Alabama joke here?"
A light smack from my aunt - technically my cousin - made it clear Haley simply didn't get it.
"Aunt Claire, Haley and I are second cousins. That's, what, three percent of genes in common on average?" I grinned, continuing to annoy her
Before she could reply, Alex appeared with her usual sarcasm. "Yeah, worst-case scenario, you end up with a kid like Luke."
"You," Claire pointed at me, "stop fooling around. And you," she turned to Alex, "be nice to your brother."
"I am," Alex said matter-of-factly. "That's why I came to say he got his head stuck in the banister again."
"I'll handle it!" Phil called out, already rushing off. "Where's the baby oil?" he asked his wife.
"It's on our bedside tab-" Claire froze mid-sentence and quickly corrected herself. "I don't know. Find it."
I smirked. "Aunt, no wonder you ended up with three kids," I whispered.
This time, the smack landed harder.
Claire went to deal with Haley-probably still about the outfit (the skirt was a little too short).
Alex turned to me. "What are you even doing here, Jake?"
"What? Not happy to see your favorite second cousin?" I asked, pretending to be offended.
"You're the only second cousin I have," she replied, crossing her arms.
"So I'm your favorite by default," I reasoned with a smile. "Honestly, it was either come here or watch Manny's soccer game again."
I shrugged. "I already watched once. That's enough to last me a lifetime."
They play horribly.
Then we all gathered to finally have breakfast.
As we were finishing, I announced, "I need to go -I've got a date today!"
"Ooh, a girl! You gonna kiss her?" Luke mocked, making exaggerated kissy noises.
I ruffled his hair. "You bet I will," I replied with a grin.
"Luke! Jake!" Claire warned, half exasperated.
"How is she?" Haley inquired with interest
"Her name's Brenda Feldman. I met her while I was bored, watching Manny's team take their seventh goal," I explained. "She works at the mall, so I'm heading there to say hi."
I stood up. "Thanks for the food, Aunt Claire. Your cooking was great as always." I praised her
She smiled - probably because I was the only one who ever complimented her cooking. The rest were just too used to it.
"Thanks, sweetheart," Claire replied warmly.
"Go get her, J-Money," Phil joked, and we high-fived before I left.
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At the mall, I spotted Brenda at a stand under a huge sign that read Foto Fun. I approached her with a smirk.
"Hi, Bren."
"Hey, Jake," she smiled back after I gave her a quick peck on the lips. Since she was working, I kept it subtle.
But then she frowned slightly. "Don't look now, but there's a weird kid behind you. He's holding flowers and a piece of paper."
I took her hand and subtly turned around. My eyes widened.
"Manny?! What the hell are you doing here?"
He froze, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. One look at the flowers and paper, and I instantly understood. I sighed deeply.
Moments later, Jay and Gloria appeared.
"Hi, Gloria. Uncle Jay," I greeted.
"Hi Jake," Gloria smiled, not paying much attention to the situation, while hugging Manny and pulling him away.
"Hey, kid," Jay greeted me.
"Brenda, this is my uncle, Jay. I'm staying at his place," I explained. Jay gave a polite nod.
Afterward, I spoke with him.
"Thank God for this weird coincidence," Jay muttered. "Manny would've made a fool of himself."
Not really a coincidence - Manny probably saw her the same day I did, at his soccer game.
"What's wrong with him?" I murmured, confused. "He needs to lower his standards - especially the age ones. He's eleven!"
He's not exactly a hunk, but at least he seems to have courage, and his self-esteem is intact (Brenda is a very beautiful girl).
"You think I don't know?" Jay whispered back. "But Gloria would kill me if I said anything too harsh."
I nodded but thought, Jay and Phil sure got it whipped.
And he changed the subject, "Don't forget about tonight's dinner, it will be at my son's house, he's returning from the trip we told you"
I nodded again. I would be meeting Mitchell Pritchett for the first time (he, however, called me to offer his condolences). He must have it a little hard, since 2003 is still a conservative time and gay people face difficult moments.
I never had anything against gay people. Quite the opposite - we straight guys should support them.
After all, they're one less competition.
And honestly, they've got some beautiful girl friends.