Chapter 75: Moon Landing
Claire walked into the kitchen with an appreciative look. "Those bacons smell great."
Phil was making eggs and bacon for breakfast.
"What are you doing with those?" I wondered when I saw Alex holding a bag and some plastic grabbers.
She replied, "Luke and I are doing a recycling drive. If we collect enough bottles, they build a school in Africa. Want to help?"
I agreed, "I'll write you a check worth ten thousand bottles."
"I'm a little conflicted," my little cousin frowned. "That would help more than everybody, but it ruins our whole purpose."
"Welcome to the world of capitalism," I said, patting her head
Luke, who was eating cereal, remarked, "Wouldn't it be so cool to go to a school made out of bottles?"
"That would certainly be a special school," Alex spoke ironically. "Did you hear what I said, parents? Special school?" she went on with her usual sass.
Then Haley walked in already announcing, "Okay, nobody makes a big deal about it, but I just broke up with Dylan."
"No!" Phil exclaimed, sounding a little sad.
"Oh my gosh," Claire murmured.
"You okay, honey?" she asked, trying (and failing) to hide a tiny smile.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Haley muttered, frustrated. "I just... I need to date someone who has a clue, instead of an idiot who bangs his head every time he rides his bike out of his garage." She emphasized again, "Every time!"
"I'm sorry, honey."
Phil added his own support, "I'm sorry for both of you. I'll have to text him later."
Haley made a weird face, and I had to hold back my laughter.
I motioned for Haley. "Come over here."
She came into my arms. "Are you really alright?" I asked.
She nodded. "Yeah... but I'd feel better with some shopping," she said, lifting her head toward me.
I mentioned dryly, "She is more than fine, guys." Then I whispered, "Saturday, we can go together, but I'm not staying the whole time."
Haley gave me a delightfully tight hug. I knew she was more upset than she was letting on.
She raised her face again and spoke to everyone, "Maybe I should date someone like Jake."
Alex snorted, "Good luck with that!" Then continued deadpan, "A world‑class genius, super-rich, funny, cute..." She stopped suddenly, turning red as everyone stared at her. "...would totally fall for you." She ended almost whispering.
"Uhhh, somebody has a crush on our cousin," Haley teased.
"Shut up, Haley!" Alex snapped.
Haley mocked her again, "Me holding him like this... does it make you angry? Jealous?"
And the two of them started quarreling.
"Okay, enough," Claire admonished. "I'm tired of hearing you two fighting all the time. When I get back from my shower, I don't want to hear a peep."
Luke asked, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to meet my friend Valerie," Claire replied. "I haven't seen her in 15 years. We used to work together."
"You worked?" Alex looked surprised.
She confirmed, "Mm‑hmm."
"Can't imagine you working." Luke blunted out.
"Luke, let me tell you something," Phil tried to teach a lesson. "That is very offensive to women. Your mom works very hard. It's just now she works for us."
Claire paused and took a deep breath, then said, "I will have you know that I had quite the little career going. I was making quite a splash."
Haley asked, "Then why'd you quit?"
"Well, Haley, call me old‑fashioned, but I wanted to focus on raising a family," Claire explained. "So I married your dad."
Phil went to hug Haley as well. "Five months later, we... were..." He paused and corrected, "four months away from having this little bundle of joy."
Not a good save... by the looks on Haley and Alex's faces, they understood exactly what happened - Claire was pregnant when she married.
"I'm heading out too, going to meet Mitch, Gloria, and Manny," I said as I waved goodbye.
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"Hey, Mitch," I saluted him and sat beside Gloria and Manny.
Mitchell said hi back to me, then returned to talking to Gloria. "Maybe, uh, we should go over the accident one more time."
Jay had asked Mitchell for help, since Gloria had crashed into another car.
"Put the dogs on a row," Gloria praised him. "You're such a good lawyer."
It is ducks... but I decided not to correct her.
"Uh, I just want to make sure we're 100% clear on exactly what happened," Mitchell said, tiptoeing around the subject.
"Oh, we're clear. I told you. He was parked," Gloria repeated.
"Well, everybody looks parked when you're going a hundred miles an hour," I murmured, receiving a glare from her.
Gloria inquired angrily, "You think it's my fault, Jake?"
"No," I refused the idea immediately. "Just like the four times you scratched my Cayenne. Maybe the light pole moved, or the parking space shrank, or maybe-"
She slapped my arm.
"See?" I pointed at her. "That's the proof. Every time you hit me it's basically you saying, 'Shut up, you're right but I don't like hearing it,' or 'stop being funny.'"
More like, stop being cheeky.
Gloria let out an ironic laugh. "You're too funny today." Then she turned to Manny and Mitchell. "Do you two also believe, like Jake, that I'm guilty too?"
The two exchanged glances, unsure what to say.
"Manny?" Gloria pressed.
Manny stuffed a cupcake into his mouth and pointed at it. "I can't. Mouth full."
"Oh, come on. Don't blame your cupcake," She snapped. "Fine. I don't need Mitchell as a lawyer anymore. And if you two think I'm such a bad driver, you're safer walking home." She stormed out of the cupcake shop.
There was a brief silence between the three of us.
A short time later, Gloria returned much calmer. "Ay. I'm sorry, guys. It's true - I am a defensive driver."
Manny corrected, "You mean you're defensive about-"
Gloria cut him off. "I know what I am." She continued, "Let's go. It's just that I don't like when people assume I'm a bad driver."
"We understand, Gloria," I nodded, approaching her. "Don't tell me a cupcake stand suddenly moved toward you?"
She nudged me.
But when we stepped outside, we found Gloria's car had plowed through a row of chairs and tables, and the giant cupcake decoration from the bakery had toppled right onto her hood.
"I promise this was not my fault!" Gloria spoke innocently.
"Yep, clearly the cupcake moved," I murmured. "At least it's not my Cayenne."
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