Chapter 86: New Wick II
Seeing Evelyn leave, Alan went back to his room, and Charlie did the same after saying goodbye to Bill. He was about to go as well, but I stopped him.
"Hey, Bill, why not stay a little longer?" I suggested. "That way you get to know the whole family. My cousin should be arriving soon."
Jake had ended up going back to Sherman Oaks' house yesterday because of his aunt.
Berta walked by and stared at Bill, probably sensing some familiarity. She didn't connect the dots and decided to go back to cleaning.
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A little while later, after chatting with Bill for a bit, the doorbell rang.
"Hey, Francis!" Jake appeared, excited. "I brought new games I got as a present!"
"Cool, buddy," I smiled at him, then made the introductions. "This is Bill, an old friend of my dad." I gestured with my hand, "and that is Judith, my uncle's ex‑wife."
"Hi," Judith smiled, probably because Bill was a good‑looking guy (formerly hot chick)
"Hey, Judith, Bill just got back from Europe and he's still getting used to being back in Los Angeles," I revealed.
"Summer caught a cold," I lied, "and I've got these tickets for a nice outing today. Are you two interested?" I paused. "Like friends... you two commented you needed to meet new people."
Judith said that after the whole Jake's birthday fiasco
They exchanged a look and, a little awkwardly, agreed. Judith eyed me strangely, probably because I was being unusually nice to her.
"Hey, buddy," I turned to my cousin, "let's play that game."
Then I sent a message to my girlfriend, canceling our plans for the day and explaining why.
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Later that night, I went to the kitchen.
Uncle Alan and Dad were eating pizza.
"Hey, son, why did Bill text me to thank you?" Dad questioned, looking at his phone. He was much more sober now.
I answered casually while grabbing a glass of juice. "I gave him two tickets for a nice outing today."
Charlie raised an eyebrow as he read a new message. "Well, it seems he's already testing his new toy with some woman."
"Huh," I exclaimed. "You two might want to know that this woman in question is probably Judith."
Alan choked and turned to me. "You matched Bill with my wife??"
"Ex‑wife," I corrected him. "And I didn't match them up. I only gave them tickets and said to go as friends. I didn't tell her to do him."
My uncle shot me a glare. I just ignored it.
Dad grew thoughtful, stood up, and came back shortly holding a framed picture. "Alan, you might want to know this too."
"What is this?" He asked.
"Look."
"Who's this?"
"This is Jill."
"The woman who dumped you?"
"Get over that. Nobody dumped me."
"All right, I'm sorry. Why are we looking at Jill?"
"Just look at it."
"Okay." Alan examined the photo. "She's cute. Very tall. Broad shoulders." Then he shouted, "Holy mother of God!"
"Welcome to the Matrix," Charlie smirked.
"So Jill is..." My uncle pointed at the picture.
"Yep."
"And you and Jill used to..."
"Every chance we got."
"And Judith is..."
"At this very moment."
"Holy mother of God!" Alan screamed again
Then Jake showed up. "What are you guys yelling about?"
I stuffed some pizza slices into one of the boxes. "Here, grab some more pizza and take it to your room," I told him, handing it over. We had already eaten together earlier.
"I'll go play with you again in a minute," I added as he headed back to his room with the pizzas. Kid is a black hole.
Dad went back to the subject. "Do you realize what this means?"
"Yes..." Alan was still looking shocked.
But Charlie blurted out what we weren't expecting. "It means I slept with a woman who wanted to be a man. Or I slept with a man in a woman's body."
"Can we go back to how this affects Judith?" Alan made a face
"Come on, Uncle Alan," I showed my point of view. "We still don't know what Judith really likes. Sometimes women, sometimes men. I don't see a problem."
And Judith is the last of my worries. At most, how would affect my cousin...
"Ha, now she can have both," Dad pointed out, "Bill used to be a hot chick, now he's a dude. Any of those would be game for your ex-wife"
"Look on the bright side, Uncle Alan," I turned to him.
He snorted. "What bright side?"
"If they get married, you won't have to pay alimony."
Alan made a weird face, thought about it, and said, "It is a bright side."
I concluded, "And we were lucky it didn't happen with Grandma. That would've been a little traumatic. My dad and my grandma slept with the same dude."
"Eugh, just the idea makes me freak out," Dad replied in repulsion.
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The next morning, I was having breakfast with Alan, Charlie, and Jake.
We heard Berta exclaim, "Gadzooks!" from the living room. Then she walked into the kitchen.
"Morning." She headed straight toward my dad. "Nothing exciting happening in your world, Charlie?"
"Like what?" he asked.
"I don't know... Go to a fun party? See a great movie?" She paused. "Run into an old flame with a new wick?"
I suppressed a laugh.
She continued with her usual sassy tone, "What are the odds? One brother turns them gay, and the other turns them guy."
This time I couldn't hold it and burst out laughing.
I revealed to her between laughs, "And there's more, Berta. Now the two of them are together."
"Gadzooks!" she exclaimed again. "Here, boss, take more pancakes," already sensing it had been my doing.
"And you two?" She looked at Charlie and Alan. "How about a sausage link and a couple eggs?" She smirked.
They both stared at us until Jake innocently said, "I accept," still listening to his iPod Mini, completely unbothered by what was happening around him.
"Kiddo has a sixth sense when it comes to food," I said as I removed and adjusted his headphones, noticing how loud the volume was.
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