Day 11. I feel depressed. Actually, I've been feeling depressed for the last 3-4 days. That's why I haven't done anything and haven't written a single line. While I was describing what had happened recently, I inevitably remembered Barbara. I couldn't help but remember her. Even now, as I type these lines, I am sitting opposite her. Opposite what used to be her. Opposite her frozen body.
Yesterday, I wanted to open the cryocapsule to look at her one more time. But I didn't dare. Coward. Now I realize that I did the right thing, otherwise it would have been even harder for me. This way, I can imagine that she is still alive. And when we arrive, her capsule will automatically open together with the others. Barbara will swing her legs over the edge and look at me with her gentle, caring gaze. Is everything okay, sweetie? Yes, of course. Everything is fine, dear.
When the smart people on Earth were selecting the crew of future colonists, they only considered married couples in advance. Physically healthy, having lived together for more than five years, planning to have children but not yet having any. Highly educated, mainly in the natural sciences and engineering, with high social skills and low interpersonal aggression. They will not have to endure the hardships of flying in a confined space. They would have to live together for the rest of their lives, sow the seeds of human civilization in the soil of an alien world, and raise a new generation of people in an extraterrestrial cradle so that humanity could continue to explore the new world.
Naturally, tens of thousands of people had to go through the rigorous selection process, so Barbara and I didn't particularly believe in our success. We just wanted to take advantage of our chance to do something more in this life... Surprisingly, it all worked out. I can't forget how she glowed with joy when the fateful phone call came. Enthusiastic. A dreamer. She loved to travel. She was obsessed with space. It was her dream. Even more than mine. And before boarding the ship, falling asleep under an oxygen mask, she smiled because her dream had come true. Yes, dear... Your dream came true.
Damn it! There wasn't a single pack of fucking tranquilizers in anyone's belongings. Of course not! We're such awesome, select people! Space is not for the weak. We must be the best of the best. Strong, tough, emotionally stable. Maybe I have a problem with the last one? Because I burst into tears again.