**Z-Valhalla. Central Plaza.** **Saturday at 2:00 PM.**
There is a stage in the middle of the plaza.
Speakers are stacked up to fifty feet high.
Neon lasers cut through the sun at noon.
**"HELLO Z-VALHALLA!"**
The voice is so loud that it breaks windows in three different zip codes.
**Zeus** is in the middle.
He has on sunglasses that look like lightning bolts, a mesh tank top, and skinny leather pants. He has an electric guitar that Hephaestus made.
Poseidon is playing the drums behind him with four tridents. **Apollo** plays the keyboard. **Ares** on bass (looking lost).
Zeus yells into the mic, "We are... **THE OLYMPIANS!**"And this is our first single: *THUNDER STRUCK AGAIN!*
*KA-RANG!*
Zeus shreds. It is terrible.
It sounds like a thunderstorm trapped in a blender.
Poseidon drums with perfect, machine-gun rhythm, but it's completely out of sync with the chaotic guitar.
**The Audience.**
Civilians cover their ears.
"My teeth hurt!" a child cries.
"Is this punishment?" a Goblin asks. "Is this Hell?"
On his balcony, **Saitama** is trying to take a nap.
His eyelid twitches.
The windows vibrate. The picture of Genos falls off the wall again.
"It's Saturday," Saitama whispers. "The day of rest."
He covers his head with a pillow.
*ZZZZT-SCREEEECH!*
Zeus hits a high note.
The pillow does nothing.
Saitama sits up. The vein on his forehead is pulsing a dangerous blue.
"Genos."
"Yes, Master?" (Genos is wearing noise-canceling headphones).
"Are they playing... or fighting?"
"Sensors indicate 120 decibels of pure auditory disharmony. It is legally classified as noise pollution, but Zeus has a permit from Hermes."
Saitama stands up.
"Permit revoked."
**The Confrontation.**
Saitama jumps.
He lands on the stage.
The shockwave of his landing knocks Ares over.
The music stops (except for Poseidon, who keeps drumming until he realizes the vibe is ruined).
"Hey!" Zeus adjusts his mic stand. "No stage diving! Wait for the chorus!"
"You guys," Saitama picks his ear, "suck."
Zeus gasps. "Suck?! We practiced for an hour! This is pure Rock and Roll!"
"It's just noise," Saitama says. "And I'm trying to sleep. Turn it down."
"Never!" Apollo steps forward, playing a synth solo. "Music is the food of the soul! You cannot silence the Muses!"
Zeus grins.
"Let's show him the power of rock! **Volume... to 11!**"
Hephaestus (at the soundboard) cranks the knob.
The speakers glow red.
**Divine Sonic Blast.**
Zeus strums a chord.
*KRAAA-KOOOOM.*
A sound wave made of physical force blasts toward Saitama.
It shreds the floorboards. It knocks birds out of the sky.
Saitama stands in the blast zone.
His hoodie flutters. His cape (the new patch-work one) ripples.
He opens his mouth.
"Shut up."
He doesn't shout.
He speaks.
But he speaks with **Serious Voice Modulation.**
The sound of his voice hits the incoming sound wave.
His voice frequency cancels out the divine noise perfectly.
Destructive Interference.
*Poof.*
The sound vanishes.
Absolute silence.
The crowd blinks. They check their ears.
The speakers smoke and then explode.
Saitama walks up to Zeus's guitar.
He flicks the string.
*Ping.*
The guitar disintegrates into sawdust.
"Quiet time," Saitama says. "Or I break the drums next."
Poseidon stands up behind his drum kit.
He drops his sticks.
"I did not want to be here anyway," Poseidon mutters, walking off stage. "The rhythm was impure."
**The Manager.**
Hermes runs onto stage holding a clipboard.
"Saitama! You ruined the gig! We had merch!"
Saitama looks at the pile of t-shirts: *'I Survived the Zeus Tour'*.
"Nobody wants those shirts."
"But the profit margin!" Hermes wails.
Saitama sighs.
"Look, if you want people to listen, get someone good."
He points to the back of the plaza.
King is standing there, holding a karaoke microphone he found.
"King can sing," Saitama lies.
The crowd cheers. "KING! KING! KING!"
*DOOM-DOOM-DOOM.* King freezes. He looks at the thousands of expectant faces. He looks at Saitama.
*Traitor,* King thinks.
Zeus hands the (broken) mic to King.
"Show us, oh Strongest One! Sing the song of battle!"
King holds the mic. He is sweating bullets.
He whispers.
"uh... meow?"
The King Engine vibrates the microphone. It creates a deep, subsonic hum that resonates with the audience's soul.
It sounds profound. It sounds like the heartbeat of the universe.
The crowd weeps.
"So beautiful!" a Giant cries.
"A song of silence!" Apollo nods, taking notes.
Saitama gives a thumbs up from the balcony.
"Problem solved."
He goes back to sleep.
The city listens to the soothing hum of King's anxiety for the rest of the afternoon.