Kai was having the best night of his miserable life.
For once, everything lined up. His girlfriend Mia (yes, actual girlfriend, not a body pillow with a drawn-on face) was riding him like she was trying to qualify for the sexual Olympics. Her long black hair whipped back and forth, tits bouncing in that perfect hypnotic rhythm that short-circuited every neuron in his coomer brain. The cheap LED strips on his wall were pulsing red, some lo-fi beats playlist thumped in the background, and the room smelled like sex, strawberry lube, and instant ramen, the holy trinity.
"Fuck yes, Mia… just like that, baby, grind on it," he groaned, hands glued to her hips, thumbs digging into that soft spot right above her ass that made her whimper every time.
She was close. He could feel it in the way her thighs started trembling, the way her pussy kept fluttering around his cock like it was trying to milk him dry. Kai grinned like an idiot. Tonight he was going to fill her up so good she'd walk funny tomorrow and brag to all her friends about her legendary boyfriend.
And then, right as her back arched and her nails clawed his chest, she screamed:
"Ahhn~! Yes, R-Ryusei~!"
The world froze.
Kai's hips stopped mid-thrust. The lo-fi beat kept going, but everything else just… stopped. Even the LED lights seemed to stutter.
"…What the fuck did you just say?"
Mia's eyes snapped open. For one hilarious second she looked like a deer staring at oncoming headlights shaped like a divorce lawyer. Then she tried to play it off, slamming her hips down harder, fake-moaning louder like volume could erase the last five seconds.
"W-what are you talking about, babe? I said Kai! K-Kai! See? Harder, Kai, fuck me harder~"
"Bullshit." His voice came out flat. The horny fog was gone, replaced by ice-cold clarity. "You said Ryusei. That pretty-boy coworker you swore was 'just a friend.'"
Mia slowed down, biting her lip in that way that usually got her out of trouble. She leaned forward, pressing her tits against his chest, trying to cute her way out of it like she always did when he caught her liking some dude's thirst traps.
"Baby, nooo, it was a mistake, I swear! My brain just short-circuited because you feel so good~"
"Stop. Just fucking stop." Kai grabbed her hips and lifted her off him like she weighed nothing. His cock slapped wetly against his stomach, still rock-hard and glistening with her juices, now feeling like a loaded gun pointed at his own pride.
Mia knelt between his legs, naked and flushed, trying to look innocent even though her pussy was literally dripping on his bedsheets.
"Kai, come on, don't be dramatic"
"Dramatic?" He laughed, sharp and ugly. "My girlfriend just moaned another dude's name while riding my dick. That's not dramatic, that's a fucking war crime."
She rolled her eyes. Actually rolled her fucking eyes.
"You're overreacting. It was one slip-up. God, you're always so insecure. No wonder I–" She cut herself off, but the damage was already terminal.
"No wonder you what?" His voice dropped dangerously low. "No wonder you've been fucking Ryusei behind my back?"
Silence.
Mia looked away, lips pressed thin. Then something in her face changed, like a switch flipping from "cute girlfriend" to "done pretending."
"Fine," she spat. "Yes. I've been fucking Ryusei for three months. Happy now?"
Kai felt his soul leave his body, do a backflip, and yeet itself into the sun.
"Three… months?"
"He's not a pathetic porn-addicted loser who jerks off eight times a day, Kai. He actually takes me out. He makes me feel wanted. You're just… you're scum. A disgusting, sex-obsessed pig who thinks with his dick twenty-four seven. I deserve better."
The words hit harder than any punch. Kai just stared at her, mouth open, brain blue-screening.
Mia climbed off the bed, snatched her thong from the floor, and started pulling it on like they were discussing the weather.
"I'm leaving. Enjoy your hand for the rest of your life, pervert."
She turned to walk out, then paused at the door, looking back with pure venom.
"Oh, and one more thing."
Her leg snapped up faster than his brain could process. Her bare foot slammed into his balls with the force of a professional footballer taking a penalty kick.
Pain.
White-hot, world-ending, vomit-inducing pain.
Kai doubled over, gasping, tears exploding from his eyes as his entire existence compressed into two throbbing, exploding testicles.
"Y-you… crazy… bitch…" he wheezed, collapsing sideways off the bed and hitting the carpet face-first.
Mia didn't even look back. The front door slammed. Her car started outside. Tires screeched. Gone.
Kai lay there curled into a ball, drooling, vision swimming. His balls felt like they'd been replaced with nuclear warheads.
"This... this is how I die? Blue-balled by betrayal and literally kicked in the balls?"
He laughed. It came out more like a dying walrus.
"Even my death is getting cucked..."
The room spun. Darkness crept in from the edges.
"If there's a next life... if some goddess offers me a cheat skill... I'm not picking strength or magic."
His vision tunneled.
"I'm picking the ability to make every woman in existence regret treating guys like trash."
Blackness swallowed him whole. The last thing he felt was the ghost of a smirk.
"Watch me, Mia. Watch me become the biggest piece of scum the multiverse has ever seen."
Then, nothing.
Somewhere else entirely, a blinding white light flared to life.
A haughty, melodic voice echoed through the void:
"Welcome, mortal soul. I am Astrael, Goddess of Light and Purity. You have been chosen–"
A very naked, very pissed-off Kai opened his eyes.
"Lady, I don't know who the fuck you are, but if you've got a hole, get ready. I've got three months of rage and one very specific revenge fantasy to work out."
The goddess blinked.
And that, dear reader, was the exact moment the universe realized it had fucked up beyond all repair.
To be continued.