Young Master Bai had been so mesmerized watching the invisible hand assemble the massive Brick-Missile in midair earlier that he'd forgotten to actually memorize anything. Now, being questioned, his face turned a deep bruised-purple — like a pig liver left out in winter.
His embarrassment was unbearable.
Madam Bai, furious beyond measure, smacked him on the head.
"Dao Xuan Tianzun teaches you a celestial weapon — and instead of learning the important part, you study how Li the Blacksmith swings a hammer?! How did I give birth to such a foolish son?"
Young Master Bai held his cheek, not daring to argue, obediently enduring the scolding.
"Go apologize to Tianzun at once!"
Gao Yiye laughed.
"No need — Tianzun says he'll demonstrate again. This time, watch properly."
Young Master Bai snapped upright like a soldier. Eyes wide, breath held, focus absolute.
The great celestial weapon made a crisp pa-pa-pa sound as it disassembled itself — block by block, piece by piece — until it was once again a mountain of scattered components.
Gao Yiye:
"Alright. Tianzun will begin assembling."
The fragments rose, clicking together in midair, layer by layer, until the Brick-Missile assembled itself perfectly again.
Li Daoxuan even reached to the hillside, picked up the eight spent projectiles, and slotted them neatly back into the launch tubes.
Gao Yiye looked to the boy.
"Now — did you memorize it this time?"
Young Master Bai lifted his face, shining with excitement.
"Reporting to Tianzun — I have memorized everything!"
"Quick learner," Gao Yiye said. "Tianzun praises your cleverness."
Young Master Bai was modest — but Madam Bai nearly burst into fireworks.
"Tianzun praises my son! Says he is clever! Hahahahaha—!"
For the rest of her life, whenever she chatted with other women, she would boast:
"My son was praised by Dao Xuan Tianzun — he said he was clever."
She bragged about that for decades.
While Madam Bai cackled with joy, Gao Yiye turned to the young master:
"Tomorrow morning, Tianzun will send Gaocuo Wu and Zheng Da Niu, bringing three celestial missiles and plenty of ammunition to Bai Family Fort. You will accompany them and teach your father how to assemble the device."
The boy, though young, knew etiquette. He bowed deeply to the sky.
"I obey Tianzun's divine command. Among the Six Arts, I excel most at ritual—I follow my father's—"
SMACK!
Madam Bai slapped him again.
"Do NOT follow your father in rituals."
…
At dawn, Cheng Xu rose early.
Though a military official, he was literate. While not elegant like a scholar, he could still write a straightforward report.
He wrote vigorously:
"I, your humble servant, led one hundred soldiers defending Bai Family Fort. I ordered the people to fell wood and build trebuchets and giant crossbows, and trained the villagers. Days later, the bandits arrived, numbering more than six thousand. Yet I felt no fear. I broke their morale with trebuchets and crossbows, then charged and crushed them. The bandits fled into Huanglong Mountain in terror. I pursued for over thirty li, slaying countless foes. The criminals are now frightened and will never dare invade our Chengcheng County again…"
His brush flew like he was sculpting his own official promotion.
He was giddy.
With such merit, promotion and wealth were just around the corner!
As he rejoiced, the deputy inspector burst in.
"General! A message arrived from a hunter in the mountains."
"Speak!"
"After Buzhan-Ni retreated to Huanglong Mountain, he regrouped with Zuoguazi. Now the two forces are marching together toward Bai Family Fort."
Cheng Xu froze.
"…What?"
His brush dropped.
"Why?! The bandits took huge losses here! They should be fleeing northeast to Yichuan, or west to Luochuan — anywhere but here! As long as they don't come to Chengcheng County, none of this is my problem!"
The deputy whispered:
"Yichuan has a terrifying official stationed there — Hong Chengchou, the Grain Commissioner. Zuoguazi was beaten badly by him and won't go near Yichuan.
And Luochuan… word is that inspector there is also formidable — he drove Buzhan-Ni into Huanglong Mountain.
So… so…"
"So they picked the softest persimmon to squeeze, is that it? They think I look easy to bully?!"
The deputy broke into sweat.
"What part of me looks like a soft persimmon?! Which part?!"
"Boss… this isn't the time to argue. Think of a solution. Together they have three thousand fighters. We can't defend Bai Family Fort. Let's… run?"
Cheng Xu panicked.
"I already planned to run! But after they break Bai Family Fort, they'll plunder all of Chengcheng County! I'm the inspector here — where can I run?! Even if I escape the first day, I won't escape the fifteenth! And if His Majesty accuses me of dereliction — and that Donglin-faction magistrate files a report — my head will fly!"
He looked up — and suddenly the deputy inspector's face morphed into his great-grandmother, grinning with missing teeth.
"Come, great-grandson… keep Great-Grandma company…"
He shrieked, spun around — another great-grandmother stood behind him with the same ghostly smile.
"Come here… great-grandson… Grandma is lonely…"
"AAAAAAAA!"
He collapsed onto his desk, drenched in sweat.
"I'm dead. This time I'm truly dead…"
At that moment, a sentinel shouted from outside:
"Old Master! Old Master! Gaocuo Wu has returned — he brought more things!"
Cheng Xu perked up instantly.
"That weird fellow who sent us the strange trebuchets and giant crossbows? He's back?"
He bolted outside.
Sure enough, the enormous monstrous vehicle had arrived again, loaded to the brim with bizarre materials — neither metal, wood, stone, nor clay — just a pile of seemingly useless blocks.
From the vehicle hopped a young boy in white — only thirteen or fourteen, barely whisker-aged — Young Master Bai himself. He cupped his hands and shouted:
"Father! I have returned!"
Bai Yuan took one look and nearly fainted.
"What?! Why did you come back? This place is dangerous — hurry! Return to Gaojia Village!"
Footnotes
[1] "Six Arts" in Classical Education
The Six Arts — rites, music, archery, charioteering, calligraphy, and mathematics — formed the foundation of elite education since the Zhou dynasty. Even in late Ming, educated families still referenced them jokingly or formally.
[2] Hunter networks as intelligence sources
Border counties and mountain regions often relied on hunters as unofficial scouts. Their knowledge of terrain and bandit movements made them valuable to local officials during wartime.
[3] Hong Chengchou's real reputation
Hong Chengchou was indeed a remarkable general and official in the late Ming, known for crushing multiple rebels. Bandit groups often avoided areas under commanders with strong reputations — a historically accurate detail.