Flat-Rabbit hadn't been in Gaojia Village for long. He'd heard the villagers whisper endlessly about Dao Xuan Tianzun, but had never once witnessed the deity showing signs. So he'd remained in that classic bandit state of mind—half believing, half doubting, and fully confused.
This time, however, he finally saw it with his very own eyes.
A massive arrow carved into the earth—stones shoved aside as if bullied by a giant. What kind of divine strength did it take to plow an arrowhead that big into the ground?
Flat-Rabbit suddenly remembered that moment when he'd peeked at Gao Chu-wu practicing boxing and something had smacked him from behind, sending him kissing the dirt. Wait… wait… that thing behind him… wasn't that…
"Aaahhh!"
He threw himself down face-first like a child confessing after being beaten by an angry mother with bamboo strips.
"Dao Xuan Tianzun! I was wrong! I shouldn't have stolen someone else's martial arts! Please spare this small, pitiful rabbit!"
Li Daoxuan had long since punished him once; no need to smack him again. One crime, one penalty. So he simply withdrew his divine hand, amused.
Flat-Rabbit waited a few seconds, trembling. When no divine lightning fell, he shot upright like a startled chicken.
"Brothers! Follow your Lord Rabbit! With Dao Xuan Tianzun pointing out the way, we'll definitely take back Shitou Si's stuff!"
The hired hands instantly revived in morale.
"Dao Xuan Tianzun bless us!"
Flat-Rabbit charged forward, the others surging after him. Each time the divine arrow faded, another one appeared, adjusting direction like a celestial navigator.
They ran over the ridge—
And Flat-Rabbit spotted several men roasting stolen meat by a fire.
"HEY! Where'd you idiots crawl out from? You dare attack our village and steal our things? Taste my—sword!"
He whipped out his rusty sword and dashed like a hero in a ballad.
The bandits scrambled for wooden sticks.
Flat-Rabbit leaped, screamed, "Heaven! Rabbit! Sever! Tyrant! Strike!"
He swung the sword… and immediately tripped over a rock, faceplanting with a majestic thunk.
The hired hands, fueled by righteous rage and absolutely no coordination, trampled over him like migrating buffalo and pounced the five thieves.
By the time Flat-Rabbit groaned and crawled up, the five thieves were already beaten, hogtied, and stacked like firewood. Shitou Si had retrieved his precious meat and flour, clinging to them as though holding his newborn son.
Flat-Rabbit: "…"
He'd fully expected humiliation and mockery…
But the workers turned to him, eyes respectful, even deferential:
"Rabbit-ye, the thieves are subdued, and we've got our things back. What should we do next?"
Oh? They still called him Rabbit-ye?
Flat-Rabbit's spirit reignited. He strutted over to the thieves, rusty sword in hand.
After staring dramatically for a long moment, he asked:
"You five. You hungry, so you came robbing us?"
The thieves stared at the ground. In these times, stealing food was basically asking to die without complaint, so none dared even explain.
Flat-Rabbit lectured with the authority of a beggar-sage:
"Heroes rob the rich and save the poor—that's basic ethics! But you idiots robbed the poor! Look! Look at him!"
He dragged Shitou Si forward like a pitiful display item.
"This brother is dirt-poor. His clothes are falling apart. His tiny ration is meant as a gift for a master so he can learn martial arts. And you rob him!? If you're gonna rob someone, go rob the Emperor! If you did that, I'd call you five heroes and bow to you three times!"
The thieves stayed silent… until one finally snapped:
"If you're so amazing, why don't you go rob the Emperor? Why tell us to do it?"
Flat-Rabbit: "…"
This question hit his brain like a collapsing roof.
Because… because originally… he truly was planning to roam the land with Wang Er-ge, beat up all the villains, then eventually storm the palace and rob the Emperor. But somehow… somehow he ended up doing manual labor in Gaojia Village.
Wait.
Wait wait wait.
Why am I, Flat-Rabbit the Great Hero, working part-time as a hired hand!?
His sword clattered onto the ground. He squatted down clutching his head—mental corruption +999—unable to think.
The workers sighed. Their "boss" had crashed. Time for self-governance.
"Shitou Si," someone said, "they beat you. You decide what we should do."
"Eh? I'm not worthy," Shitou Si mumbled.
"Just say it—beat them or release them?"
Shitou Si hesitated, then whispered, "Dao Xuan Tianzun should be watching from the sky. We should ask His will."
Everyone looked up hopefully.
Li Daoxuan, however, refused to intervene. If he had to personally micromanage every petty dispute, when the entire territory expanded he'd die from celestial paperwork. Let the mortals grow brains.
The workers, left without divine instructions, finally activated their own.
A bright "lightbulb" practically popped above Shitou Si's head.
"I got it! Labor Reform! The people in the Labor Reform Village are all criminals working off their sins! These five should be tossed in there!"
The workers beamed.
"Brilliant! Justice!"
They hauled the thieves back. Passing Flat-Rabbit, still squatting in existential crisis, Shitou Si quickly pulled him up.
"Rabbit-ye, we're going back."
Flat-Rabbit mumbled incoherently, picked up his ancestral rusty sword, and stumbled along.
Li Daoxuan, watching from above, was pleased. Yes! This is it! Observe the divine example, then think for yourselves. In time this will evolve into a legal system unlike the Ming Code—primitive perhaps, but still an actual legal concept.
And a legal system is essential.
After all, when you walk down a street and strangers don't hack you with knives, it's not because they're saints—it's because they fear the law.
The workers brought the thieves to the village gate and reported to Shansier. After hearing the details, Shansier agreed immediately:
"Good. Throw them into Labor Reform Village."
The five thieves were kicked inside and left there.
They blinked in confusion.
They expected torture, execution, dismemberment, something dramatic…
But instead? Just dumped there with no one paying attention.
What… what was this place?
Before they could decide whether to run or cry, a labor reform inmate waved lazily at them:
"You five are new? I saw the workers dump you here. Come on, I'm a nice guy. I'll teach you the rules."
The five stared at him, horrified.
And so their re-education began.
Footnotes
Rusty swords & heroes — Many wandering "heroes" in late-dynasty folk tales carried rusty blades mainly because they couldn't afford better ones. Romanticized poverty is still poverty.
Robbing the Emperor — Historically speaking, robbing the Emperor is less "heroic" and more "immediately suicidal," but bandits always dreamed big.
Labor Reform Village — Not historically accurate, but a comedic proto-legal system emerging from the villagers' improvisation. Think of it as grassroots jurisprudence meeting farm-level chaos.
Lightbulb moment — Yes, anachronistic. No, I refuse to remove it. Humor transcends dynasties.
Dao Xuan Tianzun absentee management — Even immortals prefer delegation. It's divine HR strategy.