Ma Tianzheng's mind was still halfway out to lunch when Li Daoxuan picked up another figurine—this time, the Supreme Treasure version of Sun Wukong—and whoosh, sent it streaking across the sky-box.
Ma Tianzheng: "!"
Then Li Daoxuan grabbed a plastic dinosaur.
Whoosh.
Ma Tianzheng: "!!"
Then Li Daoxuan reached for an Ultraman-series Lobster-Man figurine, sent it slicing across the sky with a swift, elegant arc—
And that was the moment Ma Tianzheng's worldview gave up the ghost.
What… what in the heavens… is happening up there?
Gods. Monsters. Random bizarre creatures. All sprinting across the sky in chaotic formation.
Panic seized him.
"Immortals fighting! If they clash and fall, mortals suffer! This village is doomed!"
He lifted his voice like he was reporting a fire:
"Run! Everyone run! The gods and demons are fighting in the sky!"
But the villagers of Gaojia Village were far too busy to look up. Everyone was hunched over weeding, hoeing, sorting grain, and generally not paying attention to airborne lizard-men.
They'd seen enough weirdness over the last few months that random sky blur wasn't worth breaking posture for. Besides—Dao Xuan Tianzun's signature little cloud hovered above them like a heavenly security camera. With Tianzun watching, who cared what Ma Tianzheng was screeching about?
Ma Tianzheng sputtered,
"Why aren't you afraid? Are none of you concerned about imminent death?!"
Silence. Hoeing resumes.
Li Daoxuan was having the time of his life.
With the villagers' heads safely lowered again, he picked up the one-centimeter-tall miniature figurine of Dao Xuan Tianzun—sculpted for him with improved facial attractiveness and maxed-out divine majesty—and flicked it across the sky toward a nearby valley.
From the ground, the little bronze figure flew like a streak of holy lightning. Tiny… but dramatic.
Ma Tianzheng gasped.
"An immortal! An immortal just flew past!"
He broke into a run, chasing after the divine trail like a pilgrim who'd lost his sandals and his dignity in the same moment.
Soon, he reached a secluded mountain valley.
A sudden rumble boomed overhead. Something descended.
Boom!
A huge Lobster-Man monster slammed into the ground in front of him, opening its massive pincers with a gurgling roar.
Ma Tianzheng nearly jumped out of his soul.
He spun and ran, but the creature launched forward, surprisingly fast for something shaped like dinner.
Its eyes glowed red. Its head wobbled. Its claws clicked ominously.
Cornered, trembling, Ma Tianzheng suddenly remembered—
Oh right. I'm a Daoist.
He whipped out his three-foot sword and instinctively launched his basic demon-slaying mantra:
"By the order of the Supreme Elder—!"
CLANG!
The Lobster-Man's pincer smacked his blade so hard it flew out of his hands like a rejected audition.
His spell had exactly zero effect.
I'm finished. Completely finished.
Before the Lobster-Man could snip him into noodles, Li Daoxuan (realizing he had almost accidentally killed the poor man) decided the game was over.
He grabbed a glass cup and lowered it straight onto Ma Tianzheng like a protective dome.
Ma Tianzheng braced for death… but instead felt something surround him—transparent, smooth, unbreakable.
A shield?
The Lobster-Man stalked around the domed barrier, tried headbutting it twice, making the whole thing vibrate with an ear-splitting hum. Ma Tianzheng clutched his ears and squatted, barely enduring the sonic torture.
Finally, the monster gave up and flew into the clouds.
Ma Tianzheng exhaled shakily.
"So… a divine treasure… saved me?"
Which one? The Dragon King? Nezha? Sun Wukong? Or that mysterious handsome immortal he'd just glimpsed?
He touched the invisible walls—cold, smooth, indestructible.
Tried to get out—no chance.
"Oh no… I'm trapped. I'm stuck here in an empty valley… no one even knows…"
Just then, a young girl floated into view—literally floated—gliding down from the direction of the village. She lowered herself gently, hopping down the last bit like stepping off an invisible platform.
She landed outside the barrier, facing him.
Simple clothes. Clean. Composed. A dignified air.
She tapped the transparent wall twice—like knocking politely. The barrier lifted straight into the sky and vanished.
Then she spoke:
"Dao Xuan Tianzun just saved your life. You're still standing there like a stunned chicken. Aren't you going to thank Tianzun?"
Ma Tianzheng's mind whirled. He remembered what the drivers said earlier. Her identity clicked.
"Saintess?"
Gao Yiye kept her expression stiff and solemn.
"Yes."
If he'd met someone claiming to be a saintess yesterday, he would've assumed she was some delusional cult kid. But after everything he'd just seen? The man was ready to convert on the spot.
He dropped into a deep bow.
"Saintess, please guide this humble Daoist. What in the world just happened? My Dao heart is… a disaster."
Gao Yiye, remembering Tianzun's directive to "act dignified for a while," kept her expression firm.
"What happened? Mortals can't understand—that's fine.
But you? A Daoist?
You couldn't understand any of it?
What exactly have you been cultivating?"
Footnotes
Supreme Treasure Sun Wukong Figurine — This version references a beloved comedic interpretation of the Monkey King from modern pop culture. It highlights how mythological heroes in Chinese tradition continually evolve through storytelling.
Ultraman Monster References — In many East Asian cultures, children grow up mixing folklore with TV monster-of-the-week shows. The humor here comes from placing modern sci-fi creatures inside a classical world view.
"Immortals Fighting, Mortals Suffer" — A long-standing Chinese proverb reflecting the historical reality that noble or supernatural conflicts often resulted in hardship for common people.
Three-Foot Sword in Daoist Tradition — Daoist priests historically carried ritual swords, often wooden or symbolic, believed to ward off evil. Travelers and wandering priests were common through late imperial China.
Invisible Protective Dome — The concept of a barrier or heavenly shield appears in many Chinese folk tales. It often symbolizes divine intervention protecting the righteous—or the panicking.
Saintess Role — Many rural folk traditions featured a "spirit medium" or "divine messenger," often a woman tasked with conveying the will of deities. This blends into the comedic reinterpretation of Gao Yiye's role here.