---
Break gave me time I didn't realize I needed — and maybe time I'd been avoiding for months.
I started doing small things for myself.
Nothing dramatic.
Nothing meant to "fix" me.
Just things that made me feel like I existed outside of heartbreak.
I created a tiny morning routine:
Skincare, brushing out my hair slowly, playing soft music… and then, for no reason at all, doing ridiculous fashion walks around my room.
Sometimes I'd wear oversized sweaters.
Other times I'd try on clothes I hadn't touched in years.
I'd pose in the mirror like I was on a runway — even though I knew I looked silly.
But somehow, feeling silly felt better than feeling broken.
It made me feel… worthy again.
Worthy of laughter.
Worthy of feeling pretty.
Worthy of taking up space.
There were still moments where I struggled — moments where doubt whispered that I wasn't enough, that I'd been left behind without an explanation. But every time, I reminded myself:
I'm still here.
Still healing.
Still trying.
And that alone counted for something.
---
Time slipping toward school
The days blurred together more quickly than I expected.
One morning, I realized the calendar had jumped forward — only a couple of weeks left before returning to campus.
I felt a weird mix of nervousness and curiosity.
A part of me wanted to stay in this soft bubble of home forever.
Another part wanted to step forward and see who I'd become outside of the pain.
Slowly, life was moving again.
---
Denzel and I kept talking from time to time.
Nothing intense — just short, calm conversations that always seemed to come at the right moment.
He'd send a random voice note of a guitar riff he liked, or a small joke about something he saw during the day.
Sometimes he sent songs, sometimes memes, sometimes just:
> Denzel:
you okay today?
He was different from most people I'd met.
Not loud.
Not demanding.
Not trying to force anything out of me.
Just steady.
Calm.
Present in this gentle, quiet way that made conversations with him feel… safe.
One afternoon, we talked a little longer than usual. I told him about trying skincare routines and my embarrassing fashion walks, expecting him to tease me.
But instead he said:
> Denzel:
honestly
that sounds kinda cool
whatever makes you feel good
keep doing it
His voice — even through text — had this grounding effect.
Like he wasn't trying to cheer me up with clichés.
He was just there, listening in a way that didn't make me feel small.
I started learning little things about him, too.
His love for old music.
His habit of observing people quietly before speaking.
His calmness — the kind that didn't come from being emotionless, but from understanding more than he said.
It wasn't anything close to romance.
Just a connection that didn't hurt.
A softness I didn't expect.
And weirdly… it made the days feel easier.
--