"SLOOOWLY... JUST TAAAKE IT...!!!"
A slender girl, though slightly on the heavier side, was singing.
And at that very moment...
[BANG!]
[CRASH!!!]
[BOOM!!!]
"GOD IS THE GREATEST!!!" cried the residents, suddenly jolted awake from their deep sleep.
Everyone in Cingambreng District, South-East Jakarta, panicked as the explosion came from the boarding house of a young woman.
They rushed out of their homes and stared towards the source of the blast.
"What's happening?!" Asked Mr Topo, eyes bulging.
"I don't know either, Mr Topo! It looks like it's from Miss Leni's room!" Replied Mr Suryo, trembling with fear.
Mr Topo immediately rallied several residents to break down the boarding room door.
"BREAK IT DOWN!!!" He roared.
"I'll count to three, everyone ready?!"
"ONEEEE!!!"
"TWOOOOO!!!"
"THREEEEE!!!"
"CHAAAARGE!!!"
Mr Topo, who had ordered the door to be broken down, was at first at the back of the crowd.
Without realising it, his enthusiasm carried him forward until he was at the very front.
As he ran past the other residents, he glanced back for a moment.
"Pathetic lot! I'm already 73 and I can still outrun all of you!" He thought proudly to himself.
His pride made Mr Topo overestimate his own abilities.
With movements that were 'remarkably agile', he sped up and suddenly somersaulted forward, leaving the astonished residents behind.
If Mr Topo's somersault were filmed with CGI effects, the scene might look both dramatic and ridiculous.
A 73‑year‑old grandfather was flying across the universal line of villagers, executing a flawless somersault.
Mr Topo shouted loudly as he soared and kicked the door, "TAKE THIS, YOU WRETCHED DOOR!!! PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF TOPO THE TAILOR!!!"
Many residents panicked at Mr Topo's dramatic display.
"No, Mr Topo! Don't!!" Cried one of the women in a house dress, wearing a face mask.
Other residents also shouted warnings.
Mr Topo's wife, Mrs Yanti, screamed hysterically, "NOOOO!! DON'T DO THAT, DEAR!!!"
Mrs Yanti immediately fell to her knees on the ground, resigned to her fate.
Mr Topo, in his frenzy, ignored all the warnings.
"Don't worry! My bones are still strong! It's only a door!" Replied Mr Topo, staring at it as though he were a powerful character in a fantasy novel, brimming with confidence.
A few moments later.
[THUD!!!]
The sound of a heavy blow was heard. But the door still did not open.
Mr Topo's foot remained stuck to the door for several seconds.
Mr Topo was puzzled, then looked at the residents, "Why hasn't the door opened?" He asked in confusion.
The residents merely sighed, shook their heads, and went home one by one.
Mr Suryo waved towards Mr Topo, "Mr Topo, I'm off now, all right? Wishing you a speedy recovery!" He said.
Mr Suryo then whispered to his wife, "How much should we put in the envelope for Mr Topo tomorrow?! He'll surely end up in hospital!"
Mrs Suryo replied, "Don't give too much! Just ten thousand! Serves him right for pretending to be a strong character in a fantasy novel! Now he can feel the consequences himself!"
Mr Topo, bewildered, turned to his wife who was still kneeling on the ground.
"Dear, why are they all going home?!" He asked.
Mrs Yanti wept, then cried out loudly, "Topo! You're old, stop pretending to be strong!"
"But what's wrong with that, dear?!" Asked Mr Topo, utterly confused.
Mr Topo's foot was still stuck fast to the door and had not come down.
He was baffled as to why he remained attached to the door.
Mr Topo tried to pull his foot away from it, but he still could not succeed.
A few minutes later, Leni, who lived in the boarding house, opened the door.
Not the one Mr Topo had kicked earlier, but another to the right, about two and a half metres away.
Having heard the commotion outside, Leni immediately opened the door and saw Mr Topo still stuck fast, like Spiderman glued to the wall.
"Grandpa Topo! Why are you stuck there? It's late, what are you doing?!" Asked Leni.
Mr Topo turned his head, "Ah, Leni! I heard an explosion at your place, so I tried to break down the door! I was worried something had happened to you! But strangely, the door wouldn't open!" He replied.
Leni frowned, "Grandpa, the door is here! Why did you try to break it down there? That's a wall, Grandpa!" She said.
Mr Topo was astonished, "What?! This is a wall? But why does it look like a door?!" He asked.
Leni answered, laughing, "That's just a door poster, Grandpa! It's meant to be put up at the restaurant where I work! There are lots of thieves, so we wanted to trick them with this!"
"At first I didn't know if it would work, but it seems effective! You're the first person to get caught out, aren't you?! Haha!"
"What?!!! So this is just a poster on the wall?! In that case..." Mr Topo did not finish his sentence and remained rigidly stuck to the door poster.
Only then did Mr Topo realise what had happened.
His brain immediately processed the information, as if saying, "Topo, how foolish can you be? I'm the brain cells and I'm embarrassed!"
The signal was instantly relayed to the motor nerves to control his muscles, though his foot and body still clung to the poster door.
"Attention, attention! Chaos imminent from the owner of this body! Stay alert!" Declared the chief nerve cell through the microphone.
The sensory nerves received the message and quickly sent information to the brain that there was strong pressure on the foot, knee, and waist.
"Mayday! Mayday! Emergency information! Over!"
The cells in the brain's control room immediately received the message, "Message received! We will soon launch the pain torpedoes! Please wait! Kindly take a seat in the waiting room!"
The brain cells processed it as pain and sent signals of agony throughout the body.
Mr Topo suddenly felt pain in the sole of his foot, his knees, waist, and back, while still confused as to why his foot remained stuck to the poster door.
All his nerves and muscles worked automatically and in unison, until Mr Topo grimaced, screamed, and finally collapsed to the floor.
"HEEELP!!!" cried Mr Topo in a shrill voice as he lay sprawled on the ground.
"Oh Man... It hurts!!!" He continued, clutching the foot that had just struck the hard wall behind the poster door.
Mr Topo turned towards Leni, grimacing in pain. He whimpered, "Leni, help me dear!"
Mr Topo's words were highly dramatic.
Leni glanced at the watch on her wrist, "It's already past midnight, Grandpa! I'm going to carry on with karaoke now, bye!" She said casually, closing the door.
Mr Topo felt annoyed and frustrated at Leni's words.
He then shouted loudly, "You insolent woman!"
Leni's voice could be heard from inside the boarding room, singing the chorus.
Of course, the lyrics had been altered by Leni to match Mr Topo's condition.
"WOUNDED, BY YOU... IT FREEZES OVER!"
"PAIN, IN MY FOOT... STRIKING THE DOOOOR!"
Leni's voice rang out clearly, as if deliberately mocking Mr Topo who was still suffering outside.
"INSOLEEENT!!!" Screamed Mr Topo in a piercing tone, reaching ten octaves.