Before you start:
Reading works best with music The right music makes the difference between reading a story and living one. Trust me on this.
I'd recommend (alvedon - retire (final) (slowed + reverb)) it worked out the best for me while writing this chapter hope you enjoy it ♥️
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lying on my back in the soft courtyard grass, I stared up at the ceiling of the world.
Utter boredom.
A few feet away, the woman was tending to her plants. Humming softly, completely at peace with existence.
As for me, I've been awake for hours and have already exhausted every available activity.
Those activities included: lying down, sitting up, lying back down, watching a beetle, and losing said beetle.
I want my phone.
Not even to look at anything specific. Just to hold it. Just to have a screen to stare at that isn't the damn sky.
I want music.
I want to doomscroll for twenty minutes and feel terrible about it later.
I want literally anything.
A cigarette. Or a bong. Anything. I would kill for a cigarette right now.
I imagined the taste of smoke filling my lungs. The familiar burn. The buzz.
It was one of the few things that used to make the pressure inside me feel a little lighter.
I mean, I don't feel any actual physical pressure in this tiny baby body, but still...
I couldn't stop craving it.
I just needed a conversation with someone who actually spoke my language. Anything to make the quiet stop.
I rubbed my face with my chubby hands and stared back up at the clouds.
Day four. Or maybe five? I didn't even know anymore.
The days had started bleeding together somewhere around the second morning.
The situation showed zero signs of changing.
Wake up. Eat whatever mush she fed me. Lay around. Uncontrollably shit myself. Watch her work. Sleep. Repeat.
"Ugghggg....."
Don't even get me started.
It is unbelievably humiliating to get my diaper changed by a woman who is probably younger than me...
"Pshhhhhhh...."
I tilted my heavy head to look at her.
She was crouching over her plants, completely unbothered, murmuring quietly to whatever she was growing.
.....poor woman.
She had absolutely no idea who had actually become her child.
May the sky have mercy on you.
I looked back at the sky as that familiar, crushing weight formed in my chest.
Guilt. Man, it makes you wish you were just a numb, mindless loser instead of a conscious one.
It always came without warning, landing right on top of me uninvited.
I made a wish.
I remembered that much now. Not perfectly, but enough to hurt.
I wished to start over.
...and then I burned the house down.
My parents' house. The one they spent decades paying off.
The one my mother kept obsessively clean, and the one my father constantly patched up because he couldn't afford a professional.
That beautiful, quiet house.
I probably burned it completely to the ground. They lost everything because of me.
I pressed both tiny hands over my face, desperately trying to mask my pathetic baby sobs.
I'm such a piece of SHIT.
All those years. All that money. And what did they get? A depressed son who couldn't even pass a single exam.
They kept pouring their money into me. Their time. Their hope. Their love.
And I just swallowed it all like a black hole and stayed empty.
They worked so hard for me, and I couldn't even answer their calls. Couldn't even be a proper person.
I spread my stubby fingers and looked at the blue sky through them.
I wiped my tears away in an instant.
Okay, I thought, forcing my breathing to steady. Okay. Let's be rational about this.
Assuming this isn't a dream—which it clearly is, but assuming—then this is another world.
Which means those Japanese web novel writers were actually onto something.
Which also means somewhere out there, there are probably elves and demi-humans and various races and—
I propped myself up slightly on my weak elbows.
—WOMEN.
From various races.
With various...
I paused.
No, you stupid bum. Focus. That is not the right time.
Another pause.
...but it is a valid point.
My elbows gave out and I flopped back down. The guilt hit me again, ten times harder.
I just cried over my parents. Over the house I destroyed and the lives I ruined.
And the exact moment I stopped crying, the very first thing my brain supplied was women?
I pressed my palms into my eyes until I saw stars.
What kind of motherfucking bastard am I?
The woman called out from across the yard, her tone questioning.
I ignored her.
I was crying seconds ago. And then my brain went straight to fantasy. Straight to—
I cut the thought off.
...to be fair, that is what I do. That is what I have always done. Escape. Run.
Distract myself with stupid, superficial thoughts so I don't have to feel the heavy stuff.
But still.
STILL.
What kind of person ruins his parents' lives and then immediately thinks about elf and cat girls?
I pulled my hands away from my face.
...yes. Of course. A FUCKING loser.
A useless, selfish piece of shit who can't even think straight for his own good.
Anyways.
That man hadn't been around for a few days.
He'd left early in the morning, riding that enormous thing that made the ground vibrate, and hadn't come back since.
Where does he even go?
Deep in my downward spiral, I snapped out of it when the woman suddenly poked my cheek.
I blinked and tilted my head.
Hm?
She was kneeling beside me, holding a small, white flower. She held it out toward me.
...okay.
She moved it closer. There was a sparkle in her eyes, so genuinely hopeful that I was going to take it.
I reached out, my clumsy fingers fumbling before wrapping around the stem.
I held it up, my eyes darting between her face and the petals.
She was looking at me, smiling, clearly expecting some kind of adorable baby reaction.
A small, weary smile tugged at my face.
I didn't want to disappoint that pretty face of hers, so I held up my free hand, made a fist, and gave her a thumbs-up.
She blinked.
Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline.
Her mouth opened slightly in pure shock, like she had just witnessed a magic trick, and she babbled something fast and questioning.
I perfectly understood the universal tone: "Did you just...?!"
Heh.
Wait. Did I just make her suspicious? Because I definitely haven't been acting like a normal baby these past few days.
Is she going to figure out she pampers a grown-ass man?
She stared at me for a long, agonizing moment. Then, she let out a small, breathless laugh.
She was just totally startled. Like she couldn't believe her own eyes.
She looked so happy watching me hold that flower, I couldn't bring myself to ignore her.
.....you look so kind.
I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to accept kindness without feeling like a fraud.....
If you actually knew what kind of person was inside here, you would not look at me like this.
Kindness.
I can't.
....I cannot afford this.
I don't deserve anything at all. But looking into her eyes, I didn't have the heart to reject it, either.
Caught entirely off guard by my own thoughts, I froze when she cupped my soft face, leaned down, and pressed her lips against my cheek.
Mmmmmwah.
It wasn't a quick peck—it was a lingering kiss. Soft. Warm. It made me go completely, rigidly still.
...okay.
That just happened.
She'd done this many times before, and every single time, I had to fight a violent mental battle to resist having feelings about it.
She pulled back slightly, her face hovering inches from mine, and whispered something soft. Her breath was warm on my skin.
Another kiss. On my other cheek. Slower this time, leaving it tingling.
And, like usual, my cursed adult brain registered a reaction. A spark of something. Something lower.
Something I absolutely did not want to name.
Argggggggf
No no no. Do not.
Do NOT, you twisted fuck.
I squirmed in her arms, incredibly uncomfortable. My face was burning hot.
Not from embarrassment. From something far worse.
With a final, affectionate kiss to my forehead, she pulled me tight against her chest and started humming that same melody as she walked back inside.
I forced the intrusive thoughts away, mentally beating them to death.
Stop it, please man, stop it.
Focus on literally anything else.
I looked out over her shoulder at the courtyard. Past the heavy wooden gate. Out toward the world I hadn't actually seen yet.
Yeah.... Yeah....Focus on something else. What else is there?
Everything else. Everything.
I'd been in this world for three or four days, and I knew absolutely nothing.
Not the language. Not the name of a single person. Not what that massive vibrating beast outside was.
Not the country, the year, the laws of physics, or the monsters casually existing just beyond these stone walls.
I have time, I thought, feeling the rhythm of her footsteps.
I have literally all the time in the world. I'm a baby. Nobody expects me to do anything except exist, eat, shit myself, and grow.
And honestly... maybe this whole thing is God's fault anyway.
If nothing good has ever happened to me in my entire life, if every single decision I made led to disaster, if the universe has spent 23 years scripting my miserable existence... then I don't have to blame myself, right?
That's not weakness. That's just pattern recognition.
And if reincarnation is real, then God must be real too.
Which means He did this on purpose. Which means this is just another cruel joke at my expense.
So fine. Let Him keep writing. At least this time I can read the script.
The woman carried me inside, the air noticeably cooler in the shade, and set me down on the large bed before lying down beside me.
I could learn the language. I could learn to read their alphabet. I could—
I looked at her face. She was already half-asleep, one arm draped protectively across my chest, looking completely at peace.
What's your name? I thought at her closed eyelids. What are your names? What do I call you? What do you call me?
She made a soft sound in her sleep and pulled me just a fraction closer to her warmth.
Oof.
ALRIGHT.
Alright.....Just relax.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I figure it out.
Tomorrow I start actually paying attention instead of just talking shit about myself.
Tomorrow I—
"Huuuuaaahhh..."
Such big thoughts for a small guy, huh....
Biological exhaustion was already pulling me under. The warmth of the bed. Her steady, rhythmic breathing.
The strange, alien sensation of being held like something that actually mattered.
Tomorrow, I thought, my heavy eyelids finally surrendering.
Tomorrow I become a student of this world instead of just a passenger in it.
Tomorrow I learn what the hell is actually happening.
Tomorrow I find out who I am in this place.
Tomorrow—
"Wahhhhhh~"
Well, tomorrow came.
The woman carried me outside, walking down the dirt path to stand in front of the gate.
She stood there like a statue waiting for something, one arm supporting my weight on her hip, her free hand shading her eyes as she peered down the road.
I looked out at the world beyond the gate for the very first time.
Rolling fields. A dirt road. A few rustic houses dotting the distance, bleeding into a dense, dark forest.
The sky was the exact same shade of peaceful blue it had been every day.
HUH?!
Without warning, the ground beneath us shuddered.
Heavy, rhythmic thudding traveled up through the soles of her boots and into my small body. Something enormous was moving.
I whipped my heavy head toward the sound.
A shape materialized on the road in the distance. Red. Massive. Surging toward us.
With every step it took, the ground quaked.
My infant brain short-circuited. I couldn't process the sheer scale of the nightmare fast enough, so instinct took over:
"Ababa wwauaua waba! Eeehhh!"
I panicked. I grabbed fistfuls of her clothes and yanked. Hard.
Screeching in a high-pitched, completely incoherent baby wail.
SOMETHING IS COMING.
BIG FUCKING MONSTER. We need to MOVE. WHAT? WHY ARE YOU SO CALM?! ARE YOU INSANE?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR BRAIN?! MOVE!
She didn't flinch. She just stood there, completely unbothered, looking down at me with an amused expression.
"Xxxx xxxx xx?"
She cooed softly, like she was asking why I was throwing a tantrum.
The red thing closed the distance, and the terrifying shape finally snapped into focus.
OH.....
It was the man from before. The guy with the goatee and the aggressive beard kisses.
Except he wasn't riding a horse. He was riding on top of an enormous, crimson-scaled reptile.
It had piercing yellow eyes, massive scythe-like claws on each foot, and a thick, muscular tail that looked like it could level a stone house with a single swipe.
He spotted us by the gate and grinned—a wide, exhausted, but genuinely pleased smile, like he had just found exactly what he'd been fighting to get back to.
She waved at him.
Now that I was somewhat assured we weren't about to be eaten... I stopped panicking just long enough to realize I was apparently the only person here who found a giant red murder-lizard alarming.
He brought the massive creature to a heavy stop in front of us.
He dismounted, boots hitting the dirt with a thud, acting like riding a prehistoric apex predator was just a casual Tuesday commute.
He leaned in and kissed the woman. Then he leaned down and kissed my forehead.
Ugh, his spiky beard.....
I sat rigidly still in her arms, trying to process the fact that I had nearly suffered an infant heart attack over this.
The three of us went inside the house.
I kept looking back over my shoulder at the strange reptile resting in the yard. It looked like a literal dinosaur on four long limbs.
Do dinos still exist in this world?!
Things just kept getting more terrifying and interesting at the exact same time.
Once inside, they put me down on the wooden floor while they bustled around, busy doing whatever adults did.
Deep in my thoughts about the creature, I suddenly snapped out of it.
Wait. Did I forget about something?
Ah, right. The mission. The names.
Names. The language. What the hell that thing outside was, and how many other massive, terrifying animals I was going to discover.
I sat up, fighting my own wobbly center of gravity, and looked around the room properly.
Stone walls. Heavy wooden beams. A window showing the courtyard. A cluttered shelf holding jars and tools I couldn't identify. A tall mirror leaning against one wall.
I dropped to all fours—the fastest, most efficient way to travel in this useless body—and crawled across the room to the mirror.
I stared at my reflection.
Still a baby. Plump cheeks, messy hair, and striking green eyes that looked vaguely European on me.
But the person looking back at me today was different.
More awake.
Sharper.
Ready.
Alright then. Let's figure this out.
She looked up from the table when I crawled back over and babbled something that sounded like a question, a warm smile on her face.
I raised a stubby finger and pointed directly at her.
"Mama."
Her smile widened, and she nodded encouragingly.
I turned and pointed at the man, who was currently shrugging off his heavy gear.
"Papa."
He froze, then grinned like I'd just handed him a championship trophy.
Then, I pointed a finger directly at my own chest and made a loud, questioning grunt.
"Ah?"
They both stopped and looked at me. The woman turned and said something to the man. He just shrugged, looking amused.
They didn't understand me, did they?
I tried again.
Pointed at her. "Mama."
Pointed at him. "Papa."
Pointed at myself, raising my pitch to make it sound like a question. "Heh?"
The woman tilted her head, confused.
Uffffffff, why don't you just get it? It literally cannot be more obvious!
I pointed at my chest again. Harder. More insistent.
"Ahhhhh?"
The man chuckled, saying something to her—probably something like what's the little guy doing?—and she answered, tapping her chin thoughtfully.
My baby face contorted into a hard, deeply disappointed expression of pure boredom.
Hahhhhhhhhh
I jabbed my finger into my own chest one more time and let out an exasperated, frustrated groan.
Come on! You two have names. What is MINE?!
Suddenly, the woman's eyes went wide.
She looked at the man. He looked back at her, realization dawning on his face.
She turned back to me, and a slow, beautiful smile spread across her face.
Her eyes had that sparkle again—the kind of pure affection that was hard to look away from.
She reached out, gently poked my chest with her finger, and spoke clearly.
"Xxxx, Hector."
Hector?
Ah. So that's my name, isn't it?
I pointed at myself and repeated it, testing the strange syllables in my own mouth, fighting my undeveloped tongue to make the sounds.
"Heh... tor."
That broke her.
She crossed the room in two steps, scooped me off the floor, and hugged me incredibly tight.
She babbled something fast and deeply emotional to the man, who was now staring at me like I had just performed a literal miracle by figuring out my own name through sheer, stubborn determination.
That's who I was now..... Hector.
It's actually a nice, foreign-sounding name, if you think about it. I liked it, even.
Man, things just got a lot more interesting!
Hah.
It was going to take a long time to learn everything about this place, but for the first time...
I was actually looking forward to it.