Things went according to plan — well, according to canon too. Lucy made her dramatic entrance, handed Katherine the moonstone (the spelled fake), and the bitch went down. Damon decided trapping her in the tomb was poetic justice. Since she wanted the moonstone so badly, she could desiccate with it.
He was surprised I handed him the stone for free, but he kept quiet. I'm pretty sure he knew it was fake.
I exchanged numbers with Lucy before she left. She practically begged me to teach her elementarism, but I ignored her. I learned on my own — so could she.
Apparently Grams had a younger brother who was Lucy's grandfather. Most of her family was dead too, but she had a younger cousin my age — Zoe Bennett. I didn't remember any Zoe in canon, so I squeezed her contact info out of Lucy. You never know when you might need a witch cousin.
After such a long day, I crashed into bed and died instantly.
The Next Morning
Someone knocked on my front door. I groaned, tried to ignore it, failed, and stomped to the door like a demon.
"What?!"
"Morning, Bon," Caroline said with a nervous smile.
"Why are you knocking? You have a key."
"I forgot the keys," she said, twitchy as hell.
"What's going on? You're in my house at dawn, vibrating like a chihuahua, and you forgot the keys — which you never do. Explain."
"Well…" She ran a hand through her hair. "Stefan woke me up two hours ago. Apparently someone kidnapped Elena."
"Really?" I asked, smiling like it was Christmas. "Why didn't you start with that? This calls for celebration. I stole a bottle of champagne last night — let's open it."
"This is the part where I tell you stealing is wrong, but you wouldn't listen anyway," Caroline said, amused. Then she narrowed her eyes. "Bonnie, be serious! Elena is in danger — we need to help her!"
"Oh, so that's why you're here. The Salvatores sent you to lure me into the 'Let's Save the Magical Unicorn Known as Elena' squad." I nodded. "They're using you as bait. Where have I heard that before? Oh right — spoilers."
"Elena's a unicorn?" Caroline blinked. "What? And what do you mean spoilers?"
I dragged her inside and headed for the coffee machine.
"After examining both Elena and Katherine, I figured out why everyone is obsessed with doppelgängers," I said, grabbing my mug. "Elena is a unicorn. Think about it — everything about her is perfect. She has magical blood. She's rare. Do‑gooders like Stefan love her, evildoers like Damon want her, and everyone throws themselves into danger for her. Even when she kills an entire bloodline to be human again, people still call her a saint."
Caroline stared at me. "I wish I could say you weren't making sense… but some of that does make sense."
"Katherine is a dark unicorn," I continued. "Once pure, now corrupted. She lures prey with beauty and manipulates them until she's done. The white unicorn uses innocence the same way. Two sides of the same magical horse."
"That rant was enlightening," Caroline said slowly. "But now that you've had coffee, can we stop comparing doppelgängers to magical creatures?"
"Doppelgängers are magical creatures," I said smugly. "But fine."
"Back to the point — Elena's missing. Can you help?"
"Not for free."
"I'm asking for me," Caroline said, deploying the puppy eyes.
Damn her.
"You're being used because you're too nice," I said. "If you keep complying, they'll keep using you. They wouldn't do the same for you. If it were between you and Elena, they'd let you burn."
"I know that," she said quietly. "But just like I need to be more selfish, you need to be nicer. Helping someone without profit won't kill you."
I sighed. "If it were a stranger, I'd help for free. But the Salvatores? They're black holes. They take and take. That's why I set rules — if they want something, they pay. Now they're trying to bend the rules by using you, and I'm not amused."
"You know, I never understood why you disliked Elena and Stefan so much," Caroline said. "I hated Elena sometimes because she was perfect, but you didn't care about that. You just didn't like her."
"It's hard to like someone when you know who they are, what they've done, and what they'll do," I said. "Damon has done terrible things, but he carries them. Stefan has done worse, but he hides behind guilt and journals. He wears a mask."
"So Damon is Spike and Stefan is Angel," Caroline summarized. "What about Elena?"
"She cares about others — but mostly she cares about herself," I said. "Not in a bad way. It's ego. She was always the golden girl. Everything bad is her fault, everything good is because of her. She's used to being the center of the universe."
"You're damning her for things she hasn't done yet," Caroline said gently.
"We can agree to disagree."
"Fine. But can you please do a locator spell? I'm worried."
I stared at her for a second, then sighed. "Give me your phone."
She handed it over. I called Stefan.
"Caroline, did you get Bonnie to do the spell?" he asked immediately.
"Well, well, well," I said sweetly. "Someone is still used to having servants. You send someone to do your work, then demand answers without a greeting — and you're not even paying her. I thought you were against slavery, Stefan."
"Bonnie… it's not like that."
"It was a good tactic, using the only person I don't charge," I admitted. "But if you ever try that again, I'll turn you into lettuce and feed you to snails. Understood?"
"Understood."
"Good. Now put Damon on."
"Witch," Damon greeted.
"I thought we had an understanding," I said. "Was I wrong?"
"This wasn't my idea," Damon said. "I have more money than I can spend, and having a witch who does business without threatening me is refreshing."
"Good. Now listen — I'll do the locator spell, but there's a price."
"Name it," Stefan said tightly.
"You will never use Caroline in your schemes again. No coercion, no guilt‑tripping. If you break this deal, I will put a barrier around Mystic Falls and around Elena — linked to both of you. You will never step foot in town or see Elena again. Understood?"
"Crystal clear," Damon said.
"Understood," Stefan muttered, miserable.
"Say the magic words, Steffie."
"We've got a deal."
"Good. I'll text the address in ten minutes."
I hung up.
Caroline looked torn. "You didn't have to do that."
"I did," I said. "Until you get a man who puts you first, I'll make the selfish calls you can't."
She hugged me. "You're the best friend ever."
"Thankfully you know me better — nice men are boring."
"Yeah, they'd be eaten alive," she laughed. "Now please find Elena."
"She's fine," I said, heading to my room. "She's with Elijah. She's probably the safest human alive."
"Who's Elijah?"
"If Krampus and Santa were siblings, Elijah would be Santa."
"So he's Klaus's brother," Caroline deduced.
"Exactly. The nicer one — but not by much."
"And Elena is safe with him?"
"You're forgetting something. We're not looking for a missing girl — we're looking for a missing unicorn. Elijah doesn't care about Elena. He cares about what she is."
Caroline groaned. "The unicorn analogy is sticking, isn't it?"
"Forever."
I did the locator spell using one of Elena's shirts.
"You got it?" Caroline asked.
"Yup. The unicorn shall be returned to her owners."
"That sounds dirty."
"You know it."
"So… the new big bads are arriving. Spill."
I held up my pinkie. "Pinkie swear."
She groaned but linked her pinkie with mine.
"Klaus and Elijah Mikaelson," I said. "They want Elena because she's a white unicorn. If Katherine hadn't gone dark, they'd want her instead."
"Is Elena going to survive? Is anyone going to die?"
"Elena will be fine. Someone dies, but I'm going to try to change that. Jenna doesn't deserve to die."
"Jenna dies?!"
"We'll fix it. John dies instead."
Caroline blinked. "I'm pretending I didn't hear that."
"Good."
"Oh — Tyler killed someone. He's a werewolf now."
"Katherine's scheme, no doubt."
"Don't you know that hot werewolf from Whitmore? Maybe he can help Tyler?"
"Ugh. Fine. I'll call Reid."
"Thanks, Bon. Now get up — I'm starving. Grill?"
She dragged me to the closet.
Why did I befriend a bossy blonde again?
Meanwhile, on the Other Side…
Kol Mikaelson was having the time of his undead life.
His impossible witch had tricked Katerina Petrova and locked her in a tomb — something Nik had failed to do for five centuries. Brilliant. Terrifying. Brilliant.
The blonde vampire — Caroline — was clever too. For a baby vampire, she was shockingly well‑adjusted. And she'd clearly choose Bonnie over Elena if it came to it.
The fact that she called his siblings "Krampus and Santa" only made him like her more.
But what truly shocked him was that Bonnie knew the Mikaelson name.
They hadn't used it consistently in centuries.
Whatever sight she possessed was stronger than anything he'd ever encountered.
And he wondered…
If she knew his family…
Did she know about him?