Mom... I looked down at my mother. Machines beeping keeping her alive. She seemed at peace laying there. The look of utter grief was gone from her face. It was beautiful to see, but also heartbreaking to know she was here because she couldn't leave the house due to her grief.
"Mom, I don't know what to do anymore...." I held her hand as I quietly cried. I really wish we could have had the talks we used to have before I lost her in her grief from Dad's death. She always knew how to talk to me when I needed it, but she never told me what to do. She just knew how to navigate the mess of a maze my mind would make.
Figuring out where to stay is my first priority until we sort out the house. I spoke with her just like I had since Dad died. A one-way conversation that always broke my heart. I longed for our heart-to-hearts.
"I have three offers, one I really have no idea how you'd feel about it, seeing how you don't know him and he seems a lot older than I am." I realized I had no idea how old Luka was. I had to find that out. "The Holloways also offered for me to stay with them. At either their home or the hotel, whichever I was more comfortable with. I know you would be happy with that choice. They have always been family to us." Besides my parents. I had no blood-related family around. My dad was an only child, and his parents died when he was in his early 20s. My mom never mentioned any family. The most I got from her was that she ran away from an abusive relationship when she was eighteen. Her family wanted her to stay. It was a sort of arranged relationship between the families. She never went any further than that. After a few years on the streets and moving from town to town, she met my dad, and they have been together ever since. 'Your father and you are the only family I need.' That's what my mom would tell me when I pushed further. I have always been curious, I always thought she would tell me when I am older. That may never come now. "I know Jess is probably the one I will stay with, it doesn't feel right to stay with the Holloways after everything they have done to help with dad passing..." I held back tears so I could finish my one-way conversation with my mom. "Joel thinks I should stay with Luka, you don't know him, I hardly know him, but he saved you, and Joel vouched for him... I wish I knew what the right choice was..." Thankfully, I had some time to figure it out.
My head went down next to my mother's sleeping body. I held her hand with both of mine, snuggling it. I must have dozed off because I had a funny dream that felt like I was reliving a memory.
"Come on, Mom! How did you know Dad was the one?" A teenage me whined. I think I was just starting to date Chad. My parents never knew. The look they shared told the older me they suspected something was up.
"My whole world changed when I saw him." My mother smiled into her cup of coffee.
"How is that even possible? The world is the world?" I remembered trying to think if anything had changed when I met Chad. Nothing had.
"It sounds cliche, but when you know, you know, I don't know how else to explain it.'' My mom playfully mused as she tapped her cup.
"Come on! Pleaseeeee" I whined some more. I was desperate to know.
"Hahaha okay, dear. Don't need to break down now." My mother laughed as I flopped across the table. "Well, it felt like a string pulling us ever closer together. When I was with him, I felt safe. I felt like I was home. When he enters a room, a sense of energy sparks in the air. Even if I tried, I could never look away from your father. He gave me a new sense of life. I tried to leave town a few times before in the beginning, but I kept finding excuses to stay. The feeling was scary at first, it was just so..... intense and new." Teenage me was sitting there rolling her eyes. I was watching her so intently. Did I ever feel that way with Chad? No, absolutely not. Maybe I did with... my thoughts cut off when my dad entered the room. My mom's eyes locked right onto him as he entered, and her face lit up with such pure joy, I could understand now why she was so wrapped in grief. Besides me, he was her whole world. He saved her, and she owed him everything.