When Tajdin woke up after fainting, he found Karl fanning him with a newspaper.
"Adolf, you collapsed dramatically," Karl said proudly. "I rated it a 9 out of 10. Very artistic."
"Thanks," Tajdin muttered. "I try."
The rejection letter sat on the table like a smug little demon.
---
The Plan to Save the World (Again)
Tajdin paced back and forth.
"Okay. Art school is out. But I can still stop history. I can make him become a baker. Or a musician. Or a… librarian."
Karl perked up.
"Librarian? You? Adolf, you lose books. Yesterday you lost my dictionary. In your own room."
Tajdin ignored him.
He created a list on paper titled:
HOW TO STOP HITLER FROM BECOMING HITLER
1. Get a stable job
2. Stop him from joining politics
3. Keep him away from angry crowds
4. Destroy the moustache (very important)
5. Teach him to chill
It was a good plan!
Or so he thought.
A knock came at the door.
It was the landlady. "Adolf, a letter for you!"
She handed him an envelope stamped with an official eagle.
Not good.
Nothing with an eagle stamp was ever casual.
He opened it.
His face fell.
Karl read over his shoulder. "Congratulations… you've been accepted into the German Army?? But—but you didn't apply!"
Tajdin screamed.
"WHY WOULD THEY ACCEPT ME WHEN THE ART SCHOOL DID NOT?"
Karl shrugged.
"Army has lower standards."
Destiny moved a little closer, whispering: Nice try, nerd.
---
Operation: Avoid Becoming a Soldier
Tajdin refused to give up.
He showed up at the recruitment office determined to FAIL the physical exam.
He tried everything.
Attempt 1: Fake Weakness
He walked in limping and groaning dramatically.
The doctor said, "Impressive commitment! Shows determination! You pass!"
Attempt 2: Pretend to Have Terrible Eyesight
"I can't see! Everything is blurry!"
The doctor handed him glasses. "Perfect! Now you have 20/20. You pass!"
Attempt 3: Act Fragile
He coughed weakly.
The doctor smiled. "Great lungs! You pass!"
Attempt 4: Fall Down the Stairs
He tumbled down dramatically.
The doctor clapped. "Such resilience! You pass!"
Tajdin wanted to cry.
---
The Speech Accident
Days later, Karl dragged him to a beer hall.
"Adolf, you need to unwind. Drink! Relax! Forget your destiny of doom!"
Tajdin sipped a beer. Then two beers. Then three.
He got tipsy.
And that was the universe's cue to ruin everything.
Someone on stage shouted, "Anyone here want to say something inspiring?"
Karl pushed him.
"This guy! Adolf has opinions!"
"No I don't!" Tajdin yelled. But it was too late.
He was shoved on stage.
Hundreds of angry, jobless men stared at him.
Tajdin panicked.
He wanted to say something peaceful, calming, harmless.
Instead he shouted:
"EVERYONE SHOULD GET FREE PRETZELS!"
The crowd cheered.
"That's right!" he shouted again, "AND… uh… BAD LEADERS ARE BAD!"
The crowd roared.
He tried to stop.
He tried to step off the stage.
But the beer hall owner grabbed his arm.
"Kid, you've got talent!"
"No, I swear I don't—"
"You just united 200 angry men with pretzels and yelling! That's politics!"
Tajdin fell to his knees.
"No. Please. Not politics."
But it was too late.
Someone yelled from the back:
"ADOLF FOR LEADER!"
Another yelled:
"He speaks for us!"
Another:
"PRETZELS FOR ALL!"
A band even started playing music.
Karl slapped him on the back.
"Adolf! You genius! You just started a political movement!"
Tajdin stared at the crowd chanting his name.
He whispered to himself:
"I can't believe this.
I tried EVERYTHING.
And I STILL accidentally invented politics."
Destiny smirked.