Elara Vance woke up with the desperate, clawing hope that the previous twenty-four hours had been a hallucination induced by stress and stale office coffee.
She lay still in her bed (which was actually just a mattress on the floor of her "sleeping alcove"), listening.
She heard the hum of the refrigerator. She heard the distant wail of a siren.
Good, she thought. Normal.
Then she heard a sound that was definitely not normal. It was the sound of a Gregorian chant being hummed by someone with perfect pitch, accompanied by the distinct shing of metal slicing through fruit.
Elara groaned and pulled the pillow over her head. It wasn't a dream. She was currently harboring a vampire and a cultivator in a four-hundred-square-foot studio.
She kicked off the covers and stomped into the main room.
She stopped.
Her apartment looked... wrong.
The couch was no longer facing the TV. It was facing the window. The TV had been turned to face the wall. The rug was diagonal. Her collection of succulent plants (mostly dead) had been arranged in a perfect circle in the center of the room.
Li Wusheng was floating cross-legged in the air, directly above the circle of succulents. He was glowing faintly.
"Good morning," Li said without opening his eyes. "I have realigned the geomancy of your dwelling. The Qi flow was blocked by that rectangular box of moving pictures. It is now... tolerable."
"You moved my furniture?" Elara asked, her voice thick with sleep. "You can't just move my furniture. I have a system."
"Your system invited chaos," Li replied, slowly descending to the floor. "By facing the East, the couch now welcomes the morning yang energy. Also, I detected a dust bunny of significant size under the rug. I banished it."
"You banished a dust bunny?"
"With extreme prejudice."
Before Elara could process the Feng Shui invasion, the bathroom door creaked open. Steam billowed out like a fog machine at an 80s rock concert.
Aldren Valcour stepped out.
He was wearing Elara's pink fluffy bathrobe. It was several sizes too small, ending mid-thigh on him, and the sleeves barely passed his elbows. He had a towel wrapped around his head like a turban.
"Elara!" Aldren beamed, his red eyes sparkling. "Your bathing chamber is primitive, but the water pressure is surprisingly aggressive. I feel rejuvenated. Though I must say, this 'Cucumber Melon' body wash is a bit plebeian. I prefer sandalwood and the blood of my enemies."
Elara stared at the Vampire Lord in her pink robe. "That's my robe. Take it off."
"And reveal my glory?" Aldren waggled his eyebrows.
"No! I mean... put your suit back on!"
"It is currently drying," Aldren said, gesturing to the window where his three-piece suit was hanging from the curtain rod, blocking the view of the brick wall outside. "I washed the highway grime off in your sink. Don't worry, I used the gentle cycle. My hands."
Elara walked over to the kitchenette, needing coffee immediately. She reached for her coffee maker, but stopped.
It was gone.
In its place was a complicated setup involving a floating ball of water, some tea leaves, and a small, controlled fire burning in mid-air.
"Where is my Keurig?" Elara asked, her voice trembling.
"That machine produced sludge," Li Wusheng said, walking over. "I have prepared Spirit Cleansing Tea. It is harvested from the peaks of Mount Tai. It will purify your meridians and grant you the eyesight of a hawk."
"I don't want hawk eyes," Elara snapped. "I want caffeine. I want to vibrate with anxiety until I pass out."
"My love," Aldren interjected, leaning against the counter and accidentally knocking over a salt shaker. "Allow me. I can run to a Starbucks. I run very fast."
"You can't go outside!" Elara hissed. "You're a wanted man! Both of you are!"
She grabbed her phone from the counter. "Do you know what happened last night? Do you know what the internet is saying?"
She unlocked her screen and shoved it in their faces.
Twitter (or X, or whatever it was called now) was melting down. The top trending topics were:
#HighwayWizard
#VampireSugarDaddy
#SeattleAvengers
#IsWaitroseOpen (unrelated, but still trending)
Elara tapped on a video. It was shaky footage filmed from a passing car. It showed Aldren suplexing Li onto the minivan. The caption read: "Twilight remake looks wild fr fr 💀💀"
"Look at the form," Aldren critiqued, leaning in. "My posture is impeccable. But the lighting is unflattering. It makes me look pale."
"You are pale," Elara said. "You're undead."
"I have a porcelain complexion!"
"Read the comments," Li Wusheng instructed.
Elara scrolled down.
User @xX_ShadowSlayer_Xx:Fake. CGI.
User @MomOfThree:Does anyone know if the guy in the robe is single? He has great hair.
User @GovTruth:Swamp gas. Nothing to see here.
User @Gary_Logistics:Hey that looks like Elara's car!!! She called in sick yesterday!!!
Elara groaned. "Gary. Of course."
"I told you I should have disposed of him," Aldren muttered.
"Okay, listen to me," Elara said, putting the phone down. "This is bad. Like, national security bad. We have to lay low. No magic. No fighting. No floating. And definitely no going to Starbucks."
"We cannot hide forever," Li said, pouring the tea from the floating water ball into three mismatched mugs. "The Weaver's hounds are already sniffing the air. I sensed a fluctuation in the barrier this morning."
"A fluctuation?" Elara took a mug. It smelled like wet grass and ozone. "What does that mean?"
"It means," Aldren said, his expression darkening, "that they are looking for the Key. For you."
"Why me?" Elara asked for the hundredth time. "Why can't I just be a normal girl who likes spreadsheets and bad reality TV?"
"Because you are the Anchor," Li said softly. "Your soul is the thread that stitches the realms together. In your first life, you were a goddess who fell from the sky. In your second, a queen who united the lands. In your third..."
"I was a turnip farmer," Elara guessed.
"You were a scholar," Li corrected. "Who died of a papercut. It was tragic."
"Infection is a silent killer," Aldren noted solemnly.
Suddenly, a knock echoed through the apartment.
Elara froze. She looked at the door. "Mrs. Gable again?"
"No," Aldren whispered. His red eyes narrowed. "No heartbeat."
"No breath," Li added, his hand drifting to the sword he had leaned against the refrigerator.
Elara's heart hammered against her ribs. "Police?"
"Worse," Aldren said.
The knock came again. Rap-rap-rap. Precise. Mechanical.
"Pizza delivery!" a muffled voice called out. "For... Elara?"
Elara looked at them. "I didn't order pizza. It's 8:00 AM."
"A breakfast pizza?" Aldren suggested hopefully.
"It is a glamour," Li said. "Stay behind me."
Li Wusheng moved toward the door, his steps silent. Aldren shed the pink robe, revealing he was wearing... absolutely nothing underneath.
"OH MY GOD!" Elara shrieked, covering her eyes. "THE TOWEL! KEEP THE TOWEL ON!"
"Combat requires freedom of movement!" Aldren argued, but he deftly re-tied the towel around his waist.
Li Wusheng reached the door. He didn't open it. He simply placed his palm against the wood.
"Release," Li commanded.
A pulse of golden light shot from his hand through the door.
From the hallway, there was an inhuman screech. The wood of the door hissed and smoked, melting away like acid was eating it.
Standing in the hallway wasn't a pizza guy. It was a creature that looked like it had been made of shadows and spare parts. It had too many limbs, no face, and was wearing a Domino's cap crookedly on its head.
"That is not a pizza," Aldren observed.
The creature lunged.
It moved faster than Elara could process. One moment it was in the hall, the next it was inside the apartment, its clawed hands reaching for her throat.
"Elara, duck!" Li shouted.
Elara dropped to the floor.
A blade of wind sliced over her head, cutting the top off her pineapple lamp. The creature shrieked as the wind hit it, but it didn't stop. It scuttled up the wall like a spider.
"It's a Void Skitterer!" Aldren yelled. He leaped onto the kitchen counter (knocking over the toaster) and launched himself at the ceiling.
He tackled the creature mid-air. They crashed onto the coffee table, shattering it into splinters.
"My IKEA table!" Elara yelled from the floor. "That took me three hours to assemble!"
"Focus, woman!" Aldren roared. He was wrestling the shadow beast, his fangs sunk into its shoulder—which was a mistake, because it tasted like tar. He spat it out. "Disgusting! It has no blood!"
The creature threw Aldren off. He slammed into the wall, denting the plaster.
It turned its faceless head toward Elara. It hissed, a sound like static.
KEY... it rasped. RETURN...
It leaped at her.
Elara squeezed her eyes shut and put her arms up, waiting for the pain.
SHINK.
She felt a rush of cold air, followed by a warm thrum of power.
She opened her eyes.
Li Wusheng stood in front of her. His sword was drawn, glowing with a brilliant blue light.
The creature was frozen in mid-air, inches from Li's face.
"You have dirtied a residence of the mortal realm," Li said calmly. "And you have rudely interrupted breakfast."
Li flicked his wrist.
The creature disintegrated. It didn't just die; it unraveled, turning into black dust that vanished before it hit the rug.
Silence fell over the apartment.
Aldren pulled himself out of the drywall rubble. He adjusted his towel. "I loosened it for you."
Li sheathed his sword. "An adequate distraction."
Elara sat amidst the ruins of her living room. Her table was kindling. Her lamp was decapitated. There was a dent in her wall shaped like a Vampire Lord.
"My security deposit," she whispered. "I'm never getting it back."
Aldren walked over and offered her a hand. "I can buy you a new table. I can buy you a furniture factory."
Elara looked at his hand. His nails were sharp, deadly. Then she looked at Li, who was calmly checking his robes for dust.
"That thing," Elara said, her voice shaking. "It spoke. It called me 'Key'."
"A scout," Li said grimly. "Low level. But if a scout found us this quickly, the Generals are not far behind."
"Generals?" Elara stood up, ignoring Aldren's hand. "You mean there are more? Bigger ones?"
"Much bigger," Aldren said. "And usually better dressed."
Elara looked around her destroyed apartment. She looked at the window, where the city outside went on as normal, oblivious to the shadow monsters and magic swords.
"We can't stay here," she realized. "You were right. If I stay here, Mrs. Gable is going to get eaten by a void spider."
"We must move," Li agreed. "But the skies are watched. We cannot fly."
"And the roads are watched," Aldren added. "My Ferrari is... conspicuous."
"We need a disguise," Elara said. She looked at Aldren in his towel. She looked at Li in his robes. "We need to blend in. We need to go underground."
"The sewers?" Aldren looked revolted. "I draw the line at fecal matter."
"No," Elara grabbed her purse. "Not the sewers. The subway. We're going to the one place where nobody makes eye contact and everyone looks a little crazy."
"Public transit?" Li Wusheng looked intrigued. "I have heard of this. Is it true the chariots run on electricity?"
"Just put on some normal clothes," Elara commanded. She went to her closet (which still smelled of ancient cologne) and pulled out a oversized hoodie and sweatpants. She threw them at Aldren. "Put these on."
"This is... fleece," Aldren said, touching the fabric with disdain. "It says 'University of Washington'. Is that a noble house?"
"Just wear it. Li, do you have anything that isn't... that?" She pointed to his robes.
Li Wusheng waved his hand. His robes shimmered and transformed into a stiff, generic grey suit. He looked like an accountant from 1950.
"Illusion magic," Li explained. "To the mortal eye, I am now 'John Doe'."
"You look like a fed," Elara said. "It'll have to do."
She grabbed Mr. Whiskers and shoved him into his travel carrier. Mr. Whiskers protested with a low growl.
"Sorry, buddy," Elara whispered. "We're going on a trip."
She turned to the two immortals standing in her ruined living room.
"Okay," Elara said, taking a deep breath. "Operation: Don't Die begins now. Grab the tea. We're leaving."
"Where are we going?" Aldren asked, struggling to pull the hoodie over his head.
Elara opened the door and checked the hallway. clear.
"We're going to the one place in Seattle where you two can't destroy anything valuable," she said.
"The library?" Li guessed.
"A museum?" Aldren asked.
"No," Elara said grimly. "We're going to my parents' house in the suburbs. If you break anything there, my mother will kill you faster than any shadow monster."
Aldren and Li exchanged a look of genuine fear.
"Mothers," Aldren whispered. "The true apex predators."
"Come on," Elara said.
They walked out of Apartment 4B, leaving the ruins of a normal life behind them.