Not Your Last;
Killing time by being flirtatious when you are lonely is one of the best ways to pass the time. It's very intriguing, fun, and interesting, making life worth living. Not that it brings out the most sought-after feelings by mankind, but it's up there. One can even understand why cheaters cheat because the conversations can be so peaked and always flowing with no drama or misunderstandings. Fights that make you ask, "Where is this coming from?"
I don't recommend it, though. Because to you, it's killing time, but to the other person, it's "I'm happy he seems to be feeling the same way about me as I do him. Can't wait for this to be official."
Whenever I'm having a bad time, I take it like a man, accepting that this is my karma because my days were numbered. I treated you like the only woman in the world, and it felt like so. We spent hours on the phone talking, and when it meant I had to go, you would start crying actual tears as if we were in person. I'm human and not heartless, or so I thought. I would stick around more, and you would put back on your smile and talk a little bit more like we were teenagers just finding out about love. I would write you such beautiful poems with a smile on my face for you to cry to. With a smile on my face because I've never been motivated to write like I did for you, and when I lost you, I lost it all: how to love, how to write, how to receive love, and how to feel anything that has to do with love. What's funny is I never really loved you, or maybe I just liked to think I didn't because we had only been talking for 3 months, and it would have been too quick to say I did. You always told me though, shamelessly, because you felt it and you meant it, and I loved that about you. Why waste your 20s faking emotions and how you feel? We never linked up or kissed; why does my heart feel like it has a zigzag on the middle in the sagittal plane? I would only see you during our chemistry tutorials and labs. I think that explains where the chemistry came from. I crushed on you so hard that it took me a year to text you. So sad it was only to kill time. We talked, got past the talking stage until we randomly started calling each other cute names. You called me 'imwe' and I called you 'mwaice'. Looking back at it, it was really cute. If I'm being honest, we were crazy souls, but it was a serendipitous encounter because to feel like that again, I would break up with my current girl just to experience it all over. Sounding like what I have discovered myself to be, a common man. I'm just like other men. How I hate that statement. After what I did to you, I realized I'm no different. How can I? Knowing exactly how much I meant to you, and exactly how I made you feel and how you felt for me, yet with no warning, no reasoning, no remorse and not looking back, not once, I just stopped talking to you: I just went mute. I went ghost. I ghosted you, and it was so random and heartbreaking because neither of us did anything wrong, and we had been talking just fine like we always had been. I could have been candid about it; I could have given a heads-up or a "why," but I didn't. I just left you to wonder, to ask yourself what you did wrong or what you didn't do that made me leave. Asking yourself if I found somebody else, if I had been faking it this entire time. "What did I do for you to just leave me like this?" you'd ask whenever you texted, and I never replied. I made you feel bad about yourself and gave you just another reason to hate men. And I'm only writing to you now. Why?