Living room, 2030
"Kids, there's one thing I learned about weddings: they never turn out the way you plan them. You can have the best plan, the best venue, the best music... and still something will go wrong, or everything will go wrong. And then, just when you think the day is ruined, something unexpected happens. Something that reminds you why you're there."
"Lily, Marshall and Alyx's wedding was a disaster. Or it should have been. The harpist was in labor, the flowers didn't arrive, the photographer was tackled, and the veil appeared in the parking lot. And Scooter... well, Scooter showed up to try to win Lily back. But despite all that, or maybe because of it, they had the perfect wedding. Only it wasn't inside the church. It was outside, under a tree, with Barney officiating and a guy with a guitar who happened to be passing by."
"And Alyx?" asked Penny.
"Alyx... well, Alyx almost missed her own wedding. But not because she wanted to, but because Scooter locked her in a closet."
"What?" asked Ted's son.
"You heard me. Scooter locked her in a closet. And what happened next... well, that's what makes this story unforgettable."
The Van Smoot Historical House, May 2007
The day had arrived. Lily was in the bridal suite, surrounded by Robin and Alyx. Her dress was white, beautiful, perfect. Alyx wore an ivory dress that matched Lily's and also Marshall's dark blue suit. The three of them had coordinated their outfits because there were three of them and because they could.
"You look beautiful," said Alyx, looking at Lily.
"So do you," said Lily. "Why don't you marry me every day?"
"Because it would be tiring. Besides, then I'd have nothing to draw."
Robin interrupted them. "Girls, we have problems."
"What's wrong?" asked Lily.
"The harpist is pregnant."
"We already knew that."
"She's going to give birth today. Any minute now. Her water broke an hour ago."
Lily went blank. "What?"
"But she says she can still play. Well, half the harp, because her belly covers the other strings."
"Half the harp?" asked Alyx.
"The half that's close to her."
Lily closed her eyes. "Okay, half a harp. I'll accept it."
"That's not all," said Robin. "The flowers aren't going to arrive until halfway through the ceremony. The photographer... well, the photographer is on the ground because they tackled him thinking he was Scooter."
"Barney tackled the photographer?" asked Alyx.
"No, Marshall's lawyer friend did it. He got confused. He says he has a camera on his phone that we can use."
"A phone camera? For our wedding photos?"
"And the veil... it appeared in the parking lot. It's dirty. Very dirty."
Lily was silent. Then, very slowly, she said: "Anything else?"
Robin hesitated. "Scooter is here."
"Scooter? My ex-boyfriend Scooter?"
"The very same."
"Scooter," said a voice behind them.
It was Scooter. Or Bill. Lily's ex-boyfriend.
"Scooter, what are you doing here?"
"Lily, I know this is crazy, but I love you. And if you can look me in the eye and tell me you want to marry Marshall, I'll leave and disappear from your life forever."
Lily looked him in the eye. "I want to marry Marshall. And Alyx. Both of them. The three of us are getting married, and you're not invited."
Scooter froze. "The three of you?"
"The three of us. Now leave."
Scooter didn't move. He looked at Alyx. He recognized her.
"You're the other one?"
"I'm not the other one. I'm the third one. And if you don't leave, I'm going to draw you in a way you won't like."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I have colored pencils and I know how to use them. Now leave."
Scooter left. But not far. Very close. Too close.
Robin pointed at him. "He went to the bar. He's ordering a scotch."
"Give him whatever he wants, but make him leave."
"He's not leaving. He says he's going to read a poem at the ceremony."
"A poem? What poem?"
"'November Rain.' By W. Axl Rose."
Lily slumped into the chair. "That's the Guns N' Roses song."
"I know."
"He's going to read the lyrics to a Guns N' Roses song at my wedding?"
"It looks like it."
Lily looked at Alyx. Alyx looked at Lily. They both started laughing.
"What's so funny?" asked Robin.
"Everything," said Lily. "Everything is a disaster, and I can't do anything to stop it, so I might as well laugh."
"That's my girlfriend," said Alyx, kissing her on the cheek.
"And mine," said Lily, kissing her back.
"Okay, that's enough," said Robin. "I'm here."
The Bridal Suite, A Few Minutes Later
Alyx went out to get a glass of water, and Scooter was waiting for her in the hallway.
"Alyx, right?"
"Scooter."
"I need to talk to you."
"We have nothing to talk about."
"Lily doesn't want to marry you or Marshall. She's just confused."
Alyx looked at him. "I've been with her and Marshall for two years. We're not confused. We're in love."
"That's what you think."
"It's what I know."
Scooter stepped closer. "What if I proved to you that it's not?"
"How are you going to prove anything to me?"
Scooter smiled and then, with a speed Alyx didn't expect, he pushed her inside a closet and locked the door with a key.
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry, Alyx, but it's for her own good. When Lily sees you're not there, she'll realize she doesn't need you."
"Scooter, open the door!"
"I can't. I have to read my poem."
"Scooter, I swear if you don't open this door..."
But Scooter was already gone.
Alyx was left in the dark inside the closet. There were hangers, old coats, and a light bulb that didn't work.
"Great," she said to herself. "Locked in a closet on my wedding day."
She tried the door. It wouldn't open. She took out her phone, but she had no signal.
"Okay. I can't get out, I can't call, and I'm alone."
She closed her eyes. She took a deep breath.
And then she remembered something. Something Marshall had told her once: "You're the most resourceful person I know. You always find a way out."
"Well, today is going to be the day," she told herself.
She searched the coat pockets. She found a hair clip. She bent it, twisted it, and put it in the lock.
It didn't work.
She searched more. She found a bobby pin. She bent it and put it in.
Nothing.
She searched another coat. She found a cheap plastic pen.
"Okay," she told herself. "It's not a lock pick, but it's something."
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