(Jasper)
That summer is the best time of my life. Hudson and I are inseparable, at least when my dad doesn't interfere. Surprisingly, he ignores me most of the summer as long as I do my chores and memorize new scriptures each week. Hudson even helps me study them, even though we both think some of the verses are confusing and don't make much sense.
I think my dad is only letting me have fun because Hudson's dad is a judge. He keeps bringing it up so much that it makes my stomach hurt. But my friendship with Hudson isn't about his dad being a judge or having money. It's about how much I care about my best friend.
Hudson's parents are amazing. I'm not sure he realizes how lucky he is. They don't enforce my dad's strict rules either, and if we watch TV or play video games, they just pretend not to notice. I get to do all the things I've always wanted to, like swimming in the pool almost every day.
But nothing matters as much as Hudson and our friendship. He doesn't act like it's strange when we hug a lot or sleep in the same bed. I live for our sleepovers because those are the only times I feel completely safe and can rest without worrying.
When Hudson goes back to school, it's harder than I imagined. Every day feels lonely and depressing. Mom leaves a lot without explanation, and I end up doing most of my schoolwork alone. It's not too hard; I learn easily and even study books above my grade level from the library. Schoolwork is all I have to keep me busy while I'm stuck at home.
Hudson always meets me at the tree house when he gets out of school. We help each other with homework, eat snacks, and spend weekends at his house. His parents never seem tired of having me over.
The next summer is when I start to realize I'm different. Hudson has a birthday party and invites kids from school. He's turning fourteen and will be a freshman soon. I'm almost there too, but not for a couple more weeks. His body is changing, and he's even bigger than before. The size difference between us feels extreme. Half the time it makes me feel safe, but the other half I feel like everyone sees me as his much younger brother. I wish I could grow up faster.
His friends are taller than me, and I get a lot of looks, like they think I'm weird. They don't include me in conversations. Hudson doesn't seem to notice, but he stays next to me, legs and arms touching. Just being near him helps calm the panic I feel around other kids.
Hudson keeps glancing at a girl who's smiling at him. It makes my stomach hurt for some reason. He leans over and whispers, "Brittany is cute."
Cute? I look at her again and don't see it. She's not ugly, but she's just another girl to me.
I poke a hole in my shirt with my finger and wonder why Hudson is even friends with me. His other friends are rich like him, with perfect clothes and perfect everything. Meanwhile, I look like a dork with braces. My parents only let me get them last summer, right after Hudson and I started spending so much time together.
I'm grateful when the party ends and everyone leaves. Hudson and I go to his room, taking turns showering before crawling into bed together. His parents bought him a queen-size bed a few months ago, so I don't even need the air mattress they used to put on the floor.
He lies facing me and asks, "So why were you so quiet today?"
I roll to my side to look at him. "I don't get around people much. I don't know what to say to them."
He brushes hair from my face. "It's more fun when it's just the two of us."
Butterflies stir in my stomach as his fingers lightly move down my cheek. "Happy birthday, Hudson," I whisper. "I'm sorry I didn't get you anything."
He smiles and pulls me closer, letting me snuggle into him. He kisses my forehead. "Having you for my best friend is the best gift you can give me."
My face presses against his chest, and I relax as his arm tightens around my back.
"Go to sleep, buddy. I won't let anyone hurt you," he whispers.
It isn't long before he falls asleep. I try to, but my thoughts keep running in circles. Why didn't I think that girl was cute? Is it wrong to love sleeping next to Hudson? Is it normal to love a boy like I love him? My dad says people who are homosexual go to hell, and these thoughts make me feel guilty.
I stuff down the feelings and the butterflies that appear when Hudson holds me. I force myself to think about girls and pray that I find one I can call cute.