Lustra built the Flirt Dungeon overnight.
That wasn't a metaphor. I mean literally overnight.
I woke up, walked to the market, and there it was: a stone staircase descending under a giant banner that said WELCOME TO THE FLIRT DUNGEON, PLEASE HOLD HANDS RESPONSIBLY.
There were lanterns shaped like hearts. A ticket booth. A snack cart selling "HP (Heart Points)" cookies. And Yuki Tanaka standing at the entrance with her clipboard like she'd personally laid every brick.
Elise stared down the staircase with full paladin disgust.
"This city is sick," Elise muttered.
Yuki smiled. "This city is innovative."
Freya leaned over my shoulder. "Is there a boss fight where you kiss the boss."
Sofia smirked. "Everything is a boss fight for him."
Charlotte sipped tea like she could buy the dungeon and rebrand it as a salon.
Kaori whispered, "Why does it say 'depths'."
Rika bounced. "Because deeper is better."
Elise snapped, "Rika."
Rika blinked. "What. I mean the stairs."
Mira adjusted her glasses. "The city has formalized flirtation into a hazard course. Predictable."
Valeria stood behind everyone with arms crossed, face still faintly red from yesterday, refusing to look impressed.
"This is ridiculous," Valeria snapped.
Yuki flipped a page. "Hero safety inspection required. If the hero gets trapped, the city riots. Ren, you will inspect the dungeon."
I stared. "Why me."
Yuki pointed at my Consent Candle. "You're the control group."
Elise snapped, "He's not going down there alone."
Yuki nodded. "Correct. He gets an escort."
A voice behind Yuki said, cheerful and dangerous, "Hi. That's me."
A new girl stepped into view like she'd been waiting for her entrance cue.
She had short dark hair with a streak of silver like a knife of moonlight. A cropped jacket, gloves, boots built for running away, and a grin that looked like it had stolen something and felt proud about it. A little charm chain hung from her belt, and one of the charms was literally a tiny heart-shaped key.
"I'm Vesper," she said, saluting lazily. "Dungeon guide. Trap technician. Professional 'oops.'"
Elise narrowed her eyes immediately. "Professional oops."
Vesper nodded. "I get paid for my mistakes. It's amazing."
Sofia smirked. "She's my kind of woman."
Freya grinned. "She's going to flirt like a weapon."
Charlotte's eyes narrowed politely. "She's going to be a problem."
Valeria muttered, "Absolutely not."
Nobody asked Valeria.
Vesper leaned close to me, head tilted, eyes bright with mischief.
"So you're the hero," she said. "The kiss-leveling disaster."
I sighed. "Yes."
Vesper's grin widened. "Cute."
Valeria made a choking noise.
Elise stepped between us instantly. "Boundaries."
Vesper lifted both hands. "Visible. Always. I'm a citizen."
Yuki rang her bell. Ding.
"Inspection begins," Yuki announced. "Ren and Vesper descend. Elise may supervise from the entrance. No crowd following. If you follow, you get sprayed with fountain water."
Rika pouted. "Again with the water."
Freya waved. "Bring back souvenirs."
Sofia smirked. "Bring back gossip."
Charlotte smiled politely. "Bring back your life."
Kaori whispered, "Be careful."
Valeria snapped, "Don't die."
Then she immediately looked offended that she'd said it out loud.
I glanced at Elise. "You can't come."
Elise's jaw tightened. "If you scream, I'm coming anyway."
"Noted," I said.
Vesper bounced on her heels. "Ready, hero."
I gripped my Consent Candle like it was my only weapon.
We went down.
The stairwell smelled like warm stone and sugar. The walls had carved instructions.
STEP ONE: ASK
STEP TWO: CONSENT
STEP THREE: FLIRT (OPTIONAL)
STEP FOUR: PANIC (MANDATORY)
Vesper laughed. "They wrote that last line for you."
"I'm honored," I muttered.
At the bottom, the dungeon opened into a corridor lit by soft pink lanterns. The floor was smooth, but tiny heart runes pulsed under the stone like the place had a heartbeat.
A sign hung from the ceiling.
WELCOME TO LEVEL -1: THE AWKWARD HALLWAY
IF YOU DON'T HOLD HANDS, THE WALLS WILL WHISPER
I blinked. "The walls will whisper."
Vesper nodded seriously. "Oh yeah. They whisper awful stuff."
As if on cue, the wall murmured in a low voice, "He should hold your hand."
I froze.
Vesper burst out laughing. "See."
I lifted my candle. "Consent Candle is lit. It can't force anything."
Vesper nodded. "Correct. It just embarrasses you publicly."
We walked forward and the wall whispered again, "He's blushing."
I hissed, "Stop."
The wall whispered, "He said stop. That's so hot."
I almost tripped.
Vesper grabbed my elbow automatically to steady me, then froze like she'd remembered the rules.
"May I touch you," she asked quickly, eyes wide with mock seriousness.
I exhaled. "Yes. You're already touching me."
Vesper released me immediately anyway, hands up, grinning. "Permission confirmed."
We kept walking.
The corridor forked into two paths.
Left: THE COMPLIMENT GAUNTLET
Right: THE SILENCE TRAP
Vesper pointed. "Never take silence. Silence makes you hear your own thoughts."
I pointed left. "Compliments sound worse."
Vesper smiled. "That's the spirit."
We entered the Compliment Gauntlet and immediately the air changed. Soft music. Perfume-like sweetness. The walls were carved with phrases like THEY THINK YOU'RE CUTE and YOUR VOICE IS NICE.
Vesper read one out loud. "Your wrists look kissable."
I choked. "Why would a wall say that."
Vesper shrugged. "Architecture has needs."
My system chimed in my head like it wanted attention.
FLIRT DUNGEON EFFECT ACTIVE
STATUS: EMOTIONAL DAMAGE +10
TIP: DO NOT LOOK AT SIGNS
We walked past a pedestal with two handprints carved into it.
A plaque read: HOLD HANDS TO DISABLE WHISPER MODE.
I stared at it like it was a threat.
Vesper leaned close. "So. We hold hands or the walls keep roasting you."
I hesitated.
The wall whispered, "Do it."
I sighed. "Fine. Hand-holding."
Vesper held her hand out, palm up, casual.
"May I," she asked, still playful but proper, "hold your hand."
I nodded. "Yes."
I took her hand.
It was warm. Firm. Confident. And the moment our fingers laced, the whispering stopped instantly, like the dungeon got satisfied.
Vesper grinned. "See. The dungeon is needy."
I muttered, "The dungeon is me."
We moved deeper.
Then the floor clicked.
Vesper's eyes widened. "Oh."
I froze. "Oh what."
Vesper said, very calmly, "We triggered a depth drop."
The floor vanished under us.
I yelled. Vesper yelled. My candle flared. And we fell together into pink-lit darkness like a romantic slapstick tragedy.
We landed on a pile of soft cushions shaped like hearts, because of course we did.
I sat up, dizzy.
Vesper sat up, hair messy, grin still intact.
"That," she said brightly, "was not supposed to happen."
I stared at her. "Professional oops."
Vesper pointed finger guns. "That's me."
We looked around.
We were in a deeper chamber. The ceiling was high, the walls smooth, and a massive gate stood at the far end with a glowing inscription.
LEVEL -3: THE DEPTHS
EXIT SEALED BY THE WORLD'S BEST KISS
I went silent.
Vesper went silent.
Then Vesper whispered, "Oh my god."
I whispered back, "No."
The gate pulsed. A voice spoke from it, calm and awful.
"TWO SOULS ENTERED. TWO SOULS MAY LEAVE. REQUIREMENT: WORLD'S BEST KISS. CONSENT MANDATORY. TECHNIQUE NOT SUFFICIENT WITHOUT SINCERITY."
I stared at the gate. "Sincerity."
Vesper laughed nervously. "This is insane."
I raised my candle. "Consent Candle is lit. It can't force us."
The gate voice replied, "CORRECT. YOU MAY DECLINE. YOU WILL REMAIN HERE."
I blinked. "That's not declining, that's prison."
Vesper looked at me, then at the gate, then back at me.
"So," she said, "we either kiss like it's the grand finale of reality, or we live in a heart cushion basement forever."
I swallowed. "We can also wait until Elise notices and breaks in."
Vesper tilted her head. "Elise will break in and find us in a room called 'exit sealed by the world's best kiss.' She will kill both of us."
I imagined Elise's face.
I groaned. "You're right."
Vesper tapped the heart-key charm on her belt. "Maybe I can pick the lock."
She walked to the gate and tried the charm.
The gate emitted a tiny laugh sound. Literally a laugh.
Then a sign lit up above it.
NICE TRY
KISS REQUIRED
NO, LOCKPICKING IS NOT ROMANTIC
Vesper stared. "It laughed at me."
I said, "The dungeon roasted you too."
Vesper put a hand on her chest. "I'm offended."
I exhaled. "Okay. Boundaries. If we do this, it's one kiss. No pressure. If either of us says stop, we stop."
Vesper nodded immediately, more serious now. "Agreed. Over-clothes. Hands visible if you want. And… we don't have to pretend it means anything."
I hesitated.
The gate voice added, "MEANING INCREASES QUALITY."
Vesper glanced at the gate. "Shut up."
The gate replied, "KINDLY DELIVER THE WORLD'S BEST KISS."
I rubbed my face. "How do you even do 'world's best.'"
Vesper stepped closer, still leaving space. "I mean. People say you're good at kissing."
I groaned. "People say I'm a resource."
Vesper smiled. "Okay, resource. Here's the plan."
She lifted her hands, palms open. "We breathe. Slow. We don't rush. We actually look at each other like we're not trying to win a game. That's sincerity, right."
I swallowed. "Probably."
Vesper's grin softened into something gentler. "And… I'll be honest. You're kind of cute when you panic."
My cheeks warmed.
The gate chimed happily like it had heard currency.
SINCERITY DETECTED: LOW
INCREASE IT
I pointed at the gate. "It's judging us."
Vesper whispered, "Then flirt more."
I stared at her. "You want me to flirt more."
Vesper nodded. "Yes. I'm a professional. This is a trap. The trap wants romance energy. Feed it."
I exhaled, then tried.
"Vesper," I said, voice a bit rough, "you're brave for someone who just dropped me into a heart prison."
Vesper laughed softly. "I'm brave because I'm stupid."
"That's relatable," I said.
Vesper's eyes warmed. "Okay. That was cute."
The gate chimed again.
SINCERITY DETECTED: MEDIUM
PROCEED
Vesper stepped a little closer.
"May I touch your face," she asked, clear and calm.
I nodded. "Yes."
Her gloved fingers brushed my cheek lightly, then she slipped the glove off one hand like she'd decided skin mattered. Her bare fingertips were warmer, softer, and my brain immediately forgot how to be normal.
I whispered, "That helps."
Vesper smiled. "Good. May I kiss you."
My throat went dry.
I glanced at the Consent Candle in my hand. It glowed steady. Witnessing, not pushing.
"Yes," I said quietly. "One. And… we go slow."
Vesper nodded. "Slow."
She leaned in gradually, giving me time to pull away. I didn't.
Our mouths met in a soft, careful kiss that started gentle, like testing the temperature of something precious. Her hand stayed on my cheek, thumb barely moving, and my shoulders loosened without me realizing they'd been tense.
It wasn't dramatic yet. It was… warm. Real.
The gate chimed, unimpressed.
QUALITY: ACCEPTABLE
WORLD'S BEST NOT ACHIEVED
Vesper pulled back, breath uneven, eyes bright.
"That was acceptable," she repeated, offended. "It just called us acceptable."
I laughed softly, still close. "The dungeon is picky."
Vesper's grin turned wicked again. "Okay. Round two. We level up."
I blinked. "We level up."
Vesper nodded. "Sincerity. We need sincerity. So say something honest."
I swallowed. Honest in a heart prison was dangerous.
"I'm scared," I admitted. "Not of the kiss. Of… being trapped. Of being a prize. Of everyone wanting me like I'm not a person."
Vesper's expression softened completely.
She stepped closer and touched my wrist gently.
"May I hold you," she asked.
I nodded. "Yes."
Vesper wrapped her arms around me, over-clothes, safe, tight enough to feel like shelter. Her cheek pressed briefly to mine.
"You're not a prize to me," she whispered. "You're just… Ren. A guy who keeps apologizing and still tries anyway."
My chest tightened.
The gate chimed like it approved.
SINCERITY DETECTED: HIGH
PROCEED
Vesper pulled back slightly, still close. Her hand returned to my cheek.
"May I kiss you again," she whispered.
I breathed out. "Yes."
This kiss was slower and deeper in feeling, not in explicitness. She didn't rush. I didn't rush. Our mouths met again, steady and warm, like we were choosing the moment instead of performing it.
I tilted my head slightly, matching her angle. Her fingers slid into my hair at the back of my neck, grounding me. I held her waist lightly, careful and respectful, and she made a small sound like she'd forgotten to be sarcastic for one second.
The world narrowed to breath and warmth and the soft pressure of a kiss that felt like a promise we weren't naming.
The gate flared.
The room vibrated.
The inscription above the gate changed from mocking to glowing bright.
QUALITY: EXCEPTIONAL
WORLD'S BEST KISS ACHIEVED
EXIT UNLOCKING
Vesper pulled back, eyes wide.
I stared at the gate. "It worked."
Vesper laughed, breathless. "We're just that good."
I blinked. "We're that sincere."
Vesper pointed at me. "Don't ruin this with feelings."
I pointed at her. "You literally hugged me and called me a person."
Vesper's cheeks went pink. "That was tactical."
The gate opened with a dramatic flourish like it had been waiting its whole life for that kiss.
A staircase rose beyond it, leading upward.
We stood there for a second, both suddenly aware of how close we were still standing.
Vesper stepped back quickly, hands up, grinning like she was hiding panic behind jokes again.
"Okay," she said. "We escaped. Nobody tell Elise what room this was."
I laughed. "She'll know."
Vesper groaned. "She's going to kill me."
"And Valeria," I added, "is going to file a jealousy claim so violent the permit office catches fire."
Vesper's grin returned. "Perfect. I love being a problem."
We started climbing the stairs together, my candle still glowing, her heart-key charm bouncing at her belt like it was laughing.
Halfway up, Vesper glanced at me sideways, voice lighter.
"So," she said, "if the dungeon asked for the world's best kiss…"
I looked at her. "Yeah."
Vesper shrugged, trying to act casual and failing.
"…did it count as a date."
I laughed softly. "Only if you want it to."
Vesper's cheeks warmed again.
"Tch," she said, copying Valeria badly. "As if I want it."
Then she walked a little closer anyway.