Ryan woke up but stayed in bed for an extra twenty minutes, staring at the ceiling, mind drifting through with last night's events. He couldn't deny the fact that something had happened between him and Adrian, no matter how much he used the 'it was just a kiss' excuse to tell himself otherwise.
Why had Adrian done that? Was it just to tease him, to scare him… or something else entirely?
He heaved a deep sigh for the nineteenth time that morning, hugging a pillow and tossing on the bed, restless. His phone buzzed, immediately drawing his attention. Grabbing it, he prayed it was the message he'd been waiting for since he woke.
It was his older sister, Ava.
He ignored it. To Ryan, talking to his family at that point felt like adding a weight to his burden, and he wasn't ready for that.
"He promised to reach out… but why hasn't he?" Ryan went on, murmuring to himself. "Or was that an empty promise? Was he dissatisfied with me or something?… Is that why he had to give me a false sense of hope…" He pulled the pillow over his head, burying his face in it.
"Should I have pressed until I was certain?" he wondered. "Thinking back… he only said he would reach out, but he never specified when. So… not hearing from him now definitely doesn't mean he broke his promise, right? But… how long am I even supposed to wait?" He swung his thin legs in the air.
"Ryan," Ethan's voice broke through, "you've been tossing, sighing, and staring at the ceiling all morning. You sure you're good?"
Ryan turned in silence as he watched Ethan pack his books into a bag.
"This is 9:30. Ain't you attending the morning lecture?"
That sent him back to reality. Dr. Mensah had strictly warned him about his attendance. So missing lectures, especially a morning one, was out of the question. Flaring up in panic. Ryan shot out of bed.
"I'm going! What the fuck was I thinking?" He ran a hand over his hair, unsure of where to start.
"Just help me sign the attendance in case I don't get there on time, okay? Thank you."
"Alright. See ya," Ethan said, with a look of amusement and concern.
Ryan sighed in a mix of unease and resolve before stepping into the shower and letting the water wash away the remnants of restless thoughts. Though deep down, he knew his mind would eventually drift back to Adrian before the day was over.
_____________________
Just as Ryan had thought, he arrived late.
The lecture hall was already half-empty, the professor's voice echoing faintly as Ryan slipped in through the back door, thirty minutes before the lecture ended. He'd started preparing too late, and the distance from his hostel to the lecture hall didn't help matters. He scanned the room until he spotted Ethan a few rows down, his head bent, and pen moving quickly across his notebook.
Ryan already knew he wasn't taking down the ongoing lecture. Ethan had a habit, or maybe a talent, of sketching in his notebook almost every lecture, whether it dragged or not. Ryan sometimes wondered why he was in Business instead of something in the arts.
He dropped into the seat beside him and leaned over. "What of the attendance?" he whispered.
Ethan didn't look up. "It wasn't possible," he replied, still scribbling on his notes. "I don't know why he decided to take attendance immediately he got in, when he usually does it like twenty minutes in. I couldn't even get mine cause I was ten minutes late."
He tried to focus on the lecture, but it was useless. His mind kept drifting and pulling back to that one incident. Adrian, last night, the unanswered promise. Though it wasn't entirely his fault cause walking in halfway through made everything the man in front said sound like gibberish. Maybe if he'd arrived on time and followed the lecture from the start, it would've been much more easier. But now those words sounded like noise.
The lecture ended almost as soon as it began. For Ryan, at least.
He and Ethan headed to the cafeteria for lunch. The space was wide and bright, filled with the low conversations and the clatter of trays. At the buffet section, Ethan lit up, pointing at the food with exaggerated interest.
"I swear, nothing beats a proper grilled chicken," he said, dishing the meal onto his plate. "You know, the crispy skin, the seasoning soaked all the way into it, and that smoky taste, gosh," he rolled his eyes, "Add fries and a decent sauce, and that's a perfect combination. Too bad the cafeteria here always messes it up, so much for 'a university of affluence'" He jested, making air quotes.
Ryan puffed a breath, listening quietly and nonchalantly. He loved food too, but he'd never been one to talk about it. He felt talking about likes and cravings were luxuries he couldn't afford.
Ethan kept rambling as they scanned the cafeteria for an empty table with their food trays.
"…I'm telling you, one of these days we should try out Bellé Noir, that new restaurant. It's just two minutes away from school, and I heard their..." His voice trailed off.
Ryan stopped walking.
A familiar figure had just entered the cafeteria.
Adrian and behind him was another tall figure.
The effect was immediate, with whispers spreading across the room.
"Adrian…"
"That's Dylan…"
"Is that Val?"
The noise rose, but Ryan barely registered it.
Nothing else mattered. Not the murmurs spreading across the room, not Ethan beside him, not the tray growing heavy in his hands, not even the second person walking beside Adrian. His eyes locked onto Adrian instinctively, his heartbeat rising before he could stop it
The anxiety from the night before crept back in, settling deep in his chest, the anxiety he had been struggling to suppress. He tried to steady himself, and the hope tugging at him as he watched Adrian stride in his direction.
If Adrian would just look at him.
That was all Ryan wanted. Not a conversation nor an approach. He wanted just a momentary glance. A proof that Adrian would notice him even when Ryan wasn't the one initiating the approach.
But Adrian walked past him.
No pause. No trace of recognition. Just nothing.
It felt like the night before had been erased with a single step Adrian took. Like none of it mattered at all. Ryan remained on the spot, tray heavy in his hands, his mind blank for a split second before everything rushed back in all at once. Every doubt. Every question. Every fragile hope he held came falling apart.
"Hey."
Ryan blinked.
Ethan stood in front of him, waving a hand in his face, his food tray in the other hand. "You good? You've been standing there like a mannequin. Aren't you going to eat?"
He nudged Ryan lightly. "Or were you taken aback by the view?"
"Can you stop?" Ryan snapped, more sharply than he meant to. His voice dropped as they pulled out chairs and sat. "You know it's not like that."
Ethan looked over him but said nothing.
"You said he'd reach out," Ethan said eventually.
Ryan stared at his plate, stabbing at a piece of grilled chicken before taking a bite. "Nah."
His tone was casual.
But he wasn't casual at all.
The weight of it sat heavy in his chest, pressing down with every second Adrian didn't look back
"So what's your plan?" Ethan asked. "You're giving up?"
"Yeah, I am." Ryan leaned back in his chair. "I'm done doing the chasing. I'll just wait." His fingers tapped lightly against the table before he leaned forward again, words spilling out faster. "I don't even get why Adrian is being so hard-to-get. It's not like I'm asking him to date me or something. I just need help, okay, so why's he being unreasonably mean to me?"
"Well," Ethan said, shrugging, "asking him to dedicate his time to tutoring you is something." He tilted his head. "But honestly, I think get him. I wouldn't do that for just anyone either."
That made Ryan laugh. "Like anyone would ever ask you to tutor them." His laugh grew. "That's basically academic suicide. Be for real, please." He scoffed. "And it's not like I'm asking for free tutoring."
"He already said you can't afford it, though," Ethan shot back, laughing. "Anyway, since you're done chasing, why don't you try something else?" His tone shifted, quieter, more deliberate. "There's a BAD party happening this week. You should go."
"I'm not going," Ryan said immediately. "You know I'm not the party type."
"Yeah, I know. This should be the ninety-seventh time I'm hearing that." Ethan rolled his eyes. "But it won't kill you to try something different. You don't have to live like a machine stuck on one routine." He leaned in. "Just think about it. You need a tutor, right? And Adrian isn't budging. Then there's a department party with like 70% upperclassmen of the upperclassmen in attendance. Isn't that problem-solved? You go, you talk to people, indirectly chip in on the tutoring, and boom, you get your tutor. End of story."
Ryan fell silent, weighing the possibilities. Ethan wasn't wrong. Clinging to one option clearly wasn't working. Still, the thought of skipping his part-time job and losing the wage for it didn't sit right with him.
"Fine," he said at last, reluctant.
"For real?" Ethan's eyes widened, surprise flickering into excitement. "Whoa, I'm marking this day, hashtag Ryan voluntarily attending a party."
"It isn't voluntary, sir," Ryan muttered. " And this is the last time."
"Well, you never know." Ethan grinned. "You might go once and decide the club is your second home." He paused, then added, "And relax. You mustn't um... talk to everyone, okay. Just show up and act like you belong there. And then you observe like some weird introverted spy." He laughed at his own joke.
Ryan snorted softly. "You're enjoying this way too much."
"Obviously. Who wouldn't?" Ethan said in a mock-serious tone. Then his voice softened a little. "And even if you don't find a tutor, at least you'll stop orbiting one person." He shrugged. "I'm sure I'm your only friend on campus at this point."
"I do have other friends," Ryan snapped, a bit too fast. He frowned. "And didn't you use to be all over Adrian? What's with the sudden switch? The Ethan I know would be telling me to keep going after him."
Ethan scoffed. "That's called bro code." He leaned closer and lowered his voice. "I'm not siding with Adrian over you." Then, quieter still, hand half-covering his mouth, "He's still my ult though. Just… not in this situation."
Ryan raised an eyebrow but didn't push it. "Whatever you say."
He leaned back, eyes drifting to the half-eaten food on his tray. He wasn't lying when he said he was done chasing. He meant it. What he hadn't said was how draining it felt, carrying someone in his head all day, hoping for something small, something simple, and letting that little hope take his entire focus and his time.
"I'll go," he said again, softer. "But I'm not staying till the end."
He told him it was just choosing a different route instead of running into the same wall over and over again.
Still, a stubborn thought lingered at the back of his mind.
If Adrian noticed him there without Ryan making the first move…
That would mean something.
That would mean something. And since he didn't… Ryan finally has his answer
Or at least that was what he told himself as the noise in the cafeteria crept back in around him..
By evening, he was back in the hostel. Ethan left shortly after to the school library, claiming he wanted to "be productive for once," which Ryan doubted but didn't comment on.
He lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling, tracing the star stickers with his eyes. Suddenly, he could hear all the noises around him. The person was arguing on the phone somewhere down the hallway, and music playing faintly from a car passing by. He heaved a sigh, the room feeling too quiet without Ethan in it.
He turned onto his side and pulled the blanket up, telling himself not to think of anything tonight. Just rest.
If answers were coming, they could find him later.
For now, this chapter was done.