From the moment Hyūga Kiyonari stepped into the Land of Earth, his Byakugan—like a lighthouse in the night—was immediately locked onto by Iwagakure's hidden sentries.
After that, Kiyonari entered a small border town, slowed his pace, and picked the busiest-looking restaurant. He ordered a meal and naturally struck up a conversation with the owner, "casually" mentioning that he planned to go to Iwagakure.
He spent the entire afternoon wandering around town, buying a few local specialties. Before long, a young kunoichi from Iwagakure came to find him.
Her short black hair just brushed her shoulders. Beneath her left eye was a red beauty mark. She wore a red short-sleeved top under a shinobi flak jacket.
But what really drew attention were her smooth, well-proportioned legs—completely uncovered, with only a thigh strap on one leg holding a kunai. Her legs were long and shapely, her skin a healthy tan, and if you looked closely you could faintly see blue veins beneath the surface.
"Have you had your fill?"
Kiyonari didn't even try to hide where his gaze was. But as he stared at her legs, utterly absorbed, Kurotsuchi's icy look made him cough up an awkward smile.
"I'm Kurotsuchi of Iwagakure," she said flatly. "I've been ordered to escort you to the village."
Kiyonari's eyes widened. "You guys are fast! Oh, right—Hyūga Kiyonari. Nice to meet you."
"I'm not happy to meet you, you pervert." Kurotsuchi ignored the hand he offered. "Move."
"Wait!" Kiyonari called after her. "Um—are we leaving right now? Don't we need to prepare or something? I heard Iwagakure is built inside a mountain—must be amazing, right? This is my first time leaving Konoha and the Land of Fire—"
Kurotsuchi frowned and cut him off. "You'll see when we get there."
"Okay, okay!" Kiyonari nodded frantically—the classic I hear you, but I'm not changing.
"Kurotsuchi-onee-san, you don't look much older than me, right? And you're already a full shinobi? That's awesome!"
Kurotsuchi didn't respond. She just turned her back and started walking.
A faint smile flickered across Kiyonari's lips. He knew this loud, clueless act was annoying—but that was exactly the point.
The way he acted—lecherous, talkative, low emotional intelligence, and so on—translated in the shinobi world to: not a threat, easy to pump for info, simple to control.
Where did he learn it?
Simple. Take Uzumaki Naruto's "persona," then add just a little extra.
"Hey, wait for me!"
Kiyonari hurried after Kurotsuchi as they left the town, and his mouth didn't stop the whole way.
"Kurotsuchi-onee-san, what jutsu can you use? I heard Iwagakure's Earth Release is super strong—how good are you? And that bloodline thing that's supposedly unbeatable—Kekkei Tōta, Dust Release—really unbeatable?"
Kurotsuchi abruptly sped up, trying to shake off the maddening voice.
Kiyonari stuck to her like gum anyway, catching up in two or three strides, panting as he kept going.
"Hey—slow down, I can't keep up! Oh, right—what's your Tsuchikage-sama like?"
"Can you shut up?!" Kurotsuchi finally snapped. "So this is what Tsunade's student is like? You don't look like a capable shinobi at all! And here I was looking forward to it—I even volunteered for this mission!"
Kiyonari blinked those pure white eyes, his face innocent to the point of offensiveness. "But—I'm not a shinobi in the first place. I'm not even a genin. I'm still in school. And my teacher only taught me how to treat and save people. Other than that… I don't know anything."
The answer choked Kurotsuchi into speechlessness for a moment. "Y-You—how can someone say something like that so confidently?!"
Kiyonari looked genuinely puzzled, then spread his hands. "Even if I'm useless, as long as everyone else is useful, that's fine, right?"
I'm genuinely a professional slacker.
Kurotsuchi took a deep breath, forced down the rage boiling up, and kicked off into a faster pace.
"Wait for me! You're going too fast, I can't keep up!" Kiyonari shouted from behind, chasing after her.
The frantic yelling made Kurotsuchi hesitate. She glanced back and saw Kiyonari was already gasping for air, barely able to breathe. So she turned around, grabbed his wrist, and prepared to haul him along at shinobi speed.
Right now, she only wanted one thing: immediately—right now—get this guy to Iwagakure and finish the mission.
"Ow! Ow!" Kiyonari howled dramatically. "My wrist's gonna snap!!"
Kurotsuchi released him. Seeing him rub his wrist while baring his teeth in pain pushed her irritation to its limit. She bent down, scooped him up around the waist, and sprinted toward Iwagakure.
Kiyonari let out a startled yelp at the sudden princess-carry and behaved himself for a bit. But not long after, he started talking again.
"Kurotsuchi-onee-san, you're amazing. You can run this fast while carrying me. Do you train a lot? Your arms are really strong—just… your chest is a bit flat, it's kinda bony—uh, did I say something wrong? Actually your legs are really pretty—"
Grinding her teeth, Kurotsuchi sped up even more, desperate to deliver this chatterbox to the destination as fast as possible.
The wind was so fierce Kiyonari could barely open his eyes. "This is really fast… we'll be there soon, right—"
"Shut! Up!" Kurotsuchi's roar nearly cracked her voice. "Say one more word and I'm throwing you down!"
Kiyonari immediately mimed zipping his mouth shut. But less than five minutes later, he couldn't hold it in and cautiously whispered.
"Um—Kurotsuchi-onee-san? Just one last question, really! I swear I'll be quiet after!"
Kurotsuchi didn't answer, but she also didn't actually throw him.
"As a shinobi, how do you look at injury and death?"
"With my eyes!"
As Iwagakure drew nearer, the terrain grew more jagged and severe. Massive stone peaks rose straight from the earth, and the village lay cradled within their embrace.
"We're here."
Kurotsuchi exhaled, utterly relieved.
"Waa—"
Kiyonari barely got out a syllable before Kurotsuchi slapped a hand over his mouth.
Hand still covering his mouth, she carried him straight through the main gate. The guards, recognizing her, immediately wore uncertain, startled expressions, and villagers turned curious looks their way.
Right under all those eyes, Kiyonari suddenly stuck out his tongue and quickly licked Kurotsuchi's palm!
"You—!"
Kurotsuchi jerked her hand back as if electrocuted. The furious sound that surged up her throat was forcibly swallowed by the weight of all the eyes around them.
No—she absolutely couldn't let anyone realize what just happened!
Kiyonari gulped in air, looking wronged. "I was gonna—gonna suffocate—if I didn't do that, you wouldn't let go."
This time it was real. Not acting.
"I'm taking you to see the Tsuchikage-sama!" Kurotsuchi practically spat the words through clenched teeth as she set Kiyonari down. "Remember—watch your mouth."
"Got it, got it." Kiyonari nodded repeatedly. He'd thought he'd at least get a scolding.
Being a little brat is actually kind of awesome.
Despise Momonosuke, understand Momonosuke, become Momonosuke.
Kurotsuchi led Kiyonari into the Tsuchikage building, up the stone steps, and stopped in front of a spacious office door.
She knocked. From inside came a deep, heavy voice.
"Come in."
When they pushed the door open, a burly man nearly two meters tall was standing there.
"Dad—"
Kurotsuchi had only just started when Kiyonari immediately let out a loud "Wah!" and dragged everyone's attention over.
"So this is the Tsuchikage? Just like a mountain—looking at you alone makes people feel safe—"
"I'm the Tsuchikage!"
A voice suddenly came from behind the wide desk. Kiyonari froze, puzzled, and looked around as if he couldn't find where it came from.
Kurotsuchi couldn't watch anymore. She picked Kiyonari up so his line of sight lifted—only then did he finally see the "potato" sitting behind the desk.
"So short."
"Pfft—cough! Cough, cough!"
Ōnoki almost choked on his tea. He forced down the coughing and asked in a low voice, "Hyūga Kiyonari. Tsunade's student. Why have you come to Iwagakure?"
"I'm here to deliver a letter."
Kiyonari jumped down and pulled an envelope from his clothes. Before he even finished speaking, the letter slipped from his fingers with a whoosh, spinning neatly through the air and landing precisely in Ōnoki's hand.
"So cool," Kiyonari's eyes lit up. He leaned toward Kurotsuchi, excited. "Can I learn that?"
"No." Kurotsuchi refused instantly, poking his forehead and pushing him back.
"Ow—don't be stingy. I can teach you medical ninjutsu too." Kiyonari covered his forehead and kept talking. "I might be useless most of the time, but this is the one thing I'm really good at."
Ōnoki slowly unfolded the letter. A brief silence fell over the office.
The contents were short, but heavy: Kumogakure had abnormal troop movements along the border and had even deployed the Two-Tails jinchūriki to the front line.
At the end, Tsunade also briefly mentioned Kiyonari. She had only just become Hokage, her workload enormous—handling internal affairs while guarding against Kumo—and truly couldn't spare manpower. She asked Ōnoki to look after her student.
"I understand," Ōnoki said, his expression unchanged. "I'll have a reply prepared tomorrow."
He paused, then instructed Akatsuchi: "Akatsuchi, take our guest to rest. He's traveled a long way—he must be tired."
Kiyonari disappeared out the door with Akatsuchi. Ōnoki immediately lifted his eyes to Kurotsuchi.
"Kurotsuchi," Ōnoki's tone turned far more casual, "after spending the road with that Hyūga kid… what kind of person do you think he is?"
Kurotsuchi almost blurted it out. "A noisy kid who doesn't think before he talks. His physical condition is terrible too—he starts panting after running for a bit."
She pictured Kiyonari chattering nonstop, asking about everything, curious about everything—without a shred of shinobi demeanor.
"What if it's an act?" Ōnoki asked. "Otherwise—why would Princess Tsunade accept someone like that as a student?"
Kurotsuchi froze, her brows knitting as she replayed the details. But no matter how she thought about it, the kid's behavior felt natural—naive, wildly curious, a little lecherous—exactly like a teenage boy.
If it was all acting, then his acting was absurdly good.
"Maybe…" She couldn't find a flaw, but her certainty wavered. "Maybe he has exceptional talent for medical ninjutsu?"
Ōnoki simply held the letter out. "Then take another look at this."
Kurotsuchi took it, her face turning serious at once. "Is Kumogakure trying to start a war? Could it be—aimed at us? Otherwise why would the Hokage specifically send someone to warn us about Kumo's movements?"
Ōnoki slowly shook his head. "It could also be that the Hokage is deliberately guiding us to think that way."
Kurotsuchi continued, "Then Kumo's targeting Konoha. They've been stirring trouble on that border for years."
Ōnoki shook his head again. "Until we have confirmed intelligence, no one dares conclude what the situation truly is."
"Grandpa!" Kurotsuchi puffed out her cheeks, furious. "Not this, not that—so what's the right answer?"
"If you can't even think that through and you want to be Tsuchikage?" Ōnoki chuckled. "You've got a long way to go."
"But no matter what, facing Kumogakure's threat, an alliance between the Land of Earth and the Land of Fire is the best choice. We can repel Kumo together—and also deter Kirigakure and Sunagakure from making reckless moves."
"But—when it comes to proposing an alliance, whoever speaks first loses the advantage. It makes you look like you need the other side."
This time, Kurotsuchi finally got it. "So the Hokage deliberately had Kiyonari deliver the letter… to make us speak first?"
"Exactly." Ōnoki nodded. "Tonight, think of a way to test him. See if the kid is truly stupid, or playing stupid."
"If he really is stupid, then it only proves Princess Tsunade has guts. Kurotsuchi—you still have a lot to learn."
"I understand. One day, you'll acknowledge me as Tsuchikage."
Kurotsuchi turned to leave. At the door, she paused and added:
"Grandpa—don't forget to increase border alert. No matter what's going on with Kiyonari, we can't let our guard down about Kumo's movements. If only Deidara-niisan were still in the village—"
"Hmph! Don't mention that bastard to me!" Ōnoki huffed, his mustache bristling.
Kurotsuchi pushed the door open and stepped into the street, replaying every moment with Kiyonari in her mind, trying to catch even the smallest inconsistency.
But… the kid's behavior was too natural—especially that raw, awkward curiosity, exactly what you'd expect from a clueless teenage boy.
If it was all an act, then his performance was terrifyingly good.
And it never once occurred to Kurotsuchi that being a pervert… didn't have to be acted.
At the same time, Kiyonari followed Akatsuchi to the guest quarters. It was quieter here. The room wasn't large, but it was clean, and it had its own bathroom.
Along the way, Kiyonari tried to make conversation, but the towering shinobi only led the way in silence, not saying a single word.
With no choice, Kiyonari tactfully shut up and followed behind, looking around at the surroundings.
Akatsuchi brought him to the door and gave a brief instruction: "If you need anything, call the people outside. Dinner will be delivered. Without permission, do not leave this area."
"I understand. Thank you," Kiyonari replied politely.
Of course he had no need to run around. The letter had been delivered, and his next task was simple:
to play the "idiot" role properly.
~~~
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