"So let me get this straight..."
Rukia looked like she was going to pop a blood vessel.
Ren waited politely.
"In not-frustrating-Amamiya speech," she continued, very slowly, "you need me to plant a Calling Card because you can't have it tracked back to Shujin."
"Yes."
Rukia's eye twitched.
"Then say that in the first place!"
"I didn't want to."
"AGHHH!"
"Ren, stop! Hahahaha!" Ann doubled over laughing, one hand against her stomach.
Ren glanced at her. "I answered every question."
"You spent five minutes explaining operational security!"
"It was relevant."
"You explained what metadata was!"
"Also relevant."
Rukia grabbed at her hair. "You could have said, 'Kuchiki, you're invisible, can you leave this somewhere Madarame will find it?'"
Ren considered it.
"That sounds suspicious."
"YOU ARE ASKING ME TO HELP COMMIT A CRIME!"
"Allegedly."
Rukia made a noise that didn't sound entirely human.
Ryuji had his face buried in his hands, shoulders shaking. Shiho wasn't doing much better, and even Yusuke had developed the faint smile he got whenever Ren successfully aggravated someone in a way he considered interesting.
Orihime reached out and gently patted Rukia's shoulder.
"It's okay."
"No, it isn't."
"I know."
Rukia took a long breath.
Then another.
Apparently deciding that engaging with Ren further would only shorten her lifespan, which was impressive considering she was already dead, she dropped it.
"Yeah. I can do that."
Everyone quieted.
Rukia pointed at Ren before he could say anything.
"I am not breaking into his house."
"Wasn't going to ask."
"You were absolutely going to ask."
"I was going to clarify the operational—"
"Amamiya."
Ren stopped.
Rukia continued. "I can plant a Calling Card somewhere he'll find it without a normal person seeing me. That's it."
Ren nodded.
"That's all we need."
"Good."
Ryuji threw both fists into the air.
"Hell yeah!"
Morgana's tail shot straight up. "Then it's settled! Once the Calling Card is delivered, Madarame's cognition of the Treasure will become clear enough for us to steal it!"
Yusuke's expression tightened for half a second.
Ryuji immediately turned toward him.
Then his face lit up.
"Oh!"
Yusuke looked concerned.
"What?"
"Come on, Yusuke. I got a great idea!"
"What idea?"
Ryuji grabbed him by the arm.
Yusuke stumbled.
"Sakamoto."
"We gotta make the card!"
"Sakamoto."
"And you're literally an artist!"
"Sakamoto, release me."
"DUDE, THIS IS GONNA LOOK SICK!"
Ryuji practically dragged Yusuke down the stairs.
"Sakamoto, I am capable of walking!"
The bell downstairs jingled.
Then—
"WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"
"ART STORE!"
Silence settled over the attic.
Ren pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Well. Meeting dismissed, I guess?"
Shiho stood. "Apparently."
Ann wiped tears from her eyes. "I'm going with them before Ryuji makes Yusuke design something with a flaming skull."
From downstairs came a distant—
"WHAT ABOUT A FLAMING SKULL?!"
Ann's face went blank.
"Goddammit."
She ran downstairs.
Shiho followed.
Orihime waved cheerfully to Rukia and hurried after them.
Morgana hopped onto Ren's shoulder.
Rukia remained by the window.
Ren glanced toward her.
"Thanks."
Rukia paused.
The irritation faded slightly.
"You're welcome."
Then her eyes narrowed again.
"And next time, ask normally."
"No promises."
"Why are you like this?"
Ren smiled.
Rukia left through the window.
Morgana watched her disappear over the roof.
"She's going to kill you one day."
"Probably."
"She has a sword."
"So do several people I know."
"You say things like that as if they make your life sound less insane."
Ren thought about it.
"You know what? Whatever."
---
ShadOP Messenger: INVESTIGATION TEAM CHAT LOG
---
[Joker]
Oh yeah we figured out what Hollows are but we don't really need to worry about it right now cause we have Shinigami running around taking care of it.
---
Ren stared at the message.
Sent.
No response yet.
His grin slowly widened.
Finally.
Finally.
Something had happened in his life that Yu Narukami did not already seem to know about.
No mysterious pause followed by an annoyingly calm explanation.
No vague "I've seen something similar."
No casual revelation that apparently his weird extended family had fought an equivalent supernatural problem in 2012.
His phone buzzed.
Ren's smile widened further.
[King Sis-con]
Gods??
[King Sis-con]
Ren??
Ren blinked.
Another message immediately appeared.
[King Sis-con]
We have a bad track record with gods.
[King Sis-con]
A BEARY BAD ONE.
Ren stared.
Then slowly grinned.
[King Sis-con]
The stress is turning me into Teddie.
[Navi]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[King Sis-con]
Ren.
[King Sis-con]
You're an annoying motherfucker, you know that?
Ren's grin became unbearably smug.
Oh.
This was glorious.
Yu Narukami was confused.
Actually confused.
[Joker]
:)
[King Sis-con]
Don't fucking smile at me through text.
[Joker]
:)
[King Sis-con]
Ren.
[Joker]
:)
[King Sis-con]
Respond properly or I'll have Fuuka play sounds from an erotic ASMR video directly into your headphones next time you're connected to ShadOP.
...
The chat stopped.
Ren stared at the message.
So did, presumably, everyone else.
Three dots appeared beside Yu's name.
Disappeared.
Appeared again.
Finally—
[King Sis-con]
...That sounded considerably funnier in my head.
[Navi]
OH MY GOD
[King Sis-con]
And now it's on record.
[Navi]
FOREVER
[King Sis-con]
Fuuka delete that.
Nothing happened.
[King Sis-con]
Fuuka.
Still nothing.
[Navi]
SHE'S IGNORING YOU LMAOOOOOOO
[King Sis-con]
I hate this family.
Ren locked his phone with a victorious smirk.
"Finally, I know something that asshole doesn't!"
A woman walking in front of him sped up.
Ren didn't notice.
He started laughing.
Not a small laugh either.
It began as a quiet chuckle, then progressively deteriorated as months of Yu somehow knowing everything caught up with him.
"Hehehe..."
A businessman glanced over.
Ren kept walking.
"Hehehehehe..."
A mother pulled her kid slightly closer.
Ren's shoulders shook.
"HAHAHAHA—"
Several people moved away from him at once.
Ren stopped.
He looked around.
Everyone nearby was very deliberately not looking at him.
"...Ah."
He coughed into one hand.
Adjusted his glasses.
Straightened his uniform.
Normal.
Perfectly normal teenager.
Nothing weird going on here.
His phone buzzed again in his pocket.
Ren ignored it.
Yu could suffer.
For at least the next ten minutes, Ren Amamiya knew something Yu Narukami didn't.
That counted.
---
DING.
"Welcome to Leblanc."
Ren slipped behind the counter almost immediately after getting home, tying on his apron while Sojiro finished serving a customer near the end of the bar.
"You're late."
Ren checked the clock.
"By two minutes."
"Late."
"Train."
"Excuse."
"Public transportation infrastructure."
Sojiro looked at him.
Ren smiled.
Sojiro pointed toward the coffee equipment.
"Work."
"Yes, Boss."
"I'm not your boss."
Ren washed his hands and got started.
Compared to everything else happening lately, working at Leblanc had become strangely easy to settle into.
Orders made sense.
Coffee made sense.
Customer asked for something.
Ren made it.
Customer paid.
No cognitive dimensions.
No dead samurai girls appearing through his bedroom window.
No talking cats.
No psychic art museums.
Just coffee.
He measured the grounds.
Poured enough water to bloom them.
Waited.
"Too long."
Ren stopped immediately.
Sojiro wasn't even looking at him.
"That was like two seconds."
"Two seconds too long."
"How the hell did you see that?"
"Experience."
Ren narrowed his eyes.
"Third Eye."
Sojiro finally looked over.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Ren continued pouring.
A few minutes later he set the finished cup down in front of Sojiro.
Sojiro took a sip.
"Hm."
Ren waited.
Another sip.
"Hmmmm."
"You're doing this on purpose."
"Doing what?"
"The dramatic pause."
Sojiro ignored him.
Ren crossed his arms.
Finally, Sojiro set the cup down.
"Better."
Ren's eyes lit up slightly.
"Really?"
"Don't get excited. Still a little bitter."
The excitement died immediately.
"Asshole."
"What was that?"
"Excellent feedback, Boss."
Sojiro gave him a look.
Ren went back to wiping the counter.
A customer entered.
DING.
"Welcome to Leblanc," Ren said automatically.
Normal work resumed.
Coffee.
Curry.
Cleaning.
Sojiro occasionally correcting something Ren was doing.
Ren occasionally pretending not to be pleased when Sojiro said he'd improved.
His phone buzzed twice in his pocket.
He ignored it.
Probably Yu.
He could wait.
Ren smiled to himself as he carried a cup toward one of the tables.
For once, ignorance was bliss.
And more importantly—
Ren was winning.
Probably.
For at least another five minutes.
---