We arrived at a clearing. In the middle stood a deer. An enormous deer with giant antlers, looking at us as if it knew we weren't supposed to be there.
"A deer!" Phil shouted.
"Shut up!" Jay shouted.
"It's huge!" Phil shouted.
"Shut up or it'll run away!" Jay shouted.
Phil covered his mouth with his hands.
"What do we do?" Phil whispered.
"We stay still and look at it. Then it'll leave," Jay whispered.
"Aren't we going to shoot it?" Phil whispered.
"Shoot it with what? I didn't put film in the camera," Jay whispered.
"You didn't put film in the camera?" Phil whispered.
"It's a digital camera. It doesn't have film. And I don't know how to use it," Jay whispered.
"Then why did you bring it?" Phil whispered.
"So it looks like we're hunting," Jay whispered.
The deer looked at us. It blinked. It took a step toward us.
"It's coming closer," Manny whispered.
"I'm going to die," Luke whispered.
"You're not going to die. Deer are herbivores," Manny whispered.
"Herbivores kill too," Luke whispered.
"Herbivores don't kill. They eat plants," Manny whispered.
"Plants are living beings too," Luke whispered.
"That's philosophy, not biology," Manny whispered.
"It's both," Luke whispered.
The deer took another step. And another. And another, until it was a meter away from us.
"Phil, don't move," Jay whispered.
"I'm not moving," Phil whispered.
"Don't breathe either," Jay whispered.
"I can't not breathe," Phil whispered.
"Then breathe very slowly," Jay whispered.
Phil breathed very slowly. The deer sniffed him. And then, without warning, the deer licked Phil's face.
"Ugh!" Phil shouted.
The deer ran off.
"A deer licked you!" Luke shouted.
"A deer licked me!" Phil shouted.
"It's a sign," Manny said.
"Of what?" Jay asked.
"That nature accepts us," Manny replied.
"Or that the deer was hungry?" Luke asked.
"Deer don't eat people," Manny said.
"This one does," Luke said.
Phil wiped his face with his sleeve.
"Leo," Phil said.
"What?" I asked.
"Forget about the intimidation thing. If a deer licked you, it means you have good energy. And I trust energy," Phil said.
"So you're not going to write the sad poem?" I asked, confused since the deer hadn't licked me, but I decided to go along with it.
"I'll write the sad poem anyway. Just in case. As a preventive measure," Phil replied.
We returned to the car without having hunted anything, without having shot anything, without having seen anything other than a deer that licked Phil's face.
"It was a good day," Jay said with sarcasm.
"It was an excellent day," Phil said sincerely.
"A deer licked you," Luke said.
"It's a story. Stories are valuable," Phil said.
"Stories don't feed you," Jay said.
"They feed the soul," Phil replied.
"The soul doesn't eat," Jay said.
"The soul eats experiences," Phil said.
"That's the stupidest thing you've said today," Jay said.
"Thanks," Phil said.
"That wasn't a compliment," Jay said.
"It was to me," Phil said.
Manny was writing in his notebook.
"What are you writing?" Luke asked.
"A poem about the deer and about Phil. And about the deer's tongue on Phil's face," Manny said.
"And what's the title?" Luke asked.
"The Forest's Caress," Manny replied.
"That title is worse than the poem," Luke said.
"I haven't written the poem yet. You can't have an opinion," Manny said.
"I have the same opinion anyway," Luke said.
"Your opinion doesn't matter," Manny said.
"My opinion is the only one that matters," Luke said.
"Why?" Manny asked.
"Because I'm the youngest, and I have the right to be selfish," Luke replied.
That didn't make sense, but Manny nodded as if it did.
The Dunphy House
We arrived at the Dunphy house. Claire was at the door with her arms crossed.
"Did you catch anything?" Claire asked.
"A deer licked Phil," Luke said.
"What?" Claire asked.
"A deer licked me on the face," Phil said excitedly.
"And why did it lick you?" Claire asked.
"Because I'm irresistible," Phil replied, conceited.
"Deer don't lick irresistible people. Deer lick salt," Claire said.
"Then I'm salty," Phil said.
"That's not a compliment," Claire said.
"It was to me," Phil said.
Alex came to the door. She saw me. She smiled.
"Did you survive?" Alex asked.
"I survived. Your dad tried to intimidate me," I replied.
"And how did that go?" Alex asked.
"He said he was going to write a sad poem if I hurt you," I replied.
Alex laughed.
"A poem?" Alex asked.
"A very sad poem. With rhymes, metaphors, and a part where he cries," I replied.
"That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard," Alex said.
"That's what I said," I replied.
"And then?" Alex asked.
"Then a deer licked him," I replied.
"A deer licked him?" Alex asked with disbelief.
"A deer. On the face. He said it was a sign from nature," I replied.
"A sign of what?" Alex asked.
"That he has good energy. Although it was like it was saying I was the one with good energy," I replied.
Alex shook her head.
"My dad is a lost cause," Alex said.
"He's a good man," I said.
"He's a good man, but he's lost," Alex said.
"Like the deer," I said.
"The deer wasn't lost. The deer was in its home," Alex said.
"We were lost in its home," I said.
"Exactly," Alex said.
Phil approached us.
"Leo," Phil said.
"What?" I asked.
"One thing," Phil said.
"Go ahead," I replied.
"If you hurt my daughter, I'm not going to write a sad poem," Phil said.
"No?" I asked.
"I'm going to call Gloria's cousins," Phil said.
"You have the number?" I asked.
"Gloria gave it to me. Just in case," Phil replied.
"In case of what?" I asked.
"In case I needed to intimidate you," Phil replied.
"Are you intimidating me?" I asked.
"Is it working?" Phil asked.
"A little," I lied.
"Good," Phil said. "Then my job is done."
He left.
Alex looked at me.
"Did he intimidate you?" Alex asked.
"A little," I lied again.
"A little or a lot?" Alex asked.
"A little of a lot," I said.
Alex laughed.
"You're a bad liar," Alex said.
"I know," I replied.
"I like it," Alex said.
"I know that too," I said.
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