Jiangg Ning sat on the sofa, hugging her knees. Her left cheek rested against them as she quietly contemplated the view outside the window.
A bright, full moon hung in the night sky, surrounded by a cluster of stars that exuded an indescribable depth and brilliance. They mirrored the countless lights in the high-rise buildings below. The city was so prosperous, its people bustling about.
In truth, she rarely had time to quiet down and be lost in thought like this.
She had almost forgotten the last time she'd watched the night scenery all by herself.
The living room lights were off. The sofa was soft. After coming home, she had shed her heavy clothes. Jiangg Ning wore only a nightgown that reached her thighs, her fair feet resting on the edge of the sofa. She was curled up like a lazy cat.
Jiangg Ning's hair cascaded down. Her delicate profile was a picture of gentleness.
VMMMM—
In the darkness, a phone suddenly rang.
Jiangg Ning froze for a moment, then fumbled for her phone in the cracks of the sofa. But when she saw the caller ID, her expression immediately tensed. She quickly cleared her throat before nervously answering the call.
"Hello..."
"Yes, Mom, I'm in the living room right now."
"Mhm, I know about the matter you arranged. We just had a meeting about it tonight... I'll do a good job."
"My sister is asleep now... Her condition is a bit better than before. I usually take her to the supermarket and places like that. She's been very well-behaved. I'm sure it won't be long before she's as lively as she used to be... I'll look after her, don't worry."
"This weekend? So soon... Okay, I'll book a flight now... You already booked it? Then I'll go back by myself. Yaoyao isn't comfortable in those kinds of situations, and she can take care of herself."
The conversation continued for a while.
Jiangg Ning's expression changed frequently, sometimes frowning, sometimes lowering her head in disappointment.
After hanging up, she tossed the phone aside, an indescribable frustration flooding her face.
For the ever-rational Jiangg Ning, such an emotional expression was something that almost never appeared on her face. This was thanks to her mother's strict discipline. From a young age, she had studied all sorts of etiquette, the most twisted rule of which was to control her emotions at all times, no matter what.
No arguing, no fussing, and never let your feelings show on your face.
But now, she was truly at her wits' end with frustration.
Even though she was far away in Lanjing, her life was still being controlled. Mrs. Jiangg had used an irrefusable tone to order her back to Mingzhu City this weekend. It was, of course, for those tedious affairs, and she'd probably even try to set her up with a man.
Jiangg Ning could tolerate most of her mother's control, but not this.
She couldn't imagine marrying someone she didn't like at all and spending the rest of her life with him. Even more so, she was unwilling to become a social climber, selling herself out to fulfill Mrs. Jiangg's business plans.
Two years ago, when she had left with Jiangg Yao, the condition she'd agreed to with Mrs. Jiangg was that she would try to meet those people.
Now, Jiangg Ning was twenty-six, an age where she was expected to get married.
If she could, she would rather never marry at all. She would just be an ordinary associate professor in Lanjing, teaching classes every day, coming home to listen to music and cook a few of her favorite dishes, living out each day in simple, warm peace.
In the dead of night, Jiangg Ning clutched her head, grabbing at her hair. It all ended with a single, mournful sigh.
Jiangg Ning suddenly realized that in her more than twenty years of life, the happiest time had been this period in Lanjing. Not only did she have a job she loved, but by a twist of fate, she had also gotten a taste of what it was like to be in love.
Those six months she had dated Chen Yuan... She couldn't help but think of Chen Yuan again.
Those six months were the happiest.
When their online relationship first started, she would come home after her classes, and every night at nine, she and Chen Yuan would meet up to play games together.
In the game, she would clumsily tap the screen, following behind Chen Yuan and listening to his voice. Her clumsy controls usually led to a total defeat, a complete rout, but she was still happy.
After gaming, the two of them would have a voice call. This was the part she looked forward to the most. Jiangg Ning would intentionally put on a slightly mature but sweet voice, speaking softly and sounding incredibly shy as they chatted about all sorts of things.
They'd talk about their dreams for the future, their favorite pets, or she would ask him to sing a few lines of a song for her.
Jiangg Ning was more reserved and wouldn't bring up anything too wild, but online relationships inevitably touch upon topics that are hard to talk about. When they did, they would both stammer and get flustered, their faces turning beet red, yet they both looked forward to talking about it more.
Sometimes, she would ask Chen Yuan to tell her a random bedtime story. It was just so childish.
He agreed.
Jiangg Ning would curl up under her covers, put on her headphones, and listen while biting her lip. It was the first time she had ever felt doted on. She had never experienced this feeling before; it was so fulfilling.
Whenever she talked to him, Jiangg Ning would completely forget who she was, forget everything about her life in the real world.
She would only feel like a young girl, a young girl who longed to be cherished.
…
"I want to marry you..."
"What? I didn't hear you clearly."
"I said... I want to marry you."
"Say it again."
"I'm not saying it again."
"Alright... I actually heard you."
…
Jiangg Ning couldn't believe she had actually managed to say those five words to Chen Yuan.
If her sister found out, she would probably stare wide-eyed in shock, thinking she'd misheard.
'How could I be so childish?'
Only a child would blurt out something like that so easily.
Jiangg Ning also wondered if she had lost her mind.
Who could possibly understand? In that instant, in that single second, she truly wanted to become the wife of that illusory, online Chen Yuan—the one who would just play games with her and tell her bedtime stories to lull her to sleep.
'Is this love?' She didn't know.
'Do people really lie to themselves?'
Jiangg Ning cupped her cheek with one hand and hugged her knees with the other, staring blankly at the night view outside.
She regretted it.
The breakup. On the surface, she had seemed unfazed, and her life had carried on calmly. But at this moment, she knew she regretted it completely. She had only been deceiving herself.
She had deliberately kept herself busy to ignore the relationship.
She had gotten jealous when she saw Chen Yuan standing very close to a beautiful girl.
She had treasured that inexpensive ring, hiding it away in her jewelry box, unable to bring herself to throw it away.
She had constantly scanned her surroundings at the university.
That time in the elevator with Chen Yuan, when he had turned around to fasten her button for her—that uncontrollable flutter in her heart.
Jiangg Ning knew that all of this proved she had never truly moved on from that relationship.
…
In the living room, Jiangg Ning picked up her phone, opened the memo app, and tapped on a few saved voice clips.
She held the earpiece to her ear with what could only be described as extreme care, listening to Chen Yuan's voice.
The dimly lit screen illuminated her face.
Her eyes gradually brightened, and the corners of her mouth curved into a smile.
"Of course I like you."
Chen Yuan's awkward, deliberately indifferent, and mumbled words came from the earpiece.
"I... like you too."
Jiangg Ning also heard her own response from back then.