"So what kind of inspiration do you need?" He asked. I noticed he has now completely drifted off from his work and is completely amused by my crisis. "I don't know, it usually comes with the emotion I'm feeling at the time, and I just built on that, but there's nothing. This brain fog is thick." I scooted my chair back and started putting my stuff away. Obviously, I'm not getting any work done; I might as well go home.
"Leaving?" he asked. I nodded yes, zipping up my bag before looking at him. "You?" I asked, and he started backing up as well. We headed out together. When it's late at night, the world just seems to be so peaceful.
"So you're in a creator block?" He asked, head down as we slowly drifted farther and farther away from the library, "Yeah, you can say that," I whispered. I just have too much on my mind; it's hard to create when your mind doesn't want to. Between him, my assignments, and my job, I still subconsciously wonder if my family is alright…I should reach out to them by now, but for what? I have nothing to say to them. They have nothing to say to me, and it doesn't matter since my family is broken.
"I can't wait til this semester is over," I mumbled. He replied with a low "mhm," but why did it sound sad?
When we were outside our dorms, he asked, "Are you planning on leaving for the holidays?" He didn't look at me, and his eyes stayed steady on the ground, hands gripping his backpack like he was tense about something.
"Nah, I just want to be done with my assignments. That's why I'm rushing." I huffed. What's this about?
"Don't worry,… I'm not leaving," I mumble. He looked relieved, oddly enough. I wanted to ask him more about that, but I dropped it for now. I shiver as the cool wind blew a bit aggressively that time. "Remember, I'm going with you to the pumpkin cravings," I said. "See, I'm making a promise and all."
His face softened into a smile. I started walking backwards. "Goodnight, Damien," The lamppost said, hitting gently against his skin. "Goodnight, Jaci." I waved back with a smile, while my heart was doing back flips on its own. I never thought I was going to be the one to see him smile, but sometimes I like these kinds of surprises.
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Wow, I looked at the surrounding crowds on campus today for the pumpkin carvings. Families with small children, groups of teenagers, was this an event to look forward to?… Didn't he say the last time he came, it was empty? I felt my stomach turn, and I looked like a standing stick man, looking around frantically, like I was lost. These people probably think I don't even go here with the way I'm acting. My stomach started to go inwards as I subtly tried to find an empty spot, but everywhere looked full. To make it worse, I'm supposed to find Damien.
Every part of me is saying, "Nope, let's call this a wrap! Let's go home." But I made a promise, and so no matter how sweaty my hands get, I'll find him eventually. I had to dodge a few kids playing tag. I bumped into a guy by accident and apologized. That was awkward, and I made eye contact with ten people I don't know. When I finally got to where the pumpkins actually were, I saw him just standing there. When he saw me, his little smile came back today, too.
"You made it." He said, walking over to me. "Yeah,… barely," I said nervously. Social anxiety hits different when it's not based in a classroom. He looked around and back at me, "I didn't think you were going to come, honestly." He walked beside me, leading us to the field of pumpkins. "Why?" I asked. "His eyes rolled up to the sky, and back to the crowd. "Because…" He drifted. "Because of what?" I persisted. "Because I thought you would leave after seeing all these people, and texted me saying I lied…" He mumbled. We were far from the crowd. I turned around, looking slightly upwards, our eyes meeting. The wind is chilly, but the warm sun makes it bearable. "Well, I promised I'd come… even if I don't like crowds, I don't like the idea of leaving you hanging like that either, so…" My eyes drifted to the pumpkin beside us.
I wasn't lying, even though I did want to go home, that wouldn't be fair to him… "Well than thank you for coming anyway." his voice was low, but loud enough for me to hear it. And he picked up the pumpkin I was looking at. "You wanna do this one?" He asked, bringing it closer to me. "Is that one good?" I do not know anything about pumpkins …
"It's big, more to crave, I think it's good." He held it up, getting a good look at it. Then I realized…we're going to be doing the same pumpkin?
Wait … I felt my cheeks flush, oh no, I just walked right into this without thinking! "Aren't you going to get one?" I asked, hoping he was going to say yeah. Or suggest we get two, but no. "I'd rather do this one with you." He said flat as ever, like it was just obvious from the start.
This is like our second unofficial official date, and he doesn't even know. Does he realize how we look right now? What other people might be thinking about us right now? I looked over where others were, and nobody was really paying us any attention so far.
Well, not yet anyways…