4
"A ride?" I laughed, shaking my head as the chat scrolled with suggestions to 'Sign them immediately!' "You two have no idea what you're signing up for. This is a 24/7 reality show, and my 'muscle' over there has a habit of accidental terraforming."
I leaned down to their level. "You guys remind me of a story from back home. A legendary duo. A cat and a mouse who spent decades trying to outsmart each other, but the second a third party stepped in? They were a united front. Tom and Jerry."
The Purrloin—now Tammy—tilted her head, her tail flicking with interest. "Tom and Jerry, huh? Has a certain ring to it. A bit 'old school' but I can dig the aesthetic."
"And I suppose I am the 'Jerry' in this analogy?" The Rattata—Jerry—huffed, smoothing his fur. "I shall accept it, provided the name carries the weight of a refined legacy. Though I expect my living quarters to be significantly more palatial than a hole in the wall."
"Deal. Welcome to the Callison Corner," I said, flashing the camera a wink.
[Chat Log]
IceCreamQueen_C: Tammy and Jerry. I expect many 'clips' of their banter, Jake.
SilentRed: [GIF: Tom & Jerry clinking glasses]
Clone_02: A strategic acquisition. Their intelligence compensates for your... physical limitations.
MusicFan_99: Wait, is that THE Jake Callison? The guy who wrote the League Anthem? SING 'GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL'!
"Not now, Chat! We have a Professor to see!"
The Lab: Chaos and Edgelords
We arrived at Professor Birch's lab in Littleroot just in time for the daily disaster. We didn't even make it through the front door before a bookshelf exploded.
A green blur shot out of the window, followed by a frantic Professor Birch covered in ink and shredded documents. "Get back here! I just need to measure your tail-blade density!"
The blur landed on a fence post right in front of us. It was a Treecko. But it wasn't a normal Treecko. It was leaning against the post with its arms crossed, a literal twig hanging out of its mouth like a toothpick. Its eyes were narrowed into a permanent scowl, radiating "I am the night" energy.
[Chat Log]
NinjaFan_X: IS THAT A SHINOBI?!
DragonTamer_Lance: That Pokémon has the eyes of a warrior who has seen too much.
PervySage: Why is he looking at us like he's judging our entire bloodline?
"Zzzzt! Dramatic lighting detected! He's a star!" Lens buzzed, getting a close-up of the Treecko's brooding expression.
"Ah! Jake! May!" Birch shouted, stumbling over. "Thank goodness! I was trying to give this Treecko a check-up, but he's... well, he's convinced he's the protagonist of a dark psychological thriller."
The Treecko looked at me, then at Tammy and Jerry, and finally at May. He gave a single, dismissive huff and closed his eyes, ignoring us entirely.
"I like him!" May beamed, reaching out to pet him. "He looks so grumpy! I just wanna squeeze him!"
The Treecko's eyes snapped open. In a flash of green, he leaped over May's head, landed on my shoulder, and patted my cheek with a cold, leafy hand as if to say, 'You. You are the least annoying. I shall permit your presence.'
"Looks like the choice has been made," I said, wincing as the Treecko's claws dug into my jacket. "Meet the new addition, Chat. I think I'll call him Sasuke. Or maybe just Kage."
"Kage it is," I decided.
[Chat Log]
IceCreamQueen_C: An edgelord Treecko, a ghetto Purrloin, and a Galarian Rattata. This isn't a Pokémon team, Jake. This is a sitcom cast.
SilentRed: [GIF: Batman disappearing into shadows]
"Alright, Professor," I said, turning to Birch as May started picking out a Mudkip for herself (which she immediately tried to bench-press). "Give me the Pokedex and the Pokeballs. We have a world to entertain and a career to build."
Birch handed over the gear, looking exhausted. "Please, just take them. Especially the Treecko. He's been brooding in the corner for three days straight. He refuses to eat unless I play 'lo-fi hip-hop beats to study/relax to'."
I looked at Kage. Kage looked at the camera. He gave a slow, cool nod.
"Content," I whispered. "We are going to be so rich."