Episode 004. The Answer (1)
The Paros of this generation has no family head.
That is because the family head and his lady—my parents—passed away ten years before this point.
I heard it was an accident, but I do not know the details.
As it was the death of the head of a great family, the imperial family launched an investigation personally, yet it remained an accident so suspicious that it was never explained even up to the moment I died.
At the time, I was only eight years old, so there was no way I could know the cause and effect.
And the retainers were not foolish enough to entrust the rule of the family to an eight-year-old young lord.
Thus, for the past ten years—and until the moment the family was annihilated after I was imprisoned—the one who ruled as acting family head was my older sister, five years older than me.
Cecilia Paros.
My sister was different from me in every way.
From childhood, she was composed, dignified, and sharp-witted.
To put it simply, she was like a perfectly drawn portrait of a noble young lady.
If I recall a few representative traits—
My sister was someone who never raised her voice in any situation.
Conversely, she was someone who never laughed frivolously in any situation.
And how deep her feelings for the family were.
At times, I felt as though the House Paros was the very reason Cecilia Paros existed.
So my sister devoted her reverence to everything about the family.
She was devoted to our parents, overflowing with mercy to the retainers, kind to the servants.
And to me, she was far too tender.
That, as it turned out, was her only flaw.
She should not have cherished me so much.
–Young lord, there must be a misunderstanding. I will enter the palace, grasp the details properly, and then demand your release.
From an early age, my sister adored me especially.
No matter what trouble I caused, she always worried about me first, and after we were left alone, that only grew worse.
Looking back, even before I learned to face the world alone—always.
At every moment of her life, my sister was spending it for me.
Even after I was thrown into prison, it was the same.
Steadily, throughout the seventeen years I was imprisoned, she came to see me twice a month for about twelve of them.
And each time, she whispered only hopeful stories.
–I spoke with His Highness. His anger is so great that it will be difficult for now, but as time passes, those feelings will surely melt away. Wasn't the Crown Prince wise from childhood?
At first, she tried to persuade the crown prince.
–His Highness has been imprisoned, you know. Have you reconciled? If I had known it would come to this, I would have brought the young lord to the palace often when you were little... If only you'd at least become familiar, perhaps an accident like this would not have happened—this is all my fault. But now I can petition His Majesty directly. If we appeal that you have been unjustly imprisoned by His Highness's word alone, His Majesty will reconsider.
After the crown prince was imprisoned, she sought another way.
It did not go well.
From the start, the process by which the crown prince put me in prison was meticulous.
Because my usual conduct was poor, there were far too many charges they could pin on me, and I had no innocence I could prove.
Only because of my background did no one point it out, but I had committed so many crimes that I should have been locked up long ago.
Later, after the crown prince was deposed, it was like that.
Due to many processes, the Empire began to collapse so quickly it was beyond saving.
After the first few years, they did not even have the capacity to assign officials for the release of a single criminal.
And yet my sister remained steady.
Even when I had given up, my sister could not give up on my release.
It was truly foolish.
Unlike me, a failed work, she was a celebrated talent.
She was someone fully qualified to become family head, in both justification and practicality.
If she simply completed the succession ceremony, she could have become the master of Paros.
And yet—she could not abandon that damned young lord, Yuren Paros.
So for years, every time, she came to see me like that.
–Outside, it is spring. This year, the Paros gardens were so lovely—lovers smiling everywhere. Next year, we must watch it together... No, by then the young lord will surely have someone you've promised marriage to, so it would be good for the two of you to see it together as well.
She believed I would leave prison, marry, complete the succession, and become family head.
–Baron Venter has now retired. Age has caught up with him, after all… His successor is Baron Venter's eldest son. Next time, I will come with him.
So she told me of the family's changed appointments, and the political currents of the Empire.
She wanted me not to fall behind.
–Winter has come. Is the prison not cold? It is a place that houses nobles, so the conditions should not be terrible… but how could it be warmer than the estate? I asked the guards here to add more firewood. Ah, and your meals...
She took care of my health.
She clung to it obsessively.
Thinking back, that was how it was.
From some point on, my sister stopped taking care of her own health.
For several years, her complexion began to worsen little by little.
The shadows beneath her eyes looked like she was staring into an abyss, and her hollow cheeks were like those of a child in a slum starving to death.
And her wrists—what of them? Her bones stood out so starkly it felt grotesque.
Death was always following her, strangling her throat.
Back then, I did not know.
I was busy lamenting my own imprisoned fate, or going mad with the urge to trade blows with the crown prince who made me this way and became the cause of my incarceration—my head was already full with just that.
But I realized too late that those moments were my only comfort.
The one who gave me hope was always my sister, and only my sister.
And I only understood that after she was gone.
–Hey. Do I have no visitors?
–…No.
–Did something happen to my sister? Whenever there was a time she couldn't come, she always left a letter.
–That.....
A guard cannot speak of outside information.
It was an imperial order, and their iron rule.
So when my sister stopped appearing from one day to the next, I was left in confusion.
The tragic part is that, even then, I was still a pathetic human being.
When I first began to feel the emptiness of my sister who no longer came, I thought she had abandoned me.
Shamefully, it did not end there.
I showed anger toward my sister.
Thinking back, the crown prince egged it on a little.
-12 years is long enough. The fact she looked after trash like you for that long was already charity beyond divinity. Accept it humbly. But if your sister isn't coming anymore, doesn't that mean there's no one left to sneak snacks in for you? That's a problem. A big problem.....
That day—what happened again… right, I walked up to the crown prince while he slept and set the whole cell on fire.
Of course, the crown prince was fine.
–Whew, why are you stoking firewood in summer? Thanks to you, I woke up sweating.
Because that monster of a man, with meditation alone in prison, was already on the verge of becoming a Grand Master.
Anyway, the point is that the emotion driving me then was anger.
That period was rough.
I think that was also when my words and behavior toward the crown prince began to become outright irreverent.
Thinking I had been thrown away, I swung my sword in rage.
I had the idiotic thought that if I ever escaped this place, I would take revenge on you for abandoning me.
Anger became good fuel.
–Tch, only a sword master, finally?
On the day it had been thirteen years since I began receiving the crown prince's sword lessons, I reached the realm of a master.
In the Empire of that era, it made me the fourth—after the commander of the imperial knights, the archduke of the northern front, and the crown prince.
It did not make me particularly happy.
My head was filled only with a sense of betrayal toward my sister.
I honed my blade even sharper.
Fangs grew in my sword aura—savage teeth that could tear flesh apart with only a graze.
And I realized I had no right to that, two years later, when the war had deepened.
–The Empire needs strength. If you lend me your hand, I will pardon all your crimes after the war ends.
Convict soldier Yuren Paros.
Under that name, I went out into the world with the crown prince.
The very first thing I did that day was head to the Paros estate.
And I saw it.
An estate burned so completely that not even ashes remained.
Paros, with nothing left at all.
My sister.
-…What happened?
–There was a great fire. It was a day when the retainers and the acting family head were having a meeting until late at night, and then.....
–The culprit?
–…. It was never revealed. It was the opening phase of the war, and there were not enough investigators.
Just like my parents, the entire family vanished.
My sister left me like that.
What I felt in that moment was not emptiness.
Nor was it anger and resentment toward the culprit.
Regret.
And despair wrapped around that regret.
一Ah...….
I was so ashamed of myself I wanted to hang myself.
It felt sinful that I had remained foolish to the very end.
Why had I only resented my sister so stupidly?
I gave nothing and only received, and when I could no longer receive, I called it betrayal.
For that reason, I became a true criminal.
I, who had always insisted I was only wronged, finally came to carry a sin I could not help but admit.
The crown prince said:
–Pay it back with your sword. That is what we must do.
I obeyed.
Because it felt like I had to, at least that much.
Because if I didn't, I felt I would go insane.
–When the war ends, please let me lead Paros again.
I begged the next emperor.
And I obtained his permission.
Driven mad by the thought that I had to restore, even belatedly, everything my sister tried to protect, I did it.
But it was a tragedy.
The nation fell, and I died.
In the end, I could not do anything for my sister.
That guilt felt like it was crushing my heart.
That was why, before my sister whom I met again like this, I could not lift my head.
"Young lord, are you sure you're truly all right?"
The hand brushing my cheek is so slender.
It was a weak hand that had never done, and could not do, any hard work.
This was the hand that protected me.
"…Yes."
My sister asks, with that hand.
"Your complexion is still not good. Let's go rest. Now, get a full day of rest… and if you do that, could you have a meal with me the day after tomorrow?"
Why do you not ask why you did not appear yesterday?
"Please don't think it troublesome—just this once, grant my request."
Why do you lower yourself and beg?
"Health comes first. The young lord's health is Paros's future."
Why do you try to protect me, to protect this family, even if it means throwing yourself away?
Why do you act as if this is some reason to keep living?
It made my blood boil.
Even though I had no right, words surged up to my throat.
The last shred of conscience stopped them, and only then did I finally raise my head.
My sister was gaunt.
It happened in just one day.
That shadow had only been deepened for over ten years, and it would remain so until the moment of death.
So even though frustration at my sister's foolish obsession was rising to my throat—
Even though telling her to stop doing this for me should have come first—
"…I'm sorry."
An apology came out first.
One I had never said even once in my past life.
Only now, having defied death, could I offer this apology.
"I'm sorry. For making you worry."
Of course, saying it like this changes nothing.
As long as my heart remembers it, I will be a sinner forever.
"Young lord…?"
My sister's eyes widened slightly.
For her, it was an unusually blatant expression of bewilderment.
A hollow laugh escaped me.
'Really....'
"Is it that surprising that I'm apologizing?"
"That's not it...…."
For the first time, my sister avoided my gaze.
The bewilderment on her face only deepened.
Looking at her, a realization suddenly surged up inside me.
'Ah. That's what I must do.'
I opened my mouth.
"Elder sister."
Time rewound.
Even though I have no will in it, even though it is because of another's request, the fact that it has already rewound does not change.
Then what must I do?
Is it enough to make the crown prince emperor?
Should I prevent the war from happening, or lead it to victory if it does?
No.
Those things meant nothing to me.
What mattered to me was only one thing.
I spoke to the future crown prince.
He could not possibly hear, but—
'You sent me back as you pleased, so I will do as I please too.'
I lowered my head.
"From now on, I will do better."
"Young lord? Are you truly all right…?"
Atone.
For my sister, who suffered her whole life for a wretch like me—for this person whose reason for living is the family.
This time, it is right that I devote my entire life to the family and atone to my sister.
So my sister will worry no more.
So she can live her own life, not the family's.
At last, I could clearly understand what I must do.