Chapter 56: Family Chaos and the Penthouse Suite
Bruce hung up the phone, said goodbye to Monica and the others, and headed downstairs. As he reached the fourth floor, a thought struck him; he took a detour and knocked on Joey and Chandler's apartment door.
The door opened, revealing Chandler's face that read 'death would be a mercy.' Immediately after, a highly recognizable nasal voice called from the living room: "Channy, darling, who's at the door?"
It was Janice.
Janice—Bruce felt his eyebrows shoot into his hairline. He called inside, "Hi Janice, it's me, Bruce. Happy Valentine's Day!"
"Oh! My! God! Hi, Bruce, carry on, and be sure to return my little Channy on time. If you're late, I won't let you off the hook, hahahaha...!"
Bruce lowered his voice: "What's the deal with you and Janice? Breaking up one minute, back together the next."
Chandler sighed, "It's a long story—more complicated than explaining why my dad wears feather boas. Cut to the chase: why are you here, Bruce?"
Bruce got straight to the point: "Since you two are spending Valentine's together, the Four Seasons has a penthouse suite sitting empty tonight. Want to stay there—on me?"
Chandler frowned. "Is that a joke or are you guilt-tripping me for not taking Janice out tonight?"
"Neither," Bruce hurried to explain. "The room was meant for Grace and me, but Audrey's drunk and Grace has to take care of her. The hotel won't refund two grand—money down the drain!"
At that moment Janice's radar ears locked onto the keywords: "Cha-ching! I think I heard 'hotel suite' and 'two grand'—a surprise for me, Channy?"
Chandler whipped around with a rigid smile. "No hotel suite, sweetie! You must've misheard. Give me two minutes and we'll get back to our... uh... perfectly cozy Valentine's at home!"
He swung back and whispered, "Look, Bruce, any other night I'd jump on it—two-grand penthouse, who wouldn't want that? But tonight I'm engineering a 'friendly soft-landing breakup' with Janice. Add penthouse romance and the crash later gets way messier. Try Joey or Ross—they're out on dates tonight!"
With that, Chandler darted to the phone table, grabbed a slip of paper, and thrust it at Bruce. "Joey's restaurant reservation info. Call from your place—Janice can't hear a word about the penthouse!"
Bruce pocketed the note, then turned back. "Hold on—are you undecided about breaking up, or do you want out but can't say it?"
"What's the difference...?" Chandler started, then deflated. "Maybe both."
"Love is love; if it's gone, let go. Clear boundaries help you both," Bruce said.
Chandler gaped, giving him a look that mixed 'easy for you to say' with 'my family is a soap opera.' "Right, Bruce, boundaries—crystal clear, like the line between 'Mom' and 'Dad' in my house. Emotional chaos? Dude, it's in my DNA; without a little mess I'd be ashamed to carry the name Bing!"
"...Fair point. My bad." Bruce patted his shoulder, finally grasping how different everyone's baggage can be.
Back in his own apartment, Bruce prepared to call Joey. The girls cleaning up swarmed him for updates; he told them everything.
"No, that's terrible, Bruce... wait, we've got a plan! Rachel, Phoebe, and I will babysit Audrey; you and Grace keep your date—that suite is meant for love tonight!" Monica declared.
Jocelyn shot her hand up. "Count me in! Four Valentine's Day heroes taking care of one heartbroken drunk girl—perfect team!"
Bruce blinked. "How'd you know Audrey's heartbroken?"
"Please—who gets wasted on Valentine's Day unless they've been dumped?" Jocelyn retorted.
Phoebe clapped. "Let's go, Bruce. Drive us to Roosevelt Island, then you and Grace continue your romantic evening!"
"Thanks, everyone!"
Half an hour later they arrived. Bruce buzzed: "Grace? Cavalry's here—Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and my sister are here to help with Audrey!"
Grace squealed over the intercom: "Oh my God, you're Valentine's Day miracles! Door's unlocked, come up!"
Bruce turned to them. "Head up; I'll wait here for Grace."
Five minutes later Grace came out looking relieved and happy. "I can't thank Monica enough—my night looked completely ruined. They're angels!"
In the car Bruce asked, "How's Audrey doing?"
"I got some water and aspirin into her and tucked her into bed. She's really drunk—threw up in the bathroom. Never seen her like that."
"Was it about breaking up with Joey?"
"I doubt it; they split a week ago. If she wanted to drown her sorrows she'd have done it earlier, and she didn't seem that upset when it happened."
"Holiday atmosphere can stir things up," Bruce mused.
"Enough about that. Let's grab food—you barely ate at the restaurant," Grace said.
"Sure, all this running around made me hungry. You?"
"I'm good; I finished my meal after you left. What do you want?"
"Um... sandwiches. Joey raved about a new deli nearby."
At the deli, as Bruce waited in line, his pager beeped—Chandler and Joey's number.
He asked Grace to hold their spot and stepped outside to a payphone on the corner.
"Hey Chandler—did Janice leave?"
Joey answered, "It's me, where are you, Bruce?"
"Outside that amazing sandwich shop you told me about. Thought you were on a date?"
"We're back. Chandler mentioned Audrey's drunk and something about a hotel room. Just checking—is she okay?"
"She's fine, Joey. Monica and the girls are with her."
"Um... I'd already broken up with her, didn't get a chance to tell you—awkward."
"I heard from Grace. We saw it coming; you're not the settling-down type, buddy."
"Was she wasted because of me? Was she really upset?"
"Honestly, Joey... I'm not sure," Bruce said, eyeing the deli window.
He hung up; Grace was outside the phone booth holding their sandwiches.
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