~It had always felt like I was disconnected from the world. Like I was never meant to exist, because I didn't fit in anywhere.
Of course, this isn't the first time I've thought about it. It's probably because people don't see value in me.
I'm a cripple, after all.
I can't walk, and I have a low voice. Even with the skills and knowledge I've gathered, I can't say I truly enjoyed the life I've lived. But… what's next?
What else can a cripple like me learn?
In the end, I can't help my mum at home, which should be a son's responsibility.
Maybe it's time to end it all.~
...
"Hmm… Yes, it sounds right, but also wrong."
A young man with short grey hair closed the black notebook in his hands and then relaxed in his chair.
He sat in the shadow of a tall apple tree with green leaves, which seemed to have just started bearing fruit under the bright light of the radiant sun.
His tired eyes scanned the surroundings, seeing children and their mothers playing around, some couples alone with pets, some with children.
Others were even enjoying happy picnics. Overall, everyone here was smiling… except him.
Everyone were with partners… except him.
He was an anomaly here too. He didn't belong here.
Julius quietly adjusted his black shirt and then his glasses. He then quietly rolled forward in his wheelchair. He was already leaving the park since it was getting quite late.
"Hey there, let me help you with that."
A sweet, melodic voice came from his side, and when he turned to look, he saw a polite-looking girl walking over to him with a smile on her beautiful round face.
Her black hair was cut short, and she wore a short flared skirt with a crop top, accentuating her beauty.
Julius sighed and quietly shook his head at her, then continued on his way.
"Wait, let me help!" The girl rushed over and held the wheelchair from behind before pushing him.
"You don't have to."
The girl frowned as she heard something from the dull man in the wheelchair and asked:
"What did you say?"
"You don't have to help me. I don't need it. Leave me alone." He said with a higher voice, but the girl didn't let go and continued pushing.
She glanced back to look at someone before turning forward and looking down at Julius.
"You know how it is in the park. Everyone is so focused on their business, so I thought I'd help you since I didn't have anything to do," she replied with a happy voice, and then Julius' next words made her frown.
"I have no money to tip you," Julius said as he looked up at the girl.
He saw the girl visibly flinch when she looked at his face.
He wasn't a bad-looking guy, but he was mentally stressed and physically tired.
"Don't worry. Just consider this an act of goodwill," the girl reassured him with a smile.
They soon left the park, and Julius couldn't help but think about what he'd face when he got back home. It was already past five, so she would be worried about him…
After leaving the park and riding for a while, the girl pushed the cart into a dark alley, and Julius frowned as he noticed this.
"You know you're a pain to deal with, right? My boyfriend was watching us—or rather, the guy I like. He said I'm a bad person, and he doesn't like it. Why did you have to go ahead and piss me off?" She suddenly let go of the wheelchair, and as it rolled forward to hit a dumpster, Julius grabbed it and spun it around.
"It was never my intention—"
"Shut up! I just wanted to do some good. Why is anger so uncontrollable?" she said as she tried to keep her shouting quiet.
Julius kept quiet as the girl knocked over a dumpster and stepped on it until it caved in.
"If you don't mind, I'll start going now," he said, rolling forward in his wheelchair.
"Don't you know how to apologize? Or are your senses crippled as well? Come to think of it, you looked crazy to me from the start." The girl put on a mocking grin and walked toward him.
She spat on his face, and Julius felt the spit slide down his cheek. With a smile, she slapped him across the face.
Her expression shifted instantly. Julius caught her hand, and the emptiness in his eyes seemed to pierce straight through her, chilling her to the bone.
"You should know better than picking on the weak. With a personality like yours, you're not getting any luck with that guy." Julius' tone was flat and emotionless, just like his eyes.
It was like his words cut straight to her heart, and she felt it skip a beat.
"Shut up! What the hell do you know?!" She swung her other hand to slap him, but it was caught, and Julius spun her around, letting her fall toward him before striking her neck with his palm, knocking her unconscious.
"Even if I'm a cripple, that doesn't make me an easy target for bullying. I learned how to deal with people like you late in life." A silent sigh left his lips as he moved his wheelchair out of the alley.
"A shame I didn't get to deal with more people like you," he mumbled as he rolled out of the alley.
"Aly!!"
Hearing the sound of a man shouting, he turned around and saw a handsome guy running toward him, accelerating as he spotted Julius.
"Excuse me, where's the girl that was helping you before?" the guy asked politely.
Julius quietly pointed into the darkness of the alley and continued on his way.
"Aly, huh? What a dumb name."
Of course, there were many humans who hid their true colors from the world just to enjoy social benefits—like the girl.
Like the girl he had just met.
That was another observation of his. A person was never truly complete. You could be beautiful and have a nice physique, but either you had a bad personality, or you weren't that good-looking.
People often wore masks around others to hide their true intentions. Julius could tell from the start, because he had seen the girl with her boyfriend earlier. She had seemed to enjoy his company so much.
So why would she suddenly want to help a poor cripple? Simple—to gain something.
And in this situation, she simply wanted approval from the handsome guy.
Julius was so stuck in his thoughts that he failed to realize he had returned home.
His body had brought him there on instinct, long before his mind caught up. He blinked, staring at the all-too-familiar sight of the aging building. The brown bricks were cracked in places, the white paint on the windows peeling from years of neglect.
He sighed.
The wooden door creaked as he pushed it open, and his nose twitched as he smelled something nauseating—the heavy, stale stench of cigarette smoke mixed with something sour. Alcohol.
He stepped inside.
The room was dimly lit, only a flickering bulb in the ceiling providing any light. On the tattered couch lay a woman—his mother. Her blonde hair was matted, makeup smeared across her cheeks, and her mouth hung slightly open as she snored. A tray on the table before her was stacked with empty bottles, some rolled to the floor, clinking quietly with each shallow breath she took.
Julius just stood there, staring at her with a blank expression.
There was no warmth in his eyes. No anger either. Just that hollow numbness again.
Then—
Her eyes fluttered open.
And the moment she saw him, her sluggish expression twisted.
"You…" she growled, pushing herself up. Her voice was hoarse. "You liar!…"
"You said you'd be back in two hours. Two. Goddamn. Hours!"
She staggered up, and in three stumbling steps, her hand lashed out.
Pa!
The slap cracked across his cheek so hard his head turned.
"You piece of trash! You're just like your father!" she screamed, breath hot with booze. "Running off and leaving me like this?! Do you even care what I've been through?!"
Julius didn't say a word.
His eyes never met hers.
Then a shadow moved behind her. Heavy boots thudded against the floor. A tall man emerged from the hallway—shirtless, with tattoos running down his shoulder.
Julius frown turned to disgust as he laid eyes on the her boyfriend.
He yawned, scratching his chest. "The brat's back?" he muttered.
"Am I not supposed to come back?" Julius asked back with no hesitation and another slap landed on his face.
She turned to him, face still twisted in rage. "I should have dumped you at the orphanage."
"Relax, he's just a boy," the man said lazily, stepping behind her. Then, without warning, he grabbed her by the neck and shoved her hard against the wall.
She gasped, legs kicking.
Julius flinched.
But he didn't move nor speak. He just sat there, his expression relaxing as he resigned from even worrying right now.
He just lowered his eyes again.
The man leaned in to her ear, his voice low and filthy. "You like this, don't you?"
She moaned, more in arousal than pain.
"I'll show you how a real man treats a loudmouth."
Her breath hitched. "Not... not in front of the boy…"
The man chuckled darkly, whispering things Julius tried not to hear.
He picked up his book and pen silently. And without looking back, wheeled his way out the door.
The night air struck his skin like cold water. But he welcomed it. It washed away the stench of the house—the screams, the smoke, the sweat.
He walked aimlessly through dim streets until he found himself in front of the small convenience store on 6th and Halberd, the one he used to visit with her when things were simpler.
He sat beneath its flickering sign, the sidewalk cracked beneath him.
From his bag, he pulled out a worn notebook and a pen.
He wrote.
Words poured out of him as they came to his mind.
A fantasy.
A world where he wasn't weak. Where he had power. Where people like that man bowed, and his mother… wasn't broken.
His hand moved endlessly.
~I wonder if everyone my age is experiencing something like this.
Yeah, probably not.
I wish I wouldn't have to go back though. But I can't survive ony own, because I'm a weak cripple who needs attention.~
A thought came to his mind and a small smirkformed on his lips. Then he wrote;
~What if... After death I really get reincarnated. I'll be a prince, with many maids and be very powerful. Ah, a truly worthy second life...~
As he continued to scribble, a loud sound distracted him and he flinched.
"AHHHHHH!!"
A scream came from the side of the road on the other side and Julius' eyes were wide open as a bus tumbled over to his corner.
And he felt something familiar...
...Fear
Bang!
Soon, the area became quiet and the sound of sirens came a while after. The area then became crowded and people took photos while some simply left.
It seemed like a celebrity was inside the bus that just had an accident and that's all people talked about.
No one even gave a second thought to the cripple boy, who was crushed to death as he was quietly trying to live his own life.
...
Everything was pitch black where Julius found himself.
He didn't feel pain, sound, or even his own weight.
Only silence.
Julius thought death would feel colder—he was sure he'd be afraid. But instead, he felt… lighter.
Then came the light.
It started as a thread—a soft silver shimmer that floated in the dark like a gentle ripple on still water. It expanded, surrounding him, embracing him. He felt like a child wrapped in warm silk. His body, which once felt like a prison, now felt… free.
He couldn't even think about anything, almost like he was free of thoughts. Of life.
Then, a voice—or something like a voice—drifted into his awareness.
"Well, well, look who tripped the light fantastic," it said, a mocking sing-song that seemed to echo from everywhere and nowhere at once.
Julius froze.
"Battered, broken… and still staring," the voice chuckled. "I'd call that perseverance, but who am I kidding? You're just nosy."
"Nosy?" Julius whispered, though the sound didn't carry anywhere.
"Oh, yes! Watching, peeking, poking at the world. You've got your little eyes on everything, don't you?" The tone bounced like a mischievous bell, playful yet cutting. "Mother, father, neighbours, the park, pretty girls, pitiful boys… you're quite the observer, aren't you?"
The silver light pulsed, and a mirror-like surface formed beneath him. On it, fragments of his life flickered: his mother, the park, the girl, the alley, the novels he never published… and finally, the bus.
"Ah, the grand finale!" the voice sang. "Crash! Bang! And look at all the attention you never wanted! Bravo!"
Julius's stomach churned.
"Do you know why I'm here?" the voice asked, pausing like a cosmic comedian about to deliver a punchline. "No? Trick question. Doesn't matter. I'm here to watch you squirm, giggle, gasp, and ponder. Isn't that fun?"
Julius looked both ways, wondering if what he's experiencing is real.
'Does this usually happen when people die? Oh, they're dead people.' A small smirk formed on Julius' lips.
"Oh, he's also quite the joker. Well, a dead one, but I like that joke, dead people can't testify because they're dead! Ha! That's a good one!"
The light shifted color—deep gold now, warm and strange.
"You think you've been ignored? You think you've been weak? Hah! That's cute. But look at you! Squirming in the dark, thinking you're alone. No one ever said life would be polite."
Julius tried to reply, but the voice laughed.
"Shh! Don't interrupt the show. Every life is a comedy, my dear—sometimes tragedy, sometimes slapstick, sometimes a bus crash. But always… entertaining."
Then, as if the joke had reached its punchline, everything exploded into a blinding flash.
...
Julius felt small all of a sudden, he struggled to open his eyes and when he did he saw two cold eyes staring down at him from above.
It was a young man who looked to be in his early twenties.
It suddenly dawned on him his hands were short and he could barely move as he was wrapped by a cloth.
He was a baby!
'A second chance huh! Looks like I have complete parents now.' He was immediately overjoyed.
The man, after looking at him for a long while, finally opened his mouth and spoke in a cold tone:
"Throw this one away, he's useless."