The water hadn't been hot enough. It never was. No matter how hard I scrubbed, the smell of that thing in the lab stayed in my nose. Or maybe the smell was coming from inside my own skin.
I stood in my room, the door locked, my chest heaving.
What is wrong with me? I looked at my reflection in the cracked mirror, but I had to look away. I'm a monster. I'm a monster. I'm a monster. They found out. They saw. No, no, no, they didn't see. Jay is distant because he's tired. Aaron is quiet because he's a nerd. They don't know. They can't know! If they know, they'll kill me. They'll put me down like a stray dog.
"I'm not a monster," I whispered, my voice sounding like grinding gravel. "Please, no. What did I do wrong? I just wanted to keep the light on."
As long as Maya and Maverick don't find out, I'm safe. Right? If the "strong" ones still believe in me, I still exist.
Knock. Knock.
My neck snapped toward the door, spinning with a sickening, owl-like precision that made my vertebrae pop. I froze. I raised my hand and slapped myself,hard. The sting felt distant, like it was happening to someone else's face.
Act like yourself. Act like Leon. SMILE.
I opened the door. Maya stood there, looking exhausted but soft. "Hey, Leo. You've been in here a while. Do you want me to handle the food tonight? You look... wiped."
"No!" I blurted out, a little too loud, a little too fast. "No, no. It's okay! It's my job, May-May. I didn't even help you guys out there. I was such a clumsy dork. I'm so sorry. I should do it. Let me do it."
Maya looked at me with a pained expression…pity. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. "Leo, it's okay. We can do the heavy work. You keep us fed and keep us laughing. That's enough."
I buried my face in her shoulder, and for a second, the screaming in my head stopped. I have Maya. I have Maverick. That's okay! And Jay... Jay is my friend. Only mine. He can't run. I'll run faster. I'll catch him before he even thinks about leaving.
The Kitchen of Ghosts
I went to the kitchen and started a new pot. I found some meat in the back of the freezer,darker than usual, weirdly textured,and threw it into the stew. I began to grin, my teeth feeling too big for my gums.
Kill them. Eat. Bite. Snap.
"Shut up," I whispered to the voices. "Stop it. I'm cooking."
I heard footsteps. The group was coming. They sat at the table,the same table where Mom used to sit. Mom. Mom. Mom. Seth. Arthur. They all died. They all left us. Does this group even care? No. Stop. Don't think about that. Just cook.
I breathed in, forcing the air into my lungs until it burned.
I finished the plates,weird meat, thick stew,and walked over to the table. I sat in the exact same spot I sat years ago, the night the lights went out and the world ended. The spot where the "Reaper" was born.
"Alright, losers!" I chirped, leaning back and giving them my best, most annoying wink. "Eat up! I put a special ingredient in this one. It's called 'Leon's Secret Sweat.' It's very high in minerals!"
Maya let out a little giggle, shaking her head. Maverick rolled his eyes, muttering "Gross," as he took a bite. Aaron was silent, his eyes fixed on his bowl, but Jay...
Jay looked at me. He gave me a small, tired smile.
My heart…or whatever was left of it..swelled. See? They love me. I'm still Leon. I'm still the light bulb.
Behind my teeth, my tongue brushed against a canine that was sharper than a razor, but I just kept smiling back.