Chapter Twenty Six
"Do you have money?"
My head still felt like a dwarf was using my frontal lobe as an anvil, but the sight of Kaelen standing in front of the fireplace with that earnest, confused face was too good an opportunity to pass up.
Heh. I'm going to use his money to pay him while I stockpile my gold.
[Ping!]
[Are you perhaps a demon, Host? How come everything leads to gold for you?]
Is there anything better than money?
How does loving money makes me a demon? And, even if it does I still don't really care, you know.
"Huh?" Kaelen blinked, his brain clearly stalling like a rusted gear.
"Do you have the memory of a goldfish, Kaelen?" I sighed, leaning back against the cushions. "Didn't I tell you that answers aren't free? You need to pay me if you want to know something from me."
Kaelen's expression soured as he tutted. "Can't you just cut it from my pay? You've already kept it with you."
"Nah. There's no fun in that." I gave him a shark-like grin. "I want to see the physical pain of you parting with your money. It makes my soul very happy."
[Ping!]
[Are you a sadist or what?]
You're not angry anymore?
...
How long? How long you're going to ignore me?
[Ping!]
[Host needs to check his notifications.]
I won't if you don't talk to me.
...
Fine.
"Urghhhhh... Well then, you should hurry up and pay me first. Also... have you thought about it?"
"Lily?" I asked, my voice dropping the playful edge.
"Yes." Kaelen's posture stiffened. "The orphanage director is a drunkard. I'm not sure if he beats the kids, but his eyes... they're greedy. He demanded a fortune last time I mentioned taking Lily away. He's holding her hostage. I'm really worried about that kid."
How dare that fucker make my money bank suffer.
I waved a hand dismissively, though my mind was already calculating the most efficient way to make that director regret being born. "Don't worry. I'll deal with that. I have a very special way of negotiating with people who like money more than their own teeth."
"Mhn." Kaelen nodded, looking slightly more at ease.
"You should sleep, Kaelen," I said, pointing toward the door. "Or you'll be too tired to work tomorrow. Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually like to overwork my employees. Dead workers have a terrible ROI."
"Huh? Do you not know, Master?" Kaelen tilted his head, looking at me as if I'd just suggested the sun was made of cheese.
"Know what?"
"A person who forms his fifth ring suffers from permanent insomnia. It's the price people have to pay to become a swordmaster. The mana vibrates too fiercely in the vessels. It keeps the mind in a state of constant alertness."
I stared at him for a solid three seconds. "What kind of absolute bullshit is that?"
"It's true though!"
"Is that so?" My lips turned upwards as an idea began to take root in my mind. The kind of idea that usually ended with someone being thoroughly swindled. "Wanna make a bet then?"
Kaelen's eyes narrowed at me. "Huh?"
"What would you do if I can put you to sleep right here, right now?"
Kaelen puffed out his chest, confident in his legendary swordmaster physiology. "If you succeed? Master can make me do anything for a day. I'll comply without a single word of sulking. No matter how ridiculous the task. What about Master?"
Looks like he's no longer scared about becoming a gigolo, huh. It seems Veryon wanted to sell him to Vische.
"If I lose," My smile widened, "I'll tell you exactly why you felt no rings around my heart."
Kaelen's eyes lit up. It looks like the secret was worth more than gold to him. "Deal."
"Pleasure doing business with you, Kaelen." I offered my hand as he rushed in my direction and shook it, but immediately recoiled.
Heh. I'm going to have a good slave tommorow to do all the manual work.
"Your face looks freaking ugly when you smile like that, Master. It's haunting."
"Does it? What does it feel like?"
"Like I'm about to be scammed out of my soul."
"I see. I see. Truly, your intuition is your only saving grace. Now, go lie on that sofa."
Kaelen walked over to the long, plush sofa by the window, looking skeptical. "You sure this will work, Master? I haven't had a wink's rest since I broke through the fourth stage."
"Do you think I would have made the bet if I wasn't sure?"
"I don't know," Kaelen countered, settling his head on the armrest. "I've never seen you win any gambles against Baron Vische. But, it's also true Master has changed. So, who knows?"
I felt a vein twitch in my temple. "There's a difference between gambling because you have skills and gambling because you blindly trust your luck. People who over trust their luck are bound to fall into the abyss one day. One must always calculate their ability thoroughly before placing something on bet."
"I suppose. So, should I close my eyes?"
"Yes. I'm going to read you a book."
Kaelen let out a snorting laugh, his eyes snapping shut in mock obedience. "Master, I'm not a child. If you want to make me sleep by reading fairy tales about brave knights and dragons, you should just give up now. You've already lost."
"You're really naive, Kaelen. A process can be extremely old fashioned and still work the best. Plus, it's not a fairy tale. I said a book."
"Okay, okay. But where's the book, Master? Your hands are empty."
I tapped my index finger against my temple. "Right here."
"Heh. I have a feeling you'll lose, Master."
I took a deep breath, and began to speak in a flat, utterly monotonous drone that could kill a man's will to live.
"A Comprehensive, Cross-Referenced Taxonomical Index of Ambient Mana Fluctuations in Pre-Industrial Agricultural Zones... Volume Three. Section One: On the varying viscosity of mana particles in low-moisture soil during the fallow seasons of the late mid-era..."
Kaelen's eyes were already glazing over.
"Subsection A: The correlation between turnip density and the minor oscillation of blue-bead mana strings at a height of three inches above the topsoil..."
"Wait... that's... actually... so... bor..."
"...taking into account the refractive index of dew on common clover..."
"Zzzzz... SNORK... Zzzzz..."
Kaelen's jaw hung open, his head lolling to the side, saliva dripping down his cheeks. The Great Swordmaster, the man with the fifth ring, had been defeated by the power of academic boredom.
I stopped reading and looked at the snoring boy, a smug smirk crossing my face.
"Thought so. No one survives the Mana Silt chapter."
---
"WHAT THE HELL!?"
A smile formed on my lips as I snapped my fingers, lighting the stove using a spell while Kaelen's voice rang through the entire castle.
Good Morning to me.