I felt myself floating in an endless void for what could have been hours, or even days. There was no sound, no pain, only the comfort of the shadows as they wrapped around me. I didn't want to leave, didn't want to go back to the pain and fever of a body that was in withdrawal from the years of taking suppressants to hide what I was.
But I was not permitted such kindness as a pain free release from this world. Someone was calling me back. I could feel it like a warm hum in my chest, the scent of dark chocolate pressed against me, and I heard a faint whisper from the dark.
Fight this Riley. You are stronger than you think. Live, and when you are ready come find me...
I woke with a groan and opened my eyes only to be assaulted by the midday sun as it streamed through my bedroom window.
"Too bright!" I gasped as I quickly closed my eyes and turned my head away from the light.
A few moments later I heard the rustle of clothing as someone walked over to the window and closed the heavy curtains.
When I cautiously opened my eyes again I saw Marcus settle back into the chair that had been pulled up beside the bed. His hair was a mess, and from the dark circles under his eyes it looked like he hadn't slept in a while.
"You're finally awake." He rasped as he took a glass of water from the beside table and held it out to me. I could not steady my hands enough to take the glass from him to drink so he placed a straw in the cup for me.
The water was cool and soothed my raw throat as I drank.
"How long?" I croaked as I lay back on the pillows.
"Two days." Marcus put the glass down and combed his hands through his hair. "Your fever was dangerously high, you screamed and thrashed as your body purged the drug."
Well that explained the throat pain, I thought as I watched Marcus fall apart. "Please, don't..." I tried to tell him I wasn't worth so much sadness but my voice didn't want to work at that moment.
"I thought we were going to lose you Riley." Tears were now falling down the alpha's face.
I thought he was going to say more, going to yell at me for being so reckless, but he just sat there and sobbed, his hands clutched tightly on his lap.
My heart started to ache as this strong alpha fell apart because of me. My trembling hand moved without thinking as I reached out to wipe a tear from his face.
"Don't worry. It will take more than this to kill me."
Marcus took my hand from his face and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I will let Anthony know you are awake, and will bring you some broth." He gave me a small smile as he tucked my hand back on the bed and walked out of the room.
My entire body ached like I had just run a marathon, and was still slick with sweat. I was glad that I didn't remember what I thought were the worst of the symptoms, I was however informed that things would actually get worse before they got better.
Dr. Sung had come in to check on me now that I was awake. I hadn't noticed the IV until he was replacing the bag. Had I really been that bad?
"How are you feeling?" He asked as he worked.
"Like I was hit by a few trucks and tossed off a cliff." I grumbled as I tried to get more comfortable.
"That unfortunately is normal." Dr. Sung sat down in the chair Marcus had been using. "I'm not going to sugar coat things for you Riley, there will be more pain spasms as your body attempts to recover."
"Great, just what I always wanted. More pain." Dr. Sung gently patted my shoulder as he got up from the chair.
"I wish we could have done more for you Riley. No one should have to live their life in so much fear that they have to hide who they are."
My breath hitched at his words but I didn't have the energy to reply. I just nodded weakly and closed my eyes.
I woke a few hours later to Marcus back at his post. This time he was slumped over with his cheek resting in his palm as he slept. He looked younger when he was asleep, his features softer than the stoic alpha mask he usually wore.
As I watched him I wondered if maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay here with him. Then I remembered the whisper, the scent of dark chocolate and wondered who this person was that had saved my life and was calling out for me find them.
Would Marcus help me find them if I asked him? Or would he be upset or jealous that I was looking for this mysterious person?
I didn't have much time to ponder these questions as pain lanced through my body. I cried out as my muscles started to spasm and I could no longer control my body.
"Riley!" I felt Marcus' warm hand on my arm before he used his body to pin mine down to keep me from hurting myself even more. The warmth was grounding and slowly my body began to relax again.
Once I stopped shaking he gently let go of me and went over to the washroom. I heard the water run as I attempted to catch my breath, and watched as he returned with a tub of water and a cloth.
We were both silent as he wiped me down with the cloth and fed me some of the warm broth that was brought up for me.
This was the routine that was established for the next week of my recovery. We didn't talk much, mostly because I was too exhausted and spent much of that time asleep. But as the days went on the spasms lessened and I was finally able to sit up and eat on my own.
"You are looking better today." Dr. Sung looked at me with a kind smile as he walked into the room.
"I'm finally feeling better." I nodded as I smiled back.
"Good. It looks like you will make a full recovery but there are some things we need to talk about before I go." Dr. Sung explained as he removed the IV from my arm then sat beside the bed. "Now that the suppressants are out of your system you will start to experience your heat cycle again. The first one will be painful and I already told Marcus to contact me the moment you start showing symptoms."
I nodded as he spoke. I was aware of this risk when I had started taking the suppressants. I just didn't think the time I had to worry about it would come so soon.
"There is also a chance that you may be infertile due to the prolonged suppressant use. If you want to know for sure Marcus can take you to a hospital to get checked." He continued.
I wasn't sure how to process that information. I was running for so long, so sure that I would never allow myself to be bonded to anyone that I didn't think about the potential loss of having a child.
"I'm ok with not knowing." I replied.
Dr. Sung just nodded as he got up and left me to process everything.
By that evening all the medical equipment had been removed from the room and Marcus had helped me bathe and dress while the house staff stripped the bed and cleaned the room.
I had been embarrassed at first and had insisted that I could take a bath on my own but the moment I tried to stand my legs wobbled and I almost ended up on the floor.
"Fine, you can help me to the bathroom." I grumbled. "But I am still bathing myself."
Marcus just smiled at me as he placed his arm around my waist and helped me slowly walk the few feet to the washroom.