Chapter 210: The Palace Parasite TeamHaru stood up and walked over to Darkness. He looked down at her from above, his face wearing his signature scum expression.He raised his foot and, with extreme disrespect, stepped on Darkness's golden hair."Listen up, you shameless, perverted female knight with a head full of lewd thoughts."Haru spoke in an extremely cold and contemptuous tone,"Since you want to be treated like trash so badly, I'll show some mercy and grant your wish. From today on, you are my lowest-level slave in this guest room. Your task is to use your face to wipe every single floor tile in the hallway clean!""Haaahhh!"Darkness let out an extremely high-pitched, almost cracking moan.Instead of being angry, she was so excited that her whole body trembled, and tears streamed down her face."This is wonderful! This feeling of humiliation from being used like a total rag... and the physical impact of being hit on the head with crab shells... even being hung on the city gates for public execution... Ooh, thank you! I will definitely use my face to make the floor shine!"The crisis was averted. Not only that, the palace parasite team had expanded from two members to five.Over the next few days, the VIP area in the east wing of the palace completely transformed into an abyss of decadence.Every day, Aqua was like a bottomless wine barrel, drinking the Elven Secret Brew from the palace cellar—vintages older than her IQ—like it was water. When she got drunk, she would perform her miraculous Nature's Beauty in the hallways, spraying water stains all over the walls.Megumin, on the other hand, was punctually taken by Kazuma in a luxury carriage to a deserted fortress outside the city. After releasing that earth-shattering Explosion Magic, she would be carried back like a corpse, slumped on the sofa to be fed by maids.As for Haru and Kazuma, these two had completely evolved into boneless mollusks. Every day was spent doing nothing but eating and sleeping; they even invented the ultimate lazy skill of lying in bed and using magic to control forks and knives to feed each other.Until this afternoon.Haru was lying on a velvet-covered lounge chair, his feet soaking in a solid gold basin filled with polar ice spring water.Kazuma, wearing an eye mask, was enjoying an extremely gentle head massage from four royal maids.Aqua was fast asleep nearby, hugging an empty wine bottle, while Megumin was on another sofa, drooling and talking in her sleep about explosions.*Slap!*A crisp sound shattered the decadent atmosphere of the room.Darkness suddenly stood up from the floor, slamming the rag in her hand—which was now so black its original color was unrecognizable—violently onto the ground.At this moment, she actually exuded a rare, awe-inspiring aura of noble righteousness."Enough! I've had enough!"Darkness clenched her fists, her body trembling, and a light of justice flickered in her golden eyes as she shouted her accusations:"Look at yourselves now! Indulging in the royal family's favors, eating and sleeping like pigs! You have no dignity or fighting spirit as Adventurers! Lady Aqua has become a drunkard, Megumin has become a useless person who only sets off fireworks, and as for you two..."She pointed a trembling finger at Haru and Kazuma:"You two are simply a cancer on the kingdom! As the daughter of Dustiness Family, Lalatina, I absolutely will not allow my companions to continue living in such luxury and debauchery! Stand up right now, take up your weapons! We must go subjugate the Demon King's Army, to experience those harsh battles full of blood and sweat, being bitten by monsters, entangled by tentacles... Haah... such rigorous combat!"By the end of her speech, something unhealthy had clearly surfaced in her mind again; her breathing grew rapid, and a flush crept onto her cheeks.However, she still forced herself to bite her lip, maintaining her crumbling noble dignity.The room fell into a deathly silence.Haru slowly took off his solid gold sunglasses, and Kazuma pushed away the maids beside him, pulling down his eye mask.The two of them looked at the suddenly awakened Darkness as if she were an alien."Kazuma, did you hear that? She's actually trying to tell us what to do?"Haru picked at his ear, a cold, extremely scum-like sneer curling at the corner of his mouth."I heard it. It seems we've been too indulgent with her lately, giving her the delusion that she's some noble knight."Kazuma sighed and sat up from the lounge chair, his gaze becoming extremely dangerous.Darkness looked at their cold, malicious eyes, and her body instinctively trembled, but she still puffed out her chest defiantly:"W-what do you want to do? Do you think you can make me submit with force? Come on! Even if you whip me or drip candle wax on me, I will absolutely not take back what I just said!""In your dreams, you hopeless pervert."Haru interrupted Darkness's fantasies.He slowly stood up, walked in front of the expectant Darkness, and poked her hard armor with his finger in an arrogant manner, preparing to give her a profound ideological baptism on being a useless person."Listen up, Lalatina. Why do so-called Adventurers risk their lives to subjugate monsters? Is it for the peace of all mankind? Don't make me laugh! Naturally, it's to earn enough money so that we can do what we're doing now: lying comfortably on velvet beds, eating grapes peeled by others, and living a parasitic life of waiting for death!"Haru stood with his hands on his hips, righteously declaring a radical theory that would make generations of heroes jump out of their graves in anger:"We have already reached the top in one step, directly achieving life's ultimate goal! You actually want us to give up this perfect'soft rice' life and go back to the mud to wrestle with Goblins? Has your brain been digested by a Giant Toad's gastric juices?!""Exactly!" Kazuma chimed in from the side, nodding shamelessly, "We won the favor of Princess Alicethrough our own skills at hoodwink—I mean, through our own abilities! This is the favor we deserve! If you dare mention harsh combat again, I will immediately order the kitchen to serve you nothing but top-tier, sickeningly sweet strawberry macarons for three days straight, making you completely lose your qualification to be treated roughly!""No! Not macarons! I beg you, give me moldy black bread instead!"Darkness was instantly crushed by this vicious threat, clutching her head and squatting down in agony.Just as Haru was preparing to press his advantage and completely grind the female knight's self-esteem into the dirt...*Bang!*The heavy carved wooden door, which had only been repaired a few days ago, was once again violently kicked open."You maggots defiling the palace! Get out here right now!"Claire stood at the door with bloodshot eyes, clutching a brand-new knight's longsword.When she saw the disaster scene in the room—looking like a carnival aftermath with wine bottles everywhere, a snoring Aqua, a drooling Megumin, and Haru and Kazuma mentally abusing Darkness—the veins on her forehead bulged instantly, as if she might have a brain hemorrhage at any moment.Rein, standing behind her, pushed up her glasses and expressionlessly flipped through her notebook:"One high-grade Persian carpet damaged, seventeen bottles of Elven Secret Brew smashed, plus one three-hundred-year-old mahogany carved door. Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Kazuma, I will faithfully record these bills under your names.""Hey, hey, hey, Claire was clearly the one who kicked the door down! Why is that counted against us?!" Kazuma protested loudly."Shut up! scum!" Claire drew her longsword, pointing the tip directly at the two of them, and said through gritted teeth,"If Princess Alice hadn't suddenly ordered a summons for you, I would chop you into mincemeat and feed you to the orthrus right now! Wake those two useless people up immediately; the Princess is waiting for you in the tea room of the central garden!"Hearing it was a summons from the Princess, Haruand Kazuma immediately dropped their rogue-like behavior.This was the call of their long-term meal ticket; they absolutely could not be negligent.The two of them scrambled to wake Aqua with water magic, then hoisted the mana-depleted Megumin up like a sack of grain. The group marched out of the guest room in a grand procession.Darkness, looking like a victim of bullying, silently followed at the very back of the line with her unwashed, dust-covered face.
Chapter 211: Bullying Others with PowerThe palace corridors were spacious and luxurious, with portraits of past kings lining the walls.Just as everyone was about to cross the central gallery connecting the east and west wings, a group of people approached from the opposite direction.Leading them was a middle-aged noble with an extremely bloated physique, a face full of fleshy jowls, and skin so greasy it seemed to reflect light.He wore an incredibly flamboyant silk suit, his ten stubby fingers covered in glittering gemstone rings, making him look like a Giant Toad that had attained human form.It was none other than the Royal Capital's infamous high noble—Aldap."Oh my, oh my, if it isn't Lady Claire? It's been quite a while."Aldap let out an incredibly greasy, nauseating laugh, his gaze sweeping over everyone.However, when his gaze landed on Darkness at the back of the group—wearing a dirty maid outfit with dust still on her face—his murky eyes suddenly lit up as if he had spotted some peerless treasure."Oh! My, my, my! If it isn't the eldest daughter of Dustiness Family, Lady Lalatina?!"Aldap was so excited that his fat trembled all over. Making no effort to hide the incredibly lewd and greedy desire in his eyes, he rubbed his hands together and approached her."How did you end up so disheveled and covered in grime? Has Dustiness Family's finances finally gone bankrupt, forcing you to become a lowly maid in the palace? If that's the case, I, Aldap, am willing to provide you with immediate protection! As long as you are willing to become my...""Eek!"Darkness let out a cry of genuine terror.While she might get excited facing monsters or physical torture, she felt nothing but a wave of revulsion when faced with such pure, physiologically disgusting, slimy stares.She instinctively took two steps back, hiding directly behind Haru and Kazuma.Watching this fat toad try to lay hands on their team's exclusive rag, Haru and Kazuma's eyes turned cold simultaneously.Although they usually showed her nothing but disdain, hurled insults at her, and even treated her like a bottom-tier slave...Still, she was their teammate."Hey, you drooling wild fat pig over there."Haru stepped forward, arrogantly pushing up the solid gold sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. He pointed his chin at Aldap, his voice dripping with condescending contempt."Are those beady eyes of yours, squeezed shut by fat, blind? Didn't you see my name written on this rag?""Exactly."Kazuma stood with his hands in his pockets, wearing his signature scum-like sneer that was more villainous than an actual villain's."Don't stare with those eyes that reek of the sewers. It would be terrifying if your greasiness rubbed off on her!"As soon as those words were spoken, the entire corridor fell into a deathly silence.Even Claire, who had been wanting to hack them to death, gaped in shock.These two backwater Adventurers with zero background actually dared to point at the nose of the powerful Aldap in the palace and call him a wild fat pig?!The air in the corridor seemed to freeze at that moment.Aldap's face, already somewhat comical due to his obesity, had now turned a spectacular shade of liver-purple.His ten stubby fingers, covered in gemstone rings, trembled violently as he pointed at Haru and Kazuma, unable to utter a complete sentence for a long time."You... you two... you lowly commoners who crawled out of some sewer! How dare you... how dare you speak to this lord...""How dare we what? Did I say something wrong?"Haru interrupted him without any hesitation.Haru and Kazuma had long known what kind of person this high noble named Aldap was; not only was he insatiably greedy, but he also frequently used his power to seize common women.Back in Axel, as bottom-tier Adventurers, they might have taken a detour to avoid such a powerful figure.But things were different now! They were currently clinging to the thickest thigh in the entire kingdom—Princess Alice!If they didn't abuse their authority now, when would they?!Haru took an incredibly arrogant step forward, even intentionally grinding his shoe against the expensive Persian carpet, putting on a face more villainous than a wicked young master."Open those beady eyes and look closely! We are the great heroes personally invited by Her Highness Alice as honored guests! We eat the royal family's specially provided dragon steaks and sleep on velvet beds! A mere fellow who looks like a Giant Toad like you dares to block the path of Her Highness's distinguished guests? Are you trying to start a rebellion?!""That's right!"Kazuma immediately caught on and began fanning the flames. He crossed his arms, his chin tilted so high it almost touched the sky."We are currently on our way to have afternoon tea with the Princess! If Her Highness gets impatient and asks why, we'll report the truth: that a pile of stinking, giant non-flammable trash was blocking the way! When that happens, can you bear the crime of making the Princess cry in sadness?!""You... you... this is absolute nonsense!"Aldap was so furious that his fat rolled like waves. He turned and roared at the guards behind him."What are you still standing there for?! Seize these two foul-mouthed commoners! I want their tongues cut out and fed to the dogs!"However, the guards looked at each other, and none dared to step forward.After all, Claire, the ace of the Royal Guard Knights Order, was standing right there.Seeing this, the scum-like smile on Haru's lips became even more unrestrained.Instead of retreating, he proactively leaned in close to Aldap, waving his hand in front of his nose as if he were about to suffocate."Oh my, it stinks! Kazuma, do you smell that? This scent of decaying fat is even more disgusting than the Undead!"Haru turned to Claire and shouted loudly."Lady Claire! As the Princess's guard, are you just going to stand by and watch Her Highness's guests be mentally polluted by such a lowlife? My eyes and nose have suffered severe magical damage! If I'm not compensated ten million eris for mental distress, I'm not leaving today. I'll just lie right here and let the Princess see for herself how her guests are being bullied!"As he spoke, Haru actually made a move as if he were going to lie down on the carpet.Looking at this incredibly absurd yet flawless fox-borrowing-the-tiger's-might duo, Aldap was so angry he nearly had a brain hemorrhage on the spot.He knew that Princess Alice was currently hanging on their every word. If this really reached the Princess, he would surely be the one to suffer."Fine! Fine! Just you wait and see!"Aldap ground his yellow teeth, glared viciously at Haru and Kazuma, then cast an incredibly unwilling glance at the flushed Darkness before flicking his oversized sleeves and slinking away with his guards."Safe travels, wild fat pig! Remember to take a few more baths when you get back!"Haru waved goodbye arrogantly from behind."Next time you dare look at us, I'll gouge your eyeballs out and pop them like bubbles!"Kazuma also flipped him the bird.Beside them, Claire watched these two scumbags who had taken bullying with authority to the extreme and covered her face in agony.She swore that if the Princess weren't waiting in the Tea room, she would throw these two disgraces to the royal family out the window right now.
Chapter 212: Continue Your Great Adventure!The group walked through the long corridor. Under Claire's murderous gaze, Haru and Kazumaperfunctorily used water magic to douse Aqua and Megumin's faces, finally waking the drunk and the sleeper.The tea room of the central courtyard was located in the middle of a greenhouse filled with blooming exotic flowers and rare herbs.Sunlight streamed through the glass dome, making the exquisite white porcelain tea sets sparkle.The young Princess Alice was sitting upright at the table. Seeing everyone arrive, her large sapphire-like eyes immediately lit up, and a pure, lovely smile blossomed on her face."Everyone! You're finally here! Please, take a seat!"Alice greeted them happily,"Have you all been enjoying your time in the royal palace recently? Has there been any lack of hospitality?"Hearing this question, Haru, Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin almost reflexively put on extremely sycophantic smiles."Happy! We're simply too happy!"Aqua was the first to pounce on the table, grabbing an exquisite pastry, stuffing it into her mouth, and shouting indistinctly,"The palace wine is practically what the gods drink! As long as I can drink that Bubbly Wine every day, this Goddess is willing to bless this place for a lifetime!""That abandoned Obsidian Fortress is practically a work of art!"Megumin also waved her staff excitedly,"Being able to release Explosion Magic every day without any restraint, and even being picked up and dropped off by a private carriage—this place is practically the promised land for the Crimson Demon Clan!""Princess Alice, your generosity is even more dazzling than the sun in the sky."Haru pushed up his solid gold sunglasses with extreme elegance, flattering her without a hint of shame,"The mattresses here are so soft that I dream of grand plans to save the world every day.""Exactly! Being able to receive massages from royal maids every day has immensely purified my body and soul!"Kazuma also nodded frantically, and the two of them shared a tacit high-five under the table.Perfect!As long as they kept up this rhythm, freeloading here for three to five years would definitely be no problem!However, at the perfect moment when this 'mooching' plan was about to be completely solidified, an extremely discordant voice interrupted them."No, Your Highness! We cannot continue to degenerate like this!"Darkness suddenly took a step forward.Though she was wearing a dirty maid uniform and her face was covered in dust, her gaze at this moment was exceptionally firm, and her entire body radiated the awe-inspiring righteousness of a Crusader.Haru and Kazuma's smiles instantly froze on their faces.Hey! What does this pervert think she's doing?The two of them let out a roar of despair in their hearts at the same time. Haru even desperately tried to step on Darkness's shoe under the table to stop her from going crazy.But Darkness completely ignored the pain on the bridge of her foot. Clutching her chest, she spoke with righteous indignation (and rapid breathing):"Your Highness! We are Adventurers from Axel! As Adventurers, our destination should be muddy swamps and dark, damp dungeons! We should be fighting those ferocious monsters, having our armor brutally torn apart by them, being tightly entangled by slimy tentacles, letting out cries of humiliation in despair... haah... instead of enjoying comfort here and letting our bodies grow dull!"By the end, Darkness's eyes were blurred and her cheeks were flushed, completely immersed in her own terrible masochistic delusions.But the pure Princess Alice clearly didn't understand the unsightly hidden meanings in her words.The Princess was stunned for a moment, and then her sapphire-like eyes filled with an extremely dazzling light of admiration.She clasped her hands over her chest, so moved that her eyes grew moist."So that's how it is... While everyone is enjoying royal treatment, you haven't forgotten your mission as Adventurers for a single moment?"Alice looked at everyone with emotion,"Sister Lalatina is right. True heroes are not corrupted by a life of ease! Your noble souls, which thirst for battle and do not hesitate to put yourselves in danger to protect civilians, truly command my respect!"Claire and Rein, standing behind Alice, also showed surprised expressions.Claire even cast an appreciative glance at Darkness, thinking that there was finally one normal person among this group of scum."So, I understand!"Alice stood up and announced with great seriousness,"Although I am very reluctant to let you go, I cannot selfishly tie heroes to the palace! I agree to let you return to Axel and continue your great adventure!"BOOM—!!!Haru and Kazuma felt as if a bolt from the blue had struck them directly on the crown of their heads.Their velvet-covered grand beds!Those sizzling, top-quality Dragon Steaks!Those gentle and lovely royal maids!All of it, in this instant, vanished like bubbles!The pastry in Aqua's hand fell to the ground, and Megumin's cowlick drooped lifelessly."Brother Haru, Brother Kazuma, why are you crying?"Alice asked with concern as she saw the two of them with tears streaming down their faces."It's... it's nothing..."Haru gritted his teeth hard. To maintain his persona as a great hero in front of the princess, he forced out a smile that looked worse than crying, and said with a trembling voice,"We're just... so moved. That Your Highness understands us so well... As Adventurers, we... we simply can't wait to go back and sleep in the mud with Goblins...""Yeah..."Kazuma wore a fake smile of righteous determination,"Just thinking about those lovely monsters in Axelwaiting for us to subjugate them... my heart has already flown back... haha... hahaha..."In their hearts, the two of them simultaneously issued a blood-weeping curse:Lalatina! You damn pervert! When we get back to Axel, we're definitely going to hang you at the entrance of the Adventurers Guild and let everyone pelt you with rotten tomatoes for three days and three nights!!!Just as Haru and Kazuma were mentally subjecting Darkness to various tortures and desperately calculating where to find part-time jobs to earn food money after returning to Axel, a sudden rush of footsteps broke the sorrowful atmosphere of the tea room.A fully armed royal guard knight ran in, drenched in sweat, and knelt on one knee."Reporting to Your Highness! Lady Claire! Emergency!"The knight reported while panting heavily,"The Chivalrous Thief who has been frequently committing crimes in the Royal Capital recently appeared again last night! This time, even the mansions of several high-ranking nobles suffered; the vaults were ransacked, and even Lord Aldap's manor was...""What?! That arrogant Thief has struck again?!"Claire slammed the table and stood up, her face ashen,"Is the Royal Capital Guard Corps just a bunch of good-for-nothings? To let a petty Thief enter the Royal Capital as if it were uninhabited!"
Humiliation"Chivalrous Thief?"Upon hearing those two words, Haru and Kazuma, who had been like the walking dead, suddenly had eyes that erupted with a light more dazzling than a supernova.The tears at the corners of their eyes vanished in a flash, and their previously slouched backs instantly straightened like rods.Like drowning men grabbing at a final life-saving straw, or sharks scenting blood, they both sprang from their chairs at almost the exact same time."Wait a moment!"Haru shouted, pushing his solid gold sunglasses up the bridge of his nose with extreme flair. An aura of a (fake) compassionate hero instantly erupted from him."Lady Claire, are you saying that the Royal Capital is currently facing such a serious threat lurking in the shadows?!""How despicable!" Kazuma clenched his fists, his face the picture of profound grief and indignation."Under the benevolent rule of Her Highness Alice, there are actually such madmen disturbing the peace! This is a direct provocation to the dignity of the Royal Family!""Eh?" Claire blinked, looking warily at these two scumbags who had suddenly changed their tune."What are you two trying to do now?""Your Highness!"Haru ignored Claire entirely. He slid on his knees directly in front of Princess Alice, clutching his chest, and spoke in an incredibly soulful and sorrowful tone."Please forgive our selfishness just now! We thought the capital was at peace, so we were prepared to return to the mud to wrestle with Goblins. But now that we know such a dangerous Chivalrous Thief is lurking in the capital, as Adventurers who deeply love Your Highness... I mean, who deeply love this country, how could we just walk away at a time like this?!""Exactly!"Kazuma followed up immediately, thumping his chest with righteous fervor."The Goblins in the mud can wait, but Your Highness's safety cannot! Leave this arrogant Thiefto our battle-hardened elite squad! We swear not to leave the palace until he is caught!"Aqua and Megumin weren't the brightest, but hearing they wouldn't have to leave the palace, they caught on instantly."Yes, yes, yes! This Goddess will use her sacred Purification Magic to wash that petty Thief's soul clean! Until then, I must drink ten bottles of premium Bubbly Wine every day to maintain my mana!"Aqua raised both hands and shouted."A mere Thief? Let my Explosion Magic blast him and the sewers he hides in into the sky! To ensure my mana stays topped up, the daily Obsidian Fortress private carriage service must not stop!"Megumin also chimed in, waving her staff.Just at this touching moment of swearing oaths, the nerve in Darkness's brain labeled 'Justice' misfired again."Wait! What are you all saying? Catching thieves is the job of the Guard Corps. As Adventurers, we should return to the front lines to face those tentacled—""Mmph mmph mmph!"Before Darkness could finish, Haru had already lunged forward, locking her neck in a chokehold from behind. Meanwhile, Kazuma expertly grabbed a whole piece of sickly sweet cream cake from the table and stuffed it precisely into Darkness's mouth, choking back the rest of her righteous speech."Haha, Lalatina means she's so excited she's almost speechless!"Haru squeezed out a brilliant smile at Alice while keeping Darkness's mouth firmly covered."Mmm... hah..." Darkness's face was flushed red, her body slumped limply in Haru's arms as she let out suspicious muffled groans.The pure Princess Alice watched this scene, her sapphire-like eyes once again filling with tears of emotion."Big Brother Haru... Big Brother Kazuma..."Alice's voice trembled with emotion."Even though you long to return to the mud to fight, for the safety of the capital, for me, you are suppressing your instincts as Adventurers... You... you are truly so kind, so great!""Your Highness, you flatter us; it is only our duty. Please be sure to add extra black pepper to tonight's Dragon Steak."Haru spoke with righteous dignity."You two shameless scumbags! You clearly just want to use this as an excuse to keep freeloading here!!!"Claire finally couldn't take it anymore. She drew her longsword and let out a breakdown-induced roar, only to be held back tightly by Rein.While Haru and Kazuma were secretly gloating over their successful 'meal ticket' extension, already visualizing the shape of tonight's Dragon Steak, Rein—who had been standing behind Claire like an invisible person—suddenly pushed up her glasses.The lenses flashed with a cold, calculating glint under the greenhouse sunlight."Regarding the strategy for capturing the Chivalrous Thief, I have a suggestion."Rein spoke in her flat, emotionless voice that felt like it could freeze a person solid."According to reports from the Guard Corps, the Thief seems to have a preference for extremely wealthy nobles. As a premier noble of the capital, Lord Aldap's vault may have been partially looted last night, but the hidden wealth in his mansion remains immeasurable. I believe it is highly likely the Thief will visit there again."Upon hearing the name Aldap, the smiles on Haruand Kazuma's faces instantly froze.Ignoring the frantic twitching of their eyes, Reincontinued to twist the knife with a deadpan expression."Since the elite squad led by Mr. Lin Jin and Mr. Kazuma is so eager to protect the peace of the capital, why don't you all head to Lord Aldap's mansion tonight and wait for the Thief to come to you? With your strength, I'm sure it will be an easy catch."The air in the tea room suddenly became terrifyingly still.Haru and Kazuma could almost hear the sound of their own hearts shattering.Go to that fat toad Aldap's house to wait for a Thief?!What kind of isekai joke was this!Ten minutes ago, they were in the hallway pointing at that old geezer's nose, calling him a wild fat pig that smelled like a sewer, and even threatening to gouge out his eyeballs and pop them like bubbles!Now they were supposed to go to his house as security? That fat pig would definitely use 'illegal trespassing' as an excuse to have his private soldiers mince them into meat sauce to feed the dogs!"W-Wait a minute! Lady Rein, isn't this suggestion a bit hasty?"Cold sweat poured down Haru's forehead as he waved his hands frantically, trying to save the situation."I think since the Thief has already stolen from there once, he definitely won't go back! As they say, the most dangerous place is the most dangerous place... I mean, we should protect the nobles who haven't been robbed yet, like... like...""No! Rein's suggestion is perfect!"Claire, who had been on the verge of a stroke from anger, instantly grasped Rein's sinister intent. She immediately sheathed her sword, her face blooming with a brilliant (and malicious) smile."Lord Aldap not only has vast wealth, but his mansion grounds are enormous, making guarding it extremely difficult! It needs 'battle-hardened' elites like you to fill the gaps in defense! What's the matter? Were all those heroic words you just said merely lies to trick us into giving you food and drink?!""Guh!"Kazuma was so choked by those words he nearly bit his tongue.Just as the two were frantically racking their brains for an excuse to decline this death mission, Princess Alice spoke."I see. Lord Aldap must be very frightened right now."Pure Alice clasped her hands together, looking at Haru and Kazuma with those sapphire eyes full of trust and expectation."Big Brother Haru, Big Brother Kazuma, although I know you'd rather be on the front lines fighting monsters, could I ask you to endure this grievance and go protect Lord Aldap? I'm counting on you!"Faced with this 'Princess's Request' that dealt ten thousand points of critical damage, Haru and Kazuma's final line of defense completely collapsed.If they refused now, not only would their 'great hero' personas instantly crumble, but tonight's Dragon Steak and velvet bed would grow wings and fly away. They might even be thrown into the dungeon by Claire immediately for the crime of deceiving the royalty.The two looked at each other in despair, both seeing tears of humiliation in the other's eyes.
Chapter 214: The Legendary Crimson Demon Clanwith Screws Loose!"O-Of course, no problem at all, Your Highness."Haru grit his teeth, feeling his heart bleed."Protecting that pig... that noble Lord Aldap, is our unshakable responsibility.""Yeah... we'll definitely take 'good' care of him."Kazuma also forced out an extremely distorted smile.Meanwhile, Darkness, who had been held tightly in Haru's arms, suddenly began to tremble violently."Mmm... Haah... Am I going to the home of that high noble who looks at me with such lewd eyes...?"Darkness's eyes were hazy, her breathing as ragged as a broken bellows, as her mind frantically played back all sorts of terrible scenarios."What if he catches me in a dark corridor... pins me down with that obese body... forces me to wear even more shameless clothes... Ugh... This feeling of despair from walking into a trap... This humiliation of knowing hell is ahead yet having to go... It's wonderful! Please, let me lead the way!"Watching Darkness, who was so excited she looked ready to ascend to heaven on the spot, Haru and Kazuma could only lower their heads weakly, shedding noodles of regretful tears in their hearts.If they had known it would come to this, they wouldn't have cursed so harshly in the corridor earlier!A cold wind blew through the streets of the Royal Capital at night.Haru and Kazuma walked side-by-side toward Aldap's mansion, their backs looking incredibly desolate, like two quails about to be sent to the slaughterhouse.Following behind them were Aqua, humming a song while clutching a bottle of wine; Megumin, leaning on her staff and dozing off; and Darkness, her hands symbolically tied in front of her with rope by Haru, her face flushed and her breathing heavy."Kazuma, do you think if we get assassinated by that fat pig tonight, Princess Alice will shed tears for us?"Haru's tone was as heavy as if he were delivering his last words."Don't be stupid. Claire would definitely dump our bodies in the moat overnight to destroy the evidence, then tell Her Highness we went off to a far-off land to defeat the Demon King."Kazuma sighed and scratched his hair."No, we can't just sit and wait for death! Once we get to that old geezer's territory, we absolutely can't show any weakness! We'll weld Princess Alice's name right onto our foreheads! If he dares touch a single hair on our heads, we'll immediately drop to the ground, foam at the mouth, and claim he's attempting a rebellion!""Great idea! We've already maxed out the skill of 'borrowing the tiger's prestige'!"Haru immediately agreed, and the two reached an utterly shameless consensus in the cold wind.Half an hour later, the group arrived in front of Aldap's vast and extremely luxurious noble estate.Facing the fully armed private soldiers at the gate, Haru unceremoniously pulled out the royal token Rein had given him and shoved it arrogantly into the guard's face."Open your eyes and look closely! We are here on Princess Alice's supreme orders to take over the security work of you useless lot! Now hurry up and inform your master, tell him to come out and welcome the royal Special Commissioners!"Facing the royal signet ring, the guards didn't dare be negligent and hurried inside to report.Before long, accompanied by a series of extremely heavy footsteps and the dull sound of flesh rubbing together, Aldap's mountain-like body appeared at the entrance.When he saw that the ones standing at the door were actually Haru and Kazuma—the ones who had pointed at his nose and called him a wild fat pig that afternoon—a flash of distorted killing intent instantly crossed his greasy face.But constrained by the princess's token in their hands, Aldap forced himself to swallow his rage, his facial fat squeezing into a fake smile that looked worse than crying."Oh my... so it's the elites sent by Princess Alice. Pardon me for not greeting you sooner."Aldap said through gritted teeth, every word sounding as if it were squeezed out from between them."Since it is the Princess's kindness, then I naturally have no choice but to... accept it with gratitude. Please, come in.""Don't mention it, Fa... cough, Lord Aldap. Protecting the property of the Royal Capital is our duty."Haru cupped his hands in an extremely perfunctory gesture and swaggered into the luxurious hall with the team.As soon as they entered the brightly lit hall, Aldap's murky eyes immediately began scanning the group.When his gaze fell upon Darkness—her hands tied and face flushed—and Aqua—who, despite her lack of intelligence, was of top-tier beauty—the anger in his eyes was instantly replaced by lewd greed."My, my, Lady Lalatina, your bound appearance truly has a unique charm... And this beautiful blue-haired lady, when did such a stunning beauty appear in the Royal Capital?"Aldap rubbed his fat hands, which were covered in gemstone rings, his drool nearly leaking out."Haah... Haah... (He's looking! That slimy gaze... it's so disgusting... but being sized up like a plaything... Ugh, I can barely stand!)"Darkness's legs went weak, and she leaned heavily against Haru's back."Hmph, this Goddess's beauty is naturally number one in the world! As long as you provide me with top-grade Bubbly Wine, I'll allow you a few more glances!"Aqua proudly puffed out her chest without a shred of caution.Just as Aldap was about to continue his advances, his gaze naturally fell upon Megumin at the back of the group, wearing her red and black robes and an eyepatch.Just as Aldap was about to speak, an old butler standing beside him suddenly turned pale and hurried to whisper in his ear with a terrified voice:"My Lord! Absolutely not! That little girl... looking at her outfit and red eyes, she's definitely one of those legendary Crimson Demon Clan members with screws loose! Their whole race is crazy; they'll cast Explosion Magic at the drop of a hat. Our mansion can't handle her rampaging! Whatever you do, ignore her!"At the mention of the Crimson Demon Clan, Aldap's fatty flesh shuddered violently.As if he had seen something incredibly unlucky or filthy, he jerked his head away, shifting his gaze directly off Megumin as if she were thin air."Well then, elites, please go and patrol the courtyard properly. I shall return to my rest."Aldap didn't even glance at Megumin again as he turned to leave.The hall suddenly fell silent.Megumin had been striking an incredibly cool 'chuunibyou' pose, waiting for this high noble to marvel at her, the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan.However, not only did the other party completely ignore her, but he even showed an expression of disgust as if avoiding a plague!The Crimson Demon Clan's sky-high pride suffered a devastating blow at that moment."Hey..."Megumin lowered her head, her bangs shadowing her eyes, but the mana within her had already begun to surge frantically like boiling water."You just now... you looked at Darkness, you looked at Aqua... why did you skip me of all people? Is it that in your eyes, my world-destroying Explosion Magic isn't even as attractive as a few measly bottles of Bubbly Wine?! You blind fat pig!!!"Megumin snapped her head up, a dangerous light flickering in her red eyes. She raised her staff high, its tip already beginning to condense a blinding red light:"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark!""Holy crap! Stop it, you crazy girl!!!"Haru and Kazuma were scared out of their wits.If Megumin were to release her Explosion Magichere, forget catching the Chivalrous Thief—they'd all be arrested as terrorists by the Royal Capital Guard Corps and hanged tonight! The two of them pounced almost simultaneously, one on each side, firmly covering Megumin's mouth and pinning her down onto the carpet.
Chapter 215: Remember, You Must Give It Your All in the PerformanceA glint of triumph flashed in Aldap's squinting eyes, which were squeezed by layers of fat. He rubbed his thick palms, adorned with gem-encrusted rings, and spoke in a sticky, viscous voice that made one think of a slug crawling across their skin:"Since you are all honored guests of Her Highness, I must naturally provide the best hospitality. There are several luxury suites with terraces on the east side of the second floor, with excellent views. Why don't Lady Lalatina and this blue-haired goddess stay there? Hehe, it just so happens to be right next to my master bedroom. If any Chivalrous Thiefbreaks in during the night, I will be able to… protect you both immediately."Upon hearing the word 'protect,' a lecherous smile spread across Aldap's greasy face, and he even licked his lips with malicious intent.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance. Their eyes met in mid-air, instantly completing a complex exchange of brainwaves:'Hey, Haru, this dead fat pig wants to make a move on our teammate!''I know, Kazuma. But look, one is a meat shield with maxed-out defense and a head full of lewd thoughts, and the other is a useless idiot goddess who, aside from Purification and party tricks, is good for nothing and can even drive people to death with anger…'"Regarding the room arrangements, I have a small suggestion."Haru spoke up suddenly. He placed his hand on Kazuma's shoulder with natural ease, and both of them revealed identical, wicked smiles that were full of a certain scum-like aura."Lord Aldap, Darkness… ah, no, Lalatina won't do."Haru pointed to Darkness, who was already trembling all over and emitting faint, coquettish gasps due to her delusion of being raided by the great noble next door in the middle of the night."This person has a severe case of sleepwalking, and when she sleepwalks, she tends to swing her greatsword around recklessly. If she sleepwalks into your room in the middle of the night and mistakes you for some kind of freakish monster and hacks you to pieces, we won't be able to answer to Her Highness Alice.""That's right, that's right."Kazuma nodded frantically from the side, taking the opportunity to give the bewildered Aqua a push forward."But this lady, Aqua, is perfectly fine! She sleeps like the dead; even if you were to perform a shamanistic dance by her bedside, she wouldn't wake up. Plus, she's an Archpriest and naturally carries a holy aura, making her the best choice to guard the house! Just let her stay next door to you; it's absolutely safe!""Eh? Me?"Aqua pointed at her own nose, her large eyes filled with a clear, crystalline stupidity."Although I don't know what you guys are plotting, since it's a luxury suite, there must be some expensive wine offered, right? No problem! For the glory of the Axis Order, this goddess will reluctantly stay there! Hey, you fat pig over there, remember to prepare the top-tier Bubbly Wine by the bedside, or I'll come to your bedside in the middle of the night to perform Natures Beauty!"Aldap was stunned. He had originally thought that these two money-grubbing, lecherous scum would desperately protect the two beauties, but he never expected them to so readily deliver one of them to his doorstep."Oh, oh my? Since you two are so reasonable…"Aldap's gaze greedily swept over Aqua's curvaceous figure, and he was already mentally calculating what potions or methods to use to entertain this beautiful idiot tonight.Watching Aldap's impatient, lecherous appearance, Haru sneered inwardly:'Old man, I hope you have a holy moment tonight that you'll never forget for the rest of your life.'"Then, Darkness and Megumin will stay with us, so it's convenient to discipline them at any time."Haru grabbed the ear of Darkness, who was still lost in her delusions."Lord Aldap, I hope you have a pleasant time with our goddess tonight. Do not, by any means, be polite."Haru and Kazuma sneakily swiped several bottles of terrifyingly aged spirits from Aldap's luxurious wine cellar. These bottles even bore the royal seal, clearly part of the collection that this fat pig, Aldap, had extorted.The two pushed open the door to Aqua's resplendent guest room, only to see this goddess lying spread-eagled on the velvet bed with absolutely no decorum, staring blankly at the crystal chandelier on the ceiling."Yo, Aqua, look what good stuff we brought you?"Haru revealed an extremely kind (like someone kidnapping a child) smile, gently shaking the wine bottle in his hand, the clear liquor clinking enticingly inside the bottle."Oh oh oh! Is, is this the legendary Dragon's Roar liquor, produced in the underground wine cellar of the royal capital, a single bottle of which could be traded for a house?!"Aqua's eyes instantly turned into the shape of eriscoins, and she sprang up from the bed like a spring, drool almost flowing into a small river."That's right! In order for you to have enough mana to protect Lord Aldap tonight, we risked our lives to borrow it for you."Kazuma pried open the bottle cap with extreme proficiency, and a rich, almost tangible aroma of alcohol instantly filled the entire room."Come, Goddess, for the glory of the Axis Order, finish this bottle! Tonight, you will be the brightest star in this mansion!""Gulp… Gulp… Haaah!!!"Aqua tilted her head back and downed the entire bottle of spirits as if it were plain water.Immediately afterward, her cheeks turned crimson at a speed visible to the naked eye, and even her long blue hair seemed to tremble slightly with excitement."So, so spicy! So refreshing! Haru! Kazuma! You two have finally come to your senses! Hahahaha!"Aqua began to jump around frantically on the bed, waving the wine bottle while shouting,"Watch me! Tonight, this goddess is going to hold an unprecedented, grand banquet here! I will make that fat pig and that so-called Chivalrous Thief tremble under my Natures Beauty! Wuwahahaha!"Watching Aqua already beginning to perform the meaningless magic of turning clear water into clearer water for the air, Haru and Kazumaexchanged a glance and revealed wicked smiles of a plan successfully executed.Aqua was now a causality bomb, filled with holy mana and alcohol concentration, ready to explode at any moment."So, Aqua, if someone comes in the middle of the night wanting to play games with you, remember that you must give it your all in the performance."Haru gave a final, extremely thoughtful reminder before leaving."No problem! Whether it's hide-and-seek or truth-or-dare, this goddess will not lose! *Hic*—!"The two exited the room and gently closed the door."Let's go, Kazuma. Since the bait has gone berserk, it's time for us to get down to business."Haru's gaze swept toward the vaguely visible, heavily guarded iron door at the end of the corridor."Hehe, I hope that old geezer Aldap brought enough quick-acting heart pills for tonight."Kazuma pulled a Thief's wire out from his pocket, his eyes flashing with a craving for ill-gotten gains.
Chapter 216: I definitely won't be wrong!Deep in the night, the Aldap mansion was eerily quiet, with only the occasional sound of patrol armor rubbing together.Haru and Kazuma crouched low, like two black cats wandering in the dark night, expertly avoiding the magic lights and weaving through the shadows of the corridor."Hey, Haru, look at that vase. With that color and glaze, it must be worth at least 500,000 eris, right?"Kazuma lowered his voice, pointing at a half-person-tall antique vase at the end of the corridor, his eyes filled with greedy green light."Tch, set your sights further, Kazuma."Haru adjusted his sunglasses with professional flair and gestured with his hand, "That thing is too heavy; it's easy to get caught moving it. Our target is the solid gold lion paperweight in the study, and those oil paintings on the wall that are said to be by famous masters—peeling them off and rolling them up, that's the professional standard of a high-end player."The two were sneakily discussing how to redistribute Aldap's property while groping their way toward the vault.Just as they passed the corner on the second floor, the area where Aqua and Aldap's rooms were located, a shrill, piercing scream full of despair and disbelief suddenly tore through the silence of the night."Ah!!!!! My eyes! My back! Stop! Hurry up and stop!!!"The voice belonged to that overbearing great noble, Aldap.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look, the corners of their mouths curling into a matching "plan succeeded" smirk, and then they immediately put on heroic, rescue-ready faces and bolted toward Aqua's room."Lord Aldap! What happened?! Has the Chivalrous Thief appeared?!"Haru shouted while kicking open Aqua's door with a "bang."The scene in the room made even these two scum, who were used to big scenes, gasp.Aqua was standing in the center of the large bed, her long blue hair dancing wildly due to alcohol and divine power, and in her hand, she was actually clutching a giant banquet folding fan she had swiped from who knows where.And that Lord Aldap, who had originally intended to do something untoward, was currently sprawled on the carpet by the bed, his hands covering his face which was as red and swollen as a pig's head, his expensive silk pajamas torn to rags."Take this! God Blow!"The drunken Aqua let out a delicate cry, and the folding fan in her hand, accompanied by a whistling wind and dazzling purification light, struck Aldap's neck, which was layered with rolls of fat, once again."Pa!!!""Awoo!!!"Aldap rolled on the ground like a giant meatball, letting out a pig-like shriek."You evil spirit! You evil, fat evil spirit that reeks of sewer water!"Aqua pointed unsteadily at Aldap, shouting with alcoholic breath, "How dare you try to profane a god with that disgusting look while this Goddess was resting! Watch me represent the Axis Order and purify all your fat! God Blow!!!""Wait, wait a minute! Aqua! That's Lord Aldap, not an evil spirit!"Although Kazuma was dissuading her with his words, his body was being incredibly honest as he stood at the doorway, even pulling out a sunflower seed from who knows where and starting to crack it."Oh my, Lord Aldap, why are you in Miss Aqua's room?"Haru walked forward feigning surprise, and instead of pulling Aqua away, he very carelessly stepped on the finger Aldap was using to try and push himself up, "Did you discover the Chivalrous Thief had entered Miss Aqua's room and rush over to protect her? That's so touching! Aqua, stop immediately! You're actually treating your savior like an evil spirit; this is simply a disgrace to the divine realm!""Save... save me... hurry and pull this crazy woman away..."Aldap begged for help with a crying voice; he no longer had any lascivious thoughts, feeling that if he didn't run now, he would really be purified into a puddle of meat paste by this blue-haired violent maniac.Haru and Kazuma stood at the door with their arms around each other, watching Aldap, who was rolling on the floor like a giant punctured balloon leaking air, and let out a villainous, low laugh."Pfft, Kazuma, look, that old guy's wig got knocked off. So those few hairs on his head were actually glued on."As Haru spoke, he naturally pulled his pure gold sunglasses out of his pocket and put them back on, hiding his eyes which were twitching from laughter."Heh heh, this wave, this is what you call holy physical transcendence. With Aqua's strength, Aldap will probably find himself ten pounds lighter when he wakes up tomorrow—all from the swelling."Kazuma even began to critique the trajectory of Aqua's fan swings.Just as the two were gloating to the point of near-ascension, Aqua suddenly stopped her purification actions.She stood unsteadily on Aldap's stomach, her flushed little face shedding its silly grin, replaced by a rare, solemn expression that was chilling to behold."Hey, Haru, Kazuma... come here."Aqua let out a loud hiccup, pointing at Aldap, who was rolling his eyes beneath her feet, her voice laced with the hoarseness of a hangover, "This Goddess just now... *hic*... felt it while hitting him. On this fat guy, there's a layer of extremely disgusting, extremely evil power... That isn't an aura humans should have, it's some kind of... some kind of twisted, evil power that even makes this Goddess want to vomit..."The smiles on Haru and Kazuma's faces stiffened, then they exchanged a look and sighed in unison with great tacit understanding."Alright, alright, Aqua, we know you're high on alcohol tonight."Haru walked forward and patted Aqua's shoulder as if coaxing a child, taking the opportunity to pull her off Aldap's stomach, which was about to be stepped through, "Evil power, huh? I get it. After all, this guy looks pretty evil, and that fat on him really makes one want to vomit. That's evil on an aesthetic level, not theological.""Exactly. Your tolerance is terrible; you've only had a few bottles and you're already hallucinating?"Kazuma also waved his hand with an expression of disgust, "Hurry back to bed and lie down, don't start saying you saw the Demon King's curse in his socks in a moment. Our mission now is to protect him and wait for that Chivalrous Thief.""It's not a hallucination! It's real! This Goddess is the Goddess of Water, Aqua! I definitely won't be wrong!"Aqua was jumping in frustration, even wanting to pounce back on Aldap to give him two more punches to prove her point, "That power... it's like some kind of contract, or some dirty thing parasitic in his soul! You have to believe me!""Yes, yes, believe you, believe you."Haru pushed Aqua toward the bed perfunctorily, while thinking: 'This girl definitely wants to take the opportunity to ask for a few more bottles of wine. Evil power? Isn't the biggest evil power in this mansion me and Kazuma, who are preparing to steal things?'Just as the two were forcing the rowdy Aqua back under the covers, Aldap, who was lying on the floor, suddenly twitched.In his eyes, swollen until only slits remained, a flash of extremely cold, inhuman red light flickered past at an angle Haru didn't notice.
WTR-LABKonosuba: A Comedy for the World of Grotesque ParodiesCh. 218 / 38856.2%WebWeb+AI#218Chapter 217 This is simply sexual harassment.Chapter 217: Isn't This Just Plain Sexual Harassment?Late at night in the Aldap mansion, the magical lights in the corridor had been dimmed to the lowest setting, and the air was filled with a stifling scent of expensive spices mixed with aged wood.Haru was jolted awake by a sudden, inexplicable urge to urinate; rubbing his sleepy eyes, he grumbled as he pushed open his bedroom door.Just as he was passing the display room next door, which originally housed Aldap's private collection, an extremely faint, almost imperceptible sound of metal rubbing against metal reached his ears.Haru's movements froze instantly.As a qualified parasite and tactician, his brain completed a logical loop in 0.1 seconds:'Late night, noise, display room... This definitely isn't Aqua stealing wine; the ruckus that idiot causes could wake up every dog within five miles. The only explanation is—the Chivalrous Thief! The Chivalrous Thief who gives Claire such a headache and could help me achieve a great merit before Princess Alice has delivered themselves to my doorstep!'Thinking of this, a gleam of extreme scum flashed in Haru's eyes.He lightened his footsteps, held his breath, and like a leopard lurking in the shadows, he crept silently to the side of the half-open door.Through the crack in the door, he saw a slender figure with their back to the door, crouching in front of a safe and skillfully turning the dial.The person was wearing a practical dark green Thiefoutfit, their short silver hair glinting with a cold light under the faint moonlight."Caught you, little mouse!"Haru let out a low growl suppressed with excitement, and launched himself inside like an arrow released from a bow.To prevent the opponent from escaping using teleportation magic or smoke bombs, he decided to use the most direct physical Bind method to restrict their movements!"Take this! Powerful suppression!"However, due to the room being so dark, his pounce was off by a few centimeters."Kyaa?!"A crisp and terrified girl's scream rang out.Haru only felt that the sensation in his hands was not the hard shoulders or arms he had expected, but a strange, extremely soft, and amazingly elastic... sensation.Time seemed to stand still at this moment.Haru maintained his posture of hugging from behind, his hands clamped tightly over the opponent's chest, while the silver-haired little Thieffroze in place, as if under a paralysis spell, and he could even hear her breathing, which had become chaotic due to extreme shock."W-wait! Where are you touching?! Let go! Pervert! Lecher! Help!!!"By the moonlight, Haru finally saw the side of the person's face.It was a face he couldn't be more familiar with—there was a faint scar on the lower left corner of her cheek, which was currently flushed red with shame and anger, and her spirited eyes were filled with disbelief."Ch-Chris?!"Haru blurted out, but his scum hands subconsciously squeezed again because of that amazing sensation."M-meow?! Y-you actually squeezed again?! Haru, you big pervert! Let me go!"Chris let out a cute cry of despair and struggled desperately, but due to their positioning, this struggle only made their bodies press more closely together.Feeling the astonishing softness and warmth from his fingertips, although the thought that this sensation was truly EX-rank flashed through his mind, as a seasoned tactician, the expression on his face instantly became incredibly resolute and upright, even taking on the saintly radiance of someone serving the country and the people.Not only did he not let go, but he applied a little force, holding Chris's petite body tighter in his arms, and a deep, serious voice rang out in Chris's ear:"Don't move! Chris, I'm doing this for your own good. As a Royal-appointed guard, capturing the Chivalrous Thief is my duty. To prevent a Thief with your high agility from escaping using smoke bombs or teleportation scrolls, I must use this Bind that locks down all your leverage points! This is a standard maneuver in the tactical manual; there are no personal motives here, please understand my professionalism.""Pr-professional my foot! What kind of tactical manual teaches someone to grab a girl from behind and squeeze... there?! Isn't this just plain sexual harassment?! Let go, or I'm going to call for help! I'm really going to scream that there's a lecher here!"Chris was flushed bright red with shame, even her neck stained with a shade of pink.She struggled desperately, trying to break free, but Haru's hands, which were like iron pincers (and in an extremely tricky position), made her whole body go limp, unable to muster any strength."Scream, go ahead and scream."Haru revealed an extremely scum, calm smile, his tone filled with the ease of someone who had the upper hand,"When the imperial guards outside are alerted and everyone rushes in to see: 'Oh my, isn't this Axel's famous Thief, Chris? Sneaking into a great noble's mansion in the middle of the night to steal, only to be subdued by the righteous Mr. Lin Jin using superior combat techniques.' Tsk tsk, by then, not only will you be rotting in jail, but your reputation will be completely ruined. And I, might even get another medal."Chris's body froze instantly.She bit her lip, and her eyes even welled up with a few tears of grievance, letting out an unwilling whimper like a small animal caught in a trap."Ugh... Haru, you scum, trash, pervert... what exactly do you want...""It's simple, tell me your true purpose for sneaking in here."Haru put away his joking expression, his eyes becoming sharp, and he lowered his voice by Chris's ear, his tone carrying a hint of inquiry,"For a Thief of your level, if it were just for money, there'd be no need to take such a big risk to sneak into Aldap's mansion. Earlier, Aqua said she saw evil power on that fat pig... You came for that thing too, didn't you?"Chris was silent for a moment, the strength of her original struggle gradually fading, and she sighed, her tone filled with helplessness and compromise:"...You win. Since I've been caught by you, telling you is fine. But you must first promise that you absolutely cannot tell anyone else, especially not that money-minded Kazuma and that troublesome Goddess!"She turned her head slightly, her silver hair brushing against the tip of Haru's nose, carrying a faint, fresh scent like a forest after the rain."I came to retrieve a Divine Artifact. I suspect that guy Aldap is in possession of a very dangerous Divine Artifact that doesn't belong to this world. If I don't take it away, not only the Royal Capital, but the entire kingdom might fall into a huge catastrophe..."Haru did not release his hands because of Chris's show of weakness; instead, he went further by resting his chin on Chris's shoulder, enjoying that refreshing fragrance, while his tone remained as calm as if he were conducting a rigorous tactical deduction."A Divine Artifact, huh... That's something capable of changing the balance of the world. Chris, since you've said this much, why not reveal a little more?"Haru's voice lingered by Chris's ear, carrying an irresistible sense of pressure,"What are its specific functions? How did a guy like Aldap, who has nothing but money and fat, come into contact with something of that level? If I don't figure this out, I can't guarantee that I'll be able to cover for you in front of Kazuma or Claire."
Chapter 218: A Master Who Has Reached the Pinnacle of Shamelessness and NonsenseChris felt her neck itch from the warm breath Haruexhaled, and her body instinctively shrank back, but there was nowhere to hide within Haru's embrace.She lowered her head in a somewhat resigned manner, her silver hair obscuring the complex gleam in her eyes."...That is a divine artifact called Random Summoning. Although it sounds like a joke, it can ignore all rules and costs to summon extremely powerful creatures from other worlds or the Demon Kings Army. That bastard Aldap seems to have obtained it through some illegal black market channel, or perhaps traded for it from the remnants of the Demon Kings Army."Chris's tone became somewhat heavy as she spoke, even carrying a hint of the majesty unique to a deity, though it was quickly broken when Haru pinched her."Hey! Stop moving around! Listen to me finish!...The most dangerous thing about that artifact is that it distorts the nature of the summoned creature based on the desires of its holder. Someone like Aldap, whose head is filled with filthy thoughts, will definitely summon something of a catastrophic level. The evil power that Aqua saw just now must be the aura overflowing before the artifact is activated. If we don't take it away tonight, he might summon a demon capable of destroying the royal capital tomorrow...""I see, no wonder that idiot Aqua suddenly had a burst of divinity. It seems this fat pig wants to play a big game."Haru narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, a dangerous arc curling at the corners of his mouth."Since it's for such a noble reason as saving the world, as a partner of justice, I certainly cannot just sit by and watch."Haru finally loosened his hands, which had been making Chris feel mortified, and instead placed them on her shoulders, his tone becoming unexpectedly reliable,"I've long found that guy Aldap an eyesore. It's one thing to look like a meatball, but to hide such a dangerous toy capable of summoning demons—if he summons some kind of tentacle monster, the peace of Axel will be ruined. I'm definitely going to help with this."Chris was stunned for a moment, seemingly not expecting that this scum who had just been harassing her would agree so readily.She turned her head, the moonlight reflecting in her sparkling eyes, a trace of gratitude flashing within them:"Haru... although you are a hopeless pervert, you're actually quite courageous at critical moments. Then I'll leave it to you; you must help me distract the guards..."However, this moment of warmth didn't even last three seconds before the rapid sound of boots hitting the ground and the clashing of armor came from outside the corridor, accompanied by a heart-wrenching roar:"There's a thief! There's movement in the second-floor showroom! Hurry! Surround that place, don't let the Chivalrous Thief escape!!!"That was Claire's voice, and it sounded like she was leading a large team of elite knights charging this way."Tsk, these guys really chose a bad time to show up."Haru's eyes sharpened, and he shoved Chris toward the window sill,"Hey, your stealth and escape skills should be maxed out, right? Get out of here quickly, leave this place to me. Remember, you owe me a huge favor, and I'll be collecting interest the next time we meet!""In—interest or whatever can wait until later! Be careful yourself, don't get caught and mistaken for an accomplice!"Chris couldn't afford to be shy, skillfully flipping onto the window sill, flashing a playful yet grateful smile at Haru, before vanishing into the deep night like an agile bird.Almost at the same moment Chris disappeared, the door to the showroom was kicked open with a bang. Claire led over a dozen knights holding torches as they filed in, the dazzling firelight instantly illuminating the room."Haru?! Why are you here?!"Claire looked at Haru, who was standing in front of the safe with a calm expression, her brows furrowed tightly as she pointed her longsword directly at his throat,"There was clearly movement here just now, where is the Chivalrous Thief? Did you see which way he ran?!"Haru yawned and spoke in an extremely punchable, innocent tone:"Chivalrous Thief? What Chivalrous Thief? Lady Claire, I just had to pee in the middle of the night and got lost. I happened to see that this room door wasn't closed, so I came in to help Lord Aldap check if the windows were shut tight. After all, I am a very responsible guard. As for the movement... maybe a big cat that looks a bit like a human jumped out?"As he spoke, he very naturally blocked the window Chris had just left from, his face wearing that pure, honest smile that made Claire grit her teeth in hatred.Watching Claire's pretty face, which was slightly twisted with anger yet forced to endure it for the sake of royal dignity, Haru felt a surge of satisfaction from his successful prank.He knew that while fooling this bunch of upright knights by himself was fun, if he wanted to muddy the waters further and let Chris escape completely, he needed a master who had reached the pinnacle of shamelessness and nonsense.Therefore, Haru took a deep breath and let out an earth-shattering scream toward the end of the corridor:"Kazuma! Come save me quickly! Kazuma!! Lady Claire has gone crazy! She couldn't catch the Chivalrous Thief, so she actually wants to use me, the close friend of Her Highness the Princess, as a scapegoat! Help, murder!!!"This sound was exceptionally jarring in the quiet, late-night mansion, even startling the birds roosting in the courtyard.Within a few seconds, rapid footsteps came from the corridor, and Satou Kazuma rushed in, wearing his loose pajamas and slippers, with an excited expression that suggested he didn't know what was happening but was sure there was something to be gained."What?! Who dares touch my close friend Haru?! Claire, has a woman like you finally reached the point where you can't help but strike at us meritorious officials?!"As soon as Kazuma entered, he naturally switched into victim mode; he even grabbed a vase from a nearby decorative shelf to hold in front of his chest, pointing at Claire with a look of grief and indignation,"We've been working hard to guard your mansion, not even able to sleep well, and Haru even developed prostate issues from patrolling, yet you suspect him of being an accomplice? Where's the evidence? Without evidence, this is naked workplace bullying! I'm going to report you to Her Highness Alice!"Claire was so angry at the duet of these two that she nearly exploded on the spot, and the longsword in her hand began to tremble slightly:"Satou Kazuma! Stop spouting nonsense there! I was just asking him why he appeared at the crime scene! And put down that antique vase, that is Lord Aldap's private property!""Asking? Do you go around asking people with the tip of a sword pointed at their nostrils?"Haru immediately followed the rhythm, hiding behind Kazuma with a look of grievance,"Kazuma, you don't know, when that Chivalrous Thief jumped out of the window just now, Lady Claire was clearly in the corridor, but she didn't stop him. I suspect she's likely trying to cover up her own dereliction of duty and is deliberately giving me, the eyewitness, a hard time. Sigh, the world is declining, where is the credibility of the Royal Guard...""I see! Claire, could it be that you have reached some unspeakable agreement with the Chivalrous Thief?!"Kazuma revealed an extremely scum-like suspicious gaze, and even began to stir up trouble among the surrounding knights,"Hey, look everyone, your commander's face is so red right now, she must be feeling guilty! Everyone, write this down; this is a major suspicion of dereliction of duty!"The surrounding knights looked at each other; although they knew these two were talking nonsense, due to their special identities, no one dared to step forward to refute them for a moment."You... you two despicable villains! Shameless scoundrels!!"Claire was trembling all over with anger, her silver teeth clenched tightly, and her usual image of cold, dignified majesty completely collapsed under the combined unreasonable pestering of Haru and Kazuma.Just at this moment, another sound of heavy footsteps came from outside the showroom, and Aldap, bearing that face beaten like a pig's head by Aqua, swayed over with the butler's support, shouting in an slurred voice:"What's going on... *hic*... who entered my showroom?! Is my divine artifact... is my treasure still there?!"
Chapter 219: This is exactly our chance to fish in troubled waters.Haru looked at the scene before him, one that was worthy of being recorded in The Absurd Annals of Axel:Aldap's face, swollen like fermented bread; Claire's expression, looking as if she were about to bite through her steel teeth; and Satou Kazuma beside them, rubbing his hands together with his eyes already darting toward the gold ornaments on Aldap's waist.He knew that if he let Kazuma continue, this guy would definitely demand mental distress compensation or a late-night patrol subsidy on the spot. If Aldap were driven to desperation and locked down the mansion, Chris's plan to recover the divine artifact would go up in smoke."Oh my, a misunderstanding! It's all a misunderstanding!"Haru's demeanor suddenly shifted. The scum-like arrogant aura on his face vanished instantly, replaced by an extremely sincere, even somewhat simple-minded smile.He hooked his arm around Kazuma's neck, forcibly pulling back the black hand that was about to reach for Aldap's wallet."Lord Aldap, Lady Claire, everyone, please calm down. I might have just been seeing things earlier; after all, people who need to pee in the middle of the night are prone to hallucinations. What I saw just now might not have been a Chivalrous Thief, but rather the majestic silhouette cast by your towering soul in the hallway, Lord Aldap!"Kazuma, being choked by Haru, rolled his eyes and muttered while struggling:"Hey, Haru! Are you crazy? This is a great chance to blackmail... no, to demand legitimate compensation! That fat pig's ring is worth at least 100,000 eris...""Shut up, you useless trash with nothing but money on your mind."Haru lowered his voice, speaking rapidly at a frequency only the two of them could hear."If you want to make it big, hold it in. There will be plenty of chances later."Although Kazuma looked unwilling, his face changed faster than flipping a page upon hearing the words 'make it big.' He straightened his pajamas and gave Claire an extremely hypocritical smile:"Ahem, since Haru said so, this hero will magnanimously forgive Lady Claire's rudeness. Lord Aldap, you should go get some rest. Your face... looks like it really needs more ice packs rather than more arguing."Aldap stared suspiciously at these two fellows who had suddenly become easy to talk to.Although he felt something was off, the anxiety brought by the divine artifact left him with no room for concern.He gave a vague grunt and waved his hand at the knights under his command:"Since it's a misunderstanding, disperse at once! Claire, take your people outside to strengthen the perimeter patrol! Don't get in the way here!"Although Claire was full of suspicion and even glared death at Haru as if to say 'I'll catch you sooner or later,' she ultimately had to sheathe her sword and lead the knights out in a single file.The showroom returned to a dead silence once more, leaving only Aldap, supported by his butler, walking toward the downstairs bedroom while looking back every few steps.A night of commotion made Aldap's mansion look exceptionally weary at dawn.Haru and Satou Kazuma had lurked in the shadows of the corridor for most of the night. Aside from seeing Aldap's bloated figure pacing restlessly in the bedroom and Claire guarding the showroom door like a stone statue, they hadn't found the perfect moment to strike.However, before the morning sun could completely dispel the mist in the courtyard, a commotion louder than Aqua's crying came from the main entrance of the mansion."Lady Aqua! Where is Lady Aqua?!"A handsome man wearing shiny armor with the enviable divine sword gram hanging at his waist strode into the mansion's main hall with the expression of a saint about to save the world.Behind him were two equally flamboyantly dressed female followers, gazing at their Lord Kyouya with faces full of admiration.Haru was leaning against the second-floor railing, yawning. Seeing this scene, his blurry, sleepy eyes instantly lit up. He nudged the still-drooling Kazumawith his elbow:"Hey, wake up. The ATM... cough, I mean, that Mitsurugi Kyouya with the divine sword is here. It looks like this morning's drama will be even more exciting than last night's."Kazuma woke up with a start, wiped his drool, and seeing Mitsurugi Kyouya's face—so handsome it made one want to stomp on it—his tone immediately became sour:"Tsk, it's that guy who comes with his own BGM again. Coming here so early in the morning to show off his devotion... he couldn't be planning to kidnap Aqua back to his party while she's hungover, could he?"At that moment, Aqua emerged from the guest room with messy blue hair, holding a wine bottle she hadn't finished last night, her eyes bleary with sleep.She froze for three seconds upon seeing Mitsurugi Kyouya, then, as if seeing a savior, let out a dry wail loud enough to shatter glass:"Waaaaah! Mitsurugi! You came at just the right time! This mansion is terrifying! Last night, a malevolent spirit that looked like a ball of flesh tried to attack me, and those two heartless bastards Haruand Kazuma just stood by and watched! Quick, give me some money... no, quick, use your divine sword to help me purify this place!""Lady Aqua! Please do not shed any more tears! Seeing you so sorrowful, my soul feels as if it's being burned by the fires of hell!"Mitsurugi Kyouya rushed forward and knelt on one knee before Aqua, the holy light behind him almost condensing into a physical form."To soothe your fright, I have specifically brought a precious gift that I originally intended to present to you at the victory banquet! It is a secret treasure I obtained while subjugating a high-level demon. Only a noble goddess like you is worthy of possessing it!"Aqua, who had been wailing loudly with snot and tears everywhere, stopped her crying instantly the moment she heard the words 'gift' and 'precious.'In her large water-blue eyes, the mist of sadness vanished instantly, replaced by an extremely greedy glint that even made Haru feel a bit afraid."Eh? A gift? Are you talking about the kind that's shiny and can be exchanged for lots and lots of high-grade Bubbly Wine, or the kind that lets me buy a whole crate of super expensive oranges?!"Aqua casually wiped the tears from her face, even tossing the wine bottle into Kazuma's arms. Her entire being instantly became radiant."Quick, take it out and let me see! Mitsurugi, I knew you were a good boy! Unlike Haru and Kazuma, who only know how to steal my pocket money!"Mitsurugi Kyouya looked at Aqua's face, which had instantly turned from cloudy to sunny, with an expression of relief and infatuation.He carefully took a delicate box wrapped in velvet cloth from his robe and slowly opened it. Inside lay a large gemstone emitting a soft, rainbow-colored light."This is Aurora's Tear, which is said to be a supreme treasure formed over ten thousand years by the Ice Spirits of the Far North. Not only does it allow the wearer to remain eternally youthful, but it also significantly enhances the power of water-attribute magic...""Waaaaah! So beautiful! This can definitely be sold for a lot of money... ah, no, I mean, this really suits me, the Goddess of Water!"Aqua let out a scream and snatched the gemstone, pressing it tightly against her face like a squirrel clutching a pinecone. The so-called malevolent spirit attack and inner trauma from earlier had long been thrown to the back of her mind.Standing by the second-floor railing, Haru and Satou Kazuma looked at each other, both of them showing dead-fish eyes simultaneously."Hey, Haru, am I seeing this right? That gemstone is worth at least five million eris, right?"Kazuma's voice was trembling, his teeth aching from extreme jealousy."Calm down, Kazuma."Though Haru also felt his eyes twitching, he quickly regained his composure, his lips curling into a dangerous arc."The more expensive the gift Mitsurugi gives, the more chaotic the scene will become. Look at Aldap's expression; he's a notorious miser. Seeing such a supreme treasure in his own home, his filthy heart is probably about to jump out of his chest. This is exactly our chance to fish in troubled waters."