Yesterday, I was watching reels with my friends,
And in a reel, we saw really toxic men, my friend goes "that's sad, I can't believe men like this still exist" I bite down my words and nod in agreement, because I held back what I truly felt, something that couldn't be said,
That my first heart break wasn't a man,
but the man,
The man that birthed me,
the man most called their father, but for me was my first let down,
My first heart break,
my first disappointment,
when on my 12th birthday everything changed,
When he said I'm not a little girl anymore,
but I knew what he meant,
That I'm not his little girl anymore,
cause now I could sneak out and go hang out with friends without the need of a chauffeur
and I could date, then came my first real heartbreak,
When I was fifteen and had my first girlfriend,
and Then that was The day when everything changed,
They found out, and confronted me, I
was left, baffled and hurt,
Cause that was the day,
my father didn't call my his,
But my mother's,
I still remember those words,
"look what your daughter has done" and it hit me,
When I was 12 I was not just no longer his little girl,
But also no longer his own daughter,
and that every moment till now led to this,
And the shame and the pain will never truly die,
But I did, slowly but surely, I did,
and no it wasn't on the outside,
But yes It happened on the inside,
I slowly decayed, rotting my soul from the inside,
because heartbreak sometimes isn't from a man,
but the man, the very man, that the baby you wished u could be with forever,
the man who promised to take care of u,
forever,
but all promises are broken at some point, be it through death, or
Through force
Now I'm sixteen, my soul has died down,
I'm left in a position, I can't even move on, I held onto the hope, that things might change
Not anymore though, cause now I'm used to the pain,
Now all of a sudden, im ready, to die again...