Sweat dripped from my forehead onto the floor as I knelt there, completely drained. I'd been training nonstop since yesterday—from the crack of dawn until midnight—until my palms were raw and my whole body felt crushed.
Along with that, my spirit and energy started to crumble. No matter how hard I pushed myself, it was never enough.
Tomorrow, the games will start. And I still had zero skills. Even my courage was slowly slipping away, urging me to run.
I'm useless.
How was I supposed to survive a survival game when I didn't even know how to survive?
I threw my baton aside, letting it roll somewhere I didn't care to look. Despair wrapped around me so tightly my chest ached. Tomorrow I'd die—that's for sure.
"Pushing yourself like that isn't good."
The voice came at the same time as the baton being held out beside me. That familiar voice sent a chill down my spine. Cold, flat—yet somehow… calming.
Strange, huh?
I looked up and saw Kael, bent slightly toward me. His fingers nudged the baton as if saying, Take it.
With a long exhale, I snatched the baton from his hand and forced myself to stand. My knees trembled, but I tried to stay upright.
Kael just watched me without saying anything. Like he was analyzing me. It annoyed me… and made me wonder what he thought of me.
"Get some rest," he said.
I shook my head. "I can't. I don't want to be a burden to the team. I'm the weakest one here; I don't have any skills."
"Your body and mind are exhausted. Pushing harder won't help. And the game starts tomorrow. You want to go in worn out?"
"What if I die?"
"Then you die."
I frowned. Was Kael really that heartless? No empathy at all? And yet he told me to rest. Kael's logic was impossible to follow.
Maybe I really was too tired and hopeless, because tears fell before I could stop them.
If I died, no one would mourn me. Not even Mom or whoever. But I was scared. Scared of dying because I'd be forgotten. I'd disappear without anyone remembering me. No one loved me.
"Why are you crying?" Kael asked, flat as ever.
"I'm just upset. My life sucks. I grew up in the underground district. My foster family hates me." I sniffed and wiped my nose. "Now I'm stuck in some life-or-death game. What am I even living for? To suffer?"
Kael only raised an eyebrow. No comment. Like he was waiting for my rant to finish.
I sighed deeply. "The stupid thing is, I train and train, and I don't even know for what. I'm scared of dying, but even if I try… I'll still lose."
"What are you trying for?"
"To get stronger! What else?" I emphasized.
"This time, just try to survive. Even if all you do is hide until the game is over."
"But—"
"Remember, Maddie. Courage only exists once you know fear."
Kael turned around after saying that, leaving me frozen in the training room.
His words hit me harder than any punch. He knew I was weak. He knew I had zero fighting skills. And to keep me from dragging the team down, Kael basically told me to hide.
It sounded gentle, but what he really meant was crystal clear—I'm suited to being a loser. And losers should stay behind.
Feeling empty, I walked back to our cabin. Ash was already fast asleep, her soft snoring filling the room. When I lay down, it felt like my bones were falling apart.
Tomorrow, I wasn't even sure I'd be able to walk, let alone run with full stamina. My body screamed in pain from the way I'd abused it, far past its limits.
All because of fear and crippling anxiety. Trying to be brave felt like daydreaming. I was a coward, and that was the truth.
When morning came, I woke up feeling half-dead. Pain throbbed everywhere; even sitting up felt impossible.
"Oh dear…" I groaned.
"Are you okay, Maddie?" Ash's gentle voice came from her bed.
I turned and saw her already dressed. She looked fresh, smelling of soap. Ash looked ready to face the games or death itself.
"I'm not okay," I said weakly.
"Just take it easy."
I wanted to ask what exactly was 'easy' about any of this, but I kept it to myself. Ash was trying to comfort me. I should at least be grateful.
At least Ash didn't see me as an obstacle—well, not yet.
"Want me to wait for you at the dining hall?" she asked.
I sat up slowly. "No. Go ahead."
I had no appetite. Who could enjoy breakfast when death was basically tapping on their shoulder?
Ash stood, but she looked genuinely concerned. Shame and self-loathing twisted in my chest. I must've looked pathetic in her eyes.
"All right then. I'll wait in the dining hall. Don't skip breakfast, Maddie. You need the energy," she said.
She walked to the door, pausing as she opened it.
"Don't forget your baton," she added.
"Got it."
Silence settled once the door clicked shut. But inside my head, everything was loud. Anxiety pressed on me until I didn't want to leave the bed.
There was no point staying here. Hiding in the room meant a guaranteed death penalty. But entering the arena meant two possibilities: die or live.
Kael's words echoed again.
I only needed to survive. I didn't need to be a hero. I didn't need to be brave. I just needed to stay alive.
I threw off the blanket and got out of bed.
"Ugh…"
My body felt crushed by a massive boulder, but I had to get up, get out, and join the game. I needed to survive, even if I was a coward.
…
Time moved too fast—like blinking.
I was now inside the transport plane with 49 other members of Team Radon. Everyone looked calm, though their expressions varied.
Most were anxious, some confident, but only Kael showed absolutely nothing.
The plane descended and halted. Every step toward the exit door sounded like death drums pounding in my ears. I hesitated, standing at the threshold, shaking.
Thud!
A hard shove to my back sent me stumbling and falling to the ground.
"Get yourself together, bitch!!" the woman barked, stepping over me without a second glance.
I coughed and looked around. A thin fog blurred the view, but behind it, a tall dark silhouette loomed.
What was that? What was waiting for us out there?